I Should Have Left

I should have left

when the kisses moved from my lips to my cheeks.

I should have left

when the warm hugs

turned into quick brushes.

I should have left

when a cold shoulder replaced

the one I leaned on.

When a few words

sparked arguments

and hour long silences,

I should have turned my back on you.

But I didn't

And that's my mistake to bear.

You were bitter

so, so bitter,

but your sweet aftertaste

had me coming back for seconds

and more.

I should have left when

my name on your lips stopped sounding like music

and your eyes

no longer held all the stars

in the night sky.

I should have left you

the moment we fell out of love.

“I would like to be able to gently drift in and out of existence when I wanted to.”

— Henry Rollins, Solipsist

Hate your love

when you said you liked my curls,

i spent hours

straightening them out.

you complimented

the calm blue of my nails,

so i painted them a fiery red.

then the skirts left my knees bare,

unlike the denim that kept them warm

before you said i looked good in jeans.

and the day your fingers tied

the laces of my high tops,

i replaced them with stilettos,

the heels as sharp as my tongue

slipping poison onto yours.

i didn't mind when your hands

grazed the flesh of my cheek;

after all, i craved it.

i wanted your lips chasing mine,

needing to stain them

the shade of my new lipstick,

wanted the pads of your fingers leaving icy trails

down the heat of my skin.

i craved your touch,

but i resented your affection.

with every change i made,

i swore to never be

what you wanted me to.

entangled in my fabrications,

deceived by a false sense of control,

little did i know,

that you had me

exactly where you wanted me.

i couldn't recognize myself anymore

and you loved every part of me.

“maybe i can find myself in another realm because i sure as hell have lost myself in this one”

- drunk thoughts // a.c

trying

they say you’ll know

when someone loves you.

but I love you,

yet you don't know it

i fail to tell you

over and over.

the words are at the tip of my tongue,

threatening to pour out,

but what comes out instead

is venom that scalds your skin.

i swear im trying

my best; this beast

is terrifying. More so

than the thought of you

disappearing. It appears

that im just afraid

to admit it–

to you, to myself.

and I'm hoping,

that your love

will be sustenance enough

for you and me both.

Time

more time

more time

more time

greedily grabbing it

just to throw it away

i need more time

i don't have time

things are piling up

i look the other way

just runnin' away

runnin' again

what's your address

i'm just up in my head

my eyes follow the blaring screens

noise drowning my thoughts

before they can breathe

the music's loud

i don't even understand it

avoiding my language

so the lyrics don't get to me

i don't wanna feel

anything; it's too much

my eyes are glazing over

my mind's gonna explode

it's all too much

so I shut it off

shut it off

just get stuff done

but off I go

cause I've found another one

another distraction

it's pulling me in

everything's great in my head

the real world briefly flashes

before my eyes

until I face another screen

and pay it no mind

complaining about time

till I have none of it left

now the consequences

of my actions

they're chasing me

but I'm runnin' again

runnin' away.