Abuse and trauma survivor - these are my stories in no particular order. Content warnings and triggers everywhere. Adult blog; 18+ only.
794 posts
Good Riddance.
Good riddance.
2017 was the year I woke up. I will hold on to that.
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whyyyujgftgzsdgch liked this · 7 years ago
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Add this to the pile
He used to make me park my car a block or more away from his ( once our) house. Didn't care if I was cold, carrying heavy things or leaving at 4am.
If I parked in the same spot twice in a row he would threaten to not have me over anymore.
Careful.
When I was young, I romanticised suffering. I hoped that some day I would have terrible things happen to me. It would make me glamorous and interesting and everyone would be dying to talk to the girl who'd experienced real darkness.
I learned to keep house impeccably. Not only to keep you from becoming agitated, but also to keep my mind and hands occupied on simple, mind numbing yet mildly satisfying tasks.
Busy hands do not shake, and a busy mind does not dwell on that bruise on my shoulder from last night.
Problem
I am not looking for anyone at this point in time, and may never look for someone ever again.
But if there comes a time when I would like to have a someone again, I may be in a pickle. Who on earth would hear any of this and not run for the hills?
This was part of the plan I'm sure.
How much easier it would all be if he was just a monster.
Sometimes the hardest thing to accept about abusers/toxic relationships is that these people care(d) about you, or at least thought they did.
It’s easy to think of stereotypical ‘abusers’ as these Big Bad Monsters who have no regard for your wellbeing. It’s easy but it isn’t always true.
They may well be like that, but they might also be that one person from school who always texts to make sure you’re okay. They might be the family member that tries to cheer you up. They might be the friend you’ve had for as long as you can remember. There is no template for abuse and there is no template for abusers, everyone experiences it differently.
No matter how much these people care about you or love you, if they are abusing you it is absolutely okay to cut them out of your life. You don’t owe them anything because of how they might feel about you.