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my heart is aching and i miss you terribly

the ebbs and flows of life | “there were words i etched into the soil before the rain poured down. forgive me, i’ve forgotten the thoughts which were once so pronounced …”

i am patiently waiting for the day, where these rose coloured glasses will surrender from defeat. and i can finally sigh from the relief of being released from your shackles of unrequited love. that will be the day where i can truly utter “i now choose myself”

how can i forgive, forget and move on towards my main quest of existence … when life continuously throws guttural blows, disguised as pretty little side quests?

i did not sign a contract with life to have a “when it rains, it perpetually pours” clause.

someone, somebody, anybody … please send help.

was my nature and love unmemorable? were my features faceless? i wonder, was i so quick to fade from your memory?

i suppose you’ve already forgotten about me.

hidden beneath the soil : created in the image of the earth

for someone who loves so hard, i have a terrible habit of disappearing off the face of the earth.

always in my own world

the beginning of love or the beginning of heartbreak (?)

i hate how i worship you. i hate how i’ve inflicted pain upon myself, carving a whole so deep within my heart that only you can fill. i despise myself for creating a shrine of your presence that i have buried deep within my soul. you are in the very air i inhale and with every breath i draw, you somehow have made way to appear. how is this so? what dark spell have you placed on my poor soul?

some days i simply wish we never crossed paths. because even though this love is all consuming and nothing more beautiful i’ve ever experienced. what am i to do with it ,if you can never love me back?

as soon as i begin to think i’m moving on from you, i see you in my dreams. then the cycle of despair and heartbreak repeats.

yes. i see you in everything. i hear the drawing of your breath in the ever changing hues of the sky. the warmth of your gaze blankets every corner i wander. wherever my feet collide, you somehow manage to uproot your love there. how is that so? how can this be?

and no. i cannot escape you.

i slowly opened up my heart and carved it out to give to him just for him to place it in some corner to collect dust.

nostalgia somehow always takes over

little one, how you have grown. how you have hurt. turning towards your sins - nurturing your rage.

i gaze upon the heart, allowing my face to rest against your punctured wounds. i weep, as you suffocate the seed of purpose. why must you run to the water? - do you search for the bottomless pit? in hopes that blu will become black and black consume your restless soul?

i awoke. thinking of your childlike presence. recalling the smile which shimmered in iridescent hues - overwhelming the lips, as laughter spewed beyond the spirit and into the air.

i recalled the mother who held her first born, rejoicing in tongues. mesmerized with love, as her reflection mirrored her in infancy. i recalled her … as my heart beats for you, thumping heavily.

dear friend, i suppose in your sadness you have not heard the opening of windows and the swinging of doors. i pray for your weakened heart and the bitterness which has wrapped your soul. might you ask the stars above for strength or have you forgotten? … purpose lingers at the draw of your breath.

i once knew of love —

there it was. there it is … the song of gloom filling the evening air. i can’t seem to figure out this particular feeling of sorrow. is it the motion of moving forward? moving on? i suppose the reality of our memories don’t seem to exist in these 66 seconds of her lullaby. my love for you re-emerges and the feelings of some beginning becomes suspended. here is where i find the love i buried deep within the earth — hidden furthest from you. her words become my own and my heart loses sight of the present moment. here is where i yearn for your companionship, missing the warmth of your presence

or rather the idea i orchestrated of you.

summers breeze. humid air. and all i feel is the thickness of your breath. coasting high, silent nights — cruising through the highway with your hand against my thighs. they say this could be love but i deny it every time. you gaze at me and i the sky. don’t feel the need to convey it because i know it’s not the time. just sit in silence and savor the hour. because morning always comes and washes out the present moment.

how do you get your thoughts across without over sharing?

too much talking : too much overthinking

isolation [?]

it's been quite some time. so much emotion and movement happening, yet i still feel as though i've been at some standstill. waiting ... for what exactly? i wouldn't even begin to be able to utter the words to you. perhaps i'll use the most obvious excuse. that being, i've been running away from the idea of self -- whatever that should mean, better yet, look like.

these days, finding the time to unravel and weave the mingling thoughts that swim ferociously within my mind ... seem to be that of luxury. i crave to hide away so that i may find my thoughts and piece them up like once before.