"It's A Sad Truth That I Will Write About Everyone I Love, But None Of Them Will Even Try And Put Me

"It's a sad truth that I will write about everyone I love, but none of them will even try and put me into a sentence."

- Dreaming of Wolves

Personality Quirks/Quirks in General I Have:

-Flinch at physical contact

-Can't navigate for the life of me, but once I have a path down, I will never not go that path

-Can't solve most school locks

-Always paranoid that someone is going to hurt me. Mostly stab or shoot me.

-Paranoid of people behind me, that's why I never turn my back on people. Literally.

-Can't eat in front of people because I'm messy, and another reason.

-Literally the most mess of a person you will ever meet.

-I use literally too much.

-I cry over everything. I know I'm over emotional.

-But some reason, can't show weakness in front of strangers/my parents.

-I have a very, very good long term and short term memory.

-I always have a weird way of thinking and cannot follow the way teachers teach me.

-Due to my number phobia, both clocks and math are hard for me to deal with.

-Seriously. I have no idea what goes on during math. I just pretend to know what I'm doing.

-And also, I have a schedule for sleeping due to the phobia of numbers.

-I need every friend of mine to give me a gift, preferably a plushie, once we get close because I need something that reminds me of them + bares their smell in case I lose that person.

-I am too much of a perfectionist and can't stand when things are out of order.

-If the house is messy/my room, I can't work, sleep, and I become restless.

-I have a MASSIVE fear of losing my friends/my friends being killed my enemies.

-That's why I'm overprotective of them.

-I wear my heart on my sleeve too much, and always get broken in the end.

-I either trust completely or not at all, there's no in between.

-I have two personalities, the way I see me, and the way my friends see me. Both are very accurate to who I am.

-I constantly struggle with balance in my life.

-If you are my enemy, yoU'RE GOING DOWN. I will not let you hurt my friends. Ever. Fight me.

-I have an overwhelming fear of school shootings/mass shootings and always prepare myself for one.

-I watch scary documentaries and then go to sleep and have nightmares.

-I count nightmares as just dreams.

-I remember all of my dreams. I frequently lucid dream, but just see what happens instead of controlling myself.

-I seem chill, but I'm super uptight.

-I am drawn to people that have the "bad boy" look.

-I read too many X Readers because I need to feel loved.

-I love people watching.

-When I have a crush, I'll stalk them online.

-Animals always consider me their mate for some reason??

There's so many things I'd like to tell you. Maybe how I thought that this could finally be my 'good day'. Or how when you said that you missed me, my heart skipped a beat, because no one ever misses me. You're the first person who listened. Who understood. I loved you so much. I finally thought I could trust you. But now I'm sitting here bleeding from my chest. You left the door open when you took my heart. You never came back. I thought I could trust you, but I'm not sure anymore.

- Dreaming of Wolves//Poems

Important Things My Friends Have Said To Me:

- "No, it's not okay. I can tell you're upset. I'm here if you want to talk."

- "I can't help you if you don't want to help yourself."

- "Trust me. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

- "You are too amazing for us to forget. We'd be stupid if we forgot you."

- "Don't worry. I'll protect you."

- "I wilL PUNCH YOU WITH FRIENDSHIP IF YOU DON'T STOP TALKING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF."

- "Don't worry! I'm smiling, and you should too. :D"

- "You should've told me. I'm here for you. I'm always here for you."

- "They love you, I love you. Please, accept our love."

I have such wholesome and great friends. What did I do to deserve them?

"How dare you. How dare you leave me when I am at my worst. You hold a blank stare as you shatter me with your words. Can't you see I'm bleeding out? You storm away and shut the door, and the only thing I can possibly think of is how I just lost you. And how much I'm going to miss you. But you don't care, and now I realize, you never did."

- Dreaming of Wolves//Vent

I don't have a cool or interesting post today. Highschool sucks. I have no one. I'm so incredibly lonely it's not even funny. I got my heart broken for the 2nd time by the same person. It feels like the one millionth time. My heart aches. My eyes want to cry, but nothing will come out. The thing is, it's not his fault either. Maybe I just deserve it. Everything. I'm sorry self. I told you I would be better. But the crying won't stop. I'm sorry. When will this go away? When can I feel like me again? I don't even know who I am anymore. This isn't for attention. This is for myself. I tried comforting me, but instead, I'm falling apart.

This is my theme for today;