Alphinaud Leveilleur - Tumblr Posts

Alphy has had Mono's blood on his hands on multiple occasions, but it's a different feeling altogether when he was the one who hurt nem.

He'd do literally anything for nem, so when he hurts nem, he does a damn good job of it.

Mono: Hey, I know this is usually something that you don't want to have happen, but it is a thing where you revive dead party members via resurrection magicks. Do you think it'd be hot to, like, stab me in the throat and then pump me full of Egeiro and then Taurochole or whatever?

Alphy, trying to hide his erection: Absolutely not. I'm not doing that. You cannot get me to do that. *Is going to be thinking about that forever now*

You know, I've been writing a lot of fics where Alphy absolutely rails Mono, but I have a little fic idea tumbling around in my head where it's just him and Saie hanging out in the new manor after Mono finished building it, and being too scared to go into the basement because of an ominous red glow and a horrific noise neither one of them can describe.

"You know, there isn't a zero per cent chance that Mono has a voidsent in there."

It's literally just the boiler.

And later Mono's like, "I'm so glad you two are getting along, but you're both the dumbest people I've ever met. Also, luv, your immigration papers are down there, and I'm not getting them out for you. Good luck, ya baby."

Mono: *Decks the house out with magitek*

Alphy and/or Saie: "WHAT IS THIS?"

There literally isn't anything funnier than them losing their minds over a toaster oven.

Mono: "I just think that having Ul'dah run by the Syndicate, where membership is dictated entirely by one's economic contributions, means that Ul'dah is going to be shaped by a particular person's very narrow worldview and interests. Ul'dah needs major economic and political reform."

Alphinaud: "I know that's what you think, and we are in agreement."

Mono: "So I am allowed to release Lolorito out into the Carteneau Flats and hunt him for sport?"

Alphinaud: "We've been over this: no."

"I'm going to say, 'I love you,' because that's easier on me, and I have to say how I feel to you—and I know you know that—but I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think I love, not like that, so what I really mean is that, 'I'm fond of you; I cherish you; you're very special to me'. I want you to understand that I don't quite 'love' you, but I do, in some kind of way."

"I know."

"You're not bothered by that?"

"Why would I be?"

People are going to read that and then immediately ignore what that means, aren't they?

Me: *writes a very complicated non-traditional relationship between two characters that is very explicitly laid out is that way because one of the characters is anattractional and, while sex-/romance-neutral, is mainly looking for someone to co-parent with, but that same character is neurodivergent and follows their religion's rules on dating and marriage because they're clearly defined and makes it easy on them, and their queerplatonic partner isn't on their radar for marriage because he's not the same religion and interfaith marriages aren't allowed, but also explicitly stops looking for a husband because none of the men they talked to would allow them to continue the partnership they have and that's more important to them than any theoretical husband, and then they end up getting married because the partner converts and they have a, "Hey, wait a minute," moment, and they agree to have a "traditional" relationship from then on but with the explicit acknowledgement that they're still more (queer)platonic than anything*

Also me: People are going to read all that and still think they're in a typical sex-/romance-positive allo relationship, aren't they?

Of Trolls and Head Injuries

This is set sometime between 6.0 and 6.1. Mono got seriously injured at the end of Endwalker, so the time between 6.0 and 6.1 is about a year.

I normally read and write very kinky smutfic, so I wanted to try my hand at something else entirely. I want to do more of these types of fics.

Everything you need to know about these two is that Mono is constantly throwing nemself headfirst into literally everything, it doesn't matter what it is, and Alphinaud frets about nem the entire time. And then uses anything as an excuse to baby nem afterwards. They also constantly bumble over each other but that's something else entirely.

Mono uses ne/nem/nir pronouns, but ne also uses they/them, he/him, or she/her, so if you're having a hard time conjugating nir pronouns, you can use one of those.

Enjoy!

You can also find me on Aethy.

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Mono likes to sit down outside and stim using nir magic. Usually ne likes to use nir starglobe, because Astrologian spells are peak Autism for nem, and also watching it spin around makes nem go brrrrr, but ne will also build up Requiescat so ne can do a Confiteor/Blade of Faith combo.

Yes, Alisaie often misinterprets nem stimming for training, and Alphinaud often has to tell her, "No, ne isn't training, ne's just doing that because it makes nem happy."

And her impatient arse is always like, "??? What are you talking about?"

Alisaie: "Listen, if Mono spends so much time training, then I have a lot to catch up on."

Mono: "Ooo hoo hoo hoo, pretty colours. 🤩"

I do also find it interesting that it's canonical that any abilities learnt after level 70 are all made up by the WoL. But a general theme around those abilities regardless of Job is repentance, self-sacrifice, fury, lots of heavenly/divine stuff, and it's like... Is the WoL okay?

But also in my head, thinking about Mono prattling on about Confiteor (Latin for "I confess"), and Alphinaud following nem around the house like, "Bubby? Bubala, are you okay? I don't think you're okay," is just so funny to me.

Mono: "This move is so cool."

Alphinaud: "I am worried for your mental health."

Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’ WoL: Thanks fam! Alisaie: oh no Alphinaud: cries I love you too Thancred: Sounds fake but okay Urianger: A flustered mess Y'shtola: can i get a refund

incorrect quotes are my anti drug now

(Tameri is my WoL)

DUTY ROULETTE: LEVELING HAUKKE MANOR Tameri: o_o Alphinaud (or any other scion, really): *notices* is aught amiss, my friend? Tameri: *flashbacks to wiping several times as a baby conjurer/white mage* Tameri: *eyes wide* mansion’s haunted Alphinaud: I- what? Tameri: *changes to machinist* *cocks gun* Tameri: mansion’s haunted

ffxiv characters as bdg quotes

the WoL using a phial of phantasia: I’m not your friend, and you have no say over what I do with my body

Alphinaud: the gods have cursed my for my hubris, and my work is never finished

ascians (or Zenos tbh): you do have to fail once, uh, in order to succeed later as a villain

WoL when exposition is happening: I don’t give, two sh/ts, about a king, who lost a war, 700 years ago! *snoring noises* *big kick* get outta here!

all of the scions: “and when you love what you do, you never work a day in your life.” But that’s chocobo sh/t. Look, I love what I do, and let me tell you... I’ve worked some days

WoL diving into every dangerous situation: I couldn’t give a sh/t about death

playing through each expansion: and then there’s another existential crisis, but this is my favorite one

Yda/Lyse: a major himbo with a “nice jock” energy

WoL: you can tell it’s a new season expansion because i’ve grown a mustache and cut my hair

the scions going off to do research between patches: and if you’ll excuse me, I have to go do my dark bidding on these spreadsheets also: who has the time to read all those books? I DO. APPARENTLY.

WoL when they get to make decisions: I don’t feel qualified to discuss the philosophical implications of that. *nods nervously*

Alphinaud in ARR: Hi, I’m Alphinaud Leveilleur, Safety Fan and Bureaucratic Wunderkind. Please address me as such.

looking at all the lore behind everything:  "My first reaction was, 'wow.' To write 300,000 words that could essentially be skipped over while still having the full Skyrim FFXIV experience, it's amazing...My second reaction to this, was WHAT THE FUCK. HEY TODD, WHAT THE FUCK?"

sketch of a sleepy alphinaud because i love him

(Tameri is my WoL ok back to the show) Someone: hey, are you ok?

Alisae, on the verge of tears: of course, what are you talking about i’m fine i’m not crying yOU’RE CRYING Alphinaud, also tearing up: y’know, i’m really not (can i please have a hug) Tameri: *eyes grow wide* THAT’S a loaded question

don’t worry i’ll only murder him a little it’s fine

Nora: I have a few words to say to Fourchenault when we to meet again anyways

Alphinaud: Nora, he does possess different ideals and though he hurt Alisaie and I, you don't have to go to murdering our father

Alisaie: *shrugs* I personally think she has a somewhat good point

Nora: What makes you think I'd murder him?

Alphinaud: *raises an eyebrow* ...

Nora: *twiddle her thumbs* Talking with weapons?

Alphinaud: ...

Nora: Conversing with the use of personal items?

Alphinaud: ...

Nora: Partaking in course of interaction verbally whilst keeping ahold of objects drawn and ready to use?

Alphinaud: *sighs* You're insane

Nora: *smug* And yet you like me, why?

Alphinaud: *rolls his eyes playfully*

a personal headcanon (alisae’s squishing g’raha’s ears a lil but shhhh it’s fine)

ascians: a little murder never hurt anyone

scions: except for the victims!

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rando: is wol good?

alphinaud: how so?

alphinaud: they're a good person but like emotionally? never

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wol waking up after mt gulg incident: good FUCK everyone, i'm awake

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alisae: crimes

alphinaud: gay crimes?

alisae: gay crimes

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alphinaud: i don't think that's a skill

wol, levelling: anything can be a skill if you break enough stuff

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wol: Oh btw I borrowed some of your books to keep myself busy

g'raha: *turns bright red and wishes he could sink into the ground*

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alisae, about alphinaud: While he's very intelligent and also a big help most of the time, he can also be quite. um. yea 3

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wol: Through case by case basis and also experience I've concluded the result of my experiment

g'raha: and that is?

wol: I'm immortal.

alphinaud: wait whats your ... evidence here?

wol: well. I haven't died yet, as you can see

------------------------

alphinaud: So remember how I said it was a very bad idea for me to read more than one book at once because i’m liable to mix the characters up, but I was still reading 3 books?

wol: Yeah

alphinaud: So I finished one of those

wol: Yay!

alphinaud: And then I started 5 more

wol: Oh gods

ok so hc that the scions have board game nights like, tataru will be like "y'all need to rest" and stuff and the scions want to spend time together bc found family and all that but they really shouldn't take a full-blown day off because the world could start imploding at literally any second, and also they're all giant nerds so like once or twice a moon they'll have a board game night they'd probably mostly play hidden role games or trivia i think, because they're giant nerds (and estinien just likes lying and fucking with them). anything where some people have some information and some people don't. basically almost anything that polygon has played on overboard.

~more under the cut (character specifics)~

ALPHINAUD obviously would be super strategic about everything and probably be fairly competent, but in games where you have to try to read other people and their motives he can kinda fall into galaxy-brain traps where it's not as complicated as he thinks. In games with a "bad guy" role (like in mafia) it's pretty easy to tell when he's one of the "bad guys" because it doesn't seem like he's as eager for information as normal. lil bit to competitive but it’s all in good fun ALISAE stumbles ass-first into gaslight alley (where alphinaud and esitinien are waiting for her). she generally doesn't want to think that hard about stuff because she already has to think under normal circumstances (well, what's normal for them) and this is supposed to be her break. it's not exactly difficult for her, she just doesn't feel like it. accidentally says stuff that makes her seem guilty when she's innocent, and the inverse is also true. will go for the most batshit strategies just to see if they work. it's called "science," alphinaud G’RAHA will get accused by doing literally nothing. just, sitting there. we all know he's bad at lying unless he's been perfecting his deception for literal decades, and even then it's only okay to good. it won't even be anything specific when he's the "bad guy," sometimes he seems too bummed out and someties he's too gleefully malicious, but it's painfully obvious and very poorly excecuted. over time he gets harder to read because he begins perfecting always just being "like that." probably figures out who the murderer is in Clue right as alphinaud's about to open the envelope. THE WARRIOR OF LIGHT is obviously going to be vaguer/varried, but i think that in general they would have an excellent poker face when they want to (*glances at ARR*). gives nobody any information at any point ever about anything, quietly puts together as many pieces as they can. switches wildly between not talking at all and talking a lot (yet still not give any info??) with no correlation between that and whose side they're on. in performative/roleplaying games they can deadpan almost anything URIANGER is just there for the drama. about to win? he will purposefully temporarily screw over his team just because. overly dramatic about everything. perfect for roleplaying games. actually really good at most games but almost never wins because he gets greedy trying to see how long he can lead them on with his bullshit, and someone (usually aphinaud) figures everything out and steals the win out from under him. THANCRED isn't typically a suspect for anything. nobody 100% trusts him, but no one outright thinks he's the imposter or whatever. he'll make some jokes and generally be fairly chill about the whole thing, and overall there's a 50/50 chance that anyone will call him out on his bluffs. will occassionaly go for the most batshit strategies that somehow always work when he tries them. has threatened to quit the scions when he feels betrayed. will start singing if it's even slightly appropriate Y’SHTOLA is too competent for all this. she has fun and will sometimes get involved, but she's mostly an observer. there's a solid 10% chance that someone will figure out she's the traitor/imposter/werewolf/etc. pretty good at bluffing and somehow simultaneously seems to never be on the bad guy team and also always be on the bad guy team. a true neutral ESTINIEN is pretty easy to read if you know what to look for. he seems to be smiling (smirking) more when he's the bad guy. it's because he knows that he'll win by screwing over everyone else, and that's fun. mostly observes (or seems to be observing) regardless of what role he has in a game, though if someone says something slightly stupid or suspicious he'll point it out very quickly without drawing too much attention to himself. KRILE joins when she can but isn't usually there or is usually happy to just watch, though she always makes a point to see how much she can mess with alphinaud specifically. she doesn't care about winning (although it's always nice), she just wants alphinaud to lose. TATARU mostly watches on the sidelines but also joins sometimes, and becomes actively malicious for the duration or the game. absolutely brutal. she won't win, but she sure as hell will betray each and every one of them at least once, and each in a slightly different way. honestly kinda impressive they would also sometimes play board games back on the First! RYNE is an actual deathtrap. "look, she's so sweet and innocent, she hasn't done anything to inflict suspicion upon herself <3" NO. she has, you just all ignored it. don't trust her. what are you doing. no stop. she's lying. oh god, they're all dead now. what did i tell you. she won't win most of the time, but she'll manage to royally screw over at least half of the crew. they all know this, yet keep falling for it. thancred's always the first victim. he never learns (might add more later)

Alphinaud and Alisaie trying to be chill while explaining what happened in the meeting with Fourchenault: And our father said to us ‘you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair’

more ffxiv incorrect quotes

WoL: I have one foot in the grave but in a kind of fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking.

WoL (probably using 20+ fantasias a month): My gender is in a constant state of flux.

Alisaie: I’m 80% awesome, 20% water and 100% gorgeous. Alphinaud: That’s 200%. Alisaie: I’m twice the person you’ll ever be.

Ryne: *eating a cinnamon roll* Thancred: Cannibalism. Ryne: *confused chewing noises*

Alphinaud: But what about WoL? Thancred: Don't worry about them. Thancred: I once watched them fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating their hotdog like nothing happened.

*The scion’s individual reactions to being told they're the chosen one* Alphinaud: I will not let you down. Alisaie: Sounds fun. Y’shtola: K. Thancred: No, I'm fucking not. Estinien: Do I have to be? WoL: Please god, I am so tired.

Estinien, new to the scions: That sounds like a terrible plan. Thancred, used to this shit: Oh, we've had worse.

Estinien: *is wearing silk pants for, uh, reasons ig* How does this look? Alphinaud: Like its slips on and off really easily. Estinien: Alphinaud: No, I didn't mean it like that- Alisaie: We know what you meant.

Estinien: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka. Estinien: *upends the bottle*

Alisaie: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container. WoL, a dumbass: The cow?? Alisaie: What? Alphinaud: WoL, W H Y?

Alisaie: We need an adult! Alphinaud: Alisaie, you are an adult! Alisaie: We need an adultier adult! Get WoL!

WoL: What are amphetamines? Alisaie: Drugs that can go on land and water. WoL: Ohhhh.

WoL: *holds a gun out to Alphinaud* Alphinaud: I-I don't believe in guns. WoL: Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.

Alphinaud: I’m proud to say I’ve come over my fear of ghosts! WoL: Eyy, that’s the spirit! Alphinaud: *gasps* whErE???!!!??

Allagan Node: Please enter a password. WoL: uhh... *types in Alphinaud* Allagan Node: Your password is too weak. WoL, knowing that Alphinaud thinks he’s weak: How fucking DARE YOU-

Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn vs. Endwalker → First + “Last” Words

“Darling, you’re back!” “Well of course I’m back. You didn’t s─ Dear─ Dearest─ I─ I can't─” “Oh! Oh dear…”