Do You Ever Think About How All Of Percys Demigod Cousins Absolutely Do Not Exist On Paper Other Than

do you ever think about how all of percy’s demigod cousins absolutely do not exist on paper other than thalia and jason? like. hazel and nico are from the past, thalia was a tree, and jason was raised by wolves. that’s not even counting the fact that percy was wanted nationwide for murder and terrorism. how do they go anywhere. 

but imagine if they got arrested 

it would probably go somewhat like this 

officer: so you actually don’t have any paperwork so i’m just wondering if i can get in contact with one of your parents? 

nico: literally fuck off 

- 

officer: it says here that you were wanted nationwide for murder and terrorism, and then you were released from those charges, could you tell me how you got released from them? 

percy: yes i murdered the judge 

officer: you what 

- 

officer: so we took your prints and they match perfectly to one of the missing children that beryl grace had 

thalia: i burnt off my fingerprints please tell me how you got my prints 

officer: no you didn’t i have your prints right here 

thalia: those aren’t my fingerprints 

officer: what

the fucking cops finding out that two of the people they have in custody don’t exist, two of them are missing children of a dead movie star, and one of them was wanted for murder and terrorism and was a nationwide criminal

the dude would really go to his superior like “ok so we have 5 kids here… and the least confusing one was wanted for murder and terrorism but somehow got released from those charges…? anyways 2 don’t exist. we ran their prints, there is literally no evidence of them existing, no school papers, government ID, dental… absolutely nothing. the other 2 we think are the two missing children of a movie star, we have records for the girl as late as age 7 and the boy nothing past age 3….”

the dude interrogating them would get so tired so fast 

officer: is it possible that i could get in contact with one of your parents? 

percy: no 

officer, tired of questioning these kids: okay.

jason’s probably trying to do damage control and he is. failing to say the least

percy and hazel cussing out the cop: you motherfucker come back here so we can beat your fucking ass- 

jason: guys please. please stop. why.

-

officer: I need an actual number if you want a lawyer  

nico: fuck off 

jason: nico please stop swearing at the cops 

-

thalia: no you can’t prove those are mine, they could be fake 

jason: thalia, please stop trying to convince the cop that you don’t have fingerprints 

-

jason: percy, percy please. please stop telling the cop about the judge you killed. you didn’t kill any judges 

-

hazel: wanna know where you can shove your damn notepad? right up your a- 

jason: hazel you were suppose to help me not join them please hazel

-

officer: what happened to your first stepfather? because it says here that he just disappeared-  

percy, popping bubblegum: i killed him 

officer: what 

percy: you heard me

-

hades would send ms dodds to play lawyer again and then her and percy would really have an interaction like this

ms. dodds: i’ve murdered a judge before what’s stopping me from killing this one 

percy: haha same 

ms. dodds: what 

nico: don’t look at him. don’t kill the judge, my dad doesn’t want to deal with the paperwork

and that’s not even counting what they have to tell the gods 

zeus: sorry, you what? 

thalia: okay so basically, nico kept telling the officer to fuck off and he asked for a lawyer multiple times but when the officer called the number nico gave him it wasn’t a lawyer, it was a line that conner and travis set up that goes, “haha i fucked your mom” and needless to say the cop did not like that. and then percy convinced the cop that to get out of the murder and terrorism charges he murdered a judge and honestly i’m not sure if he’s telling the truth or not but the cop also did not like that. 

zeus, massaging his temples: okay. and what did you do? 

thalia: i convinced the cop that i had burnt my fingerprints off and we had a 30 minute argument about whether those prints on the paper were mine or not.

Nikolai: Sorry for calling you with such urgency, but this is a war we can't win alone and we need all the possible help

Alina: Is it the fjerdans? or shu han?

Nikolai: i wish, this is an even bloodier situation. We are playing paintball against Nina´s friends

Mal: What, is that it?

Zoya: You weren't there, you don't know...

Alina: Aren't they like seventeen? And only one of them is grisha. Also, you told me they were just six of them, and all of your team´s number already surpases theirs even if we don't join. That doesn't sounds fair

Zoya: No, is not fair. We need a whole army for those little bastards but all our volunteers chickened out and ran away.

Nikolai: This is kind of their game; they have an strategist, a sneaky one you never see coming, one with perfect aim, one with no cares about the rules so just trows paint bombs, Nina is unpredictable; she sometimes does the puppy dog eyes and sometimes she lifts a hoard of zombies, and then there is the human bait guy that i KNOW is bait (he even has a shirt that says "bait" but somehow i always keep falling for that.

I don't know how to draw Percy tbh

Six of Crows thoughts: the scene at the end of the first book is a direct parallel to the parley disaster at the start of the book, which Kaz wins both by outplanning/maneuvering/staging a situation, and by relying on another person’s humanity- that the guard will run because he thinks his mistress is in danger. Over and over again, despite being a pessimist, Kaz relies on the strength of human ties between other people, whether romantic, as between Nina and Matthias, or familial, as between Colm and Jesper. He loses against Van Eyck because Van Eyck is better at maneuvering and outplanning and outposturing Kaz, using the image of respectability- the merchant’s council seal, his place in the community- to provide an image of legitimacy that Kaz buys hook, line, and sinker. But Kaz also loses against Van Eyck because he relies on Van Eyck’s love for Wylan, and because Van Eyck spots Kaz’s concern for Inej and uses it against him. Kaz loses because he expects someone else to be human while he is the monster, and instead finds himself human and someone else heartless. 

Imagine if you will:

Years post Crooked Kingdom, Kaz and Inej are married. One day, Inej brings up the possibility of children. Instead of immediately shutting her down like she expected, Kaz agrees. But instead of having kids biologically, he has another plan.

That night they walk the streets of Ketterdam, and they find the children that have lost parents, that are sleeping in the streets, that spend their days searching for work so they can survive.

They offer the children a hot meal, somewhere safe to sleep. Inej can take them away on her ship if they want, back to their home country, or wherever else they want to go. Or, if they don't have anywhere, they can stay.

Kaz teaches those who stay how to pick locks, and how to find good paying (if less than honest) work. Inej teaches them how to climb and where to walk in the city to stay safe from slavers. Together they teach the children to fight.

They spend weeks on The Wraith all together, freeing the enslaved and travelling the world. There are mass sleepovers at the Van Eck mansion, where Uncle Jesper tells stories of the time their parents broke into the ice court, when they took down the biggest Barrel boss (before the biggest boss was Dad, of course) and Uncle Wylan teaches them how to play music.

They travel to Ravka, where they meet the King, who they can't quite believe once struck a deal with their father. They train with Aunt Nina, who tells them about the fjerdan soldier who gave his life to save her, and shows them her unique power.

Then one day, when their oldest children come to Kaz and ask why they were adopted. He'll tell the story of Uncle Jordie, and how Kaz knew he couldn't watch from the sidelines as the same thing happened to other children, now that he had the power to help.

I love the sword of hades where thalia and nico are all out in their respective punk/grunge looks and percy, who usually matches their energy with his own skater/grunge aesthetic, is in his private prep school uniform. probably had a sweater vest and a little tie and sensible loafers. I KNOW he was embarrassed as hell. I KNOW thalia was taking pictures of him to show annabeth later. I KNOW sally was mad he got blood stains on his khakis.