"I Am Overwhelmed With Things I Ought To Have Written About And Never Found The Proper Words."

"I am overwhelmed with things I ought to have written about and never found the proper words."

- Diaries of Virginia Woolf

"Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted and no solutions are searched for."

-Maya Angelou

Sometimes

Lonely nights and racing thoughts.. a midnight thought dump..

Sometimes i wonder why was I even born.. And sometimes I'm just happy cause I'm born.. Life can get hectic but it is my life after all.. I feel 'to live' is already a boon.. Bad days come and go.. Good days come and go.. At the end of the day it's my life.. Good or bad.. it's my day..

Sometimes i wish i was born as someone else.. Someone popular.. or beautiful.. or better.. or richer.. or intellectual.. or anyone but me.. But sometimes I just like to be myself.. I could be anything.. i could've been born as anyone else.. but I'm glad I'm just me.. I'm not perfect nor am flawless.. I'm just me.. and i feel it's attractive of me.. Being myself.. being me.. is attractive to me.. I mean if everyone is unique in their own sense.. Then I love my uniqueness.. the same thing that irks me sometimes.. and annoys me many times.. but makes me ME everytime..

Sometimes i wonder what a world would look like without me.. for everyone else it might be the same.. with or without me.. but to me it'd be so boring to even think of a world without me.. because I wasn't even there in it, a world without me, a world- wait! I'm my own world, my mind is my own universe, so a world is not even a world without me, how can I even think about a world without me.. for me a world without me.. Me-less.. is not even a world to begin with.. there's no world to me without me..

Sometimes i wonder if my life is even worth living.. and sometimes i wonder what did i even do in my past life to live this life.. the same life.. but different thoughts and different emotions.. it takes too much to make me hate my life.. and it takes just a single light bulb to lighten my mood and exude gratitude for having that same life.. loving my life is lot easier, while the chaos make me sick and hate my life, they also make me understand how luckier I am to have a life where the chaos never last forever.. it could've been a chaotic life but it is just a balance between chaos and peace.. I'm luckier to feel the chaos that makes the peace even better than it normally is.. I'm haply that I'm just alive..

- 16 sept, 2024.. 12:45am..

The Last Summer Dairies (intro pt2!)

(back then..) in the events of capturing the moments only with pen and papers and addressing it along with my opinions, I forgot that I've got nowhere to keep them all in one place. Everything was here and there, scattered around, wrapping me up like a cacoon. So i thought why can't I just put them all together in one place, in one book.

Memories from somewhere in the middle of May to until today (when I wrote this) marking the starting of July past 10 days! I had them all in pieces.. no order, no dates, I don't even remember when I wrote the oldest of few. So I'm putting all the pieces together randomly cause each and every one of them is a standalone.

This journey of collecting all those spilled moments of memory fragments, put together into one big piece is exciting and interesting! So let's dig into the past reminiscing the moments which then were only captured on papers. And we bring them all together and make this binding collection of dead trees all fresh and crisp, just ready to be stained by my beautiful moments in ink!

Happy or sad, every moment is beautiful in its own way and I would never want it to be anything else, I would never want it to be changed even in the slightest..

- 10 july, 2023

Tags : #the last summer diaries

"I am a mosaic of everyone l've ever loved, even for a heart beat."

Living Mosaics - by Hannah Hassler

Is it too late to get myself out of my thoughts?!

sometimes people struggle, not with their enemies not with their friends nor do they suffer because of the strangers, they stuffer with their own thoughts, with their own self. It is then do they realise that the sufferings offered by someone which isn't you is much better than the struggle you cause to yourself!