Everything Has Changed

Everything Has Changed

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Prompt - ‘All I know is we said 'hello' and your eyes look like coming home.’

Notes - We’re celebrating Red (Taylor’s Version) here and I’ll be doing imagines for each song on the album so if you have a request (any fandom I write for) send it in!

It was September 1st, the day you had been dreaming about since finding out you were a witch. As you crossed the barrier taking you to Platform 9 3/4 you couldn’t help but take a step closer to your parents. Yes, you had wanted this day to come for so long but now that it was here it was incredibly daunting.

“You’ll be fine, Y/N.” Your parents assured you, making sure your trunk was where it needed to be. You hugged them tightly before stepping onto the train, face going pale as you saw all the other students.

You walked further onto the train, trying to find an empty compartment but it seemed like an impossible task.

“Hello,” a voice said, startling you. Was he talking to you? “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Definitely talking to you then.

You turned around, coming face to face with a boy. He was taller than you and had messy jet black curls, perched on his nose was a pair of glasses and he looked at you with warm, brown eyes.

“Would you like to sit with us?” He asked, holding the compartment door open for you. The boy smiled as he watched relief fill your features, a friendly smile spreading across his face.

“If you and your friends don’t mind?” You said, gesturing to the two other boys sitting next to each other.

“Of course not, please come in.” The boy said.

“Thank you.” You replied, shuffling past them and taking a seat opposite the boy with short brown hair.

“I’m James by the way, James Potter and these are Sirius Black,” Here the boy turned his attention to you as he shot you a grin, his bright grey eyes capturing your attention. You smiled back at him, giving him a small wave which made his smile grow wider. “And this is Remus Lupin.” The other boy gave you a shy smile.

“It’s nice to meet you all, I’m Y/F/N Y/L/N. Thank you for letting me sit with you.” You said, smiling at each of them, before turning to James.

“You’re welcome. You’re not from a wizarding family, are you?” James asked, causing you to laugh softly.

“Is it that obvious?” You asked back, causing James and Sirius to chuckle.

“Kind of but it’s ok. Hogwarts is great…” James began before him and Sirius began filling you in on what you needed to know about Hogwarts and the wizarding world.

As the train got closer to Hogwarts you found yourself relaxing into your seat, laughing along with the boys. When the food trolley rolled around James and Sirius bought enough food and sweets to last at least a week or two causing you to giggle before you all tucked in.

You find yourself gravitating to James on the journey there, something about him made you feel at ease, he made you feel like you could be brave.

“You said something about the houses earlier,” you began, fiddling with a card from the chocolate frog, still amazed at the moving portrait that could leave the frame, “what house are you all hoping for?”

Sirius’ face darkened for a moment before it shifted into a smirk, “I’m hoping for Gryfindor, that’ll really please Mother.”

James laughed but you weren’t sure why but shrugged it off for now.

“Most of my family is from Gryffindor so I’m hoping for that too.” James told you as he turned to face you.

Conversation flowed easily between the four of you and you hoped that they would still talk to you when you were sorted.

As the train pulled up and first years were led away from the other students, you felt your nerves beginning to grow again. Your stomach felt sick as anxiety began to fester. James, who had made sure you didn’t get lost in the flow of students, saw you looking pale and gave you a small smile before squeezing your hand in his.

“You’ll be fine,” He assured you as the boats took you across the lake, the sight of the castle only adding to your fear. “I’ll be with you the whole time.” He promised and you forced a smile onto your face before squeezing his hand back.

“Thank you.” You managed to whisper, causing him to smile.

It wasn’t long before you were walking down the length of the Great Hall, the deafening silence did little to calm your nerves. James walked behind you, in between glances of the hall his gaze drifted back to you, him smiling sympathetically as he saw the tenseness in your shoulders.

Name after name was called, your peers each walked up to a stool. Some looked as nervous, if not more nervous than you felt, whereas some others strode up and sat confidently on the chair, waiting for the enchanted hat to be put upon their heads.

You watched as James was called up, he looked confident, not flinching as the ancient hat was put on top of his head. You stared up with wide eyes as the hat needed barely any time to decide. It shouted ‘Gryffindor’ causing James to grin. He made his way over to the table, sliding into a free space opposite Sirius.

After what felt like an eternity your name was finally called.

“Y/LN, Y/F/N.”

You didn’t move, nerves had you frozen in place and it wasn’t until you felt a hand brush against yours that you jolted. You turned to look at who touched you, seeing Remus there with a soft, encouraging smile. You forced yourself to smile back shakily before your feet began moving.

You perched yourself on the edge of the stool, eyes darting around the Great Hall before the view was obscured by the old hat.

“Hmm, interesting, very interesting,” The hat sat causing you to jump, “A good mind, resourceful, you have the ability to be fairly cunning Miss Y/L/N. But more than that is a great deal of bravery,” it said and you barely managed to suppress a snort, a great deal of bravery it had said, you weren’t feeling very brave right now. “No, no, not now but in time. You’ll be fiercely protective of those you consider family, you’ve got a good amount of courage, daring too, quite the risk taker. I know, I know,” the hat said for only you to hear before it bellowed out into the silence of the Great Hall, “better be…Gryffindor!”

Professor McGonagall lifted the hat from your head and your eyes immediately sought out the two boys you’d met on the train. You couldn’t help but smile as you saw they were clapping loudly, letting out happy cheers as you made your way over to them, taking a seat next to James.

“Told you you’d be fine.” He murmured as he grinned over at you. Despite the nerves you’d been feeling all day long, you couldn’t help but return the grin, feeling more relaxed now that you were sorted.

It wasn’t long before everyone else was sorted into their house, the boys and you all beaming at each other as Remus was placed in your house. The feast was unlike anything you’d ever seen before and now that your nerves had calmed down you were able to enjoy the magical happenings around you, from the magically appearing food to the floating candles to the ghosts that popped out of nowhere.

You ate more food than you could handle and giggled along with the boys. As the evening came to a close with the headmaster rising from his seat, you glanced at James who was already looking at you. You couldn’t help but smile softly at him and James didn’t hesitate to return it.

“First years, follow me.” The Gryffindor prefect said.

You all stood and made your way out of the Hall, your head turning in every direction. Portraits and paintings littered the walls, all of the people within them moved freely from one frame to the other. You were so captivated by them you hadn’t noticed the group turning a corner.

James glanced back and smiled over at you as he turned around and made his way over to you.

“Come along, Y/L/N.” He said, causing you to jump slightly before turning to face him. You glanced around seeing you had lost track of the prefect leading you to the common room and flushed slightly.

James just laughed and took your hand in his before leading you in the direction you were supposed to be heading.

That night as you lay in bed, feeling alone in the girls dorm, you couldn’t quite get the sight of James’ brown eyes, the messy curls and soft smile out of your head and you couldn’t wait to get to know him better.

-

“Seriously, Potter?” You yelled as you stomped down the stairs leading into the common room.

Nobody looked up at your shout, all too used to the antics from you and the boys. The four of you were closer than anything and despite being the only girl in the group that didn’t exclude you from their pranks and today was no exception.

“Hello Y/N, I must say, I love the pink hair.” James said as he looked up at you, a grin spreading across his face that he couldn’t fight back if he tried.

Watching as you glared at him only made him smile wider.

“You know I’m going to get you back for this, Potter.” You said, as you picked up a pillow on the couch and hit him with it before flopping down next to him.

“Yes, yes, I’ll be waiting anxiously for your comeback.” He laughed, causing you to hit him again before hugging the pillow to your chest and turning to face him.

“You’re such a jerk.” You told him. The smile on your face showing how much you didn’t mean the statement made him laugh again.

“Ah, good thing I’m your favourite then, isn’t it?” Here he turned his head, his cheek resting against the couch, as he looked at you with puppy dog eyes and an over exaggerated pout.

“Hmm, I suppose you are.” You replied with a roll of your eyes.

It had been four years since you’d first met James, you and him had grown closer and closer each day before you were inseparable. Since day one James had taken a shine to you, making sure you were ok, if people tried to pick on you, purebloods from Slytherin had taken a liking to you too, James was quick to put them in their place both at the age of eleven and fourteen.

“McGonagall is going to kill us when she sees this hair.” You told James.

“Us?” He shot back, raising an eyebrow at you. “You’re the only one with pink hair here, Y/N/N.” He smirked.

“Oh come on,” you groaned and when you raised the pillow again he held his hands up in surrender, “Who else is going to spike my shampoo with hair dye?”

“You made an excellent point, Y/L/N.” James laughed, reaching over to take a strand of dyed hair in between his fingers, twirling it around.

“I hate potions.” You groaned, leaning closer to James who smiled sympathetically at you. It was no secret you were hopeless with anything potions related, thankfully you were able to be paired with James who seemed to thrive in every single class. You didn’t feel bad about letting him take over the practical side of the class as you focused on note taking.

James had tried to teach you where he could but he had had one too many cauldrons blow up in his face.

“I know you do.” He said softly, moving his hand from your hair so he could wrap his arm around your shoulder. You happily shifted closer.

It wasn’t long before Sirius and Remus came down the stairs and after more laughing about your hair the four of you headed down to the dungeons for potions.

Slughorn’s voice began to grate on you. He had never been your favourite teacher but today you just were not in the mood for him. James watched you glare at him as he ran through the properties of Weedosoros and chuckled softly to himself.

“Who teaches teenagers how to brew poison?” He heard you mutter to yourself, “Great idea professor, maybe I’ll get really good at potions and have you try my Weedosoros.” Here James couldn’t help but snort, causing you to turn and face him.

“If you get good at potions, I run naked through the Great Hall.” He whispered, causing you to smirk.

“Well I wouldn’t strip out of that robe just yet.” You laughed quietly, nothing in the world could make you good at potions.

As Slughorn continued to speak James found himself growing bored too, even though he didn’t mind potions class, double potions first thing in the morning wasn’t ideal. You and him sat in the back row, closest to the door, and James looked to Slughorn, who was focused on the board, unaware of the blank stares and the one or two students who were sleeping, before looking back at you.

“C’mon.” James whispered, nudging your arm. You raised an eyebrow as he picked his bag up and gestured for you to do the same.

“Ready?” James mouthed, taking a final glance at Slughorn who had yet to turn around.

“Ready.” You replied despite not knowing what was happening. James gestured to the door and took your hand in his. Counting down from three, he pulled you from your chair and the two of you managed to escape the room, Slughorn none the wiser.

“Where are we going?” You giggled as James dragged you down the hallway, the two of you running past the shouting portraits.

“You’ll see.” James said and when the two of you finally stopped, you more so out of breath than James who played quidditch any chance he could get, you raised an eyebrow at him.

“What?” He said, “We missed breakfast.” You laughed as he tickled the pear, watching as it transformed into a green door handle.

The house elves were more than happy to have visitors, pushing more food than either of you could carry into your hands and as you bid them goodbye both your bags were considerably heavier than they had been only moments ago.

“What’s your plan now, Potter? We’ve still got an hour and a half before we’re supposed to be out of class.” James didn’t reply instead he slipped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you against him before leading the way to the entrance hall.

From there you were taken down to the Great Lake. James sat down on the grass before pulling at your hand and gesturing for you to sit too. The lake looked beautiful, it stretched as far as your eyes could see, hills and mountains on either side.

James and you sat together in a comfortable silence, food spread out between the two of you. The sound of waves crashing together in the distance could be heard, the air was slightly chilly but bearable.

It didn’t take either of you long to finish eating, plenty of food left over thanks to the generosity of the house elves. James shifted so his legs were spread out in front of him and he rummaged through his bag, pulling out a yellowing book, the spine was cracked and the cover was worn.

You moved to lay down, resting your head on his lap as he opened the book, you heard the sound of pages being flipped as you looked up at the sky, squinting up at the clouds drifting pass.

You let your eyes fall closed as the sound of James’ voice filled the silence, his tone soft and low and you couldn’t help but smile as you listened to him. As he got further into the book you let your eyes open slowly, lazily gazing up at the sky before turning to face James.

There was something about the peacefulness of the lake, the soft and quiet sounds of waves crashing, birds chirping, creatures rustling leaves in the woods and the soothing voice of James that made you feel inexplicably happy. Out here, just you and James, it was…easy. The two of you were yourselves out here.

You shook your head, wondering where on earth that thought had come from. You looked away from James before he could catch you staring and instead focused on the sound of his voice.

-

One day it was like something clicked into place for you. That morning you had woken up, it was Valentine’s Day so the entire castle had been decked in pink for the week and your little group had been surrounded by girls desperately trying to get the boys attention.

You’d lost track of how many times they had been asked out but each time a girl approached James you felt something twist inside you. You couldn’t explain why these girls asking James out had bothered you so much, you were in your sixth year of Hogwarts and James was an attractive man, it wasn’t like James had never been asked out before.

So why did it bother you now?

The question had plagued you for weeks and this morning when you woke up, the first thing on your mind was those warm brown eyes, those mess of curls and a soft smile that made you feel safe. That’s when it hit you.

You liked James Potter.

You liked James Potter a whole lot, despite already being attached at the hip you wanted to spend all your time with him, despite knowing so much about him you wanted to get to know him even better, despite the fact that he was your best friend you wanted him to be more.

As you lay in bed that morning, refusing to get out of bed, never being more thankful that it was a weekend, you thought back to when you had met James. Since that moment he said hello to you and held the door of the compartment open for you, you realise now, looking back that’s when everything started. James had smiled at you and you’d never left his side since.

You realised that as you looked into his eyes, nowhere else felt more like home. When you saw him smile, you couldn’t help but mirror it back no matter how bad you were feeling. When things got too much for either of you and you snuck down to the lake, staying there until everything was better.

You liked James Potter.

Just thinking about it made your stomach fill with butterflies. It was the beautiful kind of butterflies, the ones that had you blushing just thinking about him. The kind that made you want to find James and confess everything, the kind that made you feel how James made you feel…giddy.

You liked James Potter.

It was like that thought had changed everything.

When you finally pulled yourself out of bed and headed down the stairs you were greeted to James’ smirk.

“What time do you call this?” He laughed, gesturing to the seat next to him.

Everything felt different, you hardly knew how to act around James now.

You laughed, though it was slightly forced, and took the seat next to him on the couch. His eyebrows knitted together at the distance you’d put between the two of you but he quickly solved it by pulling you against him, his arm wrapping around your shoulder.

Conversation quickly turned back to whatever they’d been talking about before you showed up but you were more content to lay against James, his fingers tracing random patterns on your arm causing you to smile softly.

“You ok?” He whispered into your ear when Sirius and Remus were more focused on their conversation.

You hesitated for a moment, shifting so you could lean up and look at him. He was beautiful, the fire reflected in his brown eyes, giving them a red tinge and you thought that you could get lost in them given the chance.

You shook your head slightly in an attempt to clear your thoughts before you smiled up at James.

“I’m good.” You told him, the look he gave you showed he wasn’t convinced but he let it go.

“What are your plans, Y/N?” Sirius asked, causing you to look away from James.

“Plans?” You asked in confusion, watching as Sirius laughed whilst rolling his eyes.

“Keep up, Y/L/N.” He groaned, making you laugh. You missed the look James was giving you as he watched you laugh against him but Sirius and Remus caught it and shared a look between themselves. “Plans for Valentine’s Day.”

“You asking me out, Black?” You smirked.

“I’m afraid our love shall have to wait another day,” Sirius told you dramatically, “for I have a date with the beautiful Amelia.”

“Good luck with that,” You said, honestly surprised that Amelia had agreed to a date. “As for me, I shall be here, awaiting your return.” You said, causing them to laugh.

“Come on, you have to have a date!” Sirius exclaimed, frowning as you shook your head.

“I was asked but…” Here you trailed off, not knowing how to end the sentence. At first you hadn’t had a reason for rejecting the offers you had received, most of them were fairly decent looking guys but you hadn’t felt anything more than annoyance as they asked you.

Now though, after this morning's revelations you knew exactly why you had turned them down because despite how good looking they were…they weren’t James Potter.

“I’ll keep you company.” James said, causing you to look up at him again.

“You don’t have a date?” You asked, watching as he shook his head. “Well if the captain of the quidditch team can’t get a date, is there hope for the rest of us?” You groaned, watching as James laughed.

“I’d rather hang out with you than with anyone that asked me out.” And that was a statement, wasn’t it? You had seen some of the girls asking James out, they were stunningly beautiful and probably wouldn’t make a cauldron explode in his face and yet here he was saying he’d rather have your company.

What were you supposed to think about that?

“I’d rather hang out with you too.” You told him quietly, it was the closest you were going to get to confessing your feelings but for now it would have to be enough.

“Where are we going?” You asked later on that evening. Most students were in Hogsmeade on dates and you were ready to spend a night with James in the common room when he had entered, raising an eyebrow at your comfy attire before telling you to change.

“You’ll see.” He said and it wasn’t long before he was pulling you along down the old, familiar trail that led to your spot by the late.

As you rounded the corner to your spot you stopped in your tracks, letting out a gasp as you took in the scene. Small tea candles floated in the air, giving the darkness of the night a soft, orange glow. A blanket had been laid down on the grass, slightly larger candles rested upon it, adding to the atmosphere. There was a basket and two glasses placed on the blanket too.

You turned to look at James who looked nervously at you. You were left speechless and he couldn’t tell if it was a good sign or not but when your lips stretched into a grin, he let out the breath he had been holding and grinned back at you.

“What is all this?” You asked softly, the warm glow of candles made you want to maintain the peaceful atmosphere created.

James shifted before clearing his throat. He looked down at his feet before looking you in the eyes.

“I like you, Y/N.” He confessed and felt a huge weight fall from his shoulders, no matter how this went, at least you’d know how he felt. “I really like you and I hate that it took me this long to realise it. I should have realised it all those years ago, Merlin’s beard, Y/N/N, I should have realised it the moment we said hello. When I held that door open for you I should have known then that one day you could be mine and I would be yours, no matter how you felt. All I’ve been able to think about for weeks, months, is you. You’re beautiful Y/E/C eyes, that smile that has never once not made me smile back. Merlin, please tell me there’s something here and that this isn’t all just in my mind.” James said, rushing through his speech like he’d been rehearsing it for a while.

You were beaming at him by the time he had finished, cheeks flushed red and not because of the cold. God, how foolish you both were.

“I like you too, James. When I realised I liked you I was terrified because I thought everything would change for the worse and I didn’t even let myself consider the possibility that you would like me back, that everything had changed for good.” You told him, watching as he gave you the softest smile you’d ever seen on his face.

“I like you so much, Y/N, and I want to make up for all that time we lost being idiots who didn’t realise. I already know plenty about you but I want to know everything about you.” James said as he stepped forward, he reached up cupping your cheek in his hands and despite the cold air, your cheek were warm to touch, making him smile wider.

He gave you time to pull away but you didn’t move, not until his lips were against you. You kissed him back, the kiss started off soft and slow but all the time you’d spent not admitting your feelings had built up causing the kiss to turn. It was hot and messy and the two of you only pulled away when a sudden coldness washed over you.

The pair of you looked up, laughing at the rain that came from nowhere. It was the kind of rain that meant you were drenched through in a matter of seconds, hair and clothes sticking uncomfortably to you pretty quickly.

But that didn’t matter as you and James laughed before he pulled you in for another kiss, this time his arms snaked around your waist and you rested yours around his neck, fingers coming up to play with wet hair.

The two of you stayed outside for way longer than you should have but when you finally pulled away James rested his forehead against yours.

“Sorry we didn’t get to eat.” He said, watching as you glanced over at the soaking wet blanket and the basket.

“That’s ok,” you giggled before brushing your lips against him, “we’re going to be so sick tomorrow.”

“We should head back.” James smiled, entwining his fingers with yours.

You glanced down at your joined hands before looking up at James who, despite being drenched through, looked incredibly handsome and he was looking at you like you were the most beautiful girl in the world despite the fact that you had mascara running down your cheeks and you were equally as wet.

Everything has changed, you thought to yourself, and the next day as you and James cuddled together on the couch both suffering from a cold, you couldn’t help but smile because everything has changed but it was the best type of change.

------------

James Potter Taglist - @haroldpotterson, @lovinnholland, @rottenstyx, @asherhunterx, @secondaryjob, @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair, @mrs-scottmccall, @roseslovedreams , @j-cat

@janesofia7, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29, @wierdstark, @chickensrule, @rosaliedepp (sorry if you've been notified about this like seven times, tumblr has been broke for me)

All Too Well

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Prompt - 'It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well.'

Hogwarts was bursting with excitement as many students prepared to go home for the holidays. This was the first year you had something to look forward to as your boyfriend, James Potter, had extended an invitation from his parents to you for their annual christmas party.

Everyone was chattering away loudly as they headed down to the train, all ready for the holidays to begin.

James and you walked together hand in hand surrounded by his friends. Sirius, Remus and Peter joined the two of you in the cart and it wasn’t soon before the train pulled away from the station and the five of you were headed home.

You and James hadn’t been dating for long, just over four months, but you knew you were head over heels for him. It was hard not to fall for him, everything about him felt safe, when you were tucked up against him, feeling his laugh rumble through his chest, you felt like that was the closest to home you’d felt in a long time.

Sitting here now, James’ arm wrapped around your shoulder pulling you into him, you felt yourself falling a little bit more in love with him. You let your head rest on his shoulder, smiling as you felt his lips against your head before he turned back to joking with Sirius.

The comforting feel of being pressed against James and the movement from the train was all it took to lull you to sleep.

“Y/N/N,” A soft voice said, gently shaking you awake.

You scrunched your nose up, blinking hard before opening your eyes and seeing James next to you wearing a soft smile.

“We’re here.” He told you before standing and holding a hand out to you. It wasn’t long before the two of you were on the platform saying your goodbyes.

“I’ll see you soon,” You told him, watching as he glanced from his friends back to you before nodding. He leaned down to give you a quick kiss, saying goodbye to you and made his way over to his little group.

As much as you loved James, though you’d yet to say those words to him, sometimes you couldn’t help but feel like you came second place to his friends. It wasn’t like you wanted him to give them up and only spend all his time with you but some days you couldn’t help but wish he paid half as much attention to you as he did them.

You frowned as you shook your head, blaming those thoughts on the lingering tiredness before making your way over to where your parents were waiting for you.

-

You had barely heard from James since you’d arrived back home for the holidays, a few letters here and there but no calls using the fireplace. In one of his letters James had told you that his parents had offered to let you come around a few days earlier and sleep over, wanting to get to know the girl their son was dating.

You were excited to finally spend some time with James and he had told you that he and Sirius were going to Diagon Alley to get some Christmas presents. You had agreed to meet up with them in The Leaky Cauldron and began to get ready for the day.

It wasn’t long before you were ready, bags packed and slipping a red scarf around your neck. You said goodbye to your parents before taking the floo over to The Leaky Cauldron.

You saw James and Sirius tucked away in the corner and quickly made your way over, pulling your cloak tighter around you to combat the chill. James spotted you first, smiling widely over at you and standing up to pull you into a hug which you eagerly returned before he pulled away slightly to press his lips to yours.

The three of you were quick to settle in with food and drinks but it wasn’t long before you were heading out into the cold and finishing up some shopping. By the time you were walking through the front doors of the Potter Manor you couldn’t help but smile at the warmth, a stark contrast to the cold air outside. As you looked around the house you couldn’t help but feel at home somehow, the atmosphere unlike any other pureblood house you’d been in, this one was comforting, inviting and you found yourself at ease as you slid your scarf off, letting it rest on the bannister.

After introductions were made Mrs Potter had pulled you into the kitchen with her, hot chocolates lined up as she rested a leather bound book on the counter. You couldn’t help but smile as she opened the first page, a naked baby James Potter crawling across the page. You looked up at James, laughing as you watched his cheeks turn red. Another page showed a young James Potter looking tiny as he sat on a twin sized bed, round glasses making him look even smaller as they took up a large portion of his face.

As Mrs Potter flipped through the pages, she recalled stories from James’ youth leaving you all with big grins on your faces as you listened and laughed.

You looked over at James as his mum continued with her stories and saw him looking at you with a warm smile. You bite your lip, trying to contain your smile as you glanced down at the book again, you couldn’t help but think how much you wanted to make more of these memories with him.

-

You had been staying at the Potters for two nights now, sleeping in the spare room as Mrs Potter had instructed. That night you found yourself tossing and turning and decided to head downstairs for a drink hoping it would help.

“Hey,” You said softly, smiling as you saw James’ already in the kitchen with the refrigerator door open, lighting the room with a soft blue light.

You watched as James smiled at you as he held his arms open, you were quick to step into them, glad to finally have a moment alone with him. As much as you loved his parents and hearing their stories and as much as you liked Sirius you had to admit you missed James despite the fact he was always there.

“Hey,” He replied, just as softly. The house was huge, the two of you could have spoken normally and not woke anybody up but the atmosphere felt nice, it felt delicate and as James held you close it felt right to keep your voices low.

“You know there’s going to be dancing at this party, don’t you?” He asked, causing you to pull back far enough to look up at him with wide eyes.

“I can’t dance.” You told him.

“It’s easy,” He insisted, smile widening as you shook your head at him.

“Yeah maybe if you were taught to waltz before you could walk.” You scoffed watching as he laughed with a roll of his eyes.

“I think you’re getting me and Pads confused, baby.” He grinned before pulling you away slightly and wrapping your arms around his neck, letting his own rest around your waist as he began to sway the two of you.

“See, easy.” He said as he took one of your hands in his and spun you around, smiling as you giggled before he took the lead and began dancing with you in the kitchen, no music needed as the two of you laughed softly as you stepped on James’ feet before slowly getting the hang of it.

In that moment you felt yourself fall a little bit more in love with James Potter.

-

The day of the party was here and the Potter manor was buzzing with energy. Mrs Potter was constantly in and out of the kitchen with different platters of food as house elves helped set up the decorations.

The manor felt more like home than the day you had arrived, several large Christmas trees had been set up in different rooms, fairy lights softly lighting the room and Gryffindor house colours were used in the decorations causing you to giggle.

James had his arm around you but he was more interested in the conversation he was having with Sirius, one that you weren’t paying too much attention to. Eventually though you got bored of being ignored and stood up, rolling your eyes slightly as James didn’t even look up.

“Can I help, Mrs Potter?” You asked, looking at the flustered woman who was preparing another tray of food.

“Oh no dear, you go and enjoy yourself.” She said shaking her head

“It’s no trouble, I’d be glad to help.” You insisted, watching as she looked up at you with a warm smile.

“Alright dear, you come here,” She said and with that you quickly got the hang of her methods and were soon helping her transport all the food into the living room, James still not noticing your absence.

-

As you headed back up to your room to get ready for the party you couldn’t help but frown as you walked past the living room, watching as Sirius, Remus and James all laughed together.

You weren’t jealous of his friendship with the others, Merlin, you loved that he had such a close relationship with them but at the same time you wished he put a little more effort into your relationship as he did with them.

You really tried to ignore it most days but sometimes you just couldn’t push the nagging feeling aside that you put more effort into this relationship than he did. With a shake of your head you headed into your room and began to get ready, trying not to focus on any more negative thoughts.

It wasn’t long before the party was in full swing and you made your way downstairs alone after waiting to see if James would come to your room. There was a frown on your face but as you stepped off the last stair you forced a smile onto your face and pushed through the crowds.

James looked incredible as he was dressed in a suit, laughing with an even bigger group of friends. You made your way over to him, not letting your smile falter as he didn’t acknowledge you.

You let your hand grab his but this time you did frown as he gave it one squeeze before letting go, turning his back to you as he began to joke with a guy you hadn’t met before.

A part of you didn’t want to make a big deal out of it but another part of you hated feeling like you weren’t good enough to James, like you were always second best to him. You left the group as discreetly as you could, not that anybody noticed when you did leave, and pushed your way outside.

The back garden was huge and just as beautiful as the inside, decorated with fairy lights and decorations. Despite the many, many people who were outside it was quite easy to find an empty space to sit.

The hot chocolate clutched between your hands was the only thing keeping you warm against the winter air. The night sky was nearly black despite it still being quite early in the evening. The wind was harsh enough to blow your hair in every direction but you didn’t care as you sat looking up at the stars frowning in thought.

You hated feeling like this was the end of things between you and James but at the same time you couldn’t help but think that it was long gone already and no amount of fighting on your behalf could do anything to salvage it. You hated that this thing between you and James felt so painfully real, felt like it could be amazing, and it was now just nothing.

You hated that you felt you were asking for too much when really all you wanted was your boyfriend to notice you, to pay attention to you. As you sat alone outside, the sound of music and laughter coming from behind you, you couldn’t help but sniff as you tried to fight back the tears, not feeling fine at all.

The realisation that your relationship was done made you feel like all the magic from the world had disappeared, you felt like everything was for nothing as you sat there remembering every moment between you and James. You recalled only the other night as James and you danced together alone in the kitchen, feeling happier than ever as he spun you around in his arms, you remember as he dragged you through the castle, running from the teacher on patrol as the two of you had snuck out out of hours for a date, you remembered him teaching you how to ride on a broom which ended with the two of you on the floor with bruises but only laughter could be heard.

You remembered it all too well.

In that moment it felt like you were paralyzed, it felt like time had frozen as you tried to figure out what to do next. You didn’t want to cause a scene for the Potter’s but you also knew you couldn’t stay, not anymore.

Eventually you managed to pull yourself up and made your way through the house, avoiding anyone you might know and headed up the stairs into the guest room Mrs Potter had let you use. You were quick to pack your things away, hesitating when you came across one of James’ jumpers before shaking your head and leaving it on the bed folded neatly.

You looked around the room one last time before making your way out, heading downstairs and pausing before sneaking into the floo room where guests were still coming in from, taking one last look at James across the room. He had a wide grin on his face, laughing along with his friends and you couldn’t stop your eyes filling up with tears, the lack of you not bothering him at all.

It wasn’t long before you were home, thankfully your parents were at their own Christmas party at a relatives house, leaving you home alone.

You made your way up to your room and it wasn’t long before you collapsed onto bed and let the tears fall down, heartbreaking sobs leaving you as you cried for every moment between you and James.

You thought what the two of you had was rare, you had been there for it, remembered each moment all too well and yet here you were…alone.

You loved James Potter so much and maybe you got lost in translation, maybe you did ask for too much by wanting him to acknowledge you more or maybe he had just lost the one real thing he’d ever known and not even realised it.

-

James had tried to floo you several times and wrote to you even more. You hated that it took you leaving for him to finally notice you. You replied to one of his owls with a letter of your own telling him that you couldn’t be with him anymore, telling him that you deserved better and that you didn’t want him to contact you again.

James received the owl and only then did he realise how badly he had messed up. That night as he began packing away his things, he came across the red scarf you had left there on that very first day and if he went to sleep that night curled up around it, breathing in your scent, well nobody had to know. It was too late now, he really had messed up and no amount of reminiscing would solve it.

_________

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The Last Time

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Prompt - ‘This is the last time I'm asking you why you break my heart in the blink of an eye.'

Peter stood on the steps of your front door, not fully remembering how he’d gotten there. The rain was falling hard around him, Peter himself soaked wet through, the sound of it bouncing on the street was the only thing that could be heard in the silence of the early morning hours, the sky still dark, clouds too thick to see any stars through it.

He had yet to knock, scared to not receive an answer, scared for you to answer only to slam the door in his face. He was just…scared. His eyes were watery but the rain hid it well. He stood there thinking back to your last conversation with him.

How many times had he been here after a fight with you, how many times had he stood here with his best apology. This time though something felt different, it felt like you had made your mind up and fully planned to make good on your promise to not see him again, to not have the same damn argument every few weeks.

It was getting harder and harder to lie to you, every excuse that came out of Peter’s mouth sounded like the lie it was, no matter how hard he tried to make his excuses seem true you always saw through them.

Peter hated lying to you, it felt like every time he spoke to you he was lying about something, lying about where he was, why he was late, why he failed to show up at all, why he was so tired, why his back hurt so much.

Everything was a lie.

One thing that wasn’t a lie though were his feelings for you. Peter loved you so much but at some point that wasn’t enough, love wasn’t enough when there wasn’t trust and as much as you hated it you didn’t, you couldn’t trust Peter.

The constant lies, the skipping out on dates, the guilty look he got in his eyes every time he spoke to you.

It always led back to the same argument of you begging him to tell you what he was hiding and Peter insisting there were no secrets.

You had rolled your eyes every time but let yourself accept his many, many apologies. You loved him too, you had for so long that you didn’t want this to fail, for so long you had refused to let this relationship end but now you just felt tired. You couldn’t continue on with this, not with the constant lies, the constant lingering fear that Peter had found somebody else, somebody better, smarter, prettier…you couldn’t do it anymore.

That had all led to Peter standing here now, angry words thrown in pent up frustration floating through his head.

“Peter, I swear to- I cannot do this anymore!” You yelled, tears in your eyes and voice slightly hoarse.

“I’m telling you you’ve got this wrong!” He shot back at you, watching as your nose flared and you let out a bitter laugh.

“This is the last time you tell me I’ve got it wrong!” You told him through gritted teeth. How many times had he told you that you were wrong? That you weren’t seeing things from his perspective despite him refusing to give you an honest answer.

“How can you think there’s anybody else?” He shouted, hating that you could ever think he was capable of cheating on you. You were the only girl in the world for him, nobody else could ever compare to you.

“How could I not think there was anybody else!? You ghost me, if I’m lucky you call to cancel a date but usually I’m left alone because you couldn’t be bothered to even shoot me a text! Do you have any idea how humiliating it is when people look at you when you’ve been stood up?” You ask, not giving him time to answer as you say, “No you don’t because I have never and would never do that to you! You sneak around constantly, every other word out of your mouth is a damn lie and it’s not fair!”

Peter was speechless for a few moments. How could he respond to that? Everything you had said was right and he hated it, he hated that doing the right thing was coming between the two of you but there was no way he was telling you about Spiderman. It wasn’t a matter of trust, he knew no matter what happened between the two of you that you’d never betray his trust in you, no it had everything to do with the enemies Spiderman made; enemies that would not hesitate to use you against him and he refused to put you in that position.

“It’s you Y/N,” He swore, eyes wide as he reached for, hating that you pulled away, “It’s been you all along.”

“Then why doesn’t it feel like that, Peter? Every time I let you in my door it feels like you make it your mission to see how long it’ll take to break me and I can’t do it anymore.” You said, tears finally making their way down your faces but you paid them no mind.

Peter hated that he made you feel this way, hated that he could see you breaking in front of him and there was nothing he could do.

He didn’t get the chance to reply as you spoke, the fight leaving you and your voice soft.

“This is the last time, Peter, it’s the last time I’m asking you why? Why do you keep lying to me? Why won’t you just tell me what you’re hiding? Why do you keep breaking my heart over and over?” You asked him, voice breaking as more tears fell down your face.

And Peter didn’t have an answer to that. The silence stretched before you shook your head, biting back a sob as you opened your bedroom door and gestured for him to leave.

You were done, he knew you were done.

You watched as he left, head low as he brushed past you and down the stairs. Moments later you heard the door close and finally allowed yourself to sob, loud, heartbreaking sobs, thankful that you were home alone for the night.

Peter couldn’t stop his own tears from falling as he recalled yours. He shook his head whilst cursing himself, why didn’t he say something, anything. Anything would have been better than just walking away from you.

Things weren’t always bad, Peter couldn’t help but laugh sadly as he recalled the good times between the two of you, the times when he actually showed up and didn’t let you down. The times were he took you to the movies and the two of you got thrown out because you kept making stupid remarks to the characters on screen, he remember the time the two of you went pumpkin picking and the two of you tended to your wounds after a incident in which he was pushing you around in a wheelbarrow and it hit a stone causing you to topple out of it and Peter to go flying over it. He remembered sneaking out with you to have breakfast at midnight in the 24/7 diner not too far from your house. He remembered all the good moments you had, remembered when he spluttered his way through a love confession and remembered all the nights he spent with you in his arms, laughing, smiling, sleeping.

He remembered it all and to think he would never get to hold you again, never get to kiss you again, never have you again…it cut deep in his heart. He knew he couldn’t give up Spiderman, it was too important, but he hated that it had cost him you.

You who had been there for him through so much more than you actually knew. You who held him when he failed to save somebody, Peter would come to you teary eyed and you didn’t force him to talk, you just held him in your arms, playing with his hair until he fell asleep in the comfort of your hold.

He sobbed as he realised he’d never have that again.

Peter looked at your front door, knowing right now you were probably in your room, all alone, feeling just as bad as he was. You probably felt worse, Peter thought after a moment, at least Peter knew why he was so secretive but you knew nothing, you thought there was another girl involved, you didn’t know Peter was protecting both you and the city.

Watching as you broke in front of him last night killed Peter, he never realised just how bad it was until last night and with one final look at your door he shook his head and turned on his heel making his way back home. You were right he was breaking your heart, he couldn’t keep dragging you along like this, letting you torture yourself over what Peter’s secret was.

Though it broke Peter’s heart, he walked away from you that night knowing that if he didn’t he would just keep hurting you until you grew to hate him and he couldn’t do that to you, not anymore.

By the time he arrived back home, soaked to the bone and alone in bed, he couldn’t stop the tears that fell, mourning all the time he had lost with you because of himself. Spiderman was supposed to be good but right now he hated everything about his other half.

Back in your own house you mirrored Peter, alone in bed with tears falling down your face as memories of the two of you together invaded your thoughts. You loved Peter Parker, you really did, but that really was the last time you would ask him why he broke your heart in the blink of an eye.

__________

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!!! You’ve absolutely become if not one, my favorite writer on here <3 i love your writing and the way you write each character aswell as not making y/n be so suck-up and miserable… i love it, keep writing ill be excited to read 💝

omg!!! stop this is actually one of the nicest messages i have ever gotten on here! thank you so so much😭this means so much to me, thank you for reading my work, i'm so glad you enjoy my writing!!!

ah thank you so much ily😭❤️❤️

Come Back...Be Here

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Prompt - ‘But you're in London and I break down 'cause it's not fair that you're not around.’

You and Emily had never gotten along. From the day you walked into the BAU there was tension between the two of you though you hadn’t known why. As you settled into the job, becoming more comfortable around the team, your relationship with Emily became more tense as the months passed.

Nobody knew why you didn’t get along but it was common practice now for Hotch to make sure you didn’t get paired together on cases as more than one argument had occurred that meant neither of you were doing work.

Rossi had tried to get it out of you repeatedly, tried talking to you about Emily and what history you had but there was no history, before the BAU you hadn’t even heard of her. You didn’t know why she hated you or why you couldn’t stand to be around her, all you knew was that nobody knew how to push your buttons more than Emily Prentiss.

The tension between you and Emily was intense, both of you overly passionate in your arguments and that’s why it didn’t shock you the first time you fell into bed with each other. Rossi had always told you that with tension like that he was surprised that there were no underlying romantic feelings. You’d always scoffed when he said that but some part of you knew he was right, not about the romantic feelings of course but the way you and Emily got way too heated when you fought, it was only a matter of time before you turned that energy to something else.

In your defence, it had been a bad case. The unsub had been killing women that resembled you so naturally you offered to go undercover. Hotch readily agreed, there was nobody better at undercover work than you, the Undercover and Sensitive Operations Unit had been trying to poach you from the BAU for years but you turned them down every time despite loving undercover work.

It should’ve been easy but when was anything that involved the BAU easy?

They got you set up in a ground floor apartment and for the next few days you played your part as a regular citizen, going to the unsubs hunting ground in hopes of catching his attention. On the fourth day, however, another woman’s body had been found and the team had to respond to that.

You figured you hadn’t caught the unsub’s attention yet and so your guard was down but after disposing of the woman’s body, the unsub found his way to you. Nobody had profiled him to be stealthy, everything about him profiled as reckless, so when he was able to sneak up behind you and knock you out…well, the team had to refigure the profile before it was too late.

Thankfully the team managed to track you down before the unsub could really start his work, so after a few stitches in the back of the ambulance and pleading with Hotch not to send you to the hospital, you were on your way back to the hotel with the team and staying the night as it was too late to call the jet.

“You sure you’re alright, kid?” Rossi asked you from the front seat. You were sitting in the back between Derek and Spencer.

“I’m fine, Rossi, I promise.” You insisted, rolling your eyes as he shot you a look through the mirror.

It wasn’t long before you were pulling up to the hotel, the others pulling up just behind you.

“You’re rooming with Prentiss.” Hotch told you as he held a room key out towards you, bracing himself for the argument that he had no doubt was coming.

“Excuse me?” You said as the other joined you.

“Y/N,” Hotch began but you cut him off.

“Seriously, I just got kidnapped and nearly tortured and now you’re telling me I have to room with her.” You said, gesturing towards Emily with your chin before glaring up at Hotch.

“It’s one night, Y/N, and it’s already late. Just go to bed and get some sleep.” He told you as he slipped the key into your hand and walked away leaving you glaring at his back.

“Goodnight kid.” Rossi smirked whilst patting you on the back.

“I hate you all.” You grumbled before following him into the hotel missing Emily’s eye roll.

You couldn’t even remember how it happened. One minute you had been arguing with Emily and the next the two of you were frantically kissing each other, hands everywhere exploring each other's bodies, clothes were pulled off quickly and the two of you ended up sleeping with each other.

When morning came the two of you refused to acknowledge what had happened. You pushed yourself out of bed first and headed for the shower and by the time you had come out Emily and her bags were gone. You found a text from Spencer saying everyone was meeting downstairs to head to the jet and quickly packed your things away before heading down to the lobby.

The arguments hadn’t died down between you and Emily, though for the first few days after sleeping with her you avoided each other more. It would be months before you would sleep with her again but after the second time it became a regular occurrence. Anytime either of you needed to relieve some stress or if a case became too much, you found yourselves in each other's bed, never talking about it in the mornings but always knowing the offer was there.

Everything was going great until Emily had to go and talk about it.

-

“Are we seriously just never going to talk about this?” She asked one night.

You were at her apartment, not long back from California. It only took one glance at Emily, one nod from her, before you were climbing into her car and into her bed.

“What?” You asked, half asleep and not expecting her to strike up a conversation.

“Are we not going to talk about us?” She asked again and this time you pushed yourself up onto one elbow to look at her.

Emily had to hide a smile as you looked at her through sleepy eyes. Sometimes when you came to her, she knew it wasn’t about a case, no matter what you said, sometimes she could tell that you just needed to sleep but there was too much going on in your mind. Sex had always been a sure fire way to make sure you slept.

“Us?” You asked, feeling too tired for this conversation.

Why was she talking about ‘us’? There wasn’t an ‘us’, she hated you, she had from the minute you stepped into the BAU so why on Earth was she talking about ‘us’?

“Come on, are you really going to sit there and say you still hate me?” She asked, raising a brow at you. “We’ve been sleeping together for months now, Y/N.”

She was right, it was probably near on a year since your undercover case when you first slept together. What confused you though was the fact she said you hated her, you had never claimed to hate Emily, only mirrored her attitude towards you.

“You’re the one who hates me.” You grumbled, instead of answering, causing her to roll her eyes.

“I don’t hate you, Y/L/N,” she said like you were an idiot, “sure I argue with you but you’re the one who started this.”

“What are you talking about?” You asked, sitting up now and glaring down at her. “You’ve had it out for me since the day I started working at the BAU.”

“What are you talking about?” She asked right back. “I didn’t have it out for you. I was excited to get a new team member and you were nothing but cold towards me.”

“You’re kidding right? First day I was there all you did was posture and glare at me!” You snapped and began to make a move to get out of bed.

“Wow, ok, just wait, ok?” Emily said as she put a hand on your forearm, stopping you in your tracks. “Listen, I think, maybe, we might have gotten lost somewhere. This isn’t how I wanted this conversation to go, ok?”

You didn’t reply, instead you shook her hand off of your arm and crossed them over your chest. You didn’t make a move to leave though so Emily continued.

“I just wanted to know what this is between us, ok? You say this is just sex, fine it’s just sex but if you want something more…” She said, trailing off.

Your eyes went wide at her words. You could honestly say you hadn’t considered anything more with Emily, not thinking that there would ever be a possibility of more. Hell, half the reason for your fiery arguments was because you were jealous of how she acted with everyone else, she treated everyone else like she liked them and then when she turned to you it was like she was a different person.

“You’d want something more?” You asked, avoiding giving an answer causing her to smile.

“This isn’t about me.” She said, reaching over hesitantly and placing her hand on your knee.

“It’s as much about me as it is about you.” You shot back causing her to roll her eyes.

“Fine,” she relented, not wanting to start an argument. It would be so easy for you to argue with her now, your go to deflection when it came to each other was to argue, pointing your weapons at the others deepest hurt. “Yes, I’ll admit that lately I’ve been thinking about something more with you.” She confessed, her voice steady and confident…more confident than you felt right now.

With Emily you knew where you stood, you were meant to not like each other, you were meant to argue and fight but now she was completely rewriting the narrative and you felt out of place. Thoughts of what could be crossed your mind and you had to say you didn’t hate what you saw.

“How would we even work? I mean, I don’t think we’ve had a single conversation where we haven’t argued.” You said and Emily watched a small smile pull on your lips.

“We’re not arguing now.” She told you, causing you to roll your eyes but the smile stayed so she figured she was on the right track. “You don’t have to say anything now.” She told you softly.

You shook your head.

Giving it a try couldn’t hurt…right?

“You get one date to impress me, Prentiss.” You said seriously causing her to let out a laugh of disbelief before she pulled you back down onto the bed and wrapped the blanket around you.

“You really are something, Y/N.” She said, causing you to smile into her chest before the two of you finally fell asleep.

-

Emily had impressed you and it wasn’t long before you were falling for her hard. You told yourself you wouldn’t get attached but it was hard when Emily was so amazing.

The arguments didn’t stop at work but they became lighter, you stopped aiming for each other's biggest weakness and instead poked fun at each other, the arguments turning into bickering.

The team had raised their eyebrows but everyone was too thankful that the arguments had stopped to bring it up, deciding that it was best to let the two of you work things out and bring it up to them. Though that didn’t stop Derek poking fun at Emily and Rossi at you.

The two of you began getting paired up together on assignments, working in harmony together causing Hotch to shake his head at the pair of you. How many times had the man told you both how well you’d get on if you just gave the other a chance? He’d lost count but surprise, surprise the man was right.

Everything was going great. You and Emily were spending most of your free time together, she took you out to dinners, movie dates, she took you to gallery exhibits and you made sure to return the favour. Though all the going out dates were amazing, the two of you were partial to staying home, cuddling on the sofa with a glass of wine and something forgotten playing on the TV as the two of you focused on nothing but each other.

Really, should you have been surprised when it came to a crashing halt?

You were all gathered at Rossi’s for JJ’s surprise wedding and you were outside with Spencer but excused yourself to go and grab a drink from inside. Just as you were about to round the corner you paused as you heard Hotch ask:

“How are you?” You heard Emily let out a sharp exhale causing Hotch to speak again, “That bad? He asked.

“What?” You heard Emily ask in confusion, causing you to smile.

“That’s your tell,” he told her and the two of them continued on like that for a moment before Hotch drew the conversation back to the original topic.

You stayed hidden, not liking the fact that you were eavesdropping but you had noticed something had been off with Emily, it had been ever since she had come back to the team but then the two of you got together and things went back to normal. However, in recent days she had been acting nervous but shrugged it off everytime you asked.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hotch asked and you leaned closer, awaiting her response.

“Absolutely,” she said after a moment of silence, “but not now.”

“First thing tomorrow?” Hotch replied.

“It’s a date.” Emily assured him and you were quick to move when you heard footsteps.

Once Hotch had passed, making his way over to Beth, you rounded the corner and saw Emily stood alone with her drink.

“A date, huh, should I be worried?” You asked with a forced smile. Emily looked at you in surprise before smiling at you.

“Of Hotch?” She asked before shaking her head, “I wouldn’t be.”

Though she was smiling at you, you could tell her thoughts were somewhere else.

“Are you sure everything’s ok?” You asked, watching as she stayed silent before nodding.

“I’m sure.” She said before taking your hand in hers and leading you outside.

It was a beautiful ceremony but your mind was focused on Emily. You noticed the looks of concern Penelope kept shooting her and the sad expression of Derek’s face.

You wished somebody would tell you what was happening.

-

You dropped it for the night, not wanting to ruin the happy atmosphere from JJ’s wedding but the next day you were determined to get an answer from Emily.

“What’s wrong?” Emily asked as she entered her apartment after meeting Hotch.

“You tell me.” You shot back, not in the mood for any more deflections.

“Y/N,” She sighed, moving to come closer to you but you took a step back causing her to stop.

“Just tell me what’s going on.” You pleaded, eyes wide as you silently begged her. You watched as she sighed before nodding to herself.

“I got offered a job to run the London Interpol office.” She told you honestly, not wanting to drag this out any further. There was no delicate way to tell you but she couldn’t help but wince at her own words.

She watched as you frowned, eyebrows pulling together as you took in her words. She watched your mouth move but no words came out.

“What?” You finally spoke.

“Clyde offered me a job, running the head office. I haven’t given him an answer yet.” She told you quickly.

“But you’re going to say yes.” It should have been a question but it wasn’t, you knew Emily. If she was still thinking about this then she wanted it.

“I haven’t given him an answer yet.” She repeated, causing you to roll your eyes.

“But you’ve already made your mind up, right?” You knew she had, you knew she was going to choose this job.

“Y/N,” She pleaded but you just shook your head.

“No, it’s fine.” You said, nose scrunching as you pushed back tears, refusing to cry.

“Ever since I got back it’s been…I haven’t been able to grab onto my old life and pretend nothing happened.” She told you and you got that you really did but still you were allowed to be sad.

“You started this with me, Emily!” You yelled suddenly, fury coursing through your veins, “You started this relationship with me, I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t ask you to be with me, that was all you! And now you’re just leaving for some job in London!”

“Y/N please,” She began, she knew you were right. She hadn’t been fair to you.

“Good luck in London,” You scoffed before pushing past her and making your way out of the apartment, ignoring her calls for you.

You had told yourself at the start of this not to get attached to Emily but now as you sat alone in a bar, playing back the memories of the two of you, you could see that you had fallen hard for her…you loved her.

Weeks passed since Emily left. You didn’t say goodbye to her before she left, though she tried to contact you. You hated that you felt like this, the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as you sat in your empty apartment. You didn’t want to miss Emily, you didn’t want to need her.

You just wanted her to come back and be here with you.

When you were first getting together with Emily, if you had known what you knew now you never would have played so nonchalant, you would have told her that you loved her, you would have said those three words every single day.

But now she was in London, surrounded by taxi cabs and busy streets and yet none of them would bring her back to you.

-

You were finally on your way home from a long case, sat on the sofa watching as Spencer stared at the empty seat across from him, still reeling from losing Derek.

You missed him too. Being on this team, losing people, it was draining. You were still mourning the loss of Emily and it had been so long since you last saw her.

Hotch had taken himself off to answer a video call but you weren’t paying attention, you sat with your headphones in and looked down at your phone blocking everything out but your attention was brought back up when Hotch tapped your shoulder and gestured for you to take your headphones out.

“Huh?” You said, sitting up and turning to him.

“We have a case.” Hotch announced causing everyone to groan but before anyone could start complaining he said something that made you turn pale. “It’s Emily.”

The jet stayed silent, Hotch and Rossi glancing at you worriedly.

“What do you mean it’s Emily?” JJ asked which you were grateful for.

Hotch was quick to fill you all in on the information Emily had given him about the copy cat murderer but you were hardly paying atttention. Emily was coming back, she was going to be in New York with you.

You stayed behind the team as they entered the station, not ready to face Emily just yet. It had been so long since you last saw her and you hardly knew what to do.

“There she is!” You heard Rossi exclaim as he pulled Emily close, kissing her cheeks. You watched as a bright smile spread across her face.

She looked great.

JJ and Spencer hugged her, her smile only widening with each new person. You watched as she hugged Hotch before her attention finally settled on you.

“Y/N,” she began, feeling overwhelmed as she took you in. “Hi.”

“Nice to see you.” You said softly, playing with the hem of your jacket.

“It’s nice to see you too.” She replied, desperate to reach out to you but terrified of the response.

Hotch cleared his throat causing you both to turn away from each other.

“Rossi and JJ are heading to the crime scene,” He told her, “I’m assuming you want to join?”

Emily agreed and with one final glance at you she walked out of the door.

-

“What was that about?” Tara asked you, the only person on the team not aware of your relationship with Emily.

You shook your head, blinking back against the sudden wetness in your eyes before turning to Hotch. You didn’t even have to ask him if you could have a minute, he just nodded at you and told you to take as much time as you needed.

You managed a grateful smile before turning around and finding the bathroom. You locked yourself in a stall and sunk down to the floor, letting the tears flow. You hadn’t known just how hard it would be to see Emily again after all this time.

You thought you were getting over her but seeing her again, you were still so in love with her.

She might have been here in New York with you but she wasn’t staying and she wasn’t yours.

-

Once the case was wrapped up everyone was getting ready to head to the jet. Hotch had already told you of Emily’s decision to fly back with you all and as much as you hated the glimmer of hope you also held onto it like your life depended on it.

You didn’t speak to her on the plane and she gave you the space you needed and once you were back at the BAU she excused herself to see Penelope.

“How are you?” Hotch asked when the two of you were alone.

You sniffed before shrugging, not entirely sure how to answer that but Hotch was patient and he let you sort through your feelings before answering.

“I want to hate her,” You told him quietly, watching as he smiled sadly at you, “I want to hate her so badly. It’s her fault I fell for her in the first place. But seeing her today made me realise, I’m still in love with her, Hotch.” You confessed aloud for the first time, eyes filling with tears again and Hotch was quick to pull you into a hug.

“I don’t wanna need her this way.” You said into his chest.

“I know, I know.” Hotch said as he rubbed a comforting and grounding hand along your back. He watched as Rossi peeked into his office but shook his head causing the older man to shoot you both a sympathetic smile before leaving.

Eventually you pulled away and composed yourself, giving Hotch a forced smile before you and he made your way out of his office, joining the rest of the team in the hallway.

“We’re having family dinner,” Penelope told you, Hotch and Tara, “you in?” She asked and you wanted to say no so badly. You wanted to go home and ignore everything until Emily Prentiss was out of the country.

But another part of you wanted to go, wanted to have the chance to at least talk to her. You hated how you’d left things with her, her thinking you hated her and you not knowing how she felt about you.

You saw most of the team looking at you in concern so you plastered a smile onto your face and agreed to go.

“If somebody is paying for the alcohol, I’m there.” You said, causing them to laugh.

“Yes!” Penelope cheered, “This is happening. You get to tell me everything about Mark and by everything, I mean everything about Mark. I want all the details.”  She said and the rest of the team watched your smile falter before you took a breath and forced it back.

Penelope seemed to notice her mistake as she winced and gave you and Emily an apologetic look but you just shook your head and stepped into the elevator.

The rest followed in and it wasn’t long before you were all sitting at a table, Mexican food in front of you and it was easier than you thought it’d be. You sat between Rossi and Hotch, talking and laughing like nothing was wrong.

You took the time to steal glances at her, savouring how beautiful she looked as she laughed at whatever Penelope was saying to her.

“You should talk to her before she leaves.” Hotch said to you. You turned to face him and bit your lip before nodding.

“I know but…I don’t know how to talk to her anymore.” You admitted, hating that you didn’t really know the woman you loved anymore.

“It’ll be easier than you think.” He promised as he patted your hand and excused himself to the bathroom.

Once JJ saw Hotch leave she nodded in your direction, encouraging Emily to get up and make a move. Emily sighed, she wanted nothing more than to talk to you but after the last conversation she really wasn’t sure how it would go.

Biting the bullet, she stood up and made her way to Hotch’s seat.

“Mind if I sit here?” She asked, causing you to look up in surprise. It took you a minute to respond but eventually you nodded. “Thanks.” She said softly, giving you a small smile.

The rest of the table continued chatting, not wanting to make things more awkward for the two of you.

Emily didn’t know where to start, she had dreamed of seeing you again for so long and now she had the chance and she was blowing it.

Thankfully you started the conversation but the topic made Emily wince.

“So Mark, huh?” You asked when the silence became unbearable. Rossi, who was sitting next to you, had to hold back a snort of laughter at your bluntness.

“What about Mark?” Emily asked, unsure of how you were going to take the fact she had a boyfriend.

“Nothing, nothing,” You said with a shrug, “just never really pictured you with a Mark.” You told her, nose scrunched in disgust causing her to smile.

“What’s wrong with Mark?” She laughed, watching as a small smile graced your face.

“Nothing, it’s just…Mark? Really?” That was the ice breaker the two of you needed and by the time Hotch was sliding into Emily’s seat the two of you were leaning into each other’s personal space, talking and laughing with each other.

It was the happiest the team had seen you in a long time.

“So,” You asked during a lull in conversation, “when do you leave?”

“Tomorrow morning.” She told you quietly.

“You can’t stay longer?” You asked and there was a brief pause where Emily looked at you, an unreadable expression on her face. “Not for me, of course. For the team, they miss you.”

“Of course.” Emily agreed. “I miss them too but you know, I gotta get back…Mark and all.”

“Ah, Mark.” You said with a nod causing her to smile sadly.

After that Penelope captured Emily’s attention and she got swept into a conversation with the other girls. You were able to leave the table without them noticing and headed outside, not noticing Rossi following behind you.

He took one look at you and pulled you into his arms.

“C’mere kiddo.” He said as he did and you willingly went to him, needed the comfort right now.

“I’m ok,” you assured him after a while, pulling away from him.

“I know you are.” Rossi said, causing you to smile. “You’re tough but you’re allowed to miss her.”

You just nodded but didn’t respond, not that Rossi was expecting you to.

“I think I’m gonna head home.” You told him after a moment of silence.

“You want me to drive you?” He asked but you shook your head.

“No please, stay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You said and made to leave, before you turned the corner though you turned back to Rossi, “Thank you.” You called, causing him to smile at you before waving you off.

You hadn’t been asleep long when the knock on your door came. You groaned, cursing whoever it was as they wouldn’t stop banging.

You pulled yourself out of bed, not caring about your appearance, and pulled the door open. Before you had time to register who it was, a pair of soft lips connected with yours in a desperate kiss.

“Wow.” You said, pulling away and coming face to face with Emily.

“Y/N,” She began but you cut her off. Whatever she was about to say would be guaranteed to ruin this and you didn’t want that, if you could get one more night with Emily you were taking it, consequences be damned.

A one more night you got. The two of you fell into bed together, every move desperate, needy, hot…making up for all the time lost between the two of you. Your bodies moved in sync like you had never stopped being together.

Everything felt right and it was easy to pretend that things were normal but then morning came.

“I have to go.” Emily told you as she accidently woke you up getting out of bed.

“Emily,” You began, not ready to lose her again, “just come back, be here, please Emily.” You pleaded with her but knew it was no use.

“I have to go back, Y/N. Baby, please believe me,” she said, sitting on the bed and cupping your cheek, “I want to be here but I have a life there.”

“You have a life here, Emily.” You argued back but she just shook her head.

“It’s different.” She said and you didn’t know what else to say.

What could you say? She had made her mind up a long time ago about where she wanted to be and it wasn’t here with you, it was across an ocean in London with Mark.

“Okay,” You said, nodding your head. “I’m not saying this to make you stay, please don’t think I am but I have to say it, Em, because I regret everyday that I never told you.”

The look on her face told you she knew what you were about to tell her, her eyes filled with tears as she nodded at you.

“I love you.” You confessed softly, tears streaming down your face.

She pulled you in for a kiss, so gentle that it made you cry even more.

“I love you too.” She whispered against your lips.

Watching her leave again somehow hurt more this time around, probably because you had both admitted you loved each other but it still wasn’t enough. You still weren’t enough for her to stay.

She left and left you in pieces on your bed, tears steadily streaming down your faces as you buried your face in the pillow that still smelled like her, cursing that you needed her this way.

You just wanted her to come back to you.

__________________

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We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

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Prompt - ‘So he calls me up and he's like "I still love you".’

Your relationship with Bucky Barnes could be described with many words - messy and toxic were the two most common descriptors. People never knew if you were together or not, your relationship status changing too fast for anybody to keep up. The two of you were as bad as each other and yet you always found your way back to one another no matter how much time had passed.

Despite it being a bad relationship there were some good parts and those were the memories you held close, the memories that kept sending you back to him. You remembered sitting in the movie theatre with Bucky, his arm wrapped around your shoulders pulling you in close as you introduced him to the movies he’d missed out on, whispered words and shared kisses as the movie played on screen. You remembered Bucky’s face as the two of you walked around science museums, Bucky marvelling at the technological advancements. You remembered dancing around the kitchen, the glow of the refrigerator door that had been left open the only source of light in the early morning hours, soft 40s music playing from the record player.

You remembered nights spent up all night worrying about him until you could no longer fight sleep and the absolute joy you felt when you woke up to see him laying next to you. You remembered him waking up in the middle of the night, sweating and panting whilst tears fell from his eyes as new memories from HYDRA resurfaced, you remembered holding him in your arms with his head on your chest, talking for hours until he was able to see past the blur of the Winter Soldier.

There were so many good things to remember that you just wished that it could be like that all the time, you wanted so badly for the fights, the arguments, the screaming to just stop.

But you and Bucky were able to rub each other the wrong way. Nobody made you feel how Bucky Barnes made you feel, never had you felt so happy in your life and never had you felt the need to punch somebody in the face so badly.

“This is it,” You exclaimed, mid argument. You couldn’t even remember what had started this fight, only knew that the two of you were stood in your apartment screaming at each other. “I’ve had enough, just get out!” You said whilst marching to the front door, pulling it open harshly and gesturing for him to leave.

You hadn’t seen him for about a month, he had been on a mission for two weeks and then when he had gotten back he shot you a single text telling you he needed space. Today he finally showed up at your door and things were fine for the first hour but fast as lightening the mood changed.

It always did.

“C’mon doll,” Bucky began but you shook your head, cutting him off.

“Out now.” You said through gritted teeth, watching him roll his eyes but he thankfully did as you said and you took great satisfaction in slamming the door right in his face.

It had been a few weeks since that argument and you hadn’t heard from Bucky since. You were at home when you heard a knock on your door, eyebrows knitting together in confusion as you weren’t expecting anybody.

“Hi baby,” Bucky greeted when you opened the door.

You positioned yourself so you were leaning against the door frame, not quite ready to let him into your apartment yet. You didn’t respond, just raised an eyebrow at him and waited to see what he had to say.

“Listen,” He sighed, “I really miss you and m’sorry for picking a fight with you last time I was here. I won’t do that again, promise.”

With a sigh of your own you nodded your head, letting Bucky slip into your apartment. You knew you were foolish to believe that you and him could work out but there were so many good things that you wanted to hold onto.

However when morning came and it saw the two of you arguing with each other again you knew you were done.

It was like all the fight had suddenly left you, it had left you feeling drained. The constant cycle of arguing, breaking up, Bucky calling you with an apology and love confession, you letting him back in and then starting all over again. It wasn’t worth it anymore, you couldn’t do it.

You sat at the kitchen table listening to Bucky go off. You usually gave as good back as he give but now you were over it. You just wanted him to leave, you wanted to be done with Bucky Barnes and the stress that came with him. This wasn’t a relationship, though it pained you to admit it.

“Say something!” Bucky snapped at you, finally noticing your quietness.

“I’m done, Buck,” you told him softly, not having anything left to give, “I love you, I really do, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m done and I mean it this time, we are never ever getting back together.”

You meant everything you said and it was like Bucky could tell you meant it too as you watched the anger fall from his face. You watched his face as it softened, eyes wide and pleading as he looked down at you, not expecting you to say that.

“No, c’mon doll, don’t do this. I’m sorry, ok, really I am. It’s just that mission was bad and I took it out on you. It won’t happen again, I’m sorry baby.” He pleaded but you just shook your head, eyes filling with tears.

You knew it was the right thing to do but saying goodbye to Bucky for good was so hard.

“You always promise that, you promised it last night and it lasted for a day. I can’t keep having these fights, I can’t keep falling for the bait and screaming at you that I’m right. I can’t keep going with this constant cycle of I hate you, I love you. I’ll always be here for you, you can talk to me whenever, talk to my friends whenever, but we, we’re done Bucky.” You told him and stood up, making your way over to the door.

As you held it open for him you couldn’t help but think back to just how many times you had kicked the man out of your apartment. This was the last time you’d do it, you swore to yourself.

Bucky followed you, his own eyes wet with tears as he cupped your face. You let him brush your tears away and didn’t pull away as he leaned down, softly connecting your lips together. You kissed him back just as gently, tears running down both your faces.

Bucky was the first to pull away, resting his forehead against yours.

“Please don’t do this, baby.” He whispered and you had to take a breath to stop yourself from crying even more.

You placed your hands on his chest, letting them rest there for a moment before pushing him away and turning your head. If Bucky didn’t leave now you knew you’d end up back in that toxic cycle.

“I love you but you need to leave.” You told him, voice barely above a whisper. Bucky went to talk but you shook your head, stopping him before he could.  “Please.”

Bucky nodded, choking back words that he knew wouldn’t win you over this time. Usually a well placed apology and a promise to do better was all it took be he could see this time was different. This time he knew he really had to work to get you back.

“I love you too.” He told you quietly as he stepped out of the door, watching as you nodded before closing the door with a soft click. Somehow that hurt more than all the times you had slammed it in his face.

You let your back hit the door, tears falling down your faces as sobs finally left you. At some point you ended up sitting on the floor, tears long since dried on your cheeks and struggling for breath.

You really had meant it this time when you said you weren’t getting back with him. It’d be hard not to fall back into that old familiar cycle but you knew you couldn’t do it anymore.

Weeks passed and Bucky gave you the space you needed, never once showing up at your door uninvited, no texts or calls. He asked your friends how you were and forced a smile as they said you were doing well.

You talked to his friends about him, despite not being with him you wanted to make sure he was ok. Neither of your friends believed this was the end, how could they when you’d broken up and gotten back together more times than anybody could count.

Hell, even Bucky still believed the two of you were getting back together.

That’s why he called you after three months of radio silence, he was so ready to have you back. Usually when the two of you broke up you were back with each other fairly quickly and always at least texted one another.

You watched your phone light up, Bucky’s smile filling the screen. There was that old familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach that always came when he called after so long but you were determined not to fall back into old habits no matter how easy it would be.

It was only with slight hesitation that you answered the phone just before it went to voicemail, willing your voice to stay steady.

“Hi Bucky.” You said into the phone, curling up on the sofa and fiddling with the ends of your shirt.

“Hey baby,” He replied, a smile clear in his voice. “I miss you.”

You bit your lip as the sound of his voice flooded over you, the soft confession making your heart ache.

“I’ve missed you too.” You finally told him honestly.

There was a brief pause of silence before Bucky spoke again.

“How’ve you been?”

“Good,” you said, slightly surprised at how much you meant it. You had been doing good lately, spending more time with your friends, smiling and laughing and not constantly waiting for the next fight. It had been the most stress free three months of your life since you’d started dating Bucky. “Really good.”

“I’m glad to hear it, sweetheart.” Bucky smiled into the phone, “I just wanted to call, wanted to hear your voice. I want to see you again, doll.”

If he had called two months ago with those words falling from his lips you knew you would have given into everything, you knew you would have opened your door to him and started the toxic routine again. Two months ago you were still heartbroken over actually ending things with the man, spending most nights more often than not crying yourself to sleep or partying too much with your friends.

Two months in you had finally started to realise just how good it was to not have Bucky around, not wondering if you would be lovers or enemies that day.

Three months in and you were finally in a place where you didn’t need Bucky. Sure you missed him, missed the good moments, but now you could really see just how damaging that relationship had been on the both of you.

“I love you,” He told you when you didn’t say anything.

Those words usually won you right over, Bucky knew that, but now they were the worst words he could have said. It was like those words had doused you in cold water and you were pulled from your memories.

“Bucky,” You said, thankful your voice was even, “I meant what I said the last time I saw you, we are done, we are never getting back together. It’s exhausting being with each other, you know that. It isn’t fair or healthy for either of us. I love you, I don’t know if I’ll ever stop but being with you is draining.”

Bucky was silent, he had no words. He for sure thought that after a little time apart you’d be ready to welcome him back into your life, ready to try again with him. He’d meant what he said when he said he loved you, despite the fighting and the crying and everything in between, despite the spiteful words and thrown pillows, he loved you.

Why wasn’t that enough?

“Don’t do this, Y/N/N,” he pleaded with you, “Don’t throw us away like this.”

You shook your head, hating that you felt like the bad guy here as tears filled your eyes. This, this is why you couldn’t be with Bucky. You hated feeling like this and the only person who brought out this side of you was Bucky.

“I have to,” You choked out, cursing yourself for showing how much he was affecting you, “Goodbye Bucky.”

And with that you hung up the phone, letting yourself cry one last time over Bucky Barnes.

__________

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