If Youre Living With BPD Like I Am You Know That Stability Is Hard To Achieve And Even Harder To Stick

If you’re living with BPD like I am you know that stability is hard to achieve and even harder to stick to on a daily basis. DBT skills are a vital part of us getting through the ups, downs, rages and triggers, with as little collateral damage, or damage to ourselves, as possible. After going through DBT group therapy I decided to start making my own guide graphics for the skills because there simply weren’t enough cute visuals available. I often think that something has to be aesthetically pleasing for us to pay attention, and for me that means lots of colors! I make these graphics, using Photoshop and DBT skill print outs that are easily found with a google search. I also think the less clinical language can go a long way💗

*I’m not a licensed clinician or therapist, I’m a woman who’s been battling her BPD for over 16 years. Thankfully, with the help of many professionals, supportive family and friends, and some key reading, I’ve survived past the “average life expectancy” for BPD, which is 27 years of age. I’ve been practicing DBT on and off over the years, at times finding it hard to use and unhelpful in moments of distress. Only this year, after my second hospitalization, did I find the right info to finally understand how it should work and it clicked. I still struggle with the daily triggers, bouts of depression, and the feelings of emptiness, but I do find that I’m able to survive it all because the DBT skills have actually sunk in. I’m also very aware that therapy is a privilege that many can’t access, and sadly even when you can, BPD is a tough thing to diagnose, treat properly, and get the help you need. So now I’m just trying to spread the understanding, help others figure out how DBT can work, and of course, breakdown the stigma associated with BPD.

*More info about my experience with DBT*

Made this a while ago, wanted a Swiftie phone background that made me feel hopeful and reminded me to breathe💗

I figured out the actual worst part of BPD... constantly hurting your loved ones over and over. That's the real worst part.

This post is to elaborate more on my experience in the DBT group and some of the reading and tools I found most helpful to me.

The DBT group I was able to take part in was a remote group that met once a week for 16 weeks via Webex. I was very lucky to get a spot and that my Medicaid covered any cost. It was run by two social workers as part of NYU Langone's Psychiatric Center at Sunset Terrace.

The weeks were broken down based on the 4 Modules (core skill groups) of DBT: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotional Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness.

Mindfulness: This is the base of any DBT practice, and what I always had trouble with in the past. Mindfulness is a kind of self-awareness that you can use to break down your experiences and give yourself a kind of reality check. Being mindful is being present and aware of your emotions, your body, and your thought process.

There are 3 states of mind with which we experience and react to the world: Emotion Mind (acting based on emotions alone), Reasonable Mind (acting based on facts alone), and Wise Mind (a combination of the first 2 and the goal of mindfulness).

Distress Tolerence: This module focuses on short term solutions for big emotions. The skills involved in this module are called Distraction skills because their goal is to just get you through the wave of emotion, resist any harmful urges, and survive your distress long enough to talk to someone or get to other skills.

There are quite a few skills in this module I found helpful, and I'll go into more detail on them in another post. The skill I think can do the most in the moment is called ACCEPTS, an acronym used to remember what you can do to distract yourself when feelings get too intense.

Emotion Regulation: This 3rd module focuses on learning to identify your emotions, understand where they come from and what they are trying to tell you, and processing them in a healthy way.

The purpose of all emotions is evolutionary survival. Emotions spur us into action to meet our needs (when you get hangry, you know you need to eat), and communicate danger to ourselves and others. Body language and voice tone can also often communicate emotions before words do.

*Use a feeling wheel to identify your emotions and dig deeper. If you can't process them right away, use a distress tolerance skill until you are able to sit with them.

*The best skill for emotion regulation is ABC PLEASE, an acronym used to help you recognize vulnerability factors in your life and minimize them.

Interpersonal Effectiveness: This last module focuses on skills that help us communicate with others. There are skills like GIVE, which can be used to maintain good relationships with others, and FAST, which can be used to help maintain your self-respect when making a request of someone.

*There are others that I will make graphics for, stay tuned!

Attending the group and learning the skills was only part of what I found helpful on my journey toward stability. I found a book, Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder, that helped break mindfulness down in great detail and very easy to follow language. The book is written specifically for BPD-havers so it's really an excellent resource. The other tool I found helpful is something my therapist suggested I get, The Game of Real Life, which is a game that you can play to learn DBT skills in an interactive and fun way. It comes with a little book that breaks every skill and practice down, Skill cards which I find to be a great go-to for recalling a skill in a moment you need it (after all, it's a whole lot of acronyms to remember), and Conflict cards that give you examples of situations you might experience, and you have to pick a skill card to practice (can be done alone but better with someone you trust to really dive into the communication and regulation skills). I've actually been carrying a few of the skill cards in my purse wherever I go, just in case I need a quick reference in a moment of distress.

I have so much more to share with anyone who's interested. I'll keep posting, making graphics, and if anyone has a specific question about any of the modules, I'll do my best to answer or help you find the information online. DBT groups are super hard to find, in extremely high demand so it's hard to get in, and usually grossly expensive due to this country's horrible healthcare system. I consider myself extremely privileged to have been able to find a great hospital when I needed it and a great group that my insurance covered. I'm here for anyone who isn't as lucky. Let's make DBT accessible and break the stigma of the BPD diagnosis!

*More DBT guides here*

Trigger warning: su1cidal thoughts

I want to love myself. I want to love my life. I want to enjoy things. I want to be able to let go of what doesn’t serve me. I want to be happy, or at the very least be content. But currently the best I can do is hold onto enough mindfulness to follow my crisis plan when I’m holding a pill bottle in my hand.

As my therapist always says, therapy and treatment can only work if you’re alive, and the skills are there to help you stay that way.

Better buried in self-loathing and shame than in the ground, I guess.

you’re losing me — t.s