Deceitsanders - Tumblr Posts

Anxiety: Close your eyes bro

Deceit: Ok bro

Anxiety: What do you see bro?

Deceit: Nothing bro

Deceit: Bro?

Deceit: *Opens eyes* Bro?

Deceit: Oh no! You did not just call me shallow, did you?

Remy: If you mean, do i think i could stand in a puddle full of you and not get my feet wet

Remy: then yeah

Deceit: *Evil laughter* Now we have you we'll be able to lure Virgil

Roman: What are you gonna do to him?

Deceit: ...

Remus: We haven't through that far-

Deceit: YES WE HAVE! UH WE WILL CAPTURE HIM?

Remus: *Nods*

Deceit: Yes we'll capture him... *Awkward laugh*

Almost everyone: Remus would be taller then Deceit

Me in the corner: how about this, Short rat tall snek.

Roman: Hey you should introduce me to your parents some time

Virgil: Oh you can meet my whole family tree, hey guys!

Patton: *Sitting in a tree* Son let us down from here!

Deceit: *Also in the tree* dad?

Logan: *In the same tree* Where am I!

Roman: *Holding a gun* I want you all to sing sixteen bars right now!

Virgil: Roman please were not aliens

Roman: SING THE BEGINNING OF MOANA

Others: WhAt?

Roman: I SAID SING GODAMIT!

Others: Uh uh Moana  make way make way! Consider the coconuts ho ho! Consider its trees.

Remus: its the circle of life

Roman: Alright that was terrible

Remus: Heres a joke, how many boyfriends does it take to screw in a light bulb

Remus: Deceit please come out of your room I'm not tall enough to reach the light bulb

Remus: Did you know 1 out of 3 h*es are mad, I'm not mad.

Deceit: I'm Mad

Remus: That's not how it-

Deceit: OH REALLY? CUS YOU RAN OVER TIMOTHY THE SNAKE

Remus: Not to be racist by I love goat cheese

Deceit: But that's not racist

Remus: YEAH I SAID NOT TO BE!

If another Shakespeare quote comes out of your mouth, I'm gonna break you like a Kit-Kat

~Deceit Sanders

Remus: You think you can take my mace away huh?

Remus: Let's see how you do without your oven door, De!

Types of Mums:

Logan: THERES NO TIME FOR CEREAL! HERE WERE DOING GRANOLA BARS! NO TIME FOR GRANOLA BARS!

Deceit: F**K IT WE'LL JUST HAVE BREAKFAST AT LUNCH AND MOVE LUNCH TO DINNER! EVERYONE GRAB SOME COFFEE CUS DINNERS GONNA BE HAPPENING AT THREE IN THE MORNING!

Logan: *Over the phone* PATTON I NEED HELP! I PASTED OUT AND THE KIDS PUT ME IN THE DINO COSTUME AND THEN THEY PUT ME IN THE POOL!

Deceit: YOU THINK ITS BAD? MY KIDS ARE AT THE AGE WHERE THERE HAVING S*X! WITH EACH OTHER! *Pulls gun out* ITS NOT A CRIME IF ITS YOUR KID!

Deceit: I don't stress bake!

Logan: *Points at all of the cakes* then what is  that!

Deceit: MY WILL TO LIVE

"Roman": Virgil wait *Takes off wig to show Deceit* Its me Deceit!

Virgil: B***h I knew! You were only wearing a wig.

Roman: I'm the winner!

Deceit: what no its Remus

Remus: FUCK YOU

Roman: OMG HES NOT CENSORED!

Logan: You can't say that!

Virgil: HE CAN SAY IT BUT I CANT! DOUBLE STANDARDS!

Kid Virgil: Mr Logan gave me a D

Deceit: What?

Kid Virgil: He gave me a-

Deceit: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!

Kid Virgil: I DON'T KNOW BUT HE JUST GAVE ME D!

Remus: A man isn't defined by his past...

Deceit: *Points at the dead body* WHAT DO YOU MEAN! YOU JUST RAN OVER THAT GUY!

Remus: People make mistakes~

Deceit: *Deceit and Remus sitting on the sofa* So what did you want to show me?

Remus: ...

Remus: ALEXA UNLEASH THE BEAST!

*hundreds of roombas emerge from every corner of the room*

Deceit: JESUS CHRIST!

Remus: DECEIT IS THAT A POLICE?

Deceit: No...

Remus: IM CALLING THE WEED

Remus: *puts 420 on the microwave*-

Mircowave: The weed speaking, what ya smoking

Deceit: ...this is why virgil left...

Remus: *Slaps the roof of the bin* This bad boy can fit do many snakes in it

Deceit:

Deceit: Im not getting in that.

Remus: F***ing useless