Incorrect Heroes Of Olympus - Tumblr Posts
...Will... I....Neeks...i...
Will: Did it hurt?
Nico: What?
Will: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Nico:
Nico: Did you just call me Satan?
*gasps with a hand to her heart * William Solace!!!! No Nudes!!!! Only dudes!!!!! Wait not in that wa---
Nico: Send dudes.
Will: You mean nudes?
Nico: No, I'm in a battle, I need people who aren't skeletons.
Me: *me in the middle of class outta nowhere *...lets commit arson
My bff: *twirling pen in hand * yeah okay.
My bro: *sighs * Not again...
Percy: Hey, wanna help me commit arson?
Leo: What in the hades Percy?!
Percy: Oh, sorry, my bad.
Percy, whispering: wanna help me commit arson?
Leo, whispering back: Yeah of course man, what do you need?
Thalia: *bangs door open * VALDEZ, BABY BRO WHAT THE FU--... *Sees the laptop and the wire in jason's hand * ...Ugh *leaves *
[Jason and Leo, in their bedroom]
Leo: YOU PUT IT IN THE WRONG HOLE YOU IDIOT-
Frank, kicking door open with a frying pan: now what in the FUCK did I just hear
Jason: not much I just plugged the laptop charger into the headphone jack
No you idi-
Jason: The name is Jason Grace
Jason: But you can call me *seductively pulls off glasses*
Jason: Legally blind
*still crying * He isn't wrong!!!!
Hazel: can you recommend me a book that made you cry?
Frank: general mathematics 6th edition
*deadpan look * Two types of people.
Annabeth: Why do you guys like being in the rain?
Percy: I like splashing in the puddles!
Nico: I'm trying to get hit by a lightning
Yes. True *wipes tear *
Chiron: Now we will be sharing the most traumatic experiences we’ve gone through.
Leo: I accidentally killed my own mother
Jason: My mother abandoned me to be raised by wolves
Piper: I was helping this woman and she said “Thanks for the help”
Piper: And I then said “You too”
Chiron: You are so brave
Jason and Leo: Thanks Chi-
Chiron: *places hand on Piper’s shoulder* I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve dealt with
...
..
.
*leaves while flipping everyone off * NOT TODAY SATAN.
Percy: Hey Hazel, do you know what weighs more? A kilogram of steel or a kilogram of feather?
Hazel: I’ve heard this one! They weigh the same-
Percy: Wrong, the answer is feathers.
Hazel: What?! How?
Percy: A kilogram of steel is just a piece of steel...but if you try to carry a kilogram of feathers, you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
Hazel: *sad hazel noises*
Frank: PERCYHOWCOULDYOUHAZELISNOWCRYINGNOWSAYSORRY-
Jason: But steel is still heavier than feathers!!!
Percy: *sad Percy noises*
Piper and Leo: *dying*
Nico: I can't with y'all
Coach Hedge: *trying to hold in laughter*
Annabeth: But isn’t- no wait- but it is-
...Well this turned from 180 to 10
Will: I have a PHD
Will: A pretty huge d-
Nico: Don't say it, I'm leaving
Will, turning to his pet: Sorry, bud, guess he doesn't like donkeys
...Hazel, you innocent looking cinamon roll...also...GRACE, VALDEZ. Y'ALL BE BROS NOT HOES
Frank: Why are your tongues purple?
Jason: We had slushees, i had a red one
Leo: I had a blue one
Frank: oh
Frank:
Frank: OH
Hazel:
Hazel: So you drank each other’s slushees?
... Well i mean this is pretty accurate...
HoO boys as conversations in my gc
Percy: okay, hypothetically, if we were all gay, who would be dating who?
Leo: I'm gonna pretend I didn't read that
Percy: no SERIOUSLY
Nico: Leo and Jason would be a cute couple. Leo's the bottom though
Leo: ???why am i the bottom ??
Nico: idk, you're just not the top, in any situation
Leo: 🧍🏽♂️
Percy: 💀
Jason: ...
Frank: oof
Nico: you either frank
Percy: LMFAO
Frank: WHAT?!
...yes.
Leo: Before i fell in love with you i thought my attraction to men was only physical
Jason: So you were gay... then you realized you are... gayer
*brings out banners and confetti * YAS. FINALLY *Throws the confetti * FEEL THE RAINBOW AND HAPPINESS BITCHES
Jason: Leo my beloved, Piper and I are adopting a kid.
Leo: :) Aww congrats you guyss-
Piper: It's you
Jason: *sets down paper aggressively* sign here Leo
...From the bottom of my almost endless stomach pit...What the duck, William
Nico: You have more qualities than you think William *points to Will's chest* you have this.
Will:
Will: I have great tits yeah
Nico:
Nico: I was talking about your heart, why the fuck do I even like you-
do you ever think about how all of percy’s demigod cousins absolutely do not exist on paper other than thalia and jason? like. hazel and nico are from the past, thalia was a tree, and jason was raised by wolves. that’s not even counting the fact that percy was wanted nationwide for murder and terrorism. how do they go anywhere.
but imagine if they got arrested
it would probably go somewhat like this
officer: so you actually don’t have any paperwork so i’m just wondering if i can get in contact with one of your parents?
nico: literally fuck off
-
officer: it says here that you were wanted nationwide for murder and terrorism, and then you were released from those charges, could you tell me how you got released from them?
percy: yes i murdered the judge
officer: you what
-
officer: so we took your prints and they match perfectly to one of the missing children that beryl grace had
thalia: i burnt off my fingerprints please tell me how you got my prints
officer: no you didn’t i have your prints right here
thalia: those aren’t my fingerprints
officer: what
the fucking cops finding out that two of the people they have in custody don’t exist, two of them are missing children of a dead movie star, and one of them was wanted for murder and terrorism and was a nationwide criminal
the dude would really go to his superior like “ok so we have 5 kids here… and the least confusing one was wanted for murder and terrorism but somehow got released from those charges…? anyways 2 don’t exist. we ran their prints, there is literally no evidence of them existing, no school papers, government ID, dental… absolutely nothing. the other 2 we think are the two missing children of a movie star, we have records for the girl as late as age 7 and the boy nothing past age 3….”
the dude interrogating them would get so tired so fast
officer: is it possible that i could get in contact with one of your parents?
percy: no
officer, tired of questioning these kids: okay.
jason’s probably trying to do damage control and he is. failing to say the least
percy and hazel cussing out the cop: you motherfucker come back here so we can beat your fucking ass-
jason: guys please. please stop. why.
-
officer: I need an actual number if you want a lawyer
nico: fuck off
jason: nico please stop swearing at the cops
-
thalia: no you can’t prove those are mine, they could be fake
jason: thalia, please stop trying to convince the cop that you don’t have fingerprints
-
jason: percy, percy please. please stop telling the cop about the judge you killed. you didn’t kill any judges
-
hazel: wanna know where you can shove your damn notepad? right up your a-
jason: hazel you were suppose to help me not join them please hazel
-
officer: what happened to your first stepfather? because it says here that he just disappeared-
percy, popping bubblegum: i killed him
officer: what
percy: you heard me
-
hades would send ms dodds to play lawyer again and then her and percy would really have an interaction like this
ms. dodds: i’ve murdered a judge before what’s stopping me from killing this one
percy: haha same
ms. dodds: what
nico: don’t look at him. don’t kill the judge, my dad doesn’t want to deal with the paperwork
and that’s not even counting what they have to tell the gods
zeus: sorry, you what?
thalia: okay so basically, nico kept telling the officer to fuck off and he asked for a lawyer multiple times but when the officer called the number nico gave him it wasn’t a lawyer, it was a line that conner and travis set up that goes, “haha i fucked your mom” and needless to say the cop did not like that. and then percy convinced the cop that to get out of the murder and terrorism charges he murdered a judge and honestly i’m not sure if he’s telling the truth or not but the cop also did not like that.
zeus, massaging his temples: okay. and what did you do?
thalia: i convinced the cop that i had burnt my fingerprints off and we had a 30 minute argument about whether those prints on the paper were mine or not.
do you ever think about how all of percy’s demigod cousins absolutely do not exist on paper other than thalia and jason? like. hazel and nico are from the past, thalia was a tree, and jason was raised by wolves. that’s not even counting the fact that percy was wanted nationwide for murder and terrorism. how do they go anywhere.
but imagine if they got arrested
it would probably go somewhat like this
officer: so you actually don’t have any paperwork so i’m just wondering if i can get in contact with one of your parents?
nico: literally fuck off
-
officer: it says here that you were wanted nationwide for murder and terrorism, and then you were released from those charges, could you tell me how you got released from them?
percy: yes i murdered the judge
officer: you what
-
officer: so we took your prints and they match perfectly to one of the missing children that beryl grace had
thalia: i burnt off my fingerprints please tell me how you got my prints
officer: no you didn’t i have your prints right here
thalia: those aren’t my fingerprints
officer: what
the fucking cops finding out that two of the people they have in custody don’t exist, two of them are missing children of a dead movie star, and one of them was wanted for murder and terrorism and was a nationwide criminal
the dude would really go to his superior like “ok so we have 5 kids here… and the least confusing one was wanted for murder and terrorism but somehow got released from those charges…? anyways 2 don’t exist. we ran their prints, there is literally no evidence of them existing, no school papers, government ID, dental… absolutely nothing. the other 2 we think are the two missing children of a movie star, we have records for the girl as late as age 7 and the boy nothing past age 3….”
the dude interrogating them would get so tired so fast
officer: is it possible that i could get in contact with one of your parents?
percy: no
officer, tired of questioning these kids: okay.
jason’s probably trying to do damage control and he is. failing to say the least
percy and hazel cussing out the cop: you motherfucker come back here so we can beat your fucking ass-
jason: guys please. please stop. why.
-
officer: I need an actual number if you want a lawyer
nico: fuck off
jason: nico please stop swearing at the cops
-
thalia: no you can’t prove those are mine, they could be fake
jason: thalia, please stop trying to convince the cop that you don’t have fingerprints
-
jason: percy, percy please. please stop telling the cop about the judge you killed. you didn’t kill any judges
-
hazel: wanna know where you can shove your damn notepad? right up your a-
jason: hazel you were suppose to help me not join them please hazel
-
officer: what happened to your first stepfather? because it says here that he just disappeared-
percy, popping bubblegum: i killed him
officer: what
percy: you heard me
-
hades would send ms dodds to play lawyer again and then her and percy would really have an interaction like this
ms. dodds: i’ve murdered a judge before what’s stopping me from killing this one
percy: haha same
ms. dodds: what
nico: don’t look at him. don’t kill the judge, my dad doesn’t want to deal with the paperwork
and that’s not even counting what they have to tell the gods
zeus: sorry, you what?
thalia: okay so basically, nico kept telling the officer to fuck off and he asked for a lawyer multiple times but when the officer called the number nico gave him it wasn’t a lawyer, it was a line that conner and travis set up that goes, “haha i fucked your mom” and needless to say the cop did not like that. and then percy convinced the cop that to get out of the murder and terrorism charges he murdered a judge and honestly i’m not sure if he’s telling the truth or not but the cop also did not like that.
zeus, massaging his temples: okay. and what did you do?
thalia: i convinced the cop that i had burnt my fingerprints off and we had a 30 minute argument about whether those prints on the paper were mine or not.
*During tlo*
Zeus: Every fiber of my being wants to puke at once when I say this, but I need your hehh... I need your heehhh...
Poseidon: my help?
Zeus: yes that
Incorrect Riordanverse Quote #7
*the seven are standing around the broken coffee maker*
Piper: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just want to know.
Everyone:
Hazel: ...I did. I broke it.
Piper: No. No, you didn't. Leo?
Leo: Don't look at me! Look at Jason!
Jason: What?! I didn't break it.
Leo: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Jason: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Leo: Suspicious.
Jason: No, it's not!
Frank: If it matters, probably not, but Percy was the last one to use it.
Percy: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Frank: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Percy: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Frank!
Hazel: Okay, let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Piper.
Piper: No! Who broke it?!
Everyone:
Percy: Piper... Annabeth's been awfully quiet.
Annabeth: Because I don't want anything to do with this!
Percy: Oh really? Or is it because you broke it?
Annabeth: I didn't!
*everyone starts arguing*
Piper, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Piper: I predict ten minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Piper:
Piper: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
Incorrect Riordanverse Quote #7
*the seven are standing around the broken coffee maker*
Piper: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just want to know.
Everyone:
Hazel: ...I did. I broke it.
Piper: No. No, you didn't. Leo?
Leo: Don't look at me! Look at Jason!
Jason: What?! I didn't break it.
Leo: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Jason: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Leo: Suspicious.
Jason: No, it's not!
Frank: If it matters, probably not, but Percy was the last one to use it.
Percy: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Frank: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Percy: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Frank!
Hazel: Okay, let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Piper.
Piper: No! Who broke it?!
Everyone:
Percy: Piper... Annabeth's been awfully quiet.
Annabeth: Because I don't want anything to do with this!
Percy: Oh really? Or is it because you broke it?
Annabeth: I didn't!
*everyone starts arguing*
Piper, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Piper: I predict ten minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Piper:
Piper: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.