This Is Probably One Of The Most Embarrassing Things Ill Ever Post. This Was My List That He Gave Me

This is probably one of the most embarrassing things I’ll ever post.  This was My List that he gave me to complete in order for us to date again.  Complete this, and I would be forgiven. I believed it too, and allowed myself to be tortured in the pursuit. 

My official title

He unaffectionately referred to me as his fake wife for the last 5 or 6 years we were together.

Last night’s text.  He goes from not messaging me for months to baiting me almost daily.  Thus far I have not responded.

woman making a post on tumblr dot com: due to the countless ways that men abuse, manipulate, exploit and degrade women on a daily basis and the social and personal trauma i’ve endured from them i don’t feel safe near them and would not be with one because in my experience men as a whole do not value women as people

that one chick, inevitably: what about my amazing boyfriend chad? we’ve been together seven years and he’s only called me a bitch 4 times

WOW

This red flag just smacked me in the face.

The reason I moved in with him in the first place was because his mother had kicked him out of his house. He had been attempting to help his sister, who was visibly frustrated, with something on her new laptop.  She got a bit snippy with him and he lost his temper.  He punched a chair which hit the wall and left a hole.

I was present for this event.  I saw it unfold.  I watched him punch something because his sister said “I knoowwww!” 

A running theme was that he didn’t like when people were “ungrateful” or didn’t acknowledge him when he was trying to help them.

Funny parallel:  I moved out with him so we could combine our measly incomes at the time and prevent him from having to live in utter squalor.  I was not ready to move out; I was still trying to finish my degree and school full time.  I had to pick up more shifts at my retail job and worked nearly full time.  My grades suffered as I was now a full time student, employee and abuse victim.

I sacrificed a lot for him to have a better life but that’s never a story that got told. Or a thank you I received.

An Experience

Referring to this 

I took us Skydiving in the summer of 2016 for his birthday complete with weekend away. It was probably the most exhilarating thing I’ll ever do.

We got videos and pictures of our jumps from the company we jumped with, but he also insisted I document his whole experience from start to finish on my phone. One of his complaints was that I never took pictures of anything, and that was a sign that I was not normal or a good partner.

The consequence of me playing paparazzi was that we discovered, a few weeks later when the official videos arrived, that I was in the first part of his.  He was furious about that, stating how he’d have to re-edit it to be able to show it to his family.

Worst of all, where previously he had been raving about the experience, he soon turned it around.  He was dissatisfied because I had participated.  He was angry that I had not just paid for him to jump, but that I had jumped myself.

He stated that I just “couldn’t let him have anything.”

Always seemed that no matter how much I spent or planned that I couldn’t do anything right.