Bad Times - Tumblr Posts
I don't really have any combative training experience, but it it strikes me as irresponsible to be grabbing your students by the throat in the first 15 minutes of your first class.
You're teaching self defense. To women. Does it not seem likely you'll have some trauma survivors?
Tried a self defense course tonight. Realized i am not ready to have people touch me.
Particularly not cishet white men. And particularly not around the throat.
The Twelfth
For about three years we lived on a county road. Our home was a detached “mother-in-law” suite on the property of a woman who really didn’t know how to maintain property.
We had countless issues that never got resolved: the hot water heater purged itself onto the floor semi-regularly, the heat would suddenly and unexpectedly cease causing our pipes to freeze, the ceiling had holes in it that were supposed to be fixed before we moved in (hah) and we had a mouse problem like you’ve never seen.
He got me in the habit of romanticizing living in the middle of no where. Parts of it I really did enjoy; I used to love running out there at night. It was also quiet at night and dark, plus I could lay out on the back porch naked and no one was the wiser.
But some of the very worst moments of my life are out there.
All those issues I listed above became the list of grievances he had against me. We had to deal with these problems because I still wasn’t making enough money, and that was because I was a lazy stupid cunt with no ambition and no respect for him and how hard he had to work.
He screamed at me so hard some times that he gave himself a nose bleed. I didn’t even know that was possible. The physical abuse really gained a foothold here, too.
Which made sense. There were fewer neighbours to hear me crying.
Stick and puck with the friends fills you with determination
Just had a mental breakdown and I dyed my hair black and honestly like- I regretted it at first but I’m like- not upset about it anymore. I genuinely feel so much better. Like- I think sometimes I just have a really hard time grounding myself and reminding myself like…why I’m still here…and like, I need to do something to remind myself that I am an Actual Person and that my feelings do Actually Matter, and for whatever reason I think dying my hair just does that so well. It’s like. Yes, I am a person who can think for themself and make decisions based on their needs and emotions. And that is so amazing.
Anyways I hope you all are taking care of yourselves, eating a normal amount of food and drinking a normal amount of water, getting enough sleep, and doing things that make you happy, because life sucks, but it can be a little less sucky sometimes, and I think everyone should be able to experience the not-suckiness as much as they possibly can :]
Hoo boy and here i thought I was over my 'bad time' episodes. But it's four am and I want to rip my face off, eat a bunch of garbage, throw up, rip my eyes out, and just generally destroy myself all over again I feel like I'm going to fall off the self-harm wagon, but I think I'm starting to calm. Writing helps. It always gets worse around November/December and I hate it. Why am I like this what is wrong with you