Alphinaud X Mono - Tumblr Posts

Alphy has had Mono's blood on his hands on multiple occasions, but it's a different feeling altogether when he was the one who hurt nem.

He'd do literally anything for nem, so when he hurts nem, he does a damn good job of it.

Mono: Hey, I know this is usually something that you don't want to have happen, but it is a thing where you revive dead party members via resurrection magicks. Do you think it'd be hot to, like, stab me in the throat and then pump me full of Egeiro and then Taurochole or whatever?

Alphy, trying to hide his erection: Absolutely not. I'm not doing that. You cannot get me to do that. *Is going to be thinking about that forever now*

You know, I've been writing a lot of fics where Alphy absolutely rails Mono, but I have a little fic idea tumbling around in my head where it's just him and Saie hanging out in the new manor after Mono finished building it, and being too scared to go into the basement because of an ominous red glow and a horrific noise neither one of them can describe.

"You know, there isn't a zero per cent chance that Mono has a voidsent in there."

It's literally just the boiler.

And later Mono's like, "I'm so glad you two are getting along, but you're both the dumbest people I've ever met. Also, luv, your immigration papers are down there, and I'm not getting them out for you. Good luck, ya baby."

Mono: *Decks the house out with magitek*

Alphy and/or Saie: "WHAT IS THIS?"

There literally isn't anything funnier than them losing their minds over a toaster oven.

Mono: "I just think that having Ul'dah run by the Syndicate, where membership is dictated entirely by one's economic contributions, means that Ul'dah is going to be shaped by a particular person's very narrow worldview and interests. Ul'dah needs major economic and political reform."

Alphinaud: "I know that's what you think, and we are in agreement."

Mono: "So I am allowed to release Lolorito out into the Carteneau Flats and hunt him for sport?"

Alphinaud: "We've been over this: no."

"I'm going to say, 'I love you,' because that's easier on me, and I have to say how I feel to you—and I know you know that—but I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think I love, not like that, so what I really mean is that, 'I'm fond of you; I cherish you; you're very special to me'. I want you to understand that I don't quite 'love' you, but I do, in some kind of way."

"I know."

"You're not bothered by that?"

"Why would I be?"

People are going to read that and then immediately ignore what that means, aren't they?

Me: *writes a very complicated non-traditional relationship between two characters that is very explicitly laid out is that way because one of the characters is anattractional and, while sex-/romance-neutral, is mainly looking for someone to co-parent with, but that same character is neurodivergent and follows their religion's rules on dating and marriage because they're clearly defined and makes it easy on them, and their queerplatonic partner isn't on their radar for marriage because he's not the same religion and interfaith marriages aren't allowed, but also explicitly stops looking for a husband because none of the men they talked to would allow them to continue the partnership they have and that's more important to them than any theoretical husband, and then they end up getting married because the partner converts and they have a, "Hey, wait a minute," moment, and they agree to have a "traditional" relationship from then on but with the explicit acknowledgement that they're still more (queer)platonic than anything*

Also me: People are going to read all that and still think they're in a typical sex-/romance-positive allo relationship, aren't they?

Of Trolls and Head Injuries

This is set sometime between 6.0 and 6.1. Mono got seriously injured at the end of Endwalker, so the time between 6.0 and 6.1 is about a year.

I normally read and write very kinky smutfic, so I wanted to try my hand at something else entirely. I want to do more of these types of fics.

Everything you need to know about these two is that Mono is constantly throwing nemself headfirst into literally everything, it doesn't matter what it is, and Alphinaud frets about nem the entire time. And then uses anything as an excuse to baby nem afterwards. They also constantly bumble over each other but that's something else entirely.

Mono uses ne/nem/nir pronouns, but ne also uses they/them, he/him, or she/her, so if you're having a hard time conjugating nir pronouns, you can use one of those.

Enjoy!

You can also find me on Aethy.

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Mono likes to sit down outside and stim using nir magic. Usually ne likes to use nir starglobe, because Astrologian spells are peak Autism for nem, and also watching it spin around makes nem go brrrrr, but ne will also build up Requiescat so ne can do a Confiteor/Blade of Faith combo.

Yes, Alisaie often misinterprets nem stimming for training, and Alphinaud often has to tell her, "No, ne isn't training, ne's just doing that because it makes nem happy."

And her impatient arse is always like, "??? What are you talking about?"

Alisaie: "Listen, if Mono spends so much time training, then I have a lot to catch up on."

Mono: "Ooo hoo hoo hoo, pretty colours. 🤩"

I do also find it interesting that it's canonical that any abilities learnt after level 70 are all made up by the WoL. But a general theme around those abilities regardless of Job is repentance, self-sacrifice, fury, lots of heavenly/divine stuff, and it's like... Is the WoL okay?

But also in my head, thinking about Mono prattling on about Confiteor (Latin for "I confess"), and Alphinaud following nem around the house like, "Bubby? Bubala, are you okay? I don't think you're okay," is just so funny to me.

Mono: "This move is so cool."

Alphinaud: "I am worried for your mental health."

And some Mono/Alphy/Estinien because I'm also thinking about them.

Mono, being a Lalafell, is very easy to pick up. But ne is also a solid 65 ponzes.

Yes, Estinien uses nem as a projectile, and usually his target is Alphinaud. Mono finds it hilarious. Alphinaud does not.

Mono also likes to be picked up and have them both squish nir face into their pecs because uhhhhh boobies.

I'm writing a mixed mind control–hypnosis kink fic for Kinktober and, holy shit, I made Alphy so smarmy in this one. Of course he's just role-playing, but I didn't think the little man had that in him.

Also, I kept thinking about this:

Mono ends up having eight kids in total. It started with a pair of twin girls, ne wanted more kids, then ne had twin boys, convinced Alphinaud to get nem pregnant one more time, thinking five or six kids was good. Ne ended up having triplets and said "okay, I'm done." Except ne ended up accidentally having one more.

Thing is, Alphy and Mono are in a relationship with Estinien. What if Muin (their last kid) ended up being Estinien's fault? And they just don't really think about it? 😂

Kinktober 2023 Masterpost

The whole series on AO3.

Day 1: Pegging - A Night in Ishgard (Alphinaud/Mono)

Being stuck in Ishgard, or rather the reason for it, often causes Alphinaud to sulk in his room at night. On one of these nights, Mono just so happens to want to snuggle up to him, and maybe he thinks up a way to help liven the poor Elezen up.

Day 2: Roleplay - Can't Fall Asleep Without You (Alphinaud/Mono)

Yet another night is spent with Alphinaud coming home late. Something that should have been easy to deal with, but Mono still can't sleep without him. Whatever will ne do to find comfort.

Day 3: Boot Worship - The Study (Fourchenault/Alphinaud)

There is one major rule in the Leveilleur Estate that must be followed without question. Alphinaud breaks that rule.

Day 4: Rimming - Perks of the Growth Spurt (Estinien/Alphinaud)

After disappearing to have his growth spurt, Alphinaud missed his friends, Estinien most of all. Meteor, well aware of Alphinaud quiet crush on Estinien, orchestrates a reunion between the two of them in the background. How will Estinien react to his comrade's new body?

Day 5: Omorashi - Oopsie in the Woods (Alphinaud/Mono)

Mono has a difficult time knowing when nir body needs something from nem until ne's about to burst. This includes peeing. And ne does not like relieving nemself out-of-doors.

Day 6: Frottage - A Pretty Face Mistaken (Estinien/Alphinaud)

Turning into the Carline Canopy for the evening, Estinien spots the most beautiful Elezen he has ever seen in his life. While he may not recognise him at first, he is indeed someone Estinien knows, and Estinien does not find out until after his attempts to bed the lad.

Day 7: Waxplay - Fun With Wax (Alphinaud/Mono)

Alphinaud needs some downtime after work, and Mono is more than willing to give him things to play with. Like candles.

Day 8: Breeding - Estinien's Fantasies (Estinien/Alphinaud)

Estinien keeps having dreams about Alphinaud. Extremely compromising dreams.

Day 9: Lactation - Mono's Milk (Alphinaud/Mono)

Alphinaud discovers just how sweet Mono's breast milk is.

Day 10: Praise Kink - A Creative Mind (Alphinaud/Mono)

Being disabled was difficult, and it bore into Mono's self-esteem. Alphinaud tries to pinpoint what kind of praises get nem going, while trying not to come off like a total schmuck. They make it work.

Day 11: Petplay - A Good Puppy (Alphinaud/Mono)

Mono and Alphinaud explore more of their sex lives, and find out just how much of a good boy Alphinaud is.

Day 12: Medical Play - Burned and Battered (Alphinaud/Mono)

Alphinaud takes care of Mono after ne comes home injured. He is none too happy about it and makes it known.

Day 13: Size Difference - I'm Bigger than I Used to Be (Alphinaud/Mono)

After having his growth spurt, Alphinaud still has to get uses to how much larger he is. Thankfully, Mono's into it.

Day 14: Orgasm Denial - A Suitable Distraction (Alphinaud/Mono)

After being pissed off at the Studium, Alphinaud tries his best to make Mono feel better.

Day 15: Temperature Play - Hot and Cold Dance (Mono/Alphinaud)

Mono likes to take charge sometimes. This night, Mono wants to practise some magicks on Alphy.

Day 16: Gags - Put a Sock in It (Alphinaud/Mono)

Alphinaud wants to have sex with Mono, but he doesn't want him to wake up the whole camp. He gets an idea going through his bag.

Day 17: Threesome - Caravan Type of Morning (Estinien/Alphinaud/Mono)

Estinien decided to travel to Garlemald with Alphinaud and Mono. The three of them end up fooling around in Mono's new motorised caravan one cold morning.

Day 18: Spanking - Clingy (Alphinaud/Mono)

Mono misses Alphinaud when he leaves for Garlemald. They both need to learn to cope with the feelings they're left with.

Day 19: Uniform - Something about Uniforms (Alphinaud/Mono)

Since starting at the Studium, Mono has started to feel overwhelmed. Not so interested in studying, ne still has to sequester nemself away in Alphinaud's room. It's difficult for nem to study anyroad, what with how hot and bothered Alphinaud gets while seeing nem in nir uniform.

Day 20: Mind Control - Making a Bad Wife into a Good Servant (Alphinaud/Mono)

Mono wants Alphinaud to totally take over nir mind and force nem into complete submissions. He loves his pretty little Lalafell, of course, so he's willing to do anything. Under the guise that he's breaking in his new wife.

Day 21: Tickling - Tickling to Feel Better (Alphinaud/Mono)

Trying to enjoy a rainy afternoon left Alphinaud upset after thinking too much about his "poor" relationship with Alisaie, so Mono's thinks up something new they can try out to distract him.

Day 22: Bondage - Rope Lalafell (Alphinaud/Mono)

After staring at the mirror too long, Mono can't help but feel weird and gross. Alphinaud figures out what's wrong, and tried his best to help nem feel better about nemself.

Day 23: Collaring - Gifts of Leather (Alphinaud/Mono)

Alphinaud gives Mono a collar as a gift, much to nir surprise and delight.

Day 24: Sex Toys - Vibrators are a Gift (Alphinaud/Mono)

Alphinaud brings along a special toy for Mono while they wait out the ride to Old Sharlayan.

Day 25: Pregnancy - Mono's Growing Belly (Alphinaud/Mono)

Alphinaud finds Mono's large belly very attractive. Such was the result of sporting twins.

Day 26: Masturbation - Heatwave (Alphinaud/Mono)

Alphinaud gets hot and bothered by Mono wearing clothes that leave little to the imagination. Blame the Gridanian heatwave.

Day 27: Emetophilia - A Thing for Vomit (Alphinaud/Mono)

Mono's sick and Alphinaud's enjoying himself.

Day 28: Body Worship - You're Beautiful (Alphinaud/Mono)

Alphinaud appreciates Mono's body while they bathe together. After coming back from a fight with a few too many bruises.

Day 29: Incest - Under the Desk (Fourchenault/Alphinaud)

Sneaking into Fourchenault's office to ask him some important questions meant that Alphinaud was not supposed to be in there. To avoid being caught by one of his father's colleagues, he hides under his father's desk. Unfortunately for him, Alphinaud lacks some self control.

Day 30: Sounding - A Special Gift for Alphinaud (Mono/Alphinaud)

Mono has a gift for Alphinaud, to expand their toy collection. He needed to be able to sit back and relax, too.

Day 31: Your Pick (Incest) - Can't Study (Alisaie/Alphinaud)

Alisaie helps her brother out after he can't focus on his studies.

Okay, listen, an OT3 where one character isn't even three feet tall and the other two are over six is both funny and very hot.

It makes double fucking and making out very easy.