Adhd Tag - Tumblr Posts
I have such an endless amount of energy.. all I need is a place to channel it, a place to direct it. Something to keep my mind at bay, my restless fingers at bay.
Yo when I was younger and didn't know I had adhd i literally envisioned this demonic monster holding me hostage and she looked hinda like this. I even describe her in a lot of my old poetry.
I still tell her to fuck off.
Do you ever feel like you’re being held hostage by your ADHD.
Not just internally, but externally as well?
Because you can’t get things done that seem to come so effortlessly for others?
Because you get accused of not doing your best, of not working hard enough, of being lazy.
Because you studied until 3am for that test and still just barely passed. Even though you knew all the answers.
Do you ever feel like that?
Please tell me I’m not alone
Yo when I was younger and didn't know I had adhd i literally envisioned this demonic monster holding me hostage and she looked hinda like this. I even describe her in a lot of my old poetry.
I still tell her to fuck off.
Do you ever feel like you’re being held hostage by your ADHD.
Not just internally, but externally as well?
Because you can’t get things done that seem to come so effortlessly for others?
Because you get accused of not doing your best, of not working hard enough, of being lazy.
Because you studied until 3am for that test and still just barely passed. Even though you knew all the answers.
Do you ever feel like that?
Please tell me I’m not alone
People with ADHD, are the only ppl, if they r aware they have ADHD, they will know literally everything there is to know abt ADHD coz we have spent a shitload of time absorbed in researching it.
*looks at this post*
*looks back at my tumblr*
uuuhhhhummmmyeahhhh that's me I guess ...
did I make this to make myself feel better? Yes. am I now more sad bc I cannot give every disaster bisexuals with daddy issues and adhd kisses? also yes. i played myself 😔
Am I surprised ? No. But does it actually mean something ? idk. How much should a test taken online matter in my diagnosis is something I find difficult to understand. This was fairly accurate though !
Me , reading every fic published 0.0.1 sec after it came out
vs me chilling 7 hours before my thesis deadline
ADHD kicks hard when your hyperfocii (YES) end and you have to milk your brain towards finishing line
Tips for Reading with ADHD
(or without ADHD, if they help regardless)
Physical print:
cover the page with a piece of paper and reveal lines/paragraphs as you read them
use a highlighter to emphasize important/interesting parts
take notes as you go to be physically engaged with the material
Digital media:
copy and paste the text into a doc/word processor
change the font size/style/colour to something more legible
make your own paragraphs and spacing
copy and paste one paragraph at a time to isolate them from the distraction of the rest of the text
install a browser extension like BeeLine Reader or Mercury Reader
zoom in on the page and scroll slowly so you’re revealing lines as you read them
physically cover the screen and reveal lines as you read them
if you do better with physical media, print it out or find a physical copy
Both:
read out loud
pace, move around, or use a fidget while reading
set a timer for 5 minutes and read in small chunks with breaks in between
divide the material into sections and read one section at a time with breaks in between
have another person, audio book, or text-to-speech program read it aloud as you follow along
So my therapist and I were talking today about ADHD brains, and what “executive function” means, and we discovered a really interesting thing about how my brain works. I don’t know how much it will extend to other people, but I’m throwing it out there in case it’s useful for anyone else.
Usually it takes me about 1.5 - 2 hours each morning, to go from “booting up my computer” to “actually starting on my first task”. This is true whether I work from home or work in the office, whether it’s a coding day or a meeting day, whether I jump out of bed when the alarm goes off or if I’m very seriously giving consideration to sleeping under my desk while my computer boots. I don’t want it to take that long, but extensive experimentation has shown that it definitely does.
Today I decided to try an experiment. Instead of my normal morning routine (where I check email, IMs, to-do list, and self-care list, and compile that into an enormous to-do list for the day, then sort that list in order of “if everything goes sideways and I get to only one thing, what thing will be the most painful if it happens tomorrow instead of today”, and then set up multiple desktops on my macbook so that each task – including “brush teeth” has its own desktop, and then put the desktops in the assigned priority-order), I decided I’d just jump right into my first task, and see if I could get myself a hyper-focused hour of work before someone came into the office to bug me.
It. Was. Terrible.
I mean, I got the task done, in record time. Then I checked Tumblr. Then I checked Facebook. Then I composed a summary of David Graeber’s argument that the European Age of Exploitation cannot be understood without knowing why the Chinese decided to abandon paper money. Then I replied to all my Facebook messages. Then I helped Jessica at work set up her code. There followed a relatively productive afternoon where I helped my boss sort out a personnel problem, set priorities for our department, contributed to one meeting, ran yet another meeting, got consensus on a project, and helped Jessica again – but I didn’t eat my midmorning snack until 1pm, I never did brush my teeth, and my knees are killing me because all through the second meeting my body was sending “This posture hurts! Change position! Get! Up!” signals, and I couldn’t summon the focus to actually move from the floor to the couch. By the time my therapist called, my phone was on 3% and I couldn’t find my bluetooth headphones. I’m still 400 calories under my target for the day, because I missed 900 calories during my workday and I couldn’t figure out how to add more than 500 calories to my dinner.
So my therapist and I talked about this strange mix of symptoms: knocking out task after task of helping people at work, but unable to feed myself; incredibly highly effective code debugging, but also getting lost in Tumblr for an hour. I wasn’t under-stimulated, but I also didn’t get to pick what I focused on. And he talked about how executive function isn’t just one thing, which I knew, but mentioned specifically that one element of executive function is taking your own initiative, deciding your actions for yourself, rather than just reacting to stimuli. And it hit me —
I can’t do that.
I thrive in hyper-focused development environments, where I react to each compiler error by debugging the error … but I break down when the compiler runs without error; I don’t know what to do if I don’t have the error-stimulus deciding my actions.
I thrive in high-multi-tasking environments like running a retail store at Christmas, where I do a task, and then look around and see which notification is the highest priority, and then do that task. But I struggle in January and February, when all the customers are gone and I don’t know what to do.
And today, I was entirely stimulus-driven. Jessica asked for help, and I helped her. Kathy commented on Facebook, and I replied to her. Ryan asked about a report, and I explained it to him. Mark brought up something that reminded me of David Graeber, and I typed up a history essay. Anything that didn’t have a notification – brushing my teeth, eating my snack, charging my phone – didn’t get done.
And that’s when it hit me. My usual morning routing isn’t a waste of 2 hours. It’s setting up my environment so that I will be stimulated to do the things I want to do.
I have barely any initiative-decide-for-myself at all. I get one (1) intitiativon each morning, and I have to spend it wisely. And what I do with it, each day, is set up the stimuli I will experience throughout the day.
I finish a task and close that desktop: the next desktop pops up with a note that says “Meditate.”
I finish meditating and close the desktop: the next desktop pops up with an email I need to reply to.
I finish that email and close that desktop: the next one pops up with a note that says “Order groceries.”
I don’t have any initiative left by that point, but I don’t need to: I get the stimulus to do my work, maintain my health, connect with friends, and clean my house, and I’m too executive-dysfunction-deprived to do anything but respond to stimulus, and so I do all those things. This explains why I need to leave such specific directions to myself: not “write chapter 5″, but “Open C:/Documents/Writing/NovelTitle/Chapter5.doc”. The first one isn’t a stimulus to action; the second one is.
It’s also why I have such a hard time with “leisure”, and why my “randomized leisure activity” deck helped me so much; because by the time I get to the end of the day, and I’m out of spoons and I have earned a fun and relaxing evening…. I cannot – by definition – decide what would be fun and relaxing.
Like I say, I have no idea whether that will be any good for anyone else, but it prompted some interesting introspection, and I wanted to share. Now if you’ll excuse me, I still need to go brush my teeth
relationships
if i were to describe my personal relationships with other fleshy pink meat creatures, It would be that everyone i know is a judgemental biological flesh computer jotting down and computing every mistake i have ever made. with this, the fleshy meat computers calculate how hate-able and like-able i am, and is set to explode if i exceed my "being a crappy person" debt. my social life consists of me trying to disarm ticking time bombs where i can't tell what time they are all set to and then i mentally crucify myself for every little mistake i have made my entire life.
psychonauts theory/analysis/headcannon: an analogy on neurodivergence?
spoilers for psychonauts, the rhombus of ruin and maybe psychonauts 2 these games are amazing please play at least the first game. the first game is only like 10 USD on steam and it is often on sale for waaay less. it is a very good underrated game. also TW: mentions of childhood abuse and personal experiences. you have been warned.
I will mostly talk about the first game. Yes i am aware i am probably overthinking it. I think we all know the first game isn't the most accurate to mental illnesses. The original game came out 18 years ago and was meant to be a dark comedy game rather than a sensitive depiction of mental health. I am not going to go into that aspect because time have changed since it released and I think it is redundant, but if you want my opinion I thought most of the jokes were hilarious. the first game wasn't meant to be a good depiction, so i take it for what it is and laugh along with it. I think the fact I relate to some of the characters makes it funnier personally.
but no, today I want to bring up a head cannon/theory thing: being a psychonaut is a metaphor for being nerodivergent. bear with me, here is my reasoning.
1- Raz's opening speech in the first game. "you were born with a special gift, but the people around you treat it like a curse. your mother is afraid of you, and your father looks at you with shame in his eyes" "back home your powers make you a loner, an outcast, a circus freak, but in this dojo, in this psychic dojo, they make you a hero." no explanation needed, this speech touched me in a way even if it is a bit corny. This bit here establishes that being psychic is still very taboo in this universe, as if being psychic is seen as something wrong with you rather than just an aspect you were born with. In this point in the games timeline, being psychic is slowly becoming less taboo and more of a valuable asset to society.
2- Raz's family a little bit ago i made a list about how much i hated the interns from the second game and how Agent Forsythe's actions against Raz felt a tad forced. I do not feel the same way about Raz's family. why ? well for one Raz has known them his whole life, and that "psychics are bad" came from SOMEWHERE. It is also implied that a lot of the biggotry came from his mother more than his father oddly enough. i am about to say something that is not for the faint of heart. please be advised. are you ready ? Are you sure you are ready ? meat circus. OK good now take a minute to calm down from your traumatic flashback from reading those words and then continue. The end level of the first game depicted Raz's struggle with his father. Raz was constantly under the impression that he was hated because of how his parents talked about being psychic. then Raz's father told him what he REALLY felt about his son and what was really happening. this hit me hard. some nerodivergent disorders are genetic, like in my case ADHD. and when a genetic disability exists and the family does not know they have it, then often times it is harder to get help due to prejustice. it is the "oh we are normal! i acted just like you when i was your age!" mentality. my whole life i have been told that "you are not [slur for disabled that starts with R]! you just need to get better at school! stop being lazy!", and then later i would learn one of my parents was just like me and hid it for their own safety. i can totally see "fortune teller" as a kind of slur for psychics truth be told. imagine being told as a child you are not a "fortune teller" and that "fortune tellers" are bad, and you being told that makes you feel like something is wrong with you. You feel like no one in your family loves you. It could be that Raz's father hid his psychic abilities from Raz's mother so he wouldent be scrutinized, while also hurting about what happened to his family in the past. It was the "fortune tellers" fault he was like this, so how could he love himself for being one? A headcannon I have was that Raz's mother already had pretty problematic thoughts about psychics, so when Raz's father discovered he was psychic he hid it away due to how it hurt his family and how they could react. It is established that psychics can find out they are psychics way later in life, such as mila's memory of the orphanage burning down and her suddenly being able to hear the voices of the dying children. This is somewhat accurate to adult diagnosis in my opinion.
3- Whispering rock could possibly be a special needs camp note: there is a difference between programs that teach you how to cope with your disability, and programs that basically abuse kids. Fuck autism speaks, fuck ABA programs, and a big fat special middle finger to Judge Rotenberg Educational Centre (don't google it unless you want to be angry). this bit here is a little obvious, but i thought i should point out that in the end of psy 2, agent forsythe mentioned teaching raz's family how to use their abilities safely. as I mentioned, some people find out they are psychic later in life, which is pretty common with nerodivergent disorders. It could be that whispering rock is a way to teach kids how to cope early in life so they don't struggle with it worse later on. this one is a bit of a stretch i will admit, but i got something way stronger next up:
4- Dr Loboto Dr loboto came from an emotionally neglectful home. His parents would remove toys from him and he would use his psychic abilities consistently to act out. this is normal for an emotionally neglected kid. his parents did not want a child, they wanted a perfect "doll" to do as they wanted. they loved the idea of a perfect ideal family and not actually having a child. and so they lobotomized him. Lobotomization was very common in the 50s. It was seen as a cure-all for all mental issues. housewife acting out? being her in to get snipped. child acting out? ice pick procedure. 9 times out of 10 it would end up making existing issues worse, or cause said patient to turn into a vegetable, or even death. If you want a famous case, see president JFK's sister. This hits me hard personally in multiple ways. I can see this as being a reflection of how people would "cure" their autistic kids by getting them lobotomized, or how in the modern day we still try to "cure" kids by abusing them and hurting them. Sometimes it wasn't even nerodivergent kids, just acting out is enough for people to do this! One of the reasons why i was diagnosed as an adult was the fear of doctors and teachers wanting to dope kids up to keep them quiet, god forbid an 8 year old is a little energetic, adhd or not. dr loboto is a traumatized broken man that was forcibly given brain damage because his parents loved the idea of a child rather than the child they made. I am lowkey kinda proud that he became a dentist to spite his father.
overall, i have heard people mention that psychonauts is a metaphor for being LGBT. I can see it, but honestly i feel as though the metaphor for nerodivergence is more strong. truth be told: we have a very similar history of bigotry, gaslighting, and abuse. we are siblings you and I, and our brotherhood will last generations. We are brothers and sisters and neithers in our pain. anyways that is my theory, let me know what yall think! I know i can come off as a little aggro but i genuinely would love to hear your thoughts!
my adhd as a kid: oh my god you will devour books at the expense of all else. yes you will get yelled at for reading books in class and during recess instead of playing with ur peers
my adhd as an adult: no you cannot read books anymore lmao haha. the most you can do is comic books cuz there are pictures 🤪🤪🤪 i’m hilarious
🚫DNI if NSFW, dedicated to self harm or eating disorders and other basic DNI criteria (see carrd)🚫
Hiya there! ^.-.^/
My name is André I'm a wacky space alien guy with mixed matched socks here to show my colorful artwork with you!
I'm mostly an anthro artist who loves to use bright eyestrain-y colors! I prefer to draw funky animals and my ocs but I may draw other stuff too. I try my best to keep my art and page as SFW as possible but be warned I like things that involve swearing and gore!
I love bright colors, (duh! lol) just about every kind of animal (including bugs!), sweet, sour, salty, greasy and even comfort foods (my most favorite thing to eat is PIZZA) and anything that has to do with the early 80s - 90s - 2000s eras! I have ADHD, Autism, Social Anxiety, Motor and Verbal Tics, and I'm a host of a DID System!
I'm a certified scene kid who loves memes , making kandi bracelets and collecting plushies and toys! I love to drink monster drinks and listening to music during long road trips since I spend most of my life traveling via trucking job!
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When you drink a cup of coffee and pass the fuck out. Just ADHD things
Dude I got in a car accident nothing major just a little fender bender but that's exactly it I thought that I was doing everything right and it's been really hard on me
