The Twelfth

The Twelfth

For about three years we lived on a county road.  Our home was a detached “mother-in-law” suite on the property of a woman who really didn’t know how to maintain property.  

We had countless issues that never got resolved: the hot water heater purged itself onto the floor semi-regularly, the heat would suddenly and unexpectedly cease causing our pipes to freeze, the ceiling had holes in it that were supposed to be fixed before we moved in (hah) and we had a mouse problem like you’ve never seen.

He got me in the habit of romanticizing living in the middle of no where.  Parts of it I really did enjoy; I used to love running out there at night.  It was also quiet at night and dark, plus I could lay out on the back porch naked and no one was the wiser. 

But some of the very worst moments of my life are out there.

All those issues I listed above became the list of grievances he had against me.  We had to deal with these problems because I still wasn’t making enough money, and that was because I was a lazy stupid cunt with no ambition and no respect for him and how hard he had to work.

He screamed at me so hard some times that he gave himself a nose bleed.  I didn’t even know that was possible. The physical abuse really gained a foothold here, too.  

Which made sense.  There were fewer neighbours to hear me crying.

Christine Blasey Ford is a fucking Warrior Queen!

The anniversary of the day he decided to cut me loose is this month. It allowed me to finally wake up.

Hahaha

My response to the event I described in my last post. After this event I sent him a whole bunch of ignored texts like" hey can I help you today?" And " i miss you" and loads of other humiliating stuff. It's not terribly interesting and there's plenty other humiliating things to come so we'll jump forward to his response two days later:

Yep, I'm a Potter fan. Guilty as charged.

Carving this pumpkin was a monumental moment last year. For all his lamenting that I did not observe and facilitate "traditions", he was absolutely against me taking time for anything that was not "essential."

So on October 30, I was carving this guy up feeling morose as it had been days since he spoke to me. Then I had an epiphany.

I was getting satisfaction. My crafting skills are basically on par with a German Sheppard's, so the fact that this thing turned out alright was really encouraging. I was proud of it.

I remember thinking:

"I wouldn't have been allowed to do this if he was still talking to me ...."

And there it was. Something so small, so simple made me think that maybe this separation thing wasn't so bad after all.

Behold. My empire of scraps.

I can scrape a life together from ashes and crumbs.