Dostoevski Once Said; "Isolate As Much As You Want To Become Stronger, Even If You See That Loneliness

Dostoevski once said; "Isolate as much as you want to become stronger, even if you see that loneliness is an unbearable hell, it is much better than the multiple masks of humans" And he was right.

"I am a mosaic of everyone l've ever loved, even for a heart beat."

Living Mosaics - by Hannah Hassler

I don't feel particularly proud of myself. But when I walk alone in the woods or lie in the meadows, all is well.

- Franz Kafka

HOME?

I have no place to be..

I have no home to be..

It's always me who's wandering

Inside a home btw walls..

Wherever I stay..

I'm not standing still..

My legs rests..

My hands rests..

My body rests..

But my mind wanders..

Wondering where it belongs..

Where it can finally sit..

Stay still and relax for a bit..

Always in a hurry to find..

A place where it can be fine..

Always on alert..

Always in motion..

Never still..

Never at rest..

Wandering and wondering..

In search of a place..

While missing the places it has been..

Missing everything it's in..

Missing the present

looking for the future..

Missing everything it has

For something it never had..

Well it's not the mind's fault

To always feel left out..

To always feel like not being home..

And to always yearn for that home..

Where it can relax in peace..

Where it can finally find it's comfort..

Where it can finally be home..

Do such a place exists ??

Can my mind find it ??

Or there's no such place like home ??

No home ??

No peace ??

Will this quest ever cease ??

Piece of peace ..

life like everything is a balance of both good and bad stuff.. I'm not special, that is why my life's too pretty much a balance between good and bad.. one thing I kinda realised about good stuff is (or the stuff that makes me happy or content is) they don't have to be grandiose.. A lil reminder of good memories or an old song I've written last summer or sometimes just a cool breeze would brighten up my mood.. whereas the bad stuff they're intense, some stubborn reasons hanging on to my mind making me numb, my mind freezes at a time stamp while the time as always goes on.. I feel stuck, anxious, idk what to do, I feel like I'm being wasteful.. this little observation made me realise that when I'm happy I'm not even overly happy, I'm not overwhelmed I'm just content or at peace, resting both my body and mind, and I don't even need a particular reason to be.. while being sad, I suffer a lot, it needs a reason and it haunts me for days due to that one single reason.. so the moral of the story is .. happiness is easy to be found, while the darkness you're stuck in, is actually hard to attain, so why don't you happily ignore your terrors and be at peace by simply breathing or by simply existing and savoring the moment.. u have many reasons to be happy or peaceful but u chose to pick that one single reason to be sad.. rethink.. reconsider your choices.. and rejoice your life..

(p.s. being sad as a whole is not a bad concept.. nobody's being happy all the times.. I'm talking bout the kind of sadness which is worn out but we still stubbornly stick to it and get stuck in it.. a lil deep breaths would really help to get out of that brain fog, if not totally, it helps to start at the least!)

The Last Summer Dairies (intro?)

Capturing the moments..

To treasure a moment, to stop at that instance, to savour all of it while it ends.. We capture the moments on cameras, the photo's being the proof that we stopped time in that instance, in that exact moment and captured all of it in the photo! It's good until we get so obsessed with capturing the moment than actually living in the moment! For a 'no mobile at hostel' girl like me, capturing moments is through writing. Staining papers with all the memories I savoured, I captured my "worth stopping the time" moments!

- 10 july, 2023

(p.s. not everything in this collection is about capturing memories, some are just raw emotions or random thoughts too!)

Tags : #the last summer diaries

The original copy as on 20230710 .. as the original has some grammatical errors I edited the above post a bit and still not sure if it's all correct lol, typo's in my blood ;) also I scribbled everything that's on my mind very fast, so don't mind my writting-