I Caved. I Gave In. I Called Knowing There Wouldnt Be An Answer.

i caved. i gave in. i called knowing there wouldn’t be an answer.

why is it that with you i’m left second guessing myself? and for the life of me, i can’t seem to begin in understanding this overwhelming embodiment of weakness.

when you are not near. i am sure of myself. i am sure of my emotions. my thoughts flow with clarity. but the moment your name is mentioned, the force of my strength shatters into a sea of fragments. i am no longer aware of the firmness of my spirit. and within a matter of minutes, i am left to wilt in slumber — completely drenched with melancholy. your name alone clenches a heaviness my heart cannot withstand.

so yes, i caved. i gave in. i called knowing there wouldn’t be an answer.

nothing quite freeing then being released from the shackles of a crush

please, i am begging to understand … what is the meaning to truly love someone? when i feel as though i’ve come to an understanding the idea of it quickly unravels.

what’s the use in being in a relationship when you can’t artistically challenge yourself? i feel like lovers should naturally stimulate one another to constantly push forward.

you said you loved me. you said you cared. you said that i was the one you could see the end with but somehow you’ve left me with only feelings of loneliness and despair. i could have sworn the beginning was meant to flow with ease — to flow with unceasing love and passion … where we’re both left pleased. but instead, yet once again, i am left to tend to the matters of love without you. and when i vocalize the efforts needed to flourish our garden, you sing a song masked with conviction in hopes you will be pardoned. how can you not see? how the weight of loving you has stripped me of my peace — stripped me of my sanity.

you say you love me but your affections are shown only in hiding. where the shadow is casted and the isolation of darkness is soon arriving. how can you claim to love when you have left me with the burden of loving you in loneliness. what a sap i have been. i suppose your words were merely just that, words. but my heart has been too stubborn and my mind is no fool. i am at war with myself, a foolish foolish duel.

how could i not see? that your inactions are the action itself. that in truth, you never loved me nor will you ever do … because i could have sworn that the beginning was meant to be serene but your actions simply put, are cruel.

kitchen portrait studies on absolutely nothing ‘15