Drarry Hurt Comfort - Tumblr Posts
31. Would you come back to me?
Prompt used- doing a pinky promise. This post have been inspired by one of @drarry-is-my-therapy recent reblog and one of @fqirycircle drawing, which is absolutely amazing. TW- ANGST | HURT/COMFORT | Harry's heart had always belonged to the boy by the lake.
" dad" Albus said as he watched his father cleaning off the used utensils
" yea " harry replied looking over his shoulder to his son sitting behind the kitchen table.
" I- I was talking with mom the other day and she told me something " Albus nervously said
" oh yeah, what'd she tell ?" Harry chuckled
" why you guy's really separated " Albus replied. Harry stopped dead for a moment looking blankly at the utensils until he resumed washing, not replying anything yet.
Once done, harry wiped off his hands over his apron, handing Albus the cold coffee he had just brewed, taking one for himself, he sat down in front of Albus with a curious smile.
" so what'd she tell you ?"
" well- she doesn't want me talking to you about these things but I- think I'm big enough to know these things now, don't you think ?" He nervously asked once again.
" well- albus I think you are " harry gave albus a friendly frown and with that Albus immediately loosened up, giving harry a genuine smile.
" so what did she tell you ?" He asked once again pointing Albus to drink his cold coffee.
" well- she told me- that you guys didn't love each other " Albus said
" I do love your mom Albus-"
" just not the same way, right ?" Albus asked. Biting the inside of his cheek harry deliberated whether he should actually let Albus know or not, until he did, knowing if he were where Albus was, he'd want to know too.
Harry nodded hesitantly.
" but you guys seemed to love each other so much? Like all the things you did, I mean i don't get it how could you just fall out of love you know ?" Albus asked a little irritated by the fact that his parents had actually fallen out of love. Harry is suddenly strongly reminded of a very Vivid situation, the situation he'd been so familiar with.
" Albus- I think what you're trying to say is that we Always cared for each other. We often confuse love with care. At much later part of our marriage, before separation we had almost forgotten what was it like to love each other and simply cared for one another" harry explained.
Albus clenched looking at his father, " so you're saying one day we eventually fall out of love ?"
" what- no- Albus, no that's not what happened- hell " harry immediately responded.
" then what happened ?" Albus aggressively asked
" it's- it's just more complicated than it seems Albus but I want you to know that love is real, alright. Just because your parents didn't work out doesn't mean love cannot exists, look at your uncle Ron and aunt Hermione, I've rarely ever seen love like that and hell I can't even tell you how much time they had spent crushing desperately over each other for years. We're sorry- really for setting such a bad example but we're not perfect, nobody is. It's simply is we couldn't make it work and we regret it " harry sighed pushing his hair back from falling over his face.
Albus shoulder slumped down a bits, staring at the water ring on his coaster absent mindedly.
" just say it albus. Don't keep it in " harry encouraged knowing his son was deliberating about saying something.
Albus looked up at harry strangely, a look he had never looked at him with ever before, " she said- that you- you've never truly loved her. She said even though you loved her but a part of your heart Always belonged to someone else "
And everything stopped. Harry's breath caught in his throat, his hand stilled in the air, even his hair on his forehead became still. He was shook Ginny had told him something like that. It wasn't as if harry wasn't ever prepared for such conversations but the way it had twisted into something, it was unpredictable and he found it hard to focus on one thing.
" is it true dad ? That you loved someone else too ?" Albus contemplated nervously.
Harry looked up at albus, not realising when had he ever leant down and cleared his throat to gain his voice back.
" I never cheated alb-"
" I know. She knows that but she says she knew that you Always have loved Someone else too " Albus bit his lip nervously hoping he hadn't offended harry by saying something so personal.
" i- I never thought she'd actually tell you this" harry eyes widened in surprise as he cleared his throat once again.
" w- I shouldn't have bought this up- this is just-"
" hey hey, it's fine- you said you're big enough to know these things now- well then " harry interjected nervously " she's right. I- my heart as she put it, one part of it has always belonged to someone else " harry sighed closing his eyes, glimpsing back in his memories of that one Particular person.
" oh- who ?" He asked curiously
Harry raised his eyebrows, chuckling nervously, not believing it even for a second that he is infact about have this conversation.
" someone" he finally replied.
And with that harry is brought back into his memories from years ago, that one person's laughter resonating in his head, that one smile which was only reserved for him, that voice which echoed in his head every night, as if it was calling harry to it but just as he reached the bottom, there would be another bottom and he would be stuck. Everyday. And as harry started to finally tell Albus about his first love, he flows into his memory of the last day of 5th year after harry had recently lost Sirius and was extremely vulnerable, around the black lake away from everyone, in just his own little bubble with him.
The lake reflected with the red and yellow light of the dropping sun from across the mountain and a faint breeze drying Harry's face covered with tears. He has someone's arms around his shoulder, cooing him, reminding him one day everything would finally be fine but he didn't had it in him to even understand what he was saying. He was crying, heavily breathing because of the heart clenching pain, the void in his heart which had finally filled had now grown bigger, how was anything ever supposed to be fine..
" we need to end this " harry abruptly said
" what ?" He asked confused by Harry's sudden outrage with something complete nuisance.
" we can't- I can't keep doing this " harry replied numbly
" wha- why not ?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows, feeling slightly hurt by such abysmal suggestion.
" don't you see, I lose everyone one day and I- I can't- I don't want to deliberately lose you " harry replied looking at him.
He frowned " you're not losing me harry-"
" then will I not ?" They had never talked about future, only because it remained so uncertain that they hated the idea of future
" no- you will not " he replied
" and you are absolutely 100 percent sure ? Isn't there a possibility someone would find out about us and it'll spread like a wildfire and everyone would desperately try to separate us !" Harry exclaimed
" okay harry- first calm down. Nobody have found out about us in the last one year, it seems highly unlikely someone would-"
" voldemort knows " and suddenly both of their breaths came to a halt. One word and everything they owned collapsed onto the ground as if it was the fragile chandelier hanging on the top of a broken roof.
" how-"
" he can see in my head. We can't keep doing this-"
" then we fight-"
" I'll fight- can you ?"
And there was silence. He wanted to respond that he would but he didn't trust the world, even if he trusted himself. He hated the world. He was weak, fragile and in a fight against the world, he knew he'd always lose, over and over.
" we are on opposite sides of war. Voldemort's came out. He'll be rebuilding his army. Everything is going to change. Even us" harry tried to explain without wanting to break down. This was the first time harry after sirius had sensibly talked but it was self preservation speaking for him, he couldn't afford to lose someone he really loves, once again. For once he wanted to protect his heart, he couldn't roll it over his sleeves when his sleeves were covered with thorns. It would be a death call and he couldn't give in, just yet.
" you and I- people like us don't belong together. The world will never understand us and this is the first fight we'd lose. I want this but it's going to be difficult. We can't be together as Long as we are on opposite sides-"
"Then I'll be on your side- "
" you are " harry responded giving a weak smile
" but I belong on the other side" he replied looking far ahead over the lake as if the realisation had finally dawned upon him. Something he had always known but had now slapped him right in the face.
"yes " harry replied looking at him, Saving in his memories the last time what he really looked like, his smile, his long lashes, his crooked nose, his pale skin, his tinted cheeks, his soft ears, his soft hair, his storm filled eyes, his pink plumped lips he had kissed so often. Saving it away for one day what it would look like in a pensieve.
" we knew what we were getting into but we took the risk nevertheless. It was a deranged path and we knew it from the beginning " harry softly said clutching other man's fingers with his own.
He didn't reply, he just longingly stared at the waters, as if he was remembering them not harry.
" so we give up ?" He finally asked turning to harry with unseen part of his face wet with tears. Harry reached forward wiping away his tear but they didn't stop, they only flooded more with Harry's touch.
" no, we- we promise to come back once again after all this is over" harry smiled softly.
" and you believe there will be coming back after all ? What if one of us- dies " he hesitated In fear of only imagining it.
Harry started at him knowing it was one of the possibilities but wasn't ready for such thing. It was a huge possibility that one day harry might lose " I have hope for us " harry suddenly spoke out loud. The thoughts In his mind had unknowningly reached his lips and there wasn't a going back from that.
The other man stared at harry long enough, he too concealing this part of him for that one day they'd meet again.
" promise me then if we make it through, we'll come back to each other " he asked, his voice sounding not more than a quivering sound.
" I promise that If I make it through one day, we'll meet again and come back to each other" harry replied
" pinky promise ?" He smiled.
Harry chuckled, then nodded
" do you promise ?"
" I promise "
" what happened then ? How'd you wind up with mom ?" Albus asked curiously, a faint yellow light from the evening bouncing over his brunette head.
" did he- die ?" Albus asked almost heart broken
" what- no " harry chuckled
" then what happened ?" Albus asked again
" he- broke the promise. We belonged to someone else much before we could've even belonged to each other. When I met him after the war and his probation, he had changed completely " harry replied reminiscing about the specific day
" then didn't you ever ask him again ?" Albus asked almost jumping off his chair.
Harry gave a small smile " I couldn't "
" but why- what if he had still loved you ?" Albus asked
" as I said he was completely changed. He wasn't the man I fell in love with. He never asked either. It died out over time. Besides I'm pretty sure he had already forgotten about it. Also I think he was engaged by the time we met again, it didn't make sense" harry replied
" then didn't you ever like try to stop his wedding like In those romantic comedies mum watches ?" Albus asked excitedly
Harry laughed picking up their glasses and going over to the sink " she's always loved them. You've got to stop watching them if that's what you're cooking in your head Albus. Real love Is different than what they show, it's not just one fight and making it up. Its so much efforts, fights, pain, drama and so many other things"
" but If it's the right person, it'd never feel like that would it ? If you really love someone then those fights wouldn't be so bad or there wouldn't be pain or drama. It'd be a happy relationship, wouldn't it ?" And in that small sentence albus has unknowningly managed to define true love.
Harry looked at his now grown up son, crossing his arms smiling impressively. And nodded.
Albus sighed in relief, slumping down in his chair. Harry quizzically analysed Albus until his expressions changed to sometimes brief.
" who is it?" Harry asked knowingly
" what?" Albus blushed
" who's this person you're suddenly relating everything to ?" Harry teased poking Albus Playfully.
" there is no one dad" Albus blushed embarassed, jumping off the chair, taking a few steps back.
" come on- I told you my story. I atleast deserve to know who it is " harry smirked crossing his arms in front of him
Albus sighed rolling his eyes" he's from school"
" ooh, someone from school. Like father like son" harry teased
" dadd " Albus whined blushing
" okay- fine, fine. Who is it then ?" Harry asked giving up with the teasing.
" it doesn't matter, he doesn't like me " Albus sighed crossing his arms in front of him in disappointment.
Harry carefully analysed Albus's face again, remembering exactly the same way he felt "it's the Malfoy kid, isn't it ?"
Albus's eyes suddenly shot up in surprise.
" how did you-"
" you're my son. Of course I'd know" harry sighed uncrossing his arms and stepping forward and placing them in the kitchen table, leaning forward.
" don't make the same mistakes I did. Ask him out. Write to him maybe. I'm sure he'd agree " harry suggested.
" mistake ? What mistake did you make ?" Albus asked curiously.
Harry gave him a firm smile before he putting his hands away from the table to his sides " it's a story for some other day, your mom is gonna be here to pick you up in an hour. Do your stuff and we'll talk about it next week? What say ?"
Albus frowned before letting go and nodding.
" one last question dad "
" shoot" harry said as he started washing those used cups again
" did you ever love mom as much as you loved that someone ?"
Harry smiled this time not stopping " I- love like that happened only once. I loved your mom a different way. I loved him a different way "
" but who'd you love more then?"
Harry turned around to see Albus standing there leaning over the kitchen table curiously " I will not answer that. Now enough with my love life. Go do your homework " harry said a little sternly in his father like adamant voice.
Sighing Albus gave up.
" okay, just one question, I promise " Albus plead again. Harry sighed before nodding.
" if now he came back in your life and asks you for a second chance, would you go back to him ?"
Harry smiled Shaking his head" yes- yes I would "
The next week when Albus came back for the stay, he seemed far excited than anything else. As soon as Ginny had left, Albus squealed.
" whoa there squirrel, what's got your knickers in a twist ?" Harry chuckled
" I've got an invitation. Can we please go to scropius's place. He offered for a while. I'll promise we can come back and do homework, he really wants me to see his collections. Can we please dad, please ?" Albus gave harry his puppy eyes in desperation..
Harry sighed before nodding.
" for an hour.. "
And with that after an hour, they flooed to scropius's place. The Malfoy manor.
They were recieved with a rather very pleasant place. It was no longer a dark, submerged place, it had been refurbished with mostly white and brown. It seemed like an entirely new place. Not one part of Malfoy manor looked like what it did ages ago ,and yet harry liked it better. It was welcoming. And just then he walked in, with scropius.
" potter "
" Malfoy" harry sternly nodded at Draco, losing himself again in that brief reminiscents of the past. He hadn't changed even a little bit as he remembered him from the day by the lake, yet everything had changed. Everything.
" we're gonna go " Albus didn't even wait and ran off with scropius, leaving harry and draco alone, both staring at each other thinking how the other had forgotten of the promise..
( I've really been writing shit lately. Anyways hope you liked this one, I'd been very excited for this one but It haven't turned out as good as I wanted to, so .. )
Requests open
Part 2 & 3
Day 30- scared, potter | Day 32- reasons not to be in love with Draco malfoy by Harry
32. Reasons to not be in love with draco malfoy by harry
Prompt used- caressing the other's back | ANGST/FLUFF | UNREQUITED LOVE | HURT/COMFORT | Eighth year harry finds it hard to admit that he infact loves draco ..
" is it so bad harry that you like him ? " Hermione asked as a sad look dawned upon her tanned face
" what-no- yes- i mean- I don't like him. It's just he has changed so much and it seems unrealistic " harry covered up his tinted face by entailed more into his book
" sure harry, we believe you " Ron sarcastically responded.
" Ron- harry, you know it, you're lying to yourself and what if Draco have actually changed so much. I mean he apologized to me for everything he ever did. That has to be something and it was a genuine apology-"
" apologies doesn't change what he's done. And I don't like Malfoy " harry persisted almost agressively.
Hermione sighed looking at Ron, an indication for him to take the lead.
" mate, I hate him just as much as you do but she's right you know. You can ignore your feelings for how long! One day you would have to face them-"
" so what you want me to just go upto him and ask him out on a date? How blinded can you be ? I will prove that he hasn't changed. I will prove it " with that harry stormed out of the common room to the court yard to be under the sun and complete the rest of his work.
The problem was harry was immensely crushing on draco but it was so hard for him to believe that he'd much rather look for his flaws, it was easier as harry would like to put it. But it was so hard for him to actually look for a single flaw in draco after the war because he had changed completely. Long gone were the days when he used slurs like mudblood, in fact he himself was sending letters to the ministry over and over for stop discriminating against werewolves, muggle borns, squibs, and half bloods. It seemed too good to be true but harry knew he was genuinely doing it but his fainting heart didn't wanted to wake up one day and know that draco had not changed at all, so he chose to still finding his flaws.
2 weeks later upon constant teasing by Ron and Hermione about his research to find something suspicious or something flawed about draco, he realised he was standing in front of a lake which was completely dry. There wasn't even a single flaw and his heart could only take so much.
But he didn't wanted to give up, so during one of his charms lessons, harry took his quill and paper and started writing.
" Reasons not to be in love with draco malfoy "
" ugh.. scratch that " harry mumbled to himself unimpressed
" reasons not to be in love with draco malfoy"
" reasons to hate draco malfoy "
" reasons not to like draco malfoy "
Harry frowned to himself watching the paper, then dipping his quill in ink again and continued writing, only he couldn't. Stuck for minutes, harry looked across the room to see Draco smiling Kindly to a broken handed Neville and writing his notes for him. Harry groaned to himself, " bloody perfect git "
And then he wrote,
" draco malfoy - an absolute prat "
Impressed by himself harry closed his eyes and let himself ponder over every flaw he could muster and desperately failing but he needed something. One damn thing.
But found none.
He placed his hand over the paper once again and started
" 1. The prat have the most fucking Adorable smile. And he doesn't deserve it . It's illegal to have such an adorable smile "
Harry almost smiled at what he wrote but considering his circumstances he refused to. He looked up at Draco once again and continued again.
" 2. The idiot have the most beautiful fingers, bet it's stolen. They're the most fucking annoying thing ever and I can't bloody stop staring at it "
And with that Harry's motive unknowingly changed. He started writing about things about draco that annoyed him.
As week went on harry had listed almost 10 things he found annoying about draco.
" they're not flaws harry " Hermione pressed her lips in thin line to keep herself from laughing.
Blushing in embarrassment harry took the paper away " you wouldn't get it "
And as he started leaving he heard Ron laugh.
And he went back to the courtyard and going through the list once again.
" 3. The git have perfect annoying stormy eyes which makes you dream but also take you somewhere only both us could be "
" 4. He's unbelievably kind to everyone, even filch, how could anyone be this damn kind. Stupid "
" 5. He's got brain. Like actual great brain. He's intellectual, he's fucking smart. Like nobody asked you Smarty pants to be this damn smart "
" 6. He Knows exactly what he's doing. Like the other day in the great hall when he left the tea bag for far too long in his cup of tea, he poured a little of his tea into another cup, added ginger and lemon to his own cup and then some water again. Annoying as fuck "
" 7. He sits by the tree in the courtyard just staring at the damn sky and sometimes even draw it in his little doodle pad covered in leather, with a little blue stone right in the centre. Also half filled. God knows what he draws. Would be pretty fantastic though, considering how much time he spend drawing them and painting it. Hilarious to see him being focused. Idiot "
"8. He visits the professor Dumbledore's grave and just sit there crying. Don't know why I wrote it, just needed to. I understand him.
" 9. He talks with madam pomfrey about potions and their Ill effects. Again trying to be smart. He did help Seamus though after he fell from his broom sometime ago, guess he's got brain afterall "
" 10. He's bloody perfect. His damn face, beautiful as fuck, his nose looks like Micheal Angelo himself carved it on his face, his jawline, fuck, his skin is pale though but the way his skin glows when he's sitting in the courtyard doing something and the way he have a perfect blush. Who's blushing can be perfect ? But damn it, his blush is damn perfect as if something had put on natural flower colour upon his face and the way he have a specific smile for each occassion. The nervous smile, the grin, the quizzical smile, everything just super perfect. Stupid beautiful perfect prat "
Harry sighed understanding Hermione's point but he knew what he had written. This was everything he didn't like about him. Every single one of them, well not everything maybe but most of them.
Harry looked up, keeping the paper in one of his notebooks, to see Draco sitting on one of the pillars seat and reading something.
" prat even looks perfect reading " harry mumbled to him rolling his eyes yet couldn't help his curiosity for what he was reading because he wore probably the most perfect smile harry had seen. He hated to admit but maybe, draco was flawless, at least to him but he didn't wanted to admit. He was determined to find at least one flaw so he could prove them wrong, more him than anyone else. He just needed something flawed in him to convince himself that he wasn't desperately falling for him as his friends liked to say. One flaw, that's all he needed.
Harry kept all of his books inside his rag and decided to just walk around the halls before he'd depart to the common room but just as he had been exiting the courtyard, one thing he didn't wanted it to happen, happened.
" hey, po- harry "
Harry closed his eyes, breathing in before turning around to draco with a warming smile.
" what do you want Malfoy?"
" uh- draco- but nevermind. I wanted to actually ask you something, I mean I shouldn't, considering you still hate me but it's purely theoretical " Draco rambled giving harry a rather nervous smile. Fucking perfect again, harry thought.
" I- I don't hate you Malfoy, old habits die hard kinda thing you know " harry assured himself more than draco.
Draco pressed his lips in a thin line pondering on about what harry had just said.
" you wanted to ask ?" Harry impatiently said
" right- I- I've heard you taught defense in 5th year, including the patronus charm, i- since you've taught a few people I was wondering if you could tell me if people like me can- you know can cast one " draco scratched the back of his neck nervously, the same blush returning to his face again which harry always thought was probably the same shade as that of a cherry blossom..
" what do you mean by people like you ?" Just as the sentence had left his mouth, he realised how wrong had it sounded. Of course he knew what draco had meant but why did he had to ask him and embarrass draco ?
Draco inhaled the air surrounding them, closing his eyes as if he was gaining confidence for what he said next " I meant death eaters "
Harry suddenly felt like his tongue was in knots. He knew the answer but he couldn't reply and while draco looked at harry hopefully, his hope started to die out little by little as he watched harry standing quietly. His eyes suddenly turned from normal grey to something that was clouding him within himself, as if he was now concealing himself, like he was upbraiding himself.
" never mind- think I got my answer. Thank you po- harry. It was great help " draco voice sounded more harsh than it had sounded lately at and harry at once knew had broken draco's heart but before he could've undid his fault, he had scrambled away quickly and harry remained there waiting to get his voice back.
And when it finally did, it had started to rain, harry too scrambled away. Strange how the weather has been perfectly fine when he had first sat down in the courtyard and now it pouring down heavily after the misconception with draco.
Draco's smile was slightly dying out a little bit, and harry knew why but everytime harry ran after draco to correct his mistakes, he was tongue tied. Why was it so hard for harry to simply tell the truth ? Why couldn't he ?
In the mean time After harry had told Hermione and Ron about his faulty interaction with draco, they had stopped teasing and encouraged him to fix it as soon as possible.
It wasn't until during one of the defense classes, things took a better turn.
" now, you all have already learnt about how boggart works. It easily takes shape of what you fear the most but here what we have is pieret, it's a twin of a boggart but it is unusually different. A pieret not only senses your fear but induces in you the pain you'd feel when you're faced with your worst fear. Taking an example, if someone fears death, they would feel nothing Because death feels numb. If someone is afraid of lets say lizards, they'd feel irrational. You must be wondering then if you are faced with a boggart, then Also you'd feel the same thing, the answer is no, we predict what we'd feel, not actually feel while upon being faced with a pieret, it would heavily cast on you the feeling to the point where it may get hard to make sense of anything. However the defense against it is just as simple as that of a boggart,infact it is the same. Riddikulus. Now I would want each of you to clear your head and try not to think of your worst fears and then upon your turn with a blink of an eyes, say the spell and then sit down " the professor explained, not even stopping momentarily for asking students anything, as if he wanted to get done with the lesson. Frankly, everyone wanted the same.
The pieret however turned out to be more stronger than the boggart. Few students had to sit down to relax after their turn. When it finally came down to harry, he cleared his head and tried not to think of his worst fear . He saw the shape twisting and turning into someone very familiar, a scene very familiar. Before harry could cast the spell, the feelings had started to run frantically inside of him. He thought he mumbled something but nothing happened, voldemort was still standing, in his victory. Harry had lost the fight, resulting in huge massacre, everyone disappointed and then suddenly it had gone, now there stood a beautiful pink lily.
Harry immediately collapsed on the ground, breathing heavily.
" drink this " the professor commanded and he obliged, feeling the sensation dying out immediately.
" I need to go " harry hoarsely said and ran out of the room to the washrooms. He reached the same washroom moaning myrtle still resides in but somehow absent currently and he was glad.
Not for long. He soon heard the door open and close and someone walking inside. Harry was about to hex whoever had Walked in until he saw draco had appeared, looked devastating.
" it's only me. We don't want Same things to happen twice" draco announced. Harry immediately lowered his wand, still breathing heavily and becoming very aware of what Draco had said.
" I'd never used that spell again. I wouldn't ever "
" i know " draco gave him a small smile. Harry looked at Draco for a few moments before he sat down against one of the toilet doors, draco cautiously making his steps towards harry and sitting down next to him.
" why are you here ?" Harry finally asked, his knees pressed against his chest, looking up at the ceiling.
" wish I knew " draco responsed aligning himself in the same position as harry and staring up.
Harry hummed, not knowing what he should've answered.
" it's weird " draco suddenly said, a small laugh escaping his lips
" what is ?" Harry asked looking at Draco slightly turning his head to him, watching him staring far ahead.
" how both of our fears are the same "
And he finally turned to harry, with a deep pained expression painted in his dream filled eyes.
Harry quizzically stared at Draco " him gaining victory ?"
" yes and always letting people down. Disappointing them. Having no hope "
Harry was rendered speechless. Until he knew he needed to throw up. He immediately bashed through the door in front of him and puking into the toilet, emptying whatever was inside his body. He suddenly felt a hand on his back caressing him and faint encouragements reaching his ears. When harry was finally done, he leant back pressing his head against the door sighing. Draco's hand has left his back but harry still wanted them there, he didn't know why, but he just wanted that.
" any better ?" He asked. Harry nodded.
" here " draco passed him a bottle of water. Harry rinsed off the smell off his mouth, then drank some of it before flushing the waste away and going back to sitting in the middle alley with draco facing him.
" who do you feel you let down ?" Harry asked frowning at Draco.
Draco looked taken a back by Harry's sudden enquiry but soon comforted himself and began speaking " everyone. I just feel like that even after everything I'm trying to do, after trying so hard to be nice, helping everyone, trying to become a better person, I would still let people down. There will always be Someone who would want to look at my flaws and throw them in my face that no matter what I do, I'd still be draco malfoy the death Eater. I'm always afraid of letting them down, my parents, teachers, the ministry, my friends, classmates, you "
Harry stared at Draco long enough, understanding exactly how he must be feeling but feeling guilty at the same time for doing exactly what draco is fearing but once he had spoken it loud, harry wanting to seek his flaws was thrown out of the window, he just to hug draco right now and tell him that he's doing great.
" I don't hate you draco- I never did. I know you think I do, but I see you. You're trying really hard to become the better person and I can see It happening. If I were you I don't think I'd be able to do that but you, you're brave and confident and courageous to do this everyday. I could never "
" you'd never need to do all that. You already are everything you just said. You don't even need to try " draco gave him a little shrug. Harry's lip immediately turned into a sly smile, realising draco see's him that way, even if it was partially true.
" but you're different. Everyone already praise me, they've always done that. You, you're rising.. that's something much more braver than anything I'd ever done in life"
" are we going to sit here and actually assure each other how we're both doing great " draco joked. Harry immediately broke in a small laughter with draco. Being there with Draco right now was the most perfect thing harry could've ever dreamt of. How could he had possibly thought of wanting to hate draco ? It seemed irrational. Harry was driven by his hatred to find something in draco that didn't even exist and it's not because draco was perfect but because he was working on his flaws. Perfection had never been about being flawless, it has always been in redeeming your flaws. Harry laughed for as Long as he wanted with draco, never wanting this to end. It was a therapy and harry was glad to be a part of it.
When finally the laughter died out harry smiled at draco, picking up his wand and casting the patronus charm.
" my mom's patronus was a doe, mine's a stag. Snape's patronus was a doe too " harry told a pained looking draco until he finally reiterated Harry's words in his head and then it hit him
" he was a death Eater "
" he was " harry replied giving him small smile " a patronus isn't based on discrimination. It doesn't segregate between death eaters and wizard or the bad and the good or the rich and the poor. Patronus is based on a happy memory. I suppose why you'd think death Eaters can't cast a patronus is because they've never known true happiness. If you've ever felt true happiness in your life, you can cast one. There's both light and dark inside of us, it is what we chose to act upon, that's who we are. You're not a bad person draco, you never were and i know one day you'll be as to cast it. I'd liked to help if I can in anyways "
Draco stared at harry In surprise, his expressions changing to one filled with hope and turning into a smile.
" I'd like that " draco responded nodding.
" then we'll practice the spells whenever you'd like" harry smiled before he started putting things in his rag, after hearing the bell to finally get up to leave.
" draco "
" yeah"
" thank you . I- this was different- and just thank you " harry smiled hanging his rag on his shoulder.
Draco smiled nodding at him, getting up himself.
With a deep breath harry finally turned around to leave, smiling to himself, thinking of how he could just burn the list now.
" harry- you dropped something "
Harry turned around to see Draco holding a piece of paper.
Fuck.
Draco furrowed his eyebrows as his eyes fell upon the words inked on it. Harry immediately hustled in his bag to look for that one specific sheet. No, no, no,no ...
Draco looked up at harry quizzically " reasons to .... "
PART 2 | Requests open
Day 31 - would you come back to me ? | Day 33- tasting their smile
PART 2 ( ON HIGH DEMAND BY @cissa-bee @drarrycookie @drarry-is-my-therapy @littlebodybigheartttt @loves-to-read-fanfic )
Draco looked up at harry quizzically " reasons to not be - harry- what ? "
Annoyed draco shook the paper in his hands
" draco - it's not what you think I promise-"
" no- it is exactly what I think it is. You've literally written not to like me or more in your words, reasons to hate draco malfoy " draco bellowed with disappointment
" draco I swear- just let me explain- "
" what possibly can you explain me with this ? Huh? It clearly states why Someone shouldn't like me- you know- I - I just need to know if it's written by you ?" Draco's voice quivered with possibly the pain of listening a predictable answer
" I - draco- just please- it's not what you think-"
" is it written by you or not harry ?" He raised his voice demanding an answer
Harry looked crushed more than he could've anticipated. He knew saying the truth will hurt him and hurting draco right now was definitely not something on his mind but it was exactly what he was doing standing there quietly, waiting for an explosion.
" harry- I just- I just need to know if you've written this, please " draco's voice sounded more shaky.
Harry more so than ever wanted to dig a hole right here and bury himself 6 feet under, away from wanting to tell the truth but he knew he was doing more harm than good.
" y- yes " harry spoke shortly, sighing.
Draco bit his lip controlling his emotions, trying to not to just sob in front of someone who wanted to hate him.
" I thought you were different " draco whispered.
" let me-"
" good luck potter" draco interrupted, throwing the paper over Harry's face and storming out.
Harry remained there listening to the hustling in the corridor until the door completely shut and he was left with, silence. Silence which right now seemed too loud.
And as harry expected, draco completely cut himself off from everything. He wasn't seen for Long in courtyard and if he was, whenever he'd see harry he'd scramble away. If he was in the halls, and almost on the verge of facing harry, he'd turn around and walk away and in classroom, he chose the furthest seat from harry and departed much more early than him. He was avoiding, ignoring harry to be more precise and was doing a pretty good job at that. However as days went on harry found himself much more guilty of his initial steps. It wasn't so hard for him to actually believe that he liked him, at least back then he had a chance but right now draco won't even look at harry and what hurt the most is what draco had said about harry being different. It came like a howling wind knocking on Harry's door every night, taking him on a guilt trip. Everything that harry could think of to fix things with draco seemed like a doomed idea when he did the absolute worst he could've imagined of.
But harry knew better than to give up, so, he came back to his home, the treasure which led to most of his discoveries, the marauders map. It seemed like intrusion but something was better than nothing. So he spread the marauders map over his bed and started looking for every possible place he could see which would lead him to draco. It took him almost 15 minutes to find draco, the kitchens. Frowning to himself, what a strange place to be at school, he picked up his map, pulled the invisibility cloak and ran as fast as he could to the kitchen. As he started approaching the kitchen, he slowed down his speed in order to not scare draco if he were outside. When he finally reached the door, he saw draco getting out of the kitchen smiling, with a small muffin in his hand.
Harry carefully pulled off his cloak and cleared his throat to get draco's attention which he inevitably did however as soon draco saw harry, he rolled his eyes and started to walk away.
" Draco- wait " harry yelled
" please " he spoke out loud again cautiously following draco. He saw draco's shoulder rise and then fell and then he finally turned around
" here to give me another page for reasons to hate me, or wait is it a book this time ?" draco sneered
harry huffed " its not- i'm sorry for what happened in the washroom the other day-"
" oh yeah, you are ?" draco raised an eyebrow at harry in a mockery
" what- of course i am-"
" well it still doesn't change anything, viola on that harry " draco shrugged his shoulders at harry
" what do you want me to do then? It wasn't intentional draco, but you're just not ready to listen to me "
" if i do listen would it still change the fact that you were trying to find faults in me or finding reasons to hate me?" draco asked his expressions dissolving a bit
" i-no "
" there you go then " draco threw his hands softly in air to prove his point
" but-"
" harry, tell me what would you feel like if i did exactly what you're afraid of ? if that day in the washroom i had told you that you are a disappointment, that you have let down people? what would you feel like if i try to corrupt something that you had tried so hard to build up? how would you feel to see that the one person you thought was different, the person you thought understood you, the person you're most guilty for treating them wrong your entire life, the person you tell your worst fears to does exactly what you fear, tell you that you are infact never going to change because guess what people like you never change ? tell me how would you feel if you were me and I was finding flaws in you for whatever reasons when all you had been trying to do is trying to fix them ? tell me how would you feel ? "
Harry stood their dumbfolded unable to think of how to tell him that it would feel like shit. Unable to think of any possible way to explain draco that he would feel like a complete disaster, a complete disappointment. How could he tell draco when he had slapped harry metaphorically for ruining everything for him. But all he did was remain quiet, not because he was speechless but because for once he wanted to be sensible, because he deserved this, because if he were him, he'd want draco to think exactly what Harry's thinking right now. Because harry had screwed up so bad that he deserved nothing but this.
" thought so " draco clenched his jaws in pure annoyance before he walked off from harry, once again with disappointment washing over him a cool breeze.
What draco had said to him had effected him so much that in the next few days harry himself avoided Draco Just because he couldn't stand in front of a man who possibly hated him right now, who he had hurt in worst possible ways. But even if it was wrong, it inevitably made harry more infatuated with draco, how suddenly draco grew so unbelievably attractive to him, everything about draco just seemed so beautiful and harry was doomed all because he knew he couldn't have him. Because you're doomed when you're in love. The only problem was, harry was in love with someone who truly hated him.
" look harry, If I don't know anything else, I know one thing that you need to fix it, no matter what it takes. You can't sulk here, hating yourself for whatever you did. That page basically was the reasons to love that guy, he probably didn't even read it, if he had I swear he would've laughed " Ron encouraged harry once again on a fine Saturday while walking back off from the quidditch pitch.
" look Ron, I appreciate you trying to meddle in with my issue but draco clearly hates me, I think it's better that way. And honestly I wouldn't had forgive anyone who would've done the same to me " harry sighed
" it's anything but true. And it's not because we've been friends for so long, it's because I know you never hold grudges. I know it because you're in love with a git who basically infested his love in bullying you " Ron had never said something more sensible in his entire life and harry blamed it upon Hermione being his girlfriend now. It wasn't usual of Ron to talk about things in a genuine way but maybe it was hurting him to see his best friend hating himself more than he had ever hated himself over some boy he knew he desperately wanted.
" ro-"
" fix it harry.. you'll never be happy if you don't " and with that Ron ran off. And harry once again was left in his Asylum of his thoughts which ran wild with the aftermath of Ron's words. It was hard to know what made him happy anymore but what he did know is that seeing draco smiling while he read something In the courtyard made him happy, seeing draco during his lessons made him happy, writing out the list made him happy, watching him made him happy, the day in the washroom was the happiest he ever felt until he screwed it up and he knew what didn't make him happy was knowing that he has hurt draco with injuries that could only be remedied by harry.
It was during the evening when Draco was sitting in the great hall when suddenly Someone came to him and dropped a note in front of him.
" follow the notes to reach the end of the treasure.
1. He's a complete douchebag "
Frowning to himself draco stood up to find whoever dropped the note to ask what the note was about, or who sent it or whatever it meant but the one who had dropped the note had vanished in the bunch of students.
Draco had just made it past the great hall and took a right when someone gave him the note and ran away again.
" 2. He is definitely not smart "
Scrunching his face in ultimate confusion draco saw a little arrow on the bottom, pointing forward. So he moved forward, the notes still in his hand.
He had almost took a turn when someone dragged him forward again and gave him the note again,
" what? Who are they from ?" Draco asked annoyed with the mystery man who was sending him these
" follow the arrows " he said and ran off again.
Sighing draco opened the next note and read
"3. He's a moron "
" well don't know who it is about but whoever Sending It,sure is " draco mumbled to himself and moved forward according to the arrows.
Next he met with a girl just on a turn and again ran. At this point draco didn't even try to ask. He opened the note and read again.
"4. Because he deserve it "
Sighing draco took the turn and reached the end of the hall once again, meeting another boy who handed him the note. Draco without a doubt took it and read it, finding it a little amusing how organised the whole treasure thing he was on,was.
" 5. Because he screws up everything and surely is not a romantic"
Draco raised his eyebrows frowning, now more curious to know who it was about.
The next note he met with was on a intersection between two halls, leading somehow draco felt like was the courtyard. The girl handed him the note, pointed behind her and ran off like the rest.
" 6. Because he's the most scaredy pants ever who can't confess these out loud "
" nice one " draco said with an amused then immediately looked up to see if nobody had seen him talking to a note.
He followed the direction again and met with Someone with a note on a far left, definitely leading to the courtyard.
" 7. Because he's the least careful person of all "
" are you sure these are for me ?" He asked the only boy who had not ran.
" absolutely " and then he too walked away .
Draco followed the direction once again and met with Someone on a right for the courtyard.
" 8. Because he definitely is an absolute wanker who doesn't know how to dress up "
Smiling to himself he walked to the next girl standing just on the entrance to the courtyard. He happily took the note from her and read it.
" 9. Because when he should've apologized a thousand times, he didn't "
Frowning Draco looked up to see the girl was gone and harry was waiting at the centre of the courtyard, with a note in his hand.
" so these were all from you ?" Draco raised an eyebrow at harry, crossing his arms in front of him.
" 10. Because in the moment when he should've explained what that page had meant, he didn't. Because he didn't try enough. Because he couldn't just bloody damn accept the fact that he was in love and is pretty sure doomed either way " harry read from the note then handed it over to draco.
Draco sucked the left of his cheek waiting for harry to explain himself.
" I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"
" oh shut up " draco impatiently said, a little smile fighting to curve over the corner of his lips.
" what are these ?" He asked.
" look at the last note " and draco did and read out loud
" reasons to hate harry potter by harry potter- this is ridiculous " draco shook his head.
" Draco Lucius Malfoy, allow me to read this to you " harry requested like a gentlemen..
Rolling his eyes draco nodded.
" 1. The prat have the most fucking Adorable smile . It's illegal to have such an adorable smile "
" 2. The idiot have the most beautiful fingers, bet it's stolen. They're the most fucking annoying thing ever and I can't bloody stop staring at it "
" 3. The git have perfect annoying stormy eyes which makes you dream but also take you somewhere only both us could be "
"okay what is this? The 2.0 version of reasons to hate you ?" Draco asked sighing.
" If that day in the washroom you would've read these points, you would've laughed saying that these aren't some flaws, these are the things I notice about you that I love so much but am afraid to tell you "
" and why should I believe you ?" Draco raised his eyebrows
" because- I'm an asshole "
" because you're an asshole ?" Draco almost laughed
" because I'm an asshole " harry chuckled
" because you're an asshole ? And what difference should it make ?" Draco asked almost smiling
" because I'm an asshole begging for your forgiveness.. I know I don't deserve it draco but I would go high and low for you to forgive me. I fucked up and I know, I fucked up too bad but you have to understand that I wanted to burn this letter after we had spent time in the washroom together. You said that it's weird how both of our fears are the same, but Its not weird. I don't think it is. I think it is the most appropriate reason why I am in love with you. It is easier to not love someone when you know that there is at least a single flaw but I searched and searched yet I've found none and I know it sounds bad when I say it this way but it is true, I regret trying to find a flaw in you but the truth is I couldn't find one because I wasn't trying to. You're perfect to me but I'm Afraid of loving you but loving you is the Only thing that has made me happy and one stupid guy once told me that if I didn't fix this I'd never be happy but I don't want to do this because I want to be happy but because I want to prove you that I am an asshole but I want to be your asshole who can tell you each day that draco lucius Malfoy, you are perfect to me in every possible way. I am hopelessly, madly , irresistibly in love with you and I hope one day you are too. So there you go, I'm an asshole because I said all this even though you've got an extremely expression less face right now " harry vented it all in a breath just like he had practiced it a 100 times in front of the mirror before this.
" bullshit " draco replied
" what ?"
" I said, bullshit. B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T " draco emphasised
" I- I don't get it. I just made an entire speech which I'm pretty sure I practiced like a million times in front the fucking mirror, annoyed my friends to know if I had broken their heart would this be appropriate but here you are- seriously bullshit ?" Harry narrowed his eyes in annoyance throwing his hands in the air.
Draco sighed closing his eyes before opening again to continue " its bullshit how you think I already don't feel the same for you "
" bullshit because you - wait what ?" Harry shook his head rapidly trying to wrap his head around the new piece of information
" it's bullshit that you'd think I don't feel the same way about you or how you think you're the only one who's happy to be in love and how you think that you're the only one Afraid of loving " draco pointed finally breaking out a smile
Harry threw his head back grinning " you've got an awful of confessing back "
" well you've got an awful of admitting you love me "
" hm- fair enough " harry chuckled.
Draco bit his lip smiling at harry.
" does this mean you forgive me ?" Harry finally asked
" no "
" what-"
" but I will if you'll take me out " draco added smirking
" i- did you just ask yourself out on a date for me ?" Harry chuckled stepping closer to him.
" i think I just did. If you will " draco smiled
" okay " harry smiled standing almost an inch apart from draco
" okay " Draco whispered smiling
" can I kiss you ?" Harry asked looking his lips
" If you promise this won't be the last time you do it " draco mumbled staring at his lips too.
" I promise " harry replied and then he softly kissed draco, no tongue just a small, light, soft kiss as a mark of a beginning.
And suddenly they heart hooting from around them. Harry immediately broke free laughing.
" what ?" Draco asked confused, his forehead pressed against harry's
" that would be everyone I made to deliver these notes from and my friends " harry mumbled
" well then lets give them a show " draco chuckled and pressed his lips firmly against harry and this time snogging the day lights out him that he could almost trip them over.
" okay too much " they suddenly heard Ron groaning from the crowd making them break free again, laughing.
" I'm sorry " harry finally said
" I know "
Requests open
Day 31- would you come back to me | Day32-part 1 | Day 33- cruise to alberobello
32. Reasons to not be in love with draco malfoy by harry
Prompt used- caressing the other's back | ANGST/FLUFF | UNREQUITED LOVE | HURT/COMFORT | Eighth year harry finds it hard to admit that he infact loves draco ..
" is it so bad harry that you like him ? " Hermione asked as a sad look dawned upon her tanned face
" what-no- yes- i mean- I don't like him. It's just he has changed so much and it seems unrealistic " harry covered up his tinted face by entailed more into his book
" sure harry, we believe you " Ron sarcastically responded.
" Ron- harry, you know it, you're lying to yourself and what if Draco have actually changed so much. I mean he apologized to me for everything he ever did. That has to be something and it was a genuine apology-"
" apologies doesn't change what he's done. And I don't like Malfoy " harry persisted almost agressively.
Hermione sighed looking at Ron, an indication for him to take the lead.
" mate, I hate him just as much as you do but she's right you know. You can ignore your feelings for how long! One day you would have to face them-"
" so what you want me to just go upto him and ask him out on a date? How blinded can you be ? I will prove that he hasn't changed. I will prove it " with that harry stormed out of the common room to the court yard to be under the sun and complete the rest of his work.
The problem was harry was immensely crushing on draco but it was so hard for him to believe that he'd much rather look for his flaws, it was easier as harry would like to put it. But it was so hard for him to actually look for a single flaw in draco after the war because he had changed completely. Long gone were the days when he used slurs like mudblood, in fact he himself was sending letters to the ministry over and over for stop discriminating against werewolves, muggle borns, squibs, and half bloods. It seemed too good to be true but harry knew he was genuinely doing it but his fainting heart didn't wanted to wake up one day and know that draco had not changed at all, so he chose to still finding his flaws.
2 weeks later upon constant teasing by Ron and Hermione about his research to find something suspicious or something flawed about draco, he realised he was standing in front of a lake which was completely dry. There wasn't even a single flaw and his heart could only take so much.
But he didn't wanted to give up, so during one of his charms lessons, harry took his quill and paper and started writing.
" Reasons not to be in love with draco malfoy "
Keep reading
would you come back to me? - part 2
Part 2 - requested by @textrovert-01 @thebusyfangirl and myself ( lmao ) |
| harry and draco meets again, years later, their feelings perhaps still the same, as if they had never left.
Warning ⚠️- major angst | death | hurt no comfort |
The sun seeped through the small creek between the open french window as draco heard the faint footsteps coming through.
" dad, have you got a minute ?" His son asked. Draco pushed off the prophet in his lap, formed a smile and pointed at the arm rest chair in front of him
" what brings you here ?"
" I have all the time for you scorp " he smiled as Scorpius settled in. Scorpius formed a smile just like his own before continuing to talk.
" I got- letter- well a note more like " Scorpius frowned as he bought his small hands for draco to see it. Draco cautiously took the note and read.
" who gave it to you ?" Draco asked grinning
" Albus potter "
Draco swallowed sucking in a air before bringing upon his face another smile
" what's stopping you then ?"
" I don't know. He's Just- he's not like us you know. I mean he's good, he's great even but he's well, he's a mess you know what I mean"
Draco chuckled knowing exactly what he had meant, been through the same.
" Invite him over on weekend scorp. He's no different than you are, give him a chance and I'm sure he can touch different sides of you "
A small smile started forming over Scorpius's face as he understood that draco very much accepted whatever it was.
" thank you dad " Scorpius jumped up from the chair and hugged draco.
" anything darling " draco replied as he soothed his son's hair.
" don't make the same mistakes as I did " draco whispered letting go of Scorpius
" what do you mean ?" Scorpius frowned watching draco's face carefully.
" just- I made the mistake of judging someone by their appearance and regretted it for the rest of my life" draco pondered over in his thoughts as he still faintly remebered the first encounters.
" there's more isn't it ?" Scorpius asked after a moment
" no-"
" I can tell " Scorpius raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms over his small torso just like his own father. Draco broke in an amused smile as he realised his son learnt it all from him.
" you've grown up, haven't you " draco smiled " sit, I'll tell you a story then, you sneaky mister " draco tickled him softly making Scorpius chortling falling over in the chair in front of him.
" what's it about ?" Scorpius breathed heavily
" My first love " draco replied. Scorpius pushed himself upright, his palm beneath his chin as he bought all his attention into one single moment of tale and draco gave him the pleasure of hearing the story about the boy he fell in love when he was just 15, despite being on different sides.
" didn't he ever return ?" Scorpius asked as draco finished telling him about his last interaction by the lake.
" he did, after the war was over "
" then what happened ? Didn't you guys oblige to your promise ?" Scropius asked sitting almost on the edge of the chair
" we- we fell apart. He had moved on, I had to move on too " draco smiled sadly remembering watching first love walking out of the school not even glancing a look behind for him.
" that is sad " Scorpius's face turned into a small sad frown as he fell backwards
" indeed "
" didn't you fight for him or didn't he ?"
" it was a loosing battle scorp " draco sighed, answering what he answered to himself every night whenever he thought why didn't they fight.
" what if you could've won, at least once ?"
" we won only once when the world didn't know. We could've never won-"
" but what if you had ?" Scorpius impatiently jumped
" we would've-"
" but you never fought. How do you know !! What if after everything he's still waiting for you ? What if - what if he wants to be with you again? What if he was ready for a fight ?" Scropius asked
" he moved on Scorpius even if it hurts you and me both. He did " draco furrowed his eyebrows titling his head, watching how the story's ending upset him so much.
Scorpius got up from the chair, saddened by the story, as if a void was filling in his heart and slowly started walking away.
" Scorp " draco whispered, heaviness drowning his ever so light voice
Only for a moment Scorpius turned around and whispered " what if he didn't move on dad? What if you only thought he did ?"
Draco was bewildered with the tone of hurt and a sense of maturity overlaying his words. He looked at his growing boy fondly as wind blew his hair over his face " then if day comes when we'd meet again, I'll go back to him "
" I think mom would want that " Scorpius said and exited the room.
Draco sat there frowning to himself as the harmonious jazz music slowed down coming to an end. He looked at the picture over the coffee stand of his small family before Astoria died, his eyes glistening with the horrors of losing her
" if you ever get a chance, go back to him for me " Astoria whispered one late night a week ago before she died of leukemia
" what ?" Draco scrunched his face as he put their young son to sleep
" go back to him if he ever comes back draco. You asked my dying wish, That's my dying wish " Astoria instantaneously coughed. Draco immediately fetched water, helping her drink it.
" why would you want that ?" Draco whispered with the heaviness of tears Dared to spill.
" I took away you from him draco, I never wanted that. And I'm so sorry-"
" it's not your fault " draco eyes glistened as he held her hands, rubbing small circles
" isn't it ? " She asked smiling, her smile fragile as a glass yet so beautiful that it could light up a thousand worlds.
" it's not" draco replied saddened by his truth
" a part of your heart will always belong to him draco "
" I don't love him anymore. I did once, not anymore "
" then why do you keep his picture and look at this picture every night before you sleep ?" Astoria asked as she unclasped her hand to show a small picture of him and his first love.
" where did you find- it doesn't matter Astoria. I love you" draco kissed her hands softly, taking away the picture and putting it away.
" I know you do draco, you always have. You have spent your entire life after him trying to provide me love the same way you gave to him , but even if truth hurts, you knew you could never love me wholly. You loved him draco and you'll spend the rest of your life loving him-"
" that's not true astoria. I have always loved you and I always will -" but astoria pressed her hand against draco's lips as a single tear fell from her eye, giving him a small saddened smile
" lie to me if you will, lie to your heart, never do, for it only beats once and will only beat for one " Astoria recited " I have loved you, when the sun has risen and when the moon has drowned, I have loved you when the grass has turned green and I have also loved you when the grass has fade to yellow, I have loved you- what was it after this ?" Astoria asked pulling her hand away from that of draco's lips.
" I have loved you in every poetry and will always do, for in every poetry, I hear your voice. I have loved you and I have to deal with it because in the end even the stars choose destruction over life and you, darling are the brightest star " draco went on, heavy tears escaping his eyes. Astoria softly placed her hand over his cheeks and gently wiped them away..
" you wrote it for him " Astoria said, it wasn't a question but a statement. Draco kissed her knuckles, little sobs escaping his lips. Astoria pressed her lips in a thin line to avoid her sobs but a broken heart Could've Only beared so much. She put her head on top of his, letting her tears wet his hair.
" give him a second chance draco. He deserves it " she whispered as she kissed the top of his head.
" I love you " draco whispered, gazing far into the distance with sorrows and regrets of his life pulling him under.
Draco wiped away his tears, kissing the picture he had picked up then opening the back of the frame to see the small photo Astoria had grasped in her death bed that night. He longingly stared at it before locking away the frame and keeping it over the coffee table again.
He loved him, he Always have, whether he admitted or not.
_______________________________
A few days later when Scorpius had finally informed about Albus coming home, draco's heart beat have been on the run the entire time, Only realising then that he'd see harry after years, years in seperation.
Scorpius had been jumping up and down all day, excited about Albus coming over, the first friend he made in so long after his parents. He was so excited that he cleaned his collection of small broomstick over 3 times before he finally heard the floo going off and footsteps coming in.
Scorpius excitedly jumped off the chair, immediately walking to the door, draco walking behind him. The first thing he saw was the exact copy of harry standing in the middle of the living room. And then he finally heard
" malfoy " his voice sounded firm. Draco finally looked up at him, his breath halting just for a moment
" potter " he nodded just as sternly as the whirlwind of moment's from past danced in reels in front of him that he didn't even he heard theirs sons running away upto Scorpius's room.
" so.. " harry awkwardly said as he rubbed the back of his neck, a habit draco thought he still haven't dropped from whenever he was nervous. Draco almost wanted to smile and point it out to him but he's no longer the same person, nor is harry. He's no longer the boy he loved, nor draco was.
" tea ?" Draco finally asked
Harry contemplated for a moment before giving him a small " sure "
Draco nodded firmly walking into the kitchen, looking over his shoulder to make sure harry was following him..
" this place isn't like I remember " harry said after a few moments.
Nor is he.
" I got it renovated after father died " draco replied as he poured some water in kettle to boil.
" right"
" I heard about it, I wanted to reach out but then - well I couldn't. You probably had a lot of other messages I'm sure " harry awkwardly said.
Why didn't you ? I waited .
" I did. A loads from ex death eaters too " draco replied as he took off the kettle and poured into two small cups with tea bags already dipped in.
" milk?" Draco asked turning around to see harry awkwardly standing in the middle of the dining room.
" oh- sure yeah " harry replied
" please sit, ha- Mr. Potter-"
" harry " harry corrected
" I think we deserve to call each other by names whatsoever " harry added pushing his hands down into his pocket.
Draco firmly nodded, pouring milk in Harry's cup and unusually not in his. Draco put the cups over the small table, offering biscuits.
" sugar ?" Draco asked
" no- thanks " harry pressed his lips in a thin line, taking the cup in his hand, frowning when he looked at the other cup.
" no milk for you ?" Harry asked.
Draco shook his head, almost flinching by the bitter taste
" but you- nevermind "
" I stopped taking milk a couple of days ago " draco lied
" why ?" Harry asked curiously
" scorp is lactose intolerant, we found out recently. It's an approach to make him feel better too " draco lied smoothly again.
Harry frowned but didn't ask further.
" I'm sorry about your father though. I really wanted to reach out " harry said seriously.
" and I'm sorry about your separation. Scorpius told me just yesterday. I hadn't known it otherwise " draco replied drinking his tea
" I'm sorry about Astoria " harry sympathetically said, cautious even to make sure he didn't overstep his boundaries.
" it's alright " draco replied as he gulped his tea entirely and put away his cup in the sink..
" so I heard you're applying for Hogwarts finally ?"
" Neville told me " harry added.
" yeah- it's a good place to work in. It was finally time I paid back my respect to Hogwarts when I should've years ago " draco replied, walking back over to the table.
" good for you " harry awkwardly replied again and soon they fell into silence.
" you're still in DMLE then ?" Draco asked after a couple of moment's
" no actually, I quit long time ago. I coached for Ginny's team for a time but then I finally opened a restaurant bar " harry replied, his lips pressed tightly together putting the empty cup down on the saucer.
" oh- that's quite good " Draco replied with much appreciation.
" how did you know about DMLE ?" Harry asked
" oh- prophet " draco replied.
" right "
" tour of the house ?" Draco asked suddenly
" sure" harry replied and they got up to take the tour of the house.
When they finally reached Scorpius's room, they heard faint whispers coming from the room. Amused harry pushed open the door.
" dadd, privacy " Albus whined.
Draco and harry chortled shutting off the door behind them " what do you think they're doing ?" Harry asked
Draco smirked " wanna find out ?"
Harry's eyes widened in surprise as draco casted a spell over the front of the door that caused a blur image over the door.
" draco, privacy " harry chuckled taking draco's wand away before they could've properly looked through
" I'm kidding, you Couldn't had even possibly seen through the door properly even if you wanted to " draco gave harry a smile
" I think our now so grown up kids wouldn't enjoy us invading their privacy " harry chuckled again
" talk about grown up, sometimes scorp is really like I'm watching myself in the mirror " draco chuckled as the started walking down the steps towards the garden
" he really is your copy "
" isn't he !" Draco smiled at harry once again, freely for the first time that even if harry tried to not be mesmerized by his smile, he was still lost for a few moments.
Caught in the moment, harry cleared his Throat, breaking them both out of their moment of fondly looking at each other.
" anyways. Albus is exactly like you " draco said as they reached the final step
" oh yes, I mean I wouldn't say exactly. He looks a lot like me-"
" specially your eyes "
Harry turned his head to draco, shocked for a mere second before continuing " especially my eyes, yes but he's a lot like Ginny. After he lives with her "
" I thought you Would've gotten a shared custody?" Draco asked
" oh we do, she gets them for the week, I mostly get them for the weekend " harry explained
" and its easy ?"
" dad- oh "
" what happened Albus ?" Harry turned around immediately to the voice of his son
" I was- well I was going to say we should probably go, mom would pick me up in another hour and we still have homework to do, well mostly you "
" Albus, I do not do your homework " but it was too late, draco was already stifling a laugh
" oh as if you don't help your son" harry rolled his eyes
" oh I sure do " draco sarcastically replied before chortling away.
" whatever draco. I'm just being a good dad " harry rolled his eyes
" so?" Albus cut them off
" yeah- I mean we do have your homework to do " harry replied
" can we come over next week mr. Malfoy ?" Albus asked
" Albus " harry exclaimed
" oh no it's fine. It's an empty house. Scorpius sure would like that very much, wouldn't you the boy behind the pillar " draco called out
Scorpius came out from behind the pillar blushing in embarrassment of being caught.
" it'd be a pleasure to have you over Albus " draco leaned down to Albus's height, ruffling his hair.
" wow he doesn't let me do that" harry rolled his eyes
" well you do ruffle hair quite agressively harry " draco smiled
" whatever draco " harry smiled back.
They were cut off by theirs son's fake coughing, who had a smug look upon their faces.
" right, we should go " harry said
" next week ?" Draco asked immediately
Harry raised an eyebrow before giving him a nod " I'll see you next week, draco "
As weeks went on and on, Albus and Scorpius brought up more and more plans and reasons to see each other over the weekends, making harry and draco inevitably face each other, whether they liked it or not.
It was only one Time when things took an unexpected turn when harry had ran late from work and entered his house to find draco with their sons, sleeping over each other. Harry smiled at the sleeping figures before quietly entering the kitchen and fetching himself some water. Accidentally of course, harry shut the cabinet door too harshly, waking draco up from his sleep.
" Merlin, I didn't wanna wake you " harry said
" it's quite alright " draco softly groaned as he gently got up without disturbing the boys and sat by the kitchen table.
" I'll get you tea " harry said as he poured some water into the kettle and readied the cups.
Draco frowned looking behind harry, over something. Harry looked behind him over the magents over the refrigerator. Draco got up to get a clear look and when he finally reached he took out the small rough sketch..
" you still have it ?" Draco asked
Part 3
People what have you made me do !!!! I am sorry for the angst, I myself cried a bit ngl. Tags mentioned who previously reblogged - @thecornerofbelu @drarry-is-my-therapy @loves-to-read-fanfic @trcacletart @railmeharrypotter @abbott27 @riana-drarry and couple more.
Requests open
31. Would you come back to me?
Prompt used- doing a pinky promise. This post have been inspired by one of @drarry-is-my-therapy recent reblog and one of @fqirycircle drawing, which is absolutely amazing. TW- ANGST | HURT/COMFORT | Harry's heart had always belonged to the boy by the lake.
" dad" Albus said as he watched his father cleaning off the used utensils
" yea " harry replied looking over his shoulder to his son sitting behind the kitchen table.
" I- I was talking with mom the other day and she told me something " Albus nervously said
" oh yeah, what'd she tell ?" Harry chuckled
" why you guy's really separated " Albus replied. Harry stopped dead for a moment looking blankly at the utensils until he resumed washing, not replying anything yet.
Once done, harry wiped off his hands over his apron, handing Albus the cold coffee he had just brewed, taking one for himself, he sat down in front of Albus with a curious smile.
" so what'd she tell you ?"
" well- she doesn't want me talking to you about these things but I- think I'm big enough to know these things now, don't you think ?" He nervously asked once again.
" well- albus I think you are " harry gave albus a friendly frown and with that Albus immediately loosened up, giving harry a genuine smile.
" so what did she tell you ?" He asked once again pointing Albus to drink his cold coffee.
" well- she told me- that you guys didn't love each other " Albus said
" I do love your mom Albus-"
" just not the same way, right ?" Albus asked. Biting the inside of his cheek harry deliberated whether he should actually let Albus know or not, until he did, knowing if he were where Albus was, he'd want to know too.
Harry nodded hesitantly.
" but you guys seemed to love each other so much? Like all the things you did, I mean i don't get it how could you just fall out of love you know ?" Albus asked a little irritated by the fact that his parents had actually fallen out of love. Harry is suddenly strongly reminded of a very Vivid situation, the situation he'd been so familiar with.
" Albus- I think what you're trying to say is that we Always cared for each other. We often confuse love with care. At much later part of our marriage, before separation we had almost forgotten what was it like to love each other and simply cared for one another" harry explained.
Albus clenched looking at his father, " so you're saying one day we eventually fall out of love ?"
" what- no- Albus, no that's not what happened- hell " harry immediately responded.
" then what happened ?" Albus aggressively asked
" it's- it's just more complicated than it seems Albus but I want you to know that love is real, alright. Just because your parents didn't work out doesn't mean love cannot exists, look at your uncle Ron and aunt Hermione, I've rarely ever seen love like that and hell I can't even tell you how much time they had spent crushing desperately over each other for years. We're sorry- really for setting such a bad example but we're not perfect, nobody is. It's simply is we couldn't make it work and we regret it " harry sighed pushing his hair back from falling over his face.
Albus shoulder slumped down a bits, staring at the water ring on his coaster absent mindedly.
" just say it albus. Don't keep it in " harry encouraged knowing his son was deliberating about saying something.
Albus looked up at harry strangely, a look he had never looked at him with ever before, " she said- that you- you've never truly loved her. She said even though you loved her but a part of your heart Always belonged to someone else "
And everything stopped. Harry's breath caught in his throat, his hand stilled in the air, even his hair on his forehead became still. He was shook Ginny had told him something like that. It wasn't as if harry wasn't ever prepared for such conversations but the way it had twisted into something, it was unpredictable and he found it hard to focus on one thing.
" is it true dad ? That you loved someone else too ?" Albus contemplated nervously.
Harry looked up at albus, not realising when had he ever leant down and cleared his throat to gain his voice back.
" I never cheated alb-"
" I know. She knows that but she says she knew that you Always have loved Someone else too " Albus bit his lip nervously hoping he hadn't offended harry by saying something so personal.
" i- I never thought she'd actually tell you this" harry eyes widened in surprise as he cleared his throat once again.
" w- I shouldn't have bought this up- this is just-"
" hey hey, it's fine- you said you're big enough to know these things now- well then " harry interjected nervously " she's right. I- my heart as she put it, one part of it has always belonged to someone else " harry sighed closing his eyes, glimpsing back in his memories of that one Particular person.
" oh- who ?" He asked curiously
Harry raised his eyebrows, chuckling nervously, not believing it even for a second that he is infact about have this conversation.
" someone" he finally replied.
And with that harry is brought back into his memories from years ago, that one person's laughter resonating in his head, that one smile which was only reserved for him, that voice which echoed in his head every night, as if it was calling harry to it but just as he reached the bottom, there would be another bottom and he would be stuck. Everyday. And as harry started to finally tell Albus about his first love, he flows into his memory of the last day of 5th year after harry had recently lost Sirius and was extremely vulnerable, around the black lake away from everyone, in just his own little bubble with him.
The lake reflected with the red and yellow light of the dropping sun from across the mountain and a faint breeze drying Harry's face covered with tears. He has someone's arms around his shoulder, cooing him, reminding him one day everything would finally be fine but he didn't had it in him to even understand what he was saying. He was crying, heavily breathing because of the heart clenching pain, the void in his heart which had finally filled had now grown bigger, how was anything ever supposed to be fine..
" we need to end this " harry abruptly said
" what ?" He asked confused by Harry's sudden outrage with something complete nuisance.
" we can't- I can't keep doing this " harry replied numbly
" wha- why not ?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows, feeling slightly hurt by such abysmal suggestion.
" don't you see, I lose everyone one day and I- I can't- I don't want to deliberately lose you " harry replied looking at him.
He frowned " you're not losing me harry-"
" then will I not ?" They had never talked about future, only because it remained so uncertain that they hated the idea of future
" no- you will not " he replied
" and you are absolutely 100 percent sure ? Isn't there a possibility someone would find out about us and it'll spread like a wildfire and everyone would desperately try to separate us !" Harry exclaimed
" okay harry- first calm down. Nobody have found out about us in the last one year, it seems highly unlikely someone would-"
" voldemort knows " and suddenly both of their breaths came to a halt. One word and everything they owned collapsed onto the ground as if it was the fragile chandelier hanging on the top of a broken roof.
" how-"
" he can see in my head. We can't keep doing this-"
" then we fight-"
" I'll fight- can you ?"
And there was silence. He wanted to respond that he would but he didn't trust the world, even if he trusted himself. He hated the world. He was weak, fragile and in a fight against the world, he knew he'd always lose, over and over.
" we are on opposite sides of war. Voldemort's came out. He'll be rebuilding his army. Everything is going to change. Even us" harry tried to explain without wanting to break down. This was the first time harry after sirius had sensibly talked but it was self preservation speaking for him, he couldn't afford to lose someone he really loves, once again. For once he wanted to protect his heart, he couldn't roll it over his sleeves when his sleeves were covered with thorns. It would be a death call and he couldn't give in, just yet.
" you and I- people like us don't belong together. The world will never understand us and this is the first fight we'd lose. I want this but it's going to be difficult. We can't be together as Long as we are on opposite sides-"
"Then I'll be on your side- "
" you are " harry responded giving a weak smile
" but I belong on the other side" he replied looking far ahead over the lake as if the realisation had finally dawned upon him. Something he had always known but had now slapped him right in the face.
"yes " harry replied looking at him, Saving in his memories the last time what he really looked like, his smile, his long lashes, his crooked nose, his pale skin, his tinted cheeks, his soft ears, his soft hair, his storm filled eyes, his pink plumped lips he had kissed so often. Saving it away for one day what it would look like in a pensieve.
" we knew what we were getting into but we took the risk nevertheless. It was a deranged path and we knew it from the beginning " harry softly said clutching other man's fingers with his own.
He didn't reply, he just longingly stared at the waters, as if he was remembering them not harry.
" so we give up ?" He finally asked turning to harry with unseen part of his face wet with tears. Harry reached forward wiping away his tear but they didn't stop, they only flooded more with Harry's touch.
" no, we- we promise to come back once again after all this is over" harry smiled softly.
" and you believe there will be coming back after all ? What if one of us- dies " he hesitated In fear of only imagining it.
Harry started at him knowing it was one of the possibilities but wasn't ready for such thing. It was a huge possibility that one day harry might lose " I have hope for us " harry suddenly spoke out loud. The thoughts In his mind had unknowningly reached his lips and there wasn't a going back from that.
The other man stared at harry long enough, he too concealing this part of him for that one day they'd meet again.
" promise me then if we make it through, we'll come back to each other " he asked, his voice sounding not more than a quivering sound.
" I promise that If I make it through one day, we'll meet again and come back to each other" harry replied
" pinky promise ?" He smiled.
Harry chuckled, then nodded
" do you promise ?"
" I promise "
" what happened then ? How'd you wind up with mom ?" Albus asked curiously, a faint yellow light from the evening bouncing over his brunette head.
" did he- die ?" Albus asked almost heart broken
" what- no " harry chuckled
" then what happened ?" Albus asked again
" he- broke the promise. We belonged to someone else much before we could've even belonged to each other. When I met him after the war and his probation, he had changed completely " harry replied reminiscing about the specific day
" then didn't you ever ask him again ?" Albus asked almost jumping off his chair.
Harry gave a small smile " I couldn't "
" but why- what if he had still loved you ?" Albus asked
" as I said he was completely changed. He wasn't the man I fell in love with. He never asked either. It died out over time. Besides I'm pretty sure he had already forgotten about it. Also I think he was engaged by the time we met again, it didn't make sense" harry replied
" then didn't you ever like try to stop his wedding like In those romantic comedies mum watches ?" Albus asked excitedly
Harry laughed picking up their glasses and going over to the sink " she's always loved them. You've got to stop watching them if that's what you're cooking in your head Albus. Real love Is different than what they show, it's not just one fight and making it up. Its so much efforts, fights, pain, drama and so many other things"
" but If it's the right person, it'd never feel like that would it ? If you really love someone then those fights wouldn't be so bad or there wouldn't be pain or drama. It'd be a happy relationship, wouldn't it ?" And in that small sentence albus has unknowningly managed to define true love.
Harry looked at his now grown up son, crossing his arms smiling impressively. And nodded.
Albus sighed in relief, slumping down in his chair. Harry quizzically analysed Albus until his expressions changed to sometimes brief.
" who is it?" Harry asked knowingly
" what?" Albus blushed
" who's this person you're suddenly relating everything to ?" Harry teased poking Albus Playfully.
" there is no one dad" Albus blushed embarassed, jumping off the chair, taking a few steps back.
" come on- I told you my story. I atleast deserve to know who it is " harry smirked crossing his arms in front of him
Albus sighed rolling his eyes" he's from school"
" ooh, someone from school. Like father like son" harry teased
" dadd " Albus whined blushing
" okay- fine, fine. Who is it then ?" Harry asked giving up with the teasing.
" it doesn't matter, he doesn't like me " Albus sighed crossing his arms in front of him in disappointment.
Harry carefully analysed Albus's face again, remembering exactly the same way he felt "it's the Malfoy kid, isn't it ?"
Albus's eyes suddenly shot up in surprise.
" how did you-"
" you're my son. Of course I'd know" harry sighed uncrossing his arms and stepping forward and placing them in the kitchen table, leaning forward.
" don't make the same mistakes I did. Ask him out. Write to him maybe. I'm sure he'd agree " harry suggested.
" mistake ? What mistake did you make ?" Albus asked curiously.
Harry gave him a firm smile before he putting his hands away from the table to his sides " it's a story for some other day, your mom is gonna be here to pick you up in an hour. Do your stuff and we'll talk about it next week? What say ?"
Albus frowned before letting go and nodding.
" one last question dad "
" shoot" harry said as he started washing those used cups again
" did you ever love mom as much as you loved that someone ?"
Harry smiled this time not stopping " I- love like that happened only once. I loved your mom a different way. I loved him a different way "
" but who'd you love more then?"
Harry turned around to see Albus standing there leaning over the kitchen table curiously " I will not answer that. Now enough with my love life. Go do your homework " harry said a little sternly in his father like adamant voice.
Sighing Albus gave up.
" okay, just one question, I promise " Albus plead again. Harry sighed before nodding.
" if now he came back in your life and asks you for a second chance, would you go back to him ?"
Harry smiled Shaking his head" yes- yes I would "
The next week when Albus came back for the stay, he seemed far excited than anything else. As soon as Ginny had left, Albus squealed.
" whoa there squirrel, what's got your knickers in a twist ?" Harry chuckled
" I've got an invitation. Can we please go to scropius's place. He offered for a while. I'll promise we can come back and do homework, he really wants me to see his collections. Can we please dad, please ?" Albus gave harry his puppy eyes in desperation..
Harry sighed before nodding.
" for an hour.. "
And with that after an hour, they flooed to scropius's place. The Malfoy manor.
They were recieved with a rather very pleasant place. It was no longer a dark, submerged place, it had been refurbished with mostly white and brown. It seemed like an entirely new place. Not one part of Malfoy manor looked like what it did ages ago ,and yet harry liked it better. It was welcoming. And just then he walked in, with scropius.
" potter "
" Malfoy" harry sternly nodded at Draco, losing himself again in that brief reminiscents of the past. He hadn't changed even a little bit as he remembered him from the day by the lake, yet everything had changed. Everything.
" we're gonna go " Albus didn't even wait and ran off with scropius, leaving harry and draco alone, both staring at each other thinking how the other had forgotten of the promise..
Requests open
( I've really been writing shit lately. Anyways hope you liked this one, I'd been very excited for this one but It haven't turned out as good as I wanted to, so .. )
Day 30- scared, potter | Day 32- caressing the others back
Part 2 requested by @textrovert-01 @missdrarrydawn sorry for taking so long. Hope you like it.
TW ⚠️- BLOOD MENTION, SUICIDE ATTEMPT
" you are too young to take the case Harry " Kingsley sighed
" Mr. Shackebolt I'd rather be thrown out of the trial for being too young than not to try to save a kid that I know is absolutely innocent "
" you don't know that Harry-"
" but I do. I know he is innocent and I believe him" Harry snapped.
" Harry, ministry doesn't work on belief system. Even if I try to persuade the ministry, he will still be a death eater-"
" one that he was forced to become. Mr. Shackebolt, I beg you. Please "
Shackebolt shut off his eyes for a moment, sighing before he let out the words of wisdom " I will try "
" that's all I need " and Harry walked out of his office, hardly making through the stampede of people.
It took him almost a week to finally get Draco's under him, with limitations that he would be under supervision.
" any of evidence's found ?" Harry asked as he sat down in the swamp of files and books relating to the case, for defense.
" we went through his things and this was all that we could find. Nothing relevant. Just a couple of notes, hate letters and school thing's" the auror distastefully said
" leave me all of it and kindly leave the room " Harry Replied with much resilience not to snap at him.
The auror walked out of the room rather disappointed or with expression full of hatred. It wasn't such a surprise to him anymore. Ever since the news flooded out he wanted to speak against the defense for the malfoy family, he's gotten support and hatred both but mostly severely judged. And harry tried his best to not let it effect him.
He went through most of the hate letters he received from a ton of people he actually knew back from school, a lot of people who helped him during the war. To say he wasn't surprised by the immaturity of people to hate on death eaters without giving them a chance to defend themselves. Some of the letters were so harsh that Harry had to practically incendio them but it wasn't of any use knowing letters to Draco were already read. Spending almost 3 hours in the room, he got fed up of Reading letter and Decided to go out. He was about to even walk out of the ministry when he passed by the juvenile prisoners and decided to pay Draco a visit to have a one to one conversation with him to know if he could be of any use.
" visitor to Draco malfoy" Harry told the man behind the desk who almost became Shocked to death quite literally at seeing Harry. Again, not such a surprising thing anymore.
" Draco malfoy, sir "
" right, right, of course. You have the permission ?" He asked
" I - I don't but I know Kingsley shacklebolt, I can get him to get me in " Harry almost threateningly said
" th- that won't be required. Cell no. 21" the man almost mewled and gave Harry the key to the cell.
Rolling his eyes, Harry walked off to Draco's cell not knowing exactly why he was paying him a visit or what exactly was he going to say when he meets Draco.
But it wasn't required because when he reached the cell, it was completely dark with Only someone lying in the corner. Assuming he must be sleeping, Harry almost walked until he didn't feel Right and walked into the cell, finding him too limp to move. Harry kneeled down to Draco's eye level but they were shut closed.
" Malfoy, hey, can you hear me ?" Harry slapped Draco's cheeks lightly to bring him into consciousness.
" hey, Draco. What's wron- holy fuck " Harry immediately gasped as his eyes fell upon the blood oozing out from his wrist.
Panting heavily in panic, Harry pushed away his sleeves to reveal multiple cuts down his wrist, losing blood more than usual.
" help, I need someone in here. A medic " Harry yelled loudly for someone to at least hear his faint voice if possible.
" Draco I need you to look at me, come on. Wake up " Harry heavily rasped as his voice started to break down in the fear of holding someone innocent who might be dead.
He placed his fingers on Draco's neck meeting with only faint heartbeat.
" please, Just. Don't give up. I'm gonna get you out of here " Harry whimpered. He tore a part of his shirt and tied around his wrist and without procrastinating picked Draco up in his arms.
With much difficulty and almost out of breath, Harry finally reached the key holder.
" I need you to call st. Mungo's right now" he shouted at the man before running forward out of the cells.
He was almost out when he caught attention of just the person he needed.
" what's wrong with him?" Mr. Shackebolt asked in deadening shock
" attempt to suicide possibly. He's still alive. We need to get him to the hospital right now" he hadn't even realised how hurriedly and loudly he was talking until he realised he had even gather unwanted attention.
" we must not apparate harry. There's a medic car right out. We'll take that "
And harry nodded following him to the car.
__________________________
Draco opened his eyes to the room he immediately hated to be in.
" please let it be hell " Draco whispered under his breath
" you'd wish that wouldn't you ?" Someone asked. Draco roamed his eyes around the room to find a dark figured revealing itself.
" kind of was hoping that " Draco replied as he tried to get up but was met with help immediately, realising the dark figure was none other than harry.
" what are you doing here ?" Draco asked, wincing when Harry's hands accidentally touched his Wrist.
" oh- well- I think you should be asking what are you doing here " Harry gave him a small smile. He went across the room, Poured a glass of water and gave it to Draco, who took it without reluctance.
" well yes and that too " Draco nodded
" well let's start at the beginning, I had somehow an instinct that you had attempted suicide and ran up for it and then I bought you here " Harry grinned in a fake way.
" okay, now what's the actual reason ?"
Harry sighed, sitting down on the chair next to his bed " first I need you to answer if you're okay ?"
Draco frowned before whispering a small yes.
" I don't get it, how am I still here Harry ?"
Harry sucked in his cheeks thinking through to tell Someone how they're here who had wished upon to be dead until he decided, he deserved to know.
" I have news for you. Want to hear the good news or the bad news ?"
" what ? You know What whatever is fine. Just tell me the good news "Draco shook his head impatiently.
" well, your mom is on house arrest for 2 years with validation to leave the house only with aurors on duty and next, you've won the trial. But you are on probation for 6 months " harry replied, leaning back into his chair.
" I've won- how is that possible? I wasn't even there ?" Draco let his confusion entirely pour out without thinking through the fact that he was still talking to his arch nemesis.
" according to decree no. 40 of the laws and regulations of ministry of magic, a juvenile in life threatened situation, may or may not be present in the court to defend themselves if they have a defendants on their side to provide with relevant evidence "
" and who must be my defendant- it was you, wasn't it ?"
Harry sighed " I was. Not because I pitied you or anything. I was on your defense before you even tried to commit anything. I was only going to come and talk to you about the case when I found you, well covered In blood and unconscious "
" you didn't had to save me. I did it for a reason-"
" a reason that was absurd enough " harry fought back.
" you don't make my decisions for me potter. I make my own decisions and it was mine to do this to myself "
" so what, you just wanted me to leave you there to die, are you nuts ?" Harry frustratingly voiced.
" of course-"
" then I'm sorry to inform you, that's not me malfoy-"
" obviously because your saviour complex would never be able to do that. Leave someone to die. Haven't you got enough fame to be the saviour that you had save my life, again ?" Draco yelled despite being in a weak composure.
" it's not my saviour complex. It's humanity. I'd save any life that I can. Like I did on the night of the war just like you saved mine in the manor " Harry exhaled heavily not realising he had stood up.
" the entire wizarding world was on your shoulder. Your life mattered-"
" yours did too. You think your life doesn't matter, that nobody cares about it but I saw your mother cry when she saw your body in the hospital. I for the first time saw your father feel something, I saw your idiot of a friend pansy cry over. I saw my friends giving you condolences. I don't give a shit about how your life mattered or not , to me, it did and that's the end of it "
Agitated, Harry passed his hands through his hair, breathing heavily.
" it doesn't change anything, it still didn't matter. I decided to do this to myself and - is that bandage on your hand ?" Draco looked more closely at Harry's hands.
" what- yeah. That's well, you lost too much blood by the time we bought you here that they had to do blood transfusion. Muggle way. It was sort of my idea but your blood either matched with your father who by ministry's order couldn't get a free release. So it was me or him. They went for me "
" so- y- you donated your blood t- to me ?" Draco was flushed by either embarrassment or fondness.
" sort of yeah. I mean I had to " Harry sighed as he collapsed back into the chair.
" oh " Draco frowned as he looked down in his lap wondering what he should've said next.
" I did see your letter too " Harry said after momentary silence.
" why would you do it ? Haven't you saved my life enough times do it once again?" Draco was more touched than he allowed himself to be but the fact that the person he gave a reason to hate him his entire life, saved his life multiple times without hesitation, it rendered him completely foresaken.
" ma- draco, it isn't about how many times I save your life, it's that I know your worth saving.. it's hard to believe even for me but you're not the bad guy. You never were and that's the bottom line. You can call it my saviour complex but I've seen people die and- i- just could not see more people dying if I could save them. Don't you see it already, you're not meant to die, not right now atleast. That night you could've died in the fire but you didn't because you could've been saved and I did that. You tried to voluntarily die again, but then again, you were meant to be saved and there I was. And blood transfusion, again you were meant to be saves again-"
" by you-"
" it's not about me. It's that you always had someone around to make you live through, on every verge of death. Like me, I never die " harry chuckled lightly to cut the thick tension in the room and he knew he didn't fail when he saw a faint smile on draco's face.
" I know why you wanted to. I saw all the hateful letters and after everything I understand why you would want to stop living but the truth is, if there's someone who deserves to die more than you, should be me but yet here I am. Living another day "
When he met with no response, he dragged his chair closer to draco's bed and resumed speaking.
" there's been plenty of times I've wanted everything to just stop. Infinite times. I can list reason why I should give up, even when i wanted to I didn't.. I've literally got no family left of me draco but my friends. My heart ache to meet the people who could've raised me. Sirius was the only person close to a family I've ever gotten but then I lost him and I cannot tell you how much I had cried over losing him, I wanted that pain to just stop with voldemort practically living in my head, I didn't wanted to be the person I am as of today, I really wished for something different but I couldn't have it. I remember yelling at professor Dumbledore , throwing thing's at him even after losing him but I had no choice. I've wanted to give up so so many times, but I knew I couldn't, I shouldn't because there's people out there who still care. There's probably people in future that would care about you, and if not people your friend's, me" harry almost blushed at last
" you ? You care about me ?" Draco frowned
" I- it's- well- I wouldn't call it not Caring though but that's not the point. I've pretty much hated you all my life Malfoy, but even then you do not deserve to die. You've done awful things but none even close to killing Someone and you wanna know why, because you couldn't do it. I was there when you were supposed to kill Dumbledore, but I saw you lowering your wand. You didn't wanted to kill him and that's because you're not the bad guy, you're just someone with no choice, like me" harry pressed his lips in a thin line looking at the way draco was staring at him with a strange appreciation.
Draco remained silent. He knew that whatever harry said wasn't entirely going to stop him from feeling bad about himself but coming from harry, it meant to him a lot more than he could've ever expressed.
" why? I thought you always hated me, then the trial, my life ? I came to kill you the night of the war, how could you possibly want to defend me ?"
" did you really wanted to kill me ? If you wanted to, you Could've, instead of standing there talking to me. And about hate, trust me I had better people to hate than just you. And above everything, I knew you were innocent. I always knew it " harry replied shrugging.
Draco huffed out a breath of air still pondering over whether he should thank harry or throw him out of the window for saving his life.
" I can't believe you think I'm worth saving " draco whispered looking at his twitching fingers on his lap.
" I can't believe I was worth saving for you, twice " Harry gave him a small smile.
And draco couldn't say anything else. His anger dissolved somewhere in harry admitting that draco was worth saving and smiling at him and he couldn't find it in himself to be angry again. How can you mad at someone who gave an entire speech of to why you deserved to be saved.
" you said there's bad news . What is it ?" Draco finally asked at last
" oh- right- the bad news you're going to be under my observation because I was among the only defence on your case who cared enough to volunteer to look after. So voila you'll be staying with me in grimauld place, which by the way I think technically is still half yours "
" live with you ? Why ?"
" as I said, observation. Probation. And you are in no state to look after your own self "
" you aren't so yourself " draco scanned harry, not taking more than a moment to realise harry was himself not in the finest shape.
" well if that is- you look after me and I'll look after you. Let's make that a deal?" Harry actually, genuinely smiled.
Draco gave a low painful laugh nodding his head.
" I should go by the way. My visiting hours, starts again at night. So I'll meet you then. It's good to see you, alive again " harry stood up, pressing his hands against one another in a single clap.
" yea- I'll see you then " draco pressed his lips in a firm line, nodding at harry.
" alright " and harry walked towards the door.
" po- harry ?"
" yeah ?" Harry turned around only for a moment
" thank you and also sorry for everything I've put you through "
Harry smiled at draco " I've already forgiven you. Forgive your own self draco. It all starts there "
And with harry left, leaving draco to smile after exactly one minute of comprehending everything. Someone to look after him after everything didn't sound as bad anymore.
( the difference in my writing since I first wrote it and now, amazes me. Thank you for making me do this )
Requests accepted.
Draco Malfoys letter before he died
" Today I want to tell you a story of a fucked up family where a boy grew up with a father and mother who only quarrelled in the house and that man of the house didn't treat his women right like she was some pedestal he could stand on . A family where the dinners were silent and if talked , only talked about planning murders . A house which should've been a light Lavender was a House filled with black and less lights , just like their lives . A family where it was taught that love makes you weak and is for losers . A family where it was taught that bribing was your way towards everything . A family where the kid was afraid of his father . A family where the kid had been hit because he tried to befriend with some outsider . A family where the murder stories never ended . A family who worshipped the dark lord like he was a saint and gave him a shelter to Live . Would you even call it a house where it never felt like home but a prison !? A prison with relentless screaming , Snickers of death eaters , with blood almost always on the floor! Would you call it a home ?! Would you !
Did anyone even wonder what happened to that boy who lived in the house ! No Because why would they , after all he was the son of a death Eater ! But no-one wanted to hear his story , who he wanted to be , what he wanted and why he wanted . Nobody cared about how he felt scared everyday , nobody cared about how he lived in that house tucked away in the corner of his room , away from the world because it was his escape. Nobody cared to teach him how to treat other people but everyone judged him when he treated then wrong . Nobody cared who he was outside school because all they cared about was to hate him because he made them hate him . This boy grew up thinking love cannot run in his veins and there would be no one to tell him how to smile and how to treat people . This boy grew up thinking just like his father even if he never wanted to but this boy grew up being judged by the entire world. Oh what a crime it was to be a death eaters child but did anyone ask him that when the time came , did he wanted to he death Eater !? Did he feel proud when he got that ugly scar on his hand ? Why , no body asked him because it was his fate ?! Fate was it !
This is me , the boy who never knew love ! The boy with a fucked up family ! No body would believe if I had said I was forced to be death Eater , why would they ? After all it was my fate wasn't it ! Everyone thought I was proud to be one of them , did anyone ask me though ? No , why ? Because you were Afraid that my answer would be different and you'd not be able to see me as a slightly better person ?
People said I had a choice ! Do you really think so ? Sat amongst death eaters , a man who without a spell could kill my family , me and anyone I could call dear to me ! Do you think I had a choice when that lingering snake was over the dinner table who I've seen murder people everyday !? Do you think I had a choice when the dark lord was breathing on my neck asking me if my answer was a no ? Do you think I had a choice when my father was looking at me a threatening eyes ? Do you think I had a choice !? You think ? You call me a coward , maybe I am but tell me would you not have done the same if your family was at stake ? Wouldn't you do everything to protect them , to protect yourself ?
But everyone judged the born of the death Eater , not the saviour of the wizarding world ! Nobody judged him when he got played by dark lord to go to ministry of magic ! Nobody judged him when he gave up the prophecy because his friends lives were at stake ! Nobody judged Ron , Hermione or harry when they destroyed the gringotts because they had to get the horcruxes ! Nobody judged Ginny when she was possessed because she was small ?
Any of me comparing wouldn't count as anything , why , because they became legend and I became a taint on human being ! Because they saved lives and I didn't . Because they were on the right side and I wasn't . Because I wasn't as courageous enough as them? Because their stories for told and mine didn't !
But today the story ends here , tonight. I Draco malfoy confess to my sins because I don't know how much more hate can I take , I don't know how much judging I can take , I don't know how much more threating glances I can take . So tonight I do a favour of dying . For once I want to save myself from hatred but give myself to death
Crime committed :
son of a death Eater , suicide at 17
Yours truly
Draco Malfoy "
_______________________
I have an idea to continue this ! I might reblog it later and continue but for now it is what it is !
43. Love me like never before
As a request to redo this by @thebusyfangirl , I combined this with my missed prompt no. 43- braiding others hair. I wrote this while playing my Ukulele and I cried at the tune. Hope you like this.
Harry finally catch sight of the only one he look for and give it another try | fluff | mostly ANGST | domestic | hurt comfort |
Harry bobbed his head listening to the music, moving his body in slow rhythms unnoticed by anyone dancing to the songs playing at Blaise's wedding.
It happened an year ago when Blaise had accidentally met harry at the mall and thereafter have remained in touch and infact became pretty good friends. The time they met, Blaise was going through one harsh phase in his life and Blaise likes to claim that harry helped him a lot, not that harry ever understood that.
It was enjoyable to see everyone laughing away as a few started departing and only very close people remained. There was slow dancing and harry remained sat there, drowning on his glass of Scotch, staring away at dancing muses of anatomically humane bodies.
" to what do owe the pleasure of you finally reaching out after 30 minutes long time of longingly staring " harry turned to the man who he was very much aware of having stare at him most of the time.
" believe me mister it takes a lot of time to gather courage but now I did, and reached out " harry shook his head as if it was funny.
" well if you've come here to stare, so let me be bethroned to my seat and you can stare at me then " he raised an eyebrow
" no, I- as much as pleasurable it would be-"
" I'm really sorry I have to go. I'm harry by the way, nice meeting you" and harry fled off without even listening the others man's name because he had finally caught the sight of who he always looked for.
" draco "
" hey " harry greeted
" harry, I- it's a surprise to see you here-" he said
" is it? You weren't at the wedding?" Harry furrowed his eyebrows
" I- I wanted to, really. Just got stuck. I haven't seen you the entire time though. I'd been here for a long time " he answered
" really ? You might've missed " harry frowned
Silence.
" I didn't know you were close to Blaise ?" Draco asked
" oh- yeah. We met Last year, I helped him through his previous divorce " harry replied
" I didn't know you were a lawyer " he said with an amused look
" oh- no, no of course not. I consulted him to a lawyer " harry replied clicking his tongue.
The other man nodded, understandably. He gulped his Scotch, wincing as it burnt his Throat, but then again he had Always been into drinking scotch even if burnt, he liked it's sensation, and harry knew this as if it was ancient scroll he revised every night.
" so where do you work now ?" Harry asked
He clicked his tongue, gulping down his drink before replying " I'm in between. I have given up my practice-"
You were a healer at st.mungo's right ?" Harry interjected
" yeah, right. Someone accused me, I lost the case. Politician's pressure you know, bet one like my father. Anyways, no regrets. I was kind of getting sick of watching all the patients everyday with blood and bruises. I've applied to ivermory for potions post, haven't heard from them" he replied
" why not Hogwarts?" Harry asked
" i- I haven't thought of it. But a few painful memories you know-"
" I understand. If you want help-"
" no, thank you" he replied defensively " I Just. I want to make it on my own if you don't mind it. As much as it would be a great help, I think I want to make a place for myself somewhere with however I am- with the mark if you know what I mean " he added
Harry nodded again, understandably " I still think you're more than just your mark. It doesn't define your life"
" but it does " he sighed.
And silence fell over again. Harry looked warily over the music station
" the music playlist is rather nice" he complimented pointing towards the music station subtly.
" allow me to take the credits for it" harry smiled wittily
" oh really? You made the playlist then ?" He asked impressed
" I did. Played a few of them myself that is " harry proudly said
" my, my. When did you started playing again ?" He asked Thoroughly interested.
" it was uh- well I think - wait- how'd you know I stopped playing ?"
" oh- you don't play at the Joe's anymore, so I just figured- no offense- I just thought you had stopped playing " he defended himself
" it's- alright. I did stopped playing there. I picked up an year or two ago.. I'm learning cello now " harry frowned
" that's interesting" draco replied " why is the man by the bar looking at me like he can kill me right now?"
" oh- that- random guy. He approached me " harry shrugged
" still don't like random strangers coming upto you then ?" Draco smiled lightly at slight recollections from the past
" it's creepy sometimes. That man had been staring at me for like 30 Minutes' and when he did finally approach I gave him sarcastic replies, he didn't get it " harry rolled his eyes
" well not everyone can sense your sarcasm potter " draco chuckled
" and I'm glad to have people who do " harry added.
Draco and harry nodded at each other, Falling at loss of words, cautiously choosing their next words.
" yo-"
" yo- "
They chuckled at the moment, draco egging harry to go on first.
" you here with someone then?" Harry finally asked the question he'd be dying to ask.
" no, solo " draco raised his glass as if it was funny " you ?"
" oh no, got no one " harry pressed his lips in a thin line, his hands sliding down his pocket.
Draco nodded understandably.
" dance ?" Harry suddenly asked, nervously.
" wh-"
" there's music, there's a place.. what say a dance ?" Harry offered his hand
Even in a no, draco was reaching for Harry's hand's involuntarily, not touching yet.
" i- I haven't danced in ages" draco plead
" what is dance anyways draco- just Moving feets-"
" just moving feets-"
They simultaneously responded. Draco froze suddenly. He thought harry would forget, he thought he'd forget but he hadn't.
" so?" Harry raised his eyes expectedly.
Draco thought for a moment before giving in and holding Harry's hand.
" the first step wasn't so hard, now was it ?" Harry chuckled as he dragged him to the stage and attaining one corner to dance in.
" it's a couple's song ?"
" we could do hip hop dance if you'd like but that would definitely draw attention and I'm pretty sure neither of us are looking for that " harry shrugged his shoulders in a suggestion.
Draco's expression changed from worried to something that said seriously, you're ridiculous.
Smiling harry got hold of one of draco's hand and fitted other one over his waist, maintaining a valid distance. Draco however stepped a little closer.
In the little dance motions harry allowed himself to stare at draco and to harry He still seemed as if the Angels had carved him themselves, he still looked as mighty as ever, as elegant as ever, harry bet his eyes crinkled when he laughed loudly even judging by the small faint wrinkles at the side of his eyes, His cheek bones highlighted as though they had purposely been made that way only they weren't. His lips looked plump, like they'd just been kissing a plum, his hair maybe a bit longer than harry remebered but it suited him. He was still him, yet everything seemed so different.
As if Draco understood what harry was doing, he looked away, the pit In his stomachs growing larger.
" don't do it "
" do what ?" Harry asked spinning draco, then pulling him in again, forcing draco to look at harry.
" you're doing this on purpose " draco couldn't resist those eyes, he never could and he was a failed man to resist them.
" I'm doing what ?" Harry asked as if innocent.
Draco closed his eyes, only to open them again as the song softly tuned into another. Shaking his head, draco looked away.
" I'm doing what draco ?" Harry tilted his head at draco.
Draco allowed himself to gaze at him again, his eyes immediately locking with those green eyes, they were still irresistible.
" we- I can't do this again " draco sighed heavily. Harry pulled draco a little further In, then spinning him around again. This time though draco tripped a little and harry saved him again. Like he always had.
" why ?" Harry asked as they remained still.
" because we can't " draco answered and resumed dancing after taking position.
" we were kids back then. We didn't know what we wanted, what we said, what we even did, we were foolish draco" harry countered.
" and it didn't work then and so it wouldn't now " Draco firmly stood his ground.
Harry's eyes glimmered as the last of hopes died by seconds " you would never even want to try then?"
" we've tried and we failed-"
" we were stupid draco. I was stupid to let you go, you were stupid enough to let me go too. You can't look me In the eye and tell me for once, you never thought of trying again " harry's voice trembled lightly even after his desperate attempts to sound stern.
" I- it doesn't matter.. Its in the past and I suggest you think of it as a past too " draco swallowed.
Harry shook his head, looking away at the lights at far distance " I can't pretend to forget it even if you can. I was stupid to never call you back, I was and I'm paying my debts"
" yeah you are, how exactly ? " Draco furiously counter backed, his eyes shining in anticipation.
" by you burning my letters. Seeing you all night, seeing you date someone else after me, with you stopping to come at Joe's, by staying late every night, regretting " harry replied equally furiously.
" it doesn't fix everything-"
" and it didn't fix when you kissed theo right in front of me even though you knew I was ready to come out. You can never pin all of this on me. It was as equally your fault as mine " harry firmly said as he harshly spinned draco, and bringing him close enough that he could kiss him, but didn't.
" it doesn't matter anymore- it's the past and I've grown out of it. I've forgiven you long time ago, like any mature Person and I've moved on with life " draco replied looking down at Harry's lip, not moving an inch further.
" you've moved on from me then ?" Harry asked stepping back to get a better look at draco, resuming soft motions.
" I have " Draco replied looking anywhere but harry
It was as if Harry's heart was shattering little by little, like a glass doll was slowly falling and it was just about to hit the surface. He spoke no more but only danced as he regretted his lost chances.
" this song " draco sighed, instantly recognising it.
" this song will end right in 1 minute and you know it too. When it ends I will walk away draco, and you don't stop me, I'll never come back and beg for your forgiveness. I'll know that this song is no longer your favorite, that you don't miss me, thay you don't wish to be with me, that you have after all given up. I'll know you've moved on like you claim you have, I'll know you don't love me anymore, like you say you don't and I'll go " harry whispered and gave draco a last spin, his movements softening than before. That glass doll was locked in a rest state, paused from Falling and all it would take to shatter would be harry walking away and draco letting him. The tunes smoothered down just like Harry's hush movements. And the song finally stopped with the soft roughened end of the vinyl stopping playing on the record player. Harry for one last time looked draco, who didn't look at harry. He couldn't.
" goodbye draco " harry whispered as the glimmer of his tear fell down his cheek and he turned around to walk away, the glass doll finally-
" I don't- stop- wait " draco impatiently Turned harry around. His eyes swimming with the horrors of a broken heart, his lips trembling in fear of losing, again.
" why? After all this time why do you want to try again ?" Draco asked,his voice quivering softly
" because- I don't want to feel this pain anymore like you do " harry sighed as he stepped closer to draco, a sense of cherish running down his body knowing draco had stopped him.
" we never worked out. We fought a lot harry. We hurt each other. We kept ourselves a secret. We called each other things. Give me one reason why we should do it against ? Give me one reason worth it to come back for you ?"
" Because I'm not who I used to be, you're not who you used to be. Because I'd much rather never kiss anybody than not being kissed by you. Because I'd rather sleep with no moon or the stars than living a life knowing you're not by my side. Because I was stupid to let you go. Because I regret losing the only good thing in my life. Because despite everything we were good together. Because in every poem, it's your voice I hear. Because in every eyes, I look for you. Because In every echo I hear your voice. Because there's no home without you. Because I want to suffer but I want to suffer with you. Because if there was one person I would fly to the moon and to the entire galaxy, its you. Because I've lost you once and I can't do it again. Because I want to play my every song to no one but you. Because I knew you'd come today and this would be my last chance. Because the way we met again was special and anyone who reaches to me in a bar, it's unworthy. Because I'll miss you forever with every core, nerve of my body if I don't have you. Because I love you, Always have and Always will. Because anatomically, mentally, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually I'm all yours and I want to be no one else's "
" and I'd let you braid my hair like you always wanted, everyday " Harry shrugged as though it was nothing but he was in tears.
Draco's face quipped with a little side smile as tears emerged in his eyes, those were happy tears and he was glad.
" you had me at braiding your hair " draco chuckled.
Harry chuckled too, crying but chuckling.
" wow, even my vows were not that good " they heard Blaise retort in between their moment.
Harry shut off his eyes " you're unbelievable Blaise "
" if you don't kiss him, I will draco" Blaise's new wife added
" you ruined the moment guys " harry quipped, wiping off his tears.
Draco chuckled Shaking his head, pulling harry closer by his collar " you're a fucking menace" and kissed harry over the lips.
The fireworks suddenly went off but they cared no less for the world right now. They were entailed in their moment of reunion, of casting themselves back together, of finally returning to each other, finally returning home. Their love was no love written in the stars or to be found in any divinations or prophecies, their love was a tragic love story, that they had written filled with pain, suffering, betrayal, heart break and happy ending. No two people had ever been more perfect for each other than them, at least that's what people said afterwards.
_______________________________
Harry was sat on the ground, Involved with depths into a Disney movie and draco sat behind him over the couch.
" hair tie harry " draco ordered. Without breaking eye contact, harry gave draco the hair tie and he plunged his hair into 2 thin french side braids he had Always liked so much.
" let me see " draco said. Harry only turned for a glimpse before turning around to see the movie again.
" harry " draco sternly commanded. Harry paused the movie and then turned around to give draco the final view.
" mia bella Amare ( my beautiful love ) " Draco cheekily smiled as he leaned down and kissed harry the nose. He moved back a little to see harry furiously blushing. Grinning draco pushed a strand of Harry's fallen out hair behind his ear.
" I love you " harry whispered as he craned upward to kiss his boyfriend.
" I know " draco murmured as he kissed harry over the lips.
" now do mine " draco said in the kiss and immediately jumped down to the ground, harry shifting to the couch.
And that was their typical Sunday.
Or had it always been fate? A destiny ?
I'm sorry for my inability to recently provide individual/ uncombined requests. I've been a bit swamped with requests.
Requests open
Day 42- little things | Day 44-how to get away with murder |
Hey @sorry-i-ship-drarry
I love all your drabbles / shortfics. They give one of my serotonin shots of my day😭❤️😍
Can you please do prompt no.12 - pushing a strand of hair behind the ear?
You can clearly see I'm a simp for these gestures. And can't wait to read it from your writing. 😍❤️
Lots of love,
And do not forget to take care of yourself amidst all these writing😊😊
Hey @thebusyfangirl I'm incredibly Thankful to you. I notice you reblogging my writings and my posts a lot and I very much appreciate it . Now as for the Prompt request , I have already done it before- draco's clever boyfriend .
Here's the masterlist to all the prompts I've already written.
However I would take a request of redoing the same prompt in a different way, if you want to. I'd very much enjoy redoing it.
Take care.
47. Stupid Teenage crush - part2
when life gave harry a second chance, he took it | fluff | angst | comfort |
Requested by - @cissa-bee @textrovert-01 and @littlebodybigheartttt and @thebusyfangirl, here's the comfort you seeked
Until the very morning of 4th October, an year and four months later when draco came like howling wind, knocking his door on the grimauld place, 12, everything changed, again, for the second time.
" draco ?" Harry frowned as he opened the door to allow draco into his little paradise.
How could he had expected such a thing, draco revealed he had been away for college, until he quit very recently precisely Because he was done people's puppet. He missed being around people who loved him, people who understood him but mostly in his time away from harry, he realised he missed him the most.
He was happy in his life , harry was. He had a boyfriend, nice friends, a place he called his own yet the scar draco left, stung, once again after harry had bandaged it nicely and covered it up. Days away, it should have Healed, he should've been used to draco's absence but seeing him only awoke feeling of warmth and home that harry himself hadn't known he missed. The scar resurfaced and shone in gold, and harry only wished that this time the wound won't need rendering.
However it was quick when Harry's friend's became his own and Friday nights became a thing. They spend hours chattering away, making fun and jokes, playing truth and dare without such a little care in the world. Harry and draco would even on some nights just live the night away, sneak out, running on grounds for far too late, skating on the ice, scaring people from under the invisibility cloak until a very night,he saw it. Draco watched as harry kissed his boyfriend, with his arm hanging around his neck from up where he sat on arm rest next to his boyfriend. Harry liked his boyfriend way more than draco had even thought about and somewhere in the corner of his little wretched traitorous heart, he felt lonely and jealous, guilty for being jealous. And to him, an old friend visted and draco consumed more alcohol in the bar than his body could suffice.
Days turned to weeks, into months, draco took his place back again in Harry's life only this time he reminded himself that he was with someone who made him happy but the thoughts of draco haunted him late at night, somedays it made him smile, somedays it left him confused, and somedays Just thinking. Draco started working in the pet shop just opposite of Harry's coffee shop, like harry had suggested, even lived with harry until Draco found his own place and all left harry giggling with draco as they walked back home together. He was still the same draco he had once known, he was still the draco who got giddy about eating chocolate cake ,who ate with elegance, who still loved to dress in Black but secretly loved white, still the one who loved to read in his free time when people thought of hanging out but this time harry didn't fall, he didn't, did he ?
" why him ? Why not me ?" Draco had said as soon as he had rung the bell of the place he too lived in when harry opened the door.
" what ?" Harry frowned as he tried pulling draco inside
" why him ? I thought you liked me ?" Draco seemed as though he might cry, or had been.
" what are you on about draco ?" Harry asked as he tried to pull draco inside again, only for his hands to be jerked away..
" you know it. You liked me first harry, so why him and not me ? " Draco stammered as he stepped nearer to Harry, grabbing him by his collar " you walk home with me, you talk to me, you live with me, you read with me, and you eat with me. You do everything with me and yet you're with him and not me harry..why are hurting me? Why ?"
" I like you harry..fuck i do and I know you're with that little of idiot with military cut but I can't change the way I feel. I'm sorry harry but I like you. And I think you should be with me but you're with him " before Harry had even anticipated anything, Draco had collapsed in a hug with harry, whispering in his neck that he liked him until Harry felt draco relax under his hold and fallen asleep.
Sighing harry picked draco up In his arm and helped him over to his bedroom and laying him over the bed, covering him up with sheets. Harry stared at Draco with his eyes shut, draco looked more relaxed than ever, the babyish like softness spread across draco's face, his lips poked out lightly. Harry smiled to himself, almost wanting to touch those lips, that face that shone brightly under the moon light but harry didn't. He didn't want to wake up draco just because he seemed at peace and harry was afraid he'll ruin it.
" because, I too once felt all that and I saw you choose someone else over me. I wish you'd came earlier " harry whispered in a reply as he kissed the top of draco's head with a smile.
" stay" draco grumbled as he held harry's hand and tucked into a little grasp avoiding harry from leaving. Like Someone who'd been in love, he stayed by waiting for draco to leave his arm until harry asleep by the bed, In draco's hold.
And Harry didn't think much upon anything or he lied to himself until the very next morning, draco entered the kitchen while harry was preparing breakfast. They sat down and ate in silence, silence that was quiet yet so loud.
" why are you here and not over at Andrew's ?" That was the first thing he asked harry when he abruptly stopped eating.
" because this is my place ?" Harry frowned
" no I mean why are you here making breakfast for me when you should be Making it for Andrew " draco sharply said.
" one, I don't have to make food for him just because he's my boyfriend-"
" will you stop pretending last night didn't happen ?" Draco sneered. And with that harry finally stopped eating and looked up at Draco.
" and do what with it ? You said something's and so what ? You were drunk out of your mind draco"
" so you're just going to pretend I didn't absolutely poured my heart out to you and you don't care because they were drunken words " Draco snapped
" okay, I don't know what's wrong with or you're Just grumpy-"
" stop pretending -"
" and do what draco ? Tell you that I can't believe you just said that ? Tell you that you had no right to say that ? Tell you that I like you too or something ? Stop pretending that it didn't happen and do exactly what draco" harry Snapped
" stop pretending that you are happy with Andrew " draco snapped
Harry clenched his jaw In anger as his fists clenched too by his side, slamming it over the table " you don't say about my relationship draco. He's Someone who actually likes me back and I'm happy with him " he snapped and stormed right out of the house, leaving the breakfast stranded.
Draco sighed heavily when he heard the door slam shut. He regretted even talking about it but what more could an injured heart do, still minimally drunk..
But Draco regretted it more when the House felt more empty and haunting when some portraits In the attic screeched Because of the thunder breaking out in the clouds. The drizzle only picked up by hours, sky darkening the clouds and the patio draco sat on waiting for harry blinked between dark and light as the light fused blinked in the quivering weather. In the hours harry was gone, draco had worriedly sat outside, made some tea, tried reading but nothing worked. Draco had ruined many things in life, a lot of them, even the relationship with theo when he learnt through theo harry liked him but if there was one thing he always wanted to protect was harry and he couldn't bear the thought of having almost ruined Everything as he stood under the rain, looking up at the sky for some sort of sign that would return.
And just as if someone had heard his prayer, the clouds grumbled loudly as a streak of lightening went off In the sky, draco heard the patio door open and there stood harry, all wet..
"harry-"
" no.. you- you just stay quiet and I'll talk"
" but Harry-"
" I said stay quiet "
And draco remained silent, waiting for his heart to be peirced open and cut into shreds.
" I knew it the day you came back, something had changed. I knew it and I hate you for coming back in my life. You had absolutely no right to do that after what you'd put me through. I was doing absolutely fine, had a boyfriend who liked me, a nice job, nice friends, family but you- you moronic fuck, ruined my relationship, ruined my peace, ruined everything, even me. You had no right to tell me you liked me, I waited endless months to hear that from you but not at this price, this ship had sailed draco and I don't want you" harry huffed as he saw even In the rain, draco's eyes glistening with tears
" but fuck I need you. It's not as if I can't live without you, without looking at your face, looking at your stupid face when you read something that confuses you, without seeing you smile, without seeing your eyes or just entirely your anatomical constitution of matter, I just don't want to. I want to look at you everyday, every single day of my life even if you're a complete arsehole and doesn't deserve this but I came back because I wanted to. Because I'm an idiot who still likes you after everything and all who can think of is kissing you just like I've Always wanted to " harry bit his lip as he finished his monologue, waiting for some sort of reaction but it was as if time had slowed down or that Maybe draco had expected something else that when he finally realised, he collapsed into happy sobs.
" I-"
" just fucking kiss me already " harry smiled in his own tears as he walked to draco and finally waited for draco to kiss him and he did . Draco pulled harry closer by the corner of his white sweater, all wet from the rain, softly putting his hands into harry neck, a little of Tickling into his hair as he kissed harry, blushing. Harry chuckled as he pulled draco closer, wrapping his arms around his waist, loving the feeling of draco's lips over his own.
And for once harry now knew, he wouldn't stay awake thinking what would had happened if he had ever kissed draco because he had and his life changed for the third time and this time, for forever.
Only if life gave me a second chance.
Thank you for making me write a part 2. Just want to let you know that if you've requested something, I have it under progress and I promise I'm trying to keep up with it.
Requests still open
Day 46- old habits | Day 48- because, it's you and me
47. Stupid Teenage crush
Prompt used- Touching their elbow to get their attention | ANGST | HURT COMFORT | IRL- based
To be 17 and to be in love, harry was no exception.
Harry saw it in his eyes, he really did.. but was he wrong. Was he so absolutely wrong...
They met in July again after years, last year. It wasn't such a special meet or something he could tell his kids about, it was just a simple meet with only a question being asked while they were doing potions homework. Harry was sat in the library doing his homework when he got stuck and desperately needed help and there he was, sitting in his black suit on the end of the table, scratching down his own work. Harry had asked for help in his notes, and without hesitation draco gave him his notebook and asked harry to return it to him whenever he wanted, as Long as it was before potions class. Harry had never thought of Draco differently until that moment he decided to help. Like a gentlemen, harry hurried the work and decided to hand draco his notebook before next potions lesson and so he did, that's when they hit it off when Draco tried to make a small conversation and it resulted into a long conversation on parchment in the classroom barely paying attention to the class.
From little conversations they went to long conversations to dropping draco off at the end of the day to his dorms and only then harry would walk away, smiling to himself. He didn't admit it to himself that he was slowly falling for draco until that very night harry was sitting on the floor talking with Ron and Hermione. It was like a random switch when Ron and Hermione shared a sweet simple kiss that it occurred to harry, he'd like to do it too, only the one he wanted to do it with was draco. It was journey from then, harry would wait to meet draco before class, would desperately make arrangements so he sat next to draco without dropping hints, walk back with him showing affection in his ways is teasing only because they were alone, hit him playfully, go to hogsmeade with him, eat with him, talk with him for Long hours after quidditch practices . Everything was brilliantly perfect for harry.
Draco looked at him the way only someone who liked you did, he locked eyes with across the room like no one else did, made him walk entire grounds off just so he didn't had to walk off to the dorms early and to spend more time with harry, draco never talked with anyone the way he did with harry, never was playful but with harry, he gave harry the smile only preserved for him. Everything between them was simply their own little secret and Harry felt wrecked. He felt warmth spread inside him everytime he saw draco. He felt, loved, happy when he was with him, something he thought he'd lost feeling of after the war but draco became something to quickly to Harry that he couldn't help anything but admire draco, even if he tried so hard not to. Harry spent his days daydreaming about being with draco, somewhere knowing that maybe draco too liked him.
He was relentlessly falling without caution until it was too late and harry experienced his first little heartbreak when he noticed the slight ways draco would flirt with Astoria. It only happened every once in a while, so harry didn't expect a lot but when one day because of being sick harry took a day off, he was next day met with draco's stories of walking back with Astoria, going to hogsmeade and eating with her. It bubbled little jealousy inside of him but harry had no right to be jealous, why did he ? He didn't love draco, did he? It was stupid crush, right ? A crush everyone have when they're 17, that'll die out soon ?
Harry should have been happy for him when he first heard draco admit he liked Astoria, he should've been happy for him and all he did gave him smile but he didn't walk back with him. He couldn't, he was too busy pushing his heart into the cage of no feelings for him but heart had to be one bratty little thing to fight back equally hard and harry remained all but cautiously falling, again I'm failed attempts to not fall.
Then the news came, Astoria dating Blaise, who had left school by now to associate his mother in business. Harry became relieved, only he was little more cautious to not let his heart be played but a man is only but a fool with none soldier to protect his heart when the blow hits. When they expanded their little circle, theo coming into their little circle, harry loved him too. He never had a friend like theo who hated the same things as his own, loved the same things as his own. It was easy to just blend into with theo but harry should've known better about the little hidden plans, the classes they took together that harry didn't with them. But theo knew, theo saw right through harry and remained committed to not only have harry have the opportunity when it came but also talk with harry about his little day dreams. But theo came with Astoria and when Astoria happened, harry said only but " I'm over draco, I don't like him" and that must've been his biggest mistake, Lying to himself and theo.
Days turned to weeks, into a month of final examinations, graduation coming nearer. Harry hadn't met draco or theo apart from little crossings in the library. But heart broken once should have known,
" hey, harry, can I ask you something ?" Theo asked as he pulled towards the corner one day In the library
" sure, go ahead " harry grinned as he shrugged
" I was hoping you won't get mad or anything because I know it would be wrong on my part, but just so you know, I am still your friend and if it makes you uncomfortable we won't do anything" theo babbled
" what's the matter theo ?" Harry frowned, worried for theo.
" d- harry- draco asked me out on a date after exams " theo swallowed.
Harry's face relaxed as he felt himself falling backward, only he wasn't. His heart sinked, his stomach felt funny and his toes curled. Harry gulped as he realised theo was waiting for some response.
" and I'm fine with it theo. It's really considerate of you to ask me but I've told you before theo, I'm over draco. He's a gone crush. I never even liked him that much you know. I stopped liking him after Astoria. I mean, really " harry chuckled softly as he smoothly lied .
Theo sighed in relief " thank god because I like him too but I just didn't want to hurt you because you know, you liked him. You're sure though, right ?"
" of course theo, of course " harry patted his shoulder " listen I gotta go, Hermione would kill me if I didn't study. See you around and definitely tell me about that date later, yeah " and harry rapidly walked off waving a goodbye with a smile until he turned around and his heart fell out of his chest. Harry thought and thought, thought hard as why couldn't he just simply get over draco. He hadn't seen him a month, Barely talked with him, he should not have felt saddened by the little revelation, he should've been happy for draco, he should have been. But he wasn't, he couldn't even after he so desperately tried.
It wasn't until the graduation day that harry saw draco finally. He was dressed in his characteristic dark green robes with a Slytherin bachelor hat, his degrees in his hands. Smiling he approached draco, almost touching his elbow to get his attention when he finally saw who was coming towards him and harry all but felt sickened again.
In his moments of weakness, harry never even realised when had he actually grabbed draco's elbow until Draco turned around with a sharp distracted smile
" harry " draco exclaimed happily
" h- hi , happy graduation " harry swallowed, fighting his breaking heart into pulling a smile.
" happy graduation to you too. You did great by the way. I'm so proud of you " draco grinned as he patted Harry's shoulder. Harry looked at his hand over his shoulder, wanting to touch it just so he could hold his hand but he didn't..
He wasn't Harry's.
Proudly harry pulled a better smile and savagely replied " bet you thought you'd be better than me "
Draco chuckled " never harry, you're Always the best "
And yet you're with him, not me.
Harry crackled a smile as theo too joined in and best pretended not to be completely heart broken by seeing the two being together.
That day harry understood if he ever understood anything, all wounds may heal but some wounds leaves scar and if too, somedays they may even sting but you gotta live through pain, because perhaps that was love.
I really want to write a part 2 to this. This one really had me thinking until the right inspiration hit, and here's something based of real life. Happy reading..
Requests open
Day 46- old habits | Day 48- dancing with each other
In another life, in another time
Dialogue prompt- 27. what happened to us ? Part - 25 | part 31 coming soon |
TW- HEAVY ANGST | Amnesia | Sorry In advance..
Perhaps in another life, In another time, We'd be together.
The beats thumped louder, the footsteps dissolved somewhere in the big building. Harsh breaths leaving Harry's lips could be hear by anyone sitting besides him, he was grieving perhaps or breathing as a task to stay alive for a mere few seconds, even if he wasn't dying, a part of him was slowly approaching senescence, at least that's what he felt.
And finally he saw the healer's coming out talking to each other, whispering in low tone. He could sense the bad news by the way their faces expressed but he held onto a little hope. Just a little.
" Mr. Potter ?" One of the Healer approached harry as the other one's left offering him a sympathetic smile.
"H-he's fine, he is, right?" His voice came out in tremble with trying to control his trembling hands by his sides.
" he's fine " the healer pressed his lip in a thin line before adding " but -"
" no please. No Buts-"
" I'm sorry Mr. Potter. He- draco have suffered some rare oblivation spell. I'm sorry harry, draco have amnesia, anterograde or retrograde, we're not sure of it as of now "
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" I'm very glad we were Able to summon you mr. Potter " the healer offered harry a little smile as he pointed the chair in front of the desk to be attempted.
Harry hummed as he sat down on the chair, Shaking.
" I'm going to ask this as a friend harry, when was the last time you slept ?" He huffed.
Harry leaned back over the chair uncomfortably, gulping " I don't know " he grunted
" harry- y- you have to understand what I'm trying to tell you, alright ?" The healer asked. Harry nodded in soft lazy motions, yawning.
After supposedly half an hour, he walked out, every corner of his mind filled with unblinking thoughts. Draco didn't remember harry, he only remembered parts of harry that seemed much like a dream to him and there seemed little hope that he would but the Healer had suggested harry to try again, after unsuccessful attempts and practically forcing draco to remember him. This time harry was to need to a strategy to help draco remember thing's and the only way to it was by storing away his memories.
He passed by draco's ward watching him look outside the window, sitting on the edge of the bed, all alone. Harry wanted to go inside, try once again but he was sure by his previous Attempts he had scared off draco and harry was probably the last person he wanted to see as of now.
Heavy hearted harry walked home drenching himself in rain unknowningly, thoughts of draco brimming his mind to care about anything else.
" you'll have to try but you have to remember harry, he doesn't remember any part of your relationship and he might not even remember you forgiving him. You'll have to start from scratch. If you want him back harry you need do "
He opened the door to his apartment, memories of theirs of cooking on the kitchen, cuddling in the couch, laughing and throwing at pillows at each other, smiling at each other from across the hall, making out against the wall, all of it lingered in the background as a television show not ready to stop but harry didn't raise an eye as he walked into the shower and sat down with clothes on and remained there, numbness invading his senses until Ron had came to visit harry and had forced him out of the shower, helping him get dried up.
" I know it's hard harry, but he doesn't remember you "
" but we've been together for 5 years, he must remember something, anything ?"
" I'm not sure how but during the time of attack draco might've been trying to conceal his memories of you but instead of locking them away, he might've exposed them. In attempts to conceal them, he gave the attacker entrance to it and he possibly have forgotten everything about the relationship "
" how long were you in the shower for ?" Harry suddenly was broken out of numbness, finding Ron putting food over table.
" when did you came here ?" Harry only asked.
Ron looked at in little shock at harry before he sighed, letting it pass " I got you out of the cold shower "
Harry nodded, watching the food presented before him.
" from the looks of it, you met the healer today, didn't you ?" Ron asked. Harry looked up but didn't answer. He didn't know how to. He wasn't sure he could answer even.
" harry, It's been days. If you can't forget him, don't let him. His entire memory isn't blocked. You can try-"
" I've tried Ron but I gave the love of my life an almost panic attack in Trying to make him remember me " harry yelled
Ron startled and saw harry break down in front of him over the kitchen table, " I miss him, ron, he's here but I miss him "
" you have to try this time more patiently harry. If you want him back, you have to " Ron rubbed Harry's back as he hugged him.
" I- I don't know how to ron. It's hard " harry sobbed
"something is better than nothing. Try harry. Trying Is the only hope you've gotten "
_____________________________
Harry shook his hands by his side violently, trying to shake off his anxiety and practiced deep breaths beforehand he knocked on the door.
" come in " he heard.. harry let out a deep breath before he plastered a smile and finally walked through the door.
" hi " harry waved awkwardly
" you " draco raised an eyebrow at harry. Harry closed his eyes, remembering why he is doing this.
" I was wondering if we could talk about the other day ?" Harry asked not moving a step forward
" haven't you done enough " draco rolled his eyes.
Harry swallowed " I- I just wanted to apologise "
" for which part exactly ? The yelling at me like a baboon or basically causing me a panic attack "
" both " harry sighed " listen, I don't think you understand how hard this is for me-"
" hard for you ? I'm the one who doesn't remember people, I've lost chunk of memories and it's hard for you" draco narrowed his eyes at harry
" I- I understand but you see- well it's not as same as you- but-" but harry couldn't go on. He couldn't and draco only waited for him to go on. He didn't.
" you know what it doesn't matter. Let me reintroduce myself, Hi I'm harry potter, I'm your used to be arch nemesis and i- we- well I'd like to be friends with you "
" friends with me? Like my days have became that had that I'd be friends with you potter!? " Draco Airily laughed " no thanks I'm fine "
If only draco knew what he had done, if he only knew. Harry couldn't stand it. He thought he could but he couldn't. He ran out into the washroom and let his burying feelings evade, breaking into heavy sobs. He couldn't do it. Not when he knew Draco didn't remember anything, that he didn't remember harry.
________________________________
" where did you ran to yesterday ?" Draco asked as harry fetched him water today
" I- I had Somewhere to be " harry cleared his throat as he gave him the glass of water.
" it was weird. You asked me to be your friend, then you ran and yet here you are again. There's something weird about you Potter-"
" harry, please " it hurt even to think of how draco didn't know what he was doing by calling him potter.
" it's weird. I've always called you potter, It'd be weird to call you by your first name. Besides I don't think we are on first name basis " draco shrugged his shoulders as he watched harry leaned against the wall, fumbling with the zip of his jacket.
" right, I forgot "
" weird, you're not the one who have amnesia.. you are acting strange you know that. Pretty weird " draco frowned
" it- well we used to be to- friends. We were friends so it's just weird how now you call me potter when I'm used to being harry for you "
"still weird. I mean I at least remember being with people, but you, no recollections as if we were never even friends. Hope you're not lying potter " draco casually said.
Harry exhaled deeply, tears forming at the brim of his eyes " it's alright. You can call me potter until we become friend's "
" why are you so persistent on being friends with me ? I thought you hated me ?" Draco curiously asked.
" because " harry couldn't go on. He couldn't.
" you need to start finishing your sentences potter " draco raised his eyebrows at harry mockingly.
Harry hummed and just stood there watching draco flip pages of a magazine until Draco asked him to leave. Harry did. He had no other option.
__________________________________
" you didn't come yesterday ?" Draco asked one day, watching harry knit a sweater for him..
" I- I had something " he lied. He was lying in bed haunted by draco visiting his dreams, sitting on an empty date table at their 6th anniversary, day they were supposed to move in together, eating draco's favourite dish, all by himself.
" not very nice of you skip a night if you're trying to be friends " draco teased. Harry looked up at Draco with a small smile before he went back to knitting.
Draco observed harry as if he was a blank canvas waiting to be drawed upon, his glance curious. Draco would be lying to himself if he said that he wasn't curious about why harry was the only one so persistent about being friends, as if there were greater reasons but no matter how hard he tried to remember, he only remembered him apologizing to him after war, and nothing else.
" do you not sleep at all or those dark circles are just fashion ?" Draco asked
"I- have trouble sleeping " harry replied, pressing his lips in a thin line.
" you can sleep around here if you want to you know.. It'll be a secret" he cared. Draco cared and it only offered false hope to harry, one he should've been very much aware of not to fall into trap to.
" I'll keep that in mind " for the first time harry offered draco a warming smile before he began knitting again and draco absent-mindedly flipped pages of magazine again.
________________________________
" wow- such a grand celebration " draco laughed as he saw his friends come in with cakes and balloons
" since you couldn't celebrate your half birthday as you always do, we thought we'd bring it to you " pansy chimed.
Draco laughed and started singing along with them as they sang the birthday song, making draco happier than he had felt in days. And in even so everything, he couldn't stop thinking about harry standing in the background, then walking out in the Middle. Hermione followed him outside and from what draco saw, it seemed like she was hugging him, trying to probably comfort him, but before he Could've stared any longer, pansy forced him to cut the cake.
Something felt missing, there was and it Haunted draco to think of what it was. There was no one more hurt by the fact that he couldn't remember even when he tried so hard. He knew there was something missing, he could feel it, he just didn't know what and for whatever reason, it felt it was related to harry.
" y- that necklace " draco had pointed out at Harry's neck when he was helping draco with adjusting his pillows.
" that-"
" it's yours " harry smiled lightly, helping Draco lean backwards.
" how? How do you have it ?"he asked curiously.
" you gifted it to me, don't you remem- " harry stopped himself.
" you gifted it to me. You can have it back if you want " harry offered as he hesitantly reached his neck to unlock it but draco stopped him.
" it's fine. Keep it. Feels like it holds much meaning to you than to me " draco replied.
Harry gazed at draco softly before he pressed a small kiss on his forehead " it does " harry whispered and left, like a dying wind.
Draco played with the ring on his finger for a larger part of the night, haunted by the fact again that harry had different motives. He Could sense it but the more he tried to think, the more he felt as though he was stepping away, more he was forgetting and it ached draco. He knew it, he felt it but he was too Afraid. He was afraid of hurting even if he didn't know what he'd even do.
________________________________
" harry, stop this " one day draco abruptly said while harry was helping With last of draco's bandages
" what? What do you mean ?" Harry asked puzzled
Draco breathed in deeply, gulping, preparing himself to drop the bomb " stop taking care of me, stop trying to do whatever it is you're trying to do, can't you see it already, it's not- it's not what you want "
Harry looked at Draco as the pained expression found his face and he softly whispered " you don't know what this means, do you ?"
Draco shook his head painfully denying.
Harry gave him a sad smile as he sat down on the chair next to draco's bed, his head dropping, a single tear dripping down his eye.
" to you it's just me trying to be friends with you but it's so much more than that. It's more than about just being friends for me " harry whispered.
" it Always have been so much more than that. Yet I've been holding onto the hope all along but -"
" I don't remember " draco finished his sentence somehow knowing harry was about to say that.
" stop doing it to yourself harry " draco sympathetically said
" I- can't. I -"
" you have to " draco raised his voice
" can't you see it, I can't. Do you even realise how much it pains me to see you everyday on the bed, holding onto one single ray of hope that you'll remember. But you, remember nothing. 6 years of memories , gone just like that. You don't get to say any of it draco, you're living it painfully, I walk in everyday to an Empty apartment, crying myself to sleep in just one hope that you'll remember-"
" but that's the thing, I will not harry. i can't and i won't " draco interjected loudly.
" I will not remember harry. Stop hurting yourself " draco whimpered.
Harry looked only once at Draco " I know " before his whispers Turned into sobs and harry was shaking with the pain.
Draco tried to comfort harry, rubbing his back, trying to tell him it's alright but he knew it provided no solace. It didn't mend his broken heart when he was the one causing his heart to break in little fragile fractions of glasses until it was scattered across everywhere.
" I pretended it didn't hurt, but it does. It does so much that I can't even sleep at night" harry whimpered as he hugged draco. Draco rested his chin on top of Harry's head, rubbing circles over his back, providing any comfort he could offer.
They remained like that for several moments until Harry's breathing came to normal and draco finally broke the silence with a painful statment " what happened to us?"
It wasn't a question, it was a statement, a grief to offer, a way to express sorrow, to visit pain. It was to offer solace that draco too regretted and harry knew he did. It was a way of saying that when they expected cherish and Making more memories, living together, waking up next to each other, instead they were fighting through, waking up in hospital bed, grieving on lost memories. Where life landed them.
" I have got to go " harry finally said, Breaking from the little hug.
Draco looked at harry only for a moment before he kissed harry in pity of being unable to give everything to harry he had once promised him and that left him in tears again.
Harry broke free crying, desperately trying to conceal his whines.
" I'm sorry harry, I really am " draco's eyes prickled with tears as the moon danced over them in the late night..
Harry stood there in silence for several moments, packing away the memories,. storing away draco somewhere he'd only visit in dreams until it was time to finally leave and he reluctantly walked towards the door..
" I'd like if we can be friends harry.. " draco offered.
Harry turned around, giving draco a small smile " I'd rather not have you at all than only for a few, draco "
" perhaps in another life, I'm another time we'd be together and neither of us would forget "
And harry walked away, coldness settling in as draco long stared at the doorframe.
I swear I'm sorry. ( Thanks to Tom Odell for putting me in feels )
300 followers appreciation Dialogue Prompt requests open
In another life, in another time
Dialogue prompt- 27. what happened to us ? Part - 25 | part 31 coming soon |
TW- HEAVY ANGST | Amnesia | Sorry In advance..
Perhaps in another life, In another time, We'd be together.
The beats thumped louder, the footsteps dissolved somewhere in the big building. Harsh breaths leaving Harry's lips could be hear by anyone sitting besides him, he was grieving perhaps or breathing as a task to stay alive for a mere few seconds, even if he wasn't dying, a part of him was slowly approaching senescence, at least that's what he felt.
And finally he saw the healer's coming out talking to each other, whispering in low tone. He could sense the bad news by the way their faces expressed but he held onto a little hope. Just a little.
" Mr. Potter ?" One of the Healer approached harry as the other one's left offering him a sympathetic smile.
"H-he's fine, he is, right?" His voice came out in tremble with trying to control his trembling hands by his sides.
" he's fine " the healer pressed his lip in a thin line before adding " but -"
" no please. No Buts-"
" I'm sorry Mr. Potter. He- draco have suffered some rare oblivation spell. I'm sorry harry, draco have amnesia, anterograde or retrograde, we're not sure of it as of now "
__________________________________
" I'm very glad we were Able to summon you mr. Potter " the healer offered harry a little smile as he pointed the chair in front of the desk to be attempted.
Harry hummed as he sat down on the chair, Shaking.
" I'm going to ask this as a friend harry, when was the last time you slept ?" He huffed.
Harry leaned back over the chair uncomfortably, gulping " I don't know " he grunted
" harry- y- you have to understand what I'm trying to tell you, alright ?" The healer asked. Harry nodded in soft lazy motions, yawning.
After supposedly half an hour, he walked out, every corner of his mind filled with unblinking thoughts. Draco didn't remember harry, he only remembered parts of harry that seemed much like a dream to him and there seemed little hope that he would but the Healer had suggested harry to try again, after unsuccessful attempts and practically forcing draco to remember him. This time harry was to need to a strategy to help draco remember thing's and the only way to it was by storing away his memories.
He passed by draco's ward watching him look outside the window, sitting on the edge of the bed, all alone. Harry wanted to go inside, try once again but he was sure by his previous Attempts he had scared off draco and harry was probably the last person he wanted to see as of now.
Heavy hearted harry walked home drenching himself in rain unknowningly, thoughts of draco brimming his mind to care about anything else.
" you'll have to try but you have to remember harry, he doesn't remember any part of your relationship and he might not even remember you forgiving him. You'll have to start from scratch. If you want him back harry you need do "
He opened the door to his apartment, memories of theirs of cooking on the kitchen, cuddling in the couch, laughing and throwing at pillows at each other, smiling at each other from across the hall, making out against the wall, all of it lingered in the background as a television show not ready to stop but harry didn't raise an eye as he walked into the shower and sat down with clothes on and remained there, numbness invading his senses until Ron had came to visit harry and had forced him out of the shower, helping him get dried up.
" I know it's hard harry, but he doesn't remember you "
" but we've been together for 5 years, he must remember something, anything ?"
" I'm not sure how but during the time of attack draco might've been trying to conceal his memories of you but instead of locking them away, he might've exposed them. In attempts to conceal them, he gave the attacker entrance to it and he possibly have forgotten everything about the relationship "
" how long were you in the shower for ?" Harry suddenly was broken out of numbness, finding Ron putting food over table.
" when did you came here ?" Harry only asked.
Ron looked at in little shock at harry before he sighed, letting it pass " I got you out of the cold shower "
Harry nodded, watching the food presented before him.
" from the looks of it, you met the healer today, didn't you ?" Ron asked. Harry looked up but didn't answer. He didn't know how to. He wasn't sure he could answer even.
" harry, It's been days. If you can't forget him, don't let him. His entire memory isn't blocked. You can try-"
" I've tried Ron but I gave the love of my life an almost panic attack in Trying to make him remember me " harry yelled
Ron startled and saw harry break down in front of him over the kitchen table, " I miss him, ron, he's here but I miss him "
" you have to try this time more patiently harry. If you want him back, you have to " Ron rubbed Harry's back as he hugged him.
" I- I don't know how to ron. It's hard " harry sobbed
"something is better than nothing. Try harry. Trying Is the only hope you've gotten "
_____________________________
Harry shook his hands by his side violently, trying to shake off his anxiety and practiced deep breaths beforehand he knocked on the door.
" come in " he heard.. harry let out a deep breath before he plastered a smile and finally walked through the door.
" hi " harry waved awkwardly
" you " draco raised an eyebrow at harry. Harry closed his eyes, remembering why he is doing this.
" I was wondering if we could talk about the other day ?" Harry asked not moving a step forward
" haven't you done enough " draco rolled his eyes.
Harry swallowed " I- I just wanted to apologise "
" for which part exactly ? The yelling at me like a baboon or basically causing me a panic attack "
" both " harry sighed " listen, I don't think you understand how hard this is for me-"
" hard for you ? I'm the one who doesn't remember people, I've lost chunk of memories and it's hard for you" draco narrowed his eyes at harry
" I- I understand but you see- well it's not as same as you- but-" but harry couldn't go on. He couldn't and draco only waited for him to go on. He didn't.
" you know what it doesn't matter. Let me reintroduce myself, Hi I'm harry potter, I'm your used to be arch nemesis and i- we- well I'd like to be friends with you "
" friends with me? Like my days have became that had that I'd be friends with you potter!? " Draco Airily laughed " no thanks I'm fine "
If only draco knew what he had done, if he only knew. Harry couldn't stand it. He thought he could but he couldn't. He ran out into the washroom and let his burying feelings evade, breaking into heavy sobs. He couldn't do it. Not when he knew Draco didn't remember anything, that he didn't remember harry.
________________________________
" where did you ran to yesterday ?" Draco asked as harry fetched him water today
" I- I had Somewhere to be " harry cleared his throat as he gave him the glass of water.
" it was weird. You asked me to be your friend, then you ran and yet here you are again. There's something weird about you Potter-"
" harry, please " it hurt even to think of how draco didn't know what he was doing by calling him potter.
" it's weird. I've always called you potter, It'd be weird to call you by your first name. Besides I don't think we are on first name basis " draco shrugged his shoulders as he watched harry leaned against the wall, fumbling with the zip of his jacket.
" right, I forgot "
" weird, you're not the one who have amnesia.. you are acting strange you know that. Pretty weird " draco frowned
" it- well we used to be to- friends. We were friends so it's just weird how now you call me potter when I'm used to being harry for you "
"still weird. I mean I at least remember being with people, but you, no recollections as if we were never even friends. Hope you're not lying potter " draco casually said.
Harry exhaled deeply, tears forming at the brim of his eyes " it's alright. You can call me potter until we become friend's "
" why are you so persistent on being friends with me ? I thought you hated me ?" Draco curiously asked.
" because " harry couldn't go on. He couldn't.
" you need to start finishing your sentences potter " draco raised his eyebrows at harry mockingly.
Harry hummed and just stood there watching draco flip pages of a magazine until Draco asked him to leave. Harry did. He had no other option.
__________________________________
" you didn't come yesterday ?" Draco asked one day, watching harry knit a sweater for him..
" I- I had something " he lied. He was lying in bed haunted by draco visiting his dreams, sitting on an empty date table at their 6th anniversary, day they were supposed to move in together, eating draco's favourite dish, all by himself.
" not very nice of you skip a night if you're trying to be friends " draco teased. Harry looked up at Draco with a small smile before he went back to knitting.
Draco observed harry as if he was a blank canvas waiting to be drawed upon, his glance curious. Draco would be lying to himself if he said that he wasn't curious about why harry was the only one so persistent about being friends, as if there were greater reasons but no matter how hard he tried to remember, he only remembered him apologizing to him after war, and nothing else.
" do you not sleep at all or those dark circles are just fashion ?" Draco asked
"I- have trouble sleeping " harry replied, pressing his lips in a thin line.
" you can sleep around here if you want to you know.. It'll be a secret" he cared. Draco cared and it only offered false hope to harry, one he should've been very much aware of not to fall into trap to.
" I'll keep that in mind " for the first time harry offered draco a warming smile before he began knitting again and draco absent-mindedly flipped pages of magazine again.
________________________________
" wow- such a grand celebration " draco laughed as he saw his friends come in with cakes and balloons
" since you couldn't celebrate your half birthday as you always do, we thought we'd bring it to you " pansy chimed.
Draco laughed and started singing along with them as they sang the birthday song, making draco happier than he had felt in days. And in even so everything, he couldn't stop thinking about harry standing in the background, then walking out in the Middle. Hermione followed him outside and from what draco saw, it seemed like she was hugging him, trying to probably comfort him, but before he Could've stared any longer, pansy forced him to cut the cake.
Something felt missing, there was and it Haunted draco to think of what it was. There was no one more hurt by the fact that he couldn't remember even when he tried so hard. He knew there was something missing, he could feel it, he just didn't know what and for whatever reason, it felt it was related to harry.
" y- that necklace " draco had pointed out at Harry's neck when he was helping draco with adjusting his pillows.
" that-"
" it's yours " harry smiled lightly, helping Draco lean backwards.
" how? How do you have it ?"he asked curiously.
" you gifted it to me, don't you remem- " harry stopped himself.
" you gifted it to me. You can have it back if you want " harry offered as he hesitantly reached his neck to unlock it but draco stopped him.
" it's fine. Keep it. Feels like it holds much meaning to you than to me " draco replied.
Harry gazed at draco softly before he pressed a small kiss on his forehead " it does " harry whispered and left, like a dying wind.
Draco played with the ring on his finger for a larger part of the night, haunted by the fact again that harry had different motives. He Could sense it but the more he tried to think, the more he felt as though he was stepping away, more he was forgetting and it ached draco. He knew it, he felt it but he was too Afraid. He was afraid of hurting even if he didn't know what he'd even do.
________________________________
" harry, stop this " one day draco abruptly said while harry was helping With last of draco's bandages
" what? What do you mean ?" Harry asked puzzled
Draco breathed in deeply, gulping, preparing himself to drop the bomb " stop taking care of me, stop trying to do whatever it is you're trying to do, can't you see it already, it's not- it's not what you want "
Harry looked at Draco as the pained expression found his face and he softly whispered " you don't know what this means, do you ?"
Draco shook his head painfully denying.
Harry gave him a sad smile as he sat down on the chair next to draco's bed, his head dropping, a single tear dripping down his eye.
" to you it's just me trying to be friends with you but it's so much more than that. It's more than about just being friends for me " harry whispered.
" it Always have been so much more than that. Yet I've been holding onto the hope all along but -"
" I don't remember " draco finished his sentence somehow knowing harry was about to say that.
" stop doing it to yourself harry " draco sympathetically said
" I- can't. I -"
" you have to " draco raised his voice
" can't you see it, I can't. Do you even realise how much it pains me to see you everyday on the bed, holding onto one single ray of hope that you'll remember. But you, remember nothing. 6 years of memories , gone just like that. You don't get to say any of it draco, you're living it painfully, I walk in everyday to an Empty apartment, crying myself to sleep in just one hope that you'll remember-"
" but that's the thing, I will not harry. i can't and i won't " draco interjected loudly.
" I will not remember harry. Stop hurting yourself " draco whimpered.
Harry looked only once at Draco " I know " before his whispers Turned into sobs and harry was shaking with the pain.
Draco tried to comfort harry, rubbing his back, trying to tell him it's alright but he knew it provided no solace. It didn't mend his broken heart when he was the one causing his heart to break in little fragile fractions of glasses until it was scattered across everywhere.
" I pretended it didn't hurt, but it does. It does so much that I can't even sleep at night" harry whimpered as he hugged draco. Draco rested his chin on top of Harry's head, rubbing circles over his back, providing any comfort he could offer.
They remained like that for several moments until Harry's breathing came to normal and draco finally broke the silence with a painful statment " what happened to us?"
It wasn't a question, it was a statement, a grief to offer, a way to express sorrow, to visit pain. It was to offer solace that draco too regretted and harry knew he did. It was a way of saying that when they expected cherish and Making more memories, living together, waking up next to each other, instead they were fighting through, waking up in hospital bed, grieving on lost memories. Where life landed them.
" I have got to go " harry finally said, Breaking from the little hug.
Draco looked at harry only for a moment before he kissed harry in pity of being unable to give everything to harry he had once promised him and that left him in tears again.
Harry broke free crying, desperately trying to conceal his whines.
" I'm sorry harry, I really am " draco's eyes prickled with tears as the moon danced over them in the late night..
Harry stood there in silence for several moments, packing away the memories,. storing away draco somewhere he'd only visit in dreams until it was time to finally leave and he reluctantly walked towards the door..
" I'd like if we can be friends harry.. " draco offered.
Harry turned around, giving draco a small smile " I'd rather not have you at all than only for a few, draco "
" perhaps in another life, I'm another time we'd be together and neither of us would forget "
And harry walked away, coldness settling in as draco long stared at the doorframe.
I swear I'm sorry. ( Thanks to Tom Odell for putting me in feels )
300 followers appreciation Dialogue Prompt requests open
congrats on 300!! you absolutely deserve it and more. and since we all love some angst how about 22. “Look, he/she wants you, just make him/her happy.” with harry saying that to draco because the more hurt the better. or 20. “Could you just take this pain away ? It hurts, so much… Help me.” set in hbp were their dating and harry's having the voldemort nightmare were his scar hurts. whatever you want, thank you❤
Okay, I'm sorry In advance. Thank you anon. Prompt 22 updated on list.
Just one eclipse
Dialogue Prompt 20- could you take this pain away? It hurts so much .. help me
TW- ANGST | HURT MOSTLY LESS COMFORT
" so much pain for someone so young "
" hey i know I'm a bit late but I was just picking up these Oran- harry ?" Draco immediately crouched to the ground next to a weeping harry, rubbing his back.
" love, hey, hey, what happened ?" Draco asked as he sat down properly over the ground, trying to calm him down but harry kept sobbing in draco's white shirt, soaking him through.
" harry, what happened ? Did someone say something to you or what ?" Draco whispered as he passed his hands through Harry's hair after having embraced him in a hug.
" it hurts " harry choked on his own sobs.
" where? Where does it hurt ?" Draco asked as he created some distance between them to see any signs of any injuries upon his boyfriend..
" it hurts and I'm so tired of it " harry sobbed again.
Draco frowned as he wiped Harry's tears from his sleeves, kissing his forehead.
" what happened harry ?" He asked again.
" I can't sleep " harry replied in soft whimpers.
" why ?" Draco asked again as he harry hiccupped.
" these nightmares. They don't go away. It still hurts " harry replied
" even after those sleeping potions and those muggle sleeping pills ?" Draco asked
" I thought they'd stop but they didn't. He still" he hiccupped " comes in my dreams. I can see him murdering people, torturing them. It hurts draco. It hurts so much " harry started weeping again.
Draco's heart leaped with guilt as he hugged harry again, rubbing smooth circles on his back " it'll be fine one day "
" please, just- could you take this pain away . It's hurts to much " harry cried " help me draco, help me "
But draco couldn't. He couldn't help him except for rubbing circles on his back, kissing his face momentarily, assuring him that one day everything would be fine. There was nothing he could do. He swore he'd take away his pain if he could. He swore if he could take away the pain inflicted upon harry, he'd take it, he swore he would, but only he couldn't. He knew he couldn't.
But wasn't he hurting too !?
When they met again around the black lake again in the cold night a few days after December had begun, harry was doing better, he was hurting but he was doing better. Draco wasn't but he swore to himself he'd never let harry knew he was suffering. He couldn't afford harry losing his Sanity because draco was suffering. He just couldn't do that to him. In their little bubble, Harry was rested against draco's chest, his arms wrapped around his torso, muttering about the weird incidents happening in the school.
" everything's weird. These incidents. Who do you think are behind this ?" Harry asked softly.
Draco gulped as disgust brimmed his head but he replied in soft humour " you need to know everything, don't you" because draco wasn't ready yet, he wasn't ready to tell yet. He swore to himself he would but he was afraid of learning that he was thinking of breaking that swore promise.
"no, but it's just- it's weird. It's creating a bad influence upon everything you know " harry replied before he looked up and kissed draco softly over the cheeks without a reason.
" what was that for ?" Draco asked frowning.
" I gotta make these count you know, what if something happened to you and you have to be sent back home or something " harry shrugged looking back at the trees above them again.
Draco's face scrunched in disgust with tears glimmering his eyes. He hated himself. He so-
" hey, what have you been doing around the seventh floor corridor lately ?"
" what ?" Draco froze fearing he'd been caught, his heart racing faster. He couldn't tell now, not now, maybe after Christmas, not now.
" the seventh floor corridor. Around the room of requirements?" Harry asked with furrowed face looking at Draco.
" room of requirements is on seventh floor, I didn't know that " draco lied
" you literally caught me there last year, how could you forget ?" Harry asked as he straightened up and fetched their warm water bottle.
" I don't know. I never paid that much attention " draco shrugged his right arm crossing under his head, looking away somewhere in the forest to calm his nerve wrecking heart beat.
" can I say something ?" Harry asked after a while of having stared at Draco.
" yeah ?" Draco frowned
" why have you been so distant lately? I see it in your eyes, you're shielding something from me "
" what? No. It's nothing harry " draco assured him.
Harry still wasn't convinced but didn't question it again " you'd tell me if there's something right ?"
Draco felt everything inside him shift, like every inch of his body was rearranging himself as he looked at Harry's hopeful face. He was hurting not only himself but harry too. He knew the day would come when he'd have to come clean but the thought of Harry wanting draco to be alright, knowing that there was Something wrong with his boyfriend, knowing that draco was concealing something from him was crushing draco beyond comprehension. But harry came in his concealment too, he was concealing harry from the pain whether he was failing at it or not, he was. He was trying to.
" of course harry. Why would I hide anything from you ?"he smiled.
Harry smiled back " good " and drank his water again.
But maybe the happiness was bound to cease in their Little bubble on this very night of December, changing everything they had been through with so far.
The bottle of warm water in Harry's hand slipped colliding with the ground, drenching draco's left hand.
" merlin- I'm so sorry " harry rambled as he took out his handkerchief and tried dabbing draco's hand only Draco pulled away wincing.
" it's okay, it's nothing " draco mumbled crawling backwards.
" draco, the water was hot alright, let me just-"
" I said I'm fine " draco raised his voice affirmatively.
" draco let me just take a look-"
" I said I'm fine " draco sternly replied shaking his hand to drip the remaining water.
Harry rolled his eyes, dropping the handkerchief pretending to give up until Draco lightened up and pulled his hand when he didn't paid enough attention.
" see your sleeve's all wet" harry struggled keeping draco's hand to himself.
" harry, please, no. Just leave it " draco's voice broke as he struggle retrieving his hand back. Not today, just not today.
" Just shut up and let me see-" harry rolled his eyes as he oped draco's cuff Button's and started rolling his sleeve's backwards.
" harry, please no. I beg you " draco whimpered.
" stop being dramatic. Let me- " he stopped all together. His movements, his breathing, his hands, his mind, his heart, his body, everything stopped altogether when his eyes fell upon the dark mark.
" y-yo- you- you're one of them " harry stammered, his grip on draco's hands loosening too much.
" harry- I- I wanted to-to tell you " draco stammered, his eyes glimmering with tears.
" yo- you-" But Harry covered his mouth with his hands with a gasp standing up.
Draco immediately stumbled up, closing his distance with him but harry raised his hands to stop him.
" yo- you're one of them " harry couldn't believe him, or draco, or anything right now. Everything seemed too ridiculous to be believable but instead of Humour raising a laughter in him, his eyes filled with tears threatening to spill.
"I- I didn't wanted to be one harry, please just let me explain-"
" explain? What are you going to explain that you didn't have a choice. Save your bullshit draco " harry shouted.
" harry please-"
" no, I- I need to go " harry started picking up his thing's from the ground but draco didn't allow so, interrupting everything harry tried to pick up.
" please, harry, please let me explain " draco cried as he remained on his knees holding Harry's cloak in his arms.
" what will you explain draco ? And all these month's y- you lied to me. You being a- a- death Eater is one thing but lying, you lied to me draco " harry cried snatching away his cloak, putting it on.
" I had no choice. You have to understand-"
" no, you see, you had a choice but with your crippling fear of everything you became one. You betrayed me draco "
" you betrayed me " harry softly whispered and somehow it hurt more than the yelling. Harry saying he betrayed him crushed something in draco he didn't know existed, like his Insides has suddenly been filled with stones and he felt heavy. It was like every limb of his body was being torn apart by 3 simple words and draco couldn't stop crying.
" out of all the people, you know me. You knew me better than anyone else. You knew what he did to my parents and how I feel about everything yet you went ahead and became one of them " harry cried looking away as to look anywhere but draco.
" I'm- I'm sorry harry. I never wanted this. You have to understand I lied for your safety-"
" my safety? You lied to me draco. You hurt me like nobody else ever had and you call it safety. Use your brain draco " harry replied with disgusted expressions.
" I can't even look at you right now- and- and you kissed me- ugh- I- what did I ever do to you?"
" harry, please " Draco cried " please hear me out. You are the best thing ever happened to me but I never wanted this-"
" you- you tried to kill Ron " harry deadpanned with sudden realisation
" I didn't wanted to-"
" but you did.. I - I- what if it was me ?" Harry asked pointing his chest.
"I never wanted to do any of it harry. Please trust me-"
" trust you? Do you think I'd ever be Able to trust you with anything anymore ? I loved you draco- I loved you and you- you broke me " harry cried, his face scrunching in pain.
Draco's lips whimpered as he left out a harsh sob trying to approach harry but he stopped him again.
" you hurt me draco " harry sobbed with a heavy heart. He wanted to scream loudly, hurt draco, throw things at him but the thought of even hurting draco hurt him right. Everything about him hurt too much for him to do anything but cry.
" I loved you draco " harry whispered shaking his head and walked away with draco collapsing to the ground with screeching tears, his mewls and his groans. He left him there and he never Walked back to him. For him it was as If the world has collapsed, all of him had caved inside him as he sat there on the cold floor crying to himself how he couldn't stop the pain, how he hurt harry, how he broke harry. He remained there wishing to be dead but Today was when he felt too alive, because it hurt. It hurt to be alive.
____________________________________
Month's had passed since harry last saw of draco, month's since he saw him run away with death eaters on the day Dumbledore died, months since Severus Snape killed him. And harry had never thought of Draco until that day when a tiny black owl pecked Harry's window Only once, dropped the letter on the table and flew away just as silently as it had came.
Frowning harry picked up the letter, Turned on the night light and sat down on his bed reading the letter addressed to him.
" we're too young, too fragile to be in pain, to be in vain.
I know you loved me first but don't think I didn't fall for you too harry. Perhaps you fell first, I fell harder for you. I know you hate me with every vein that runs in you but that night if you had given me a chance I'd had explained to you everything but if I were you and you were me I'd probably do the same thing.
But I don't want to talk to you about that day or anything about that, I want to tell you how much I still really love you even when you hate me. I love you so much that I can live with knowing you feel at least something towards me, hatred be it. I had months craving sunshine in those dark dungeons, in the manor but then I realised, my sun wasn't the star that shone so bright in the day, it was you. You are my sun, in dying and in rising each day and maybe, just maybe I might even be your moon because we can never be together at the same time of the day. We can't be together, we can't be seen together because even If I am there, you're too bright, too good, too yellow that I remain dim, unrevealed. You're too bright for someone as dark as me and I understand that but I am nothing without you. There can be no moon without the sun. The Universe is blessed to have you in existence, and maybe we all are nothing without you but I read this that in an eclipse, there is the sun, the moon and the earth, our earth perhaps is our pain, our sufferings, our differences that comes in between, but in all realities I'd do anything to be with you even if it's for few seconds and you're only there to shadow me because every moment with you is worth breathing and without you, it's not. Even if I get to only to share that eclipse with you, I'd make sure it lasts forever, it'll be my little infinity.
Planet's revolve around you harry, but I hope you won't forget me.
I hurt you but I know I'll spend the rest of my life ruining myself that I had lost my mind to hurt you. And I'll spend my life waiting for you.
I hope in your big heart one day you can find it in yourself to forgive me. I will love you for as long as the Universe Exists.
Only yours,
DLM "
Harry sniffed, tears dripping down on the piece of parchment with already wet blotches from draco before.
And he only cried in memories of all the Times that were good and all the times there wasn't so much pain. All the times when he didn't try to focus on denying to be in love with draco, in all the Times harry still thought of him and it made him happy.
And he Stared out in the rainy sky, waiting for only one eclipse. Just one that'd last forever.
Never listen to sad rainy moods on Spotify if you don't want to cry. Since you asked me to tag you @drarrywords
300 followers appreciation dialogue Prompt requests open
Angst Prompt requests open.
For the 300 followers prompts, number 26!!!
Since this idea was worth almost crashing while riding my bicycle listening to Heather, so here we go.
Your tiny safe box
Dialogue prompt - 26. " You love me like I'm the only person who deserves your love " " but you are the only person who deserves my love " | STORY TELLING | mild hurt comfort |
For @cupofsquirrelfan, thank you for requesting this prompt.
I remember the day when for the first time you stirred something inside me. It wasn't disastrous but my heart became a traitor and I forgot what it felt like to see you otherwise. You had stood before me and awkwardly apologized for everything you've ever done me bad for but I could see it how hard it was for you, I think I accepted your apology never knowing it'd ever turn into something so beautiful.
I remember when I first saw your smile, first saw you laughing, the Actual laughing, not the snickering or laughing at insults, you laughed at a joke I told and my threefold heart raced once again. I never knew a smile could be so beautiful and a sound could ever be more homely but there was you, so breath takingly and effortlessly beautiful. But I think you had swore to the lords to always prove me wrong, no matter what.
I also remember when you told me you were getting engaged. I was perhaps not in love with you then but I might've been falling anyways but I knew it when it stung me like all the bee's kept sucking my blood but I smiled because you had to go back to your hive. I didn't stop you and when I finally saw you getting married,I finally realised how much I loved you. I should not have fallen for you, I knew it but I think my heart never really ever belonged to me after you had apologized, after you had smiled at me, after you had laughed with me, after you had held my hand in a casual touch, after you had given me the simplest reasons to sleep at night with a smile upon my face. It started belonging to you somewhere along the time and even then I didn't complain. You had two hearts, one of hers and one of mine but then again you are a real charming heart throb, only I wished you had chosen mine.
But I settled for being your best friend, your single best friend you set unsuccessful dates up on, your friend you watched the quidditch match with every Friday night, your friend you went shopping with, your friend who gave you advise on what to gift next, your friend who took you out on Saturday's just so you got out, your friend who sang with you the chorus of endless love , your friend who lied about not having found the one, you friend who gave you marriage advise, I settled for it all as long as I had you near me. I settled knowing that i didn't do a sin confessing how I felt about you even though it hurt me Everytime I saw your face with your new wife. I settled for less.
But I remembered how happy you were after you had gotten married, how happy you were when you saw the bride walking down the isle, how happy you had been with the girl who you thought was from your dreams, how happy you were when you Returned from your honey moon, how happy you were when you knew you were expecting a baby, how happy you had been all along and I wondered what would had happened if I had been the one giving you that happiness but it didn't matter because one look at you and your wife, I'd known you'd never had chosen me.
But then one day you knocked on my door, you looked tired and I summoned you inside my house, offered you tea and you talked, you talked and you talked, and finally you told that you needed a divorce. I was shook because I thought you were the happiest couple in the world but you had told me how one perceives their relationship, how it was all about concealing, that you hadn't been happy after third year of marriage, that you didn't even sleep in the same room anymore. I was confused and you told me you were Afraid you couldn't do this but I remember giving you advise to work on your marriage again, to give her another chance because I could see in the little flickers in your eyes that you looked for that answer, you hoped I'd answer for you to try again. You might've thought why I had told you this but I was in love with you, I knew what you needed to hear be it if it was a pain to me, I gave you what you needed to hear and you left that night repeating that you'd give the marriage another try and I thought that was it for me. I thought this was my last straw, that I should move on after all this time.
And I did, or at Least tried to, I tried dating people, I went off, had fun with other people but their eyes didn't blink the same way, their smile didn't cage my heart, their lips didn't quirk the same way, their eyes didn't smile with their mouth, their hands were not as warm, their body was not as warm, them sharing their jacket wasn't the same, nothing was the same Because it wasn't you. I remembered I cried then the first time realising how foolishly I had been in love with you all these years that my heart didn't yearn but for you and you were there giving your marriage another try. I remember I stood before your House that very night, thinking I couldn't hold it anymore, that you needed to know but I couldn't do this. I loved you too much to snatch you away from Someone you love.
But thing's were never supposed to be that simple Because the day you turned to me for comfort again, you told me you knew my secret. I had asked what secret but your eyes spoke for you. I didn't say anything to you after that, I didn't comment because I had no agreeing to do nor denying, I was in love with you, how could I not be. But then you asked me something so unusual that I never thought you'd ask me in my entire life.
" why ?"
I frowned asking you what that why had been for.
" when that women couldn't love me, why do you ? Why have you loved me for long enough than my wife have ? How have you ?"
And I smiled at you, telling you how I didn't fell in love with the way you talked or the way you smirked or the way you dressed up or the way you learnt things, I fell in love with you because you became someone that was so hard to become, I fell in love with you because you're ugly too like me with scars that remained with you, I fell in love with you because you reminded me of spring, I fell in love with you because you had told me one day that a garden isn't dead until the last of the grass twig have dried up, I fell in love with you and not your things or your Beauty but your brain, your heart and you.
You had stared at me for long enough perhaps figuring out what to reply, but I didn't need one. I had caged my feelings in a tiny safe box and now I had given it to you and it was only yours now.
And after I had thought you wouldn't say anything else you told me
" you love me like I'm the only one who deserves your love "
" but Draco, you are the only who deserves my love "
And you had smiled at me, faintly telling me with your sparkling eyes you had loved me too someday, maybe yesterday, maybe an year from before, or maybe the first time we met in the robe shop but you had loved and I had loved you too.
But it was about starting new. You told me to start new, you told me you had to start new and so the next morning you came to my House with those signed divorce papers and then only you filled my brimming pot seeking a kiss from you, you finally kissed me like you had been saving yourself for me for ages and I had too..
We had lost so much time, I told you but you only replied
" if this life isn't enough, I'd find you again in the next and then there won't be Anyone for me but you "
Sorry for such a short prompt.
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After the autumn part 2
Dialogue prompt 29 requested by @sunflowerishdolphin On request by anonymous and @onomtonks | TW- hurt Comfort | slow burn | mild Angst |
" would it ever stop hurting ?"
He had ruined himself, aged, wasted away in the hopes of finding the answer to it but with grace came failure, the inability to find a response. Spent his days staring at the empty side of the bed, he had wondered what would have happened if he never left but what to dwell upon what's lost right. Right ?
He remembered the day he met him again at the DMLE office and how he had refused to even meet the eyes, how ashamed was he ? Or how inconsiderate was he ? Or how forgetful was he, ignorant too maybe. When he refused to meet the eyes, harry didn't either, it was a childish payback he wanted him to pay the debt of.
But left the log in the burning fire, the feeling of hollowness had refused to fill since the night he left and now seeing him around the workplace it dug a little deeper and nothing worked with the heart clenching but the well act of pretend, of concealment he had mastered at.
Months progressed in denial to meet his eyes, talk to him, to acknowledge him but when finally he talked with him again he feared he couldn't let a ritual come in being once again, he couldn't allow his heart to yearn for more after those little conversations he had when he smoked. He couldn't allow his heart to become what it had been 4 years ago. And he decided to force himself to stop, to stop going to the rooftop just to be in Draco's presence, just to see him but the look on Draco's face when he passed by the floor harry was smoking on by accident, he couldn't resist but feel guilty of having left Draco alone on the rooftop. But he was frozen to his spot, against the railing, even the cigarette on his lips was frozen, he couldn't stop Draco, he couldn't Explain him because he never went after him just like all of the times he didn't and all he thought of was what if he had, what if today he had, what if he had ran after Draco that night 4 years ago. What if ?
Harry soon realised it didn't matter because just like that night Draco didn't stay anymore, he didn't come by anymore, he didn't wait for Harry anymore and Maybe it was Harry's fault. And he would waste himself again, watching the smoke take more of his breath, his heart, his soul away. It was Metaphorical why Harry started smoking, irony infact maybe that if he smoked Maybe it'd stop hurting, the twinge in his heart would cease, that if he approached death more quickly then maybe it'd hurt less but 3 cigarettes a day or 20, he'd always fall asleep every night with only a thought of what if he had ran after him when he realised that draco was standing on the doorstep watching harry. He Never quite understood why didn't he ever stop Draco, why couldn't he had just not lied awake with hollowness caving in, why did he breathed in an empty bed when he heard the front door shut, why didn't he step off the bed, why didn't he never contacted Draco after that even when he was on speedial. Harry wished to find answers but never reached closer to finding the answer.
Or maybe it was an act again to ignore the plausible answer because he too like Draco had been Afraid of loving. What an irony it had been, one had stayed because he was afraid of love, other had left because he too was afraid of love. It was like one coin with only heads or just tails.
But as Autumn had advanced harry realised he had slowly started vanishing his act of ignorance, that he didn't wanted to ignore and watching Draco from a distance when draco had put on the act of ignorance became another habit. He watched as Draco's wardrobe filled more with maroon sweaters and brown and black boots with long black trench coats and the most frequently worn white sweater he vaguely remember he had seen somewhere. He couldn't keep his eyes off once he had seen him smile at the little dandelion Blooming at his window sill, it had been by mistake he had walked by his office when he had seen him smiling, touching smoothly the dandelion that bloomed at the oldest of times. Harry had stopped only for a moment as he retained in his memory the charm of his smile before he walked away smiling to himself. How could he resist him any longer ? How could he pretend that, that man still didn't make him yearn more ? How could he ? And just in those yearning, Harry found himself scheduling his days to pass by Draco at every possibility, like he knew Draco would walk through the main gates at 2:47 exactly everyday after his lunch and that he'd stop by the library and return the book just before he left for home and the time he came in and harry made sure he would pass by Draco, just so he knew he saw him.
But Maybe Draco had figured or maybe it was just usual loneliness that has casted him that draco found himself going on a single date with Calvin.
Harry didn't digest it well and realised that crossing by Draco in Teenage attempts would never fill the void of seeing him with another man and he smoked 5 cigarettes in a row very later than his usual time but just then the man in the long trench coat with White sweater had Walked in and halted in his steps when he saw Harry." I'm leaving anyways " harry gritted as he blew another breath of smoke with scrunched up face.
" it's alright " Draco whispered as he stood by the railing watching
Draco had glanced only once in amusement when he pointed out " that's your 6th cigarette. Everything alright ?"
Harry scoffed, smoking " I haven't known if anything had been alright in ages "
Draco didn't chose to reply. He didn't know what to reply.
Perhaps Harry had enough with himself, with Draco that he found himself questioning one thing he never thought he'd ever get a chance to ask " why'd you leave ?"
" what ?" Draco asked in confusion
" that night, why'd you leave ?" Harry asked again as he leaned against the railing watching Draco with a furrowed face.
Draco gulped, blinking " dwelling on past doesn't do one any good "
"I know but I'm curious, I want to know. Why'd you leave ?" Harry questioned.
Draco cleared his throat meeting Harry's eyes after long moments of hesitation " i don't know "
Harry rolled his eyes, scoffing and turning around to face the city " liar "
" you're lying because you know you were Afraid " harry spoke clenching his jaw.
Draco didn't speak, he didn't know how to or what to respond, he couldn't even if he wanted to.
" you know if there's someone I hate more than you, it's me " harry spoke after a long pause.
Draco frowned " why ?"
Harry sighed as he looked down putting out his cigarette against the wall " because that night when you left I stayed. I watched you walk away that night and when I should've left that night, I'm still stuck there. Because when I should've moved on, I didn't-Because I didn't stop you like I should have. Because the time have turned and I'm still locked up in that apartment with the memory, sense of you leaving. You left Draco, but I- I Never really left, I'm still there and I hate myself more Because I am still there when you're here "
Draco could only stare at harry as he felt himself at lost of words. If harry had watched him walk away that means he didn't try to stop him, that meant he accepted the fate of losing Draco, that meant he accepted Draco leaving him.
" I should hate you Draco, I should " Harry Turned to Draco in soft breaths " but I can't. I can't bring myself to hate you, ever"
Harry stared at Draco just like he was but none dared to speak another word. The thoughts that should've ran wild in their heads had deceased, stopped, frozen in their synapses. Their heads were empty but their hearts weren't, they both were beating with the same rhythm, same melody, same velocity but the chosen silence wasn't broken in the trance of gazing at each other.
" If I walk away today would you stop me ?" Draco was the first to speak up after having watched Harry long enough for the Blue sky to turn purple, just locked in the moment.
Harry shook his head " staying is your choice, as leaving is "
And this time Harry walked away, clutching his coat tighter to his body and the knot in his throat twisting. Maybe it wasn't Love but It could've been love if they had let it be, or Maybe it was love but it was never acknowledged but today nothing stopped Harry from walking away anymore even if it was love, how could he not, this time leaving was his choice.
But maybe it wasn't fair to him, to Draco, to Autumn, to spring, to April, to November, to this day because Draco showed up at Harry's office, raggedly breathing like he had been running 10 miles just to catch a train that was bound to leave just the next minute.
" staying is my choice, so is leaving but keeping me is yours. So Here I am, if you'll keep me because I want to keep you, even if you walk away "
Harry blinked as he dropped the file on the table and paced across the table, rapidly . He stared at Draco until his breathing came to normal and harry fought with his inner conscience, himself, before he leaned and wrapped his arms around Draco.
" I'll keep you "
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Hey darling, how are you doing ? I'm Only left with one last request of yours. hope you enjoy @sunflowerishdolphin
After the Autumn
Dialogue Prompt- 29. Love isn't supposed to hurt this badly | TW- ANGST | HURT COMFORT | EMOTIONAL ( I guess )
It was a defense mechanism, to shield himself from any upcoming events or actions that might Rip him apart or leave him fragile, to prevent the future heart breaks. It was all a wicked game; part of self preservation to not fall and not to feel bad when he got out of it. The thing was if he didn't protect his heart then he would have nothing of his own and he was afraid of loving. When growing up he was embedded that love leaves you hollow, you have the tendency to defy love ever in future, not necessarily of course but it plays a major role in not allowing yourself to love. He was taught and learnt that love was for weak hearted, for fragile and vulnerable people and not for someone like him but over the time it changed into he understood he didn't deserve love.
And so just like that he left the dark apartment that one late night after he had felt his heart rapidly beating causing a horrendous stampede in his chest, he left him, he abandoned him.
And he didn't return with only glance behind, a single flicker of hope burning until it extinguished.
But like all the dry, shredded trees that grows in forest becomes alive one day with just the little of sunshine after the Autumn, he met him again, 4 years later when he had subtly walked into work and was introduced to the newest member of the DMLE.
" Draco, meet harry potter, of course you must know him, all the rivarly I've heard of too " and the words had left him frozen.
Draco refused to look up from where he was looking at his desk because he never knew how to, how could he had looked up and watch the man he had abandoned in the apartment because he was Afraid he was falling in love with. He didn't dare but he heard in silence the Chuckles and stories told.
Robard might've stayed there for a few more minutes telling him about harry but all he could think of was the past, the horrors thay hurled within him with it but when they Walked out through his door, out into the hallway, draco finally lifted his gaze, harry didn't turn around to see him, he didn't.
Where had the months flown since harry joined, draco never really realised. Harry had became everyone's friend, a nice colleague, a good host and yet draco hadn't spoken one word, nor had harry and for some obscure reasons harry didn't try to initiate anything either, he didn't even try to acknowledge his presence or his absence as though he didn't care anymore but draco was bothered because he wanted harry to be angry with him, to yell at him, to give me stone hearted look, to look at him in anyway except as strangers.
He waited months for harry to snap until he assumed harry just didn't care enough to bother with draco anymore, even a little, who would but it hurt draco somewhere that harry was pretending that they didn't have a history or that harry had simply forgotten which draco was Afraid of because harry was the best he ever had, in everything.
" enjoying work ?" Draco finally initiated reluctantly while he was in the office library in the same aisle as him.
" I am, thank you" harry gave him a firm smile before he left the aisle and never returned. Draco sighed, hitting his head against the bookshelf.
And they didn't talk again and it was somehow leaving draco feeling hollow. He would see across the room and harry wouldn't even bothered to look at draco, not so much so even a glance at him or he didn't even try to talk or he didn't even try to hate him, it was like draco didn't mean anything to him and as much draco should've loved that, he didn't. He was left feeling upset, sad and Empty like harry was scooping his heart out and keeping it with himself. All draco could think of was unimaginable unrealistic scenario's that harry obliviated himself, all the memories with draco and it hurt more it should've.
But Draco would question " isn't this what he wanted ? For harry to forget him ?" But maybe he thought he wanted that but it hurt more everytime he'd look at harry he was reminded of the steps he took out of his apartments hoping that harry would realise draco wasn't in the bed and would run and stop him. But harry never did, even in his dreams, nor in nightmares.
And then as if with autumn came with a different aura harry had whispered something to draco when they were standing on the roof of the office building enjoying the soft breeze with Draco retaliating about his past.
"pardon ?" Draco frowned
" I asked, you want a cigarette ?" Harry repeat puffing out smoke from between his lips in The most elegant ways possible.
" I don't smoke, sorry " draco shrugged. Harry nodded frowning taking another drag then turning to draco, leaning against the railings.
" I didn't used to " harry said
" then why did you start ?" Draco asked.
Harry looked at him long enough as though he was conveying him an answer before he shrugged and took another drag.
" you don't talk much " it was a not a question, not an answer but a statement. Draco didn't talk much.
Draco gave him a little side smile before he stared ahead at the metropolitan city replying " I like the silence "
Harry nodded and he didn't speak up. He didn't even say a good-bye after he was done smoking, he just like the smoke, left without a scene, without a residue except for the ashes and the burnt cigarette put out against the wall now lying on the ground. Draco watched that burnt out cigarette until the last of the sparks had died and he too walked in, an unsettling feeling whirled again inside of him.
Draco met harry there 3 more times with little conversations until in unknown ways he became addicted to wanting to meet harry there for small conversations but after the third time no matter how long draco stayed there, no matter how often he came to the roof, he didn't meet harry again as if he purposely didn't come to the roof anymore yet draco stood there over the roof everyday waiting for harry to show up at least one of these days.
He never showed up and it was only in mistake when draco wad walking down the wrong floor when he saw harry smoking in the balcony of that floor. Harry watched as draco swiftly passed by with a pained look on his face but harry didn't dare stop him or tried to give any explanation or even say a word. He let him watch, he let him go.
This time draco knew he was repaying his debt for the sin he committed ages ago when he abandoned harry. Harry didn't meet draco or didn't acknowledge or treated him as a stranger because he knew it hurt draco. He knew that draco would be hurt if harry didn't bother him and so he never bothered. Draco didn't bother harry anymore either,he couldn't even if he wanted to.
In that little glance at harry, draco had met with revelations that his self preservation never really worked,that his defense mechanism to save his heart, to shut his feelings never really worked, he was stupid to had walked out of the apartment that night because draco had inevitably already fallen for harry long ago and the more impending truth was he never fell out because he never knew how to. The history was a proof that you can fall in love but had no one taught how to fall out and draco suffered contagiously in the living history. He knew when he saw harry that he was never going to fall out and he would perhaps never understand why but he knew he understood the answers of all these four years that had been Buried somewhere deep inside him. Why he didn't date anymore, why didn't he find anyone attractive anymore, why didn't he ever meet someone intriguing, why didn't he ever had an answer for the question if he was ever in love with harry and the answer lied here, he was, is and will be in love with and it was something he would have to live with it until he learns to unlove harry potter.
"Love was never supposed to hurt this badly" draco whispered to himself; his eyes watered with the reflection of the growing metropolitan city.
( Might do part 2 on request. )
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pls do a part two of after the autumn 🥺
Hi anon, thank you for making me do it. Here's the part 2-
After the autumn part 2
Da capo - part 6
Trail post part 1 to 5
Ritenuto (Italian: 'held back')
It was raining.
Harry stared out of the window of the restless night watching the sky pour down over the earthly land. He sat there on the bed, hearing faint hustling from outside in the hallway and the sound of water crashing against the window, he remained there, watching and falling in love. It was easier he realised while his mind wrote down with a quill in his head that Loving was easier, that falling in love was easier, falling out was hard and it's not because nobody tells you how to but because we all fear abandonment, and in love there isn't abandonment. He hates thinking about the night he had to leave Draco because it was easier to just not think about it and even if he hated the easy way, he never complied thinking the hard way because perhaps for once he wanted things to be easy.. Maybe that's why he didn't return, among many other reasons he doesn't know. Among many other reasons he wishes he knew.
He woke up the next morning and being done with morning routine, he realised he had nothing to do. He could visit Arthur but the ward remained close today as he heard clearly yesterday by the nurses. He thought he might go shopping but he always hated the idea of shopping alone. He could maybe take a walk but he couldn't remain on the streets all day and he didn't wanted to disturb the Weasley's anymore, he had already been enough of a trouble to them, in the past and now.
" you could come to the office with me and Ron, they'd love you down there obviously but you can just explore the visitor section"
" ministry is possibly the most boring place to be Hermione " harry rolled his eyes as he shut the last page of the daily prophet and slided the newspaper across the counter.
" it's not all bad alright. Maybe you could even try and patch things up with Ron " Hermione suggested
" I'd much rather not be murdered in his office Hermione " harry replied lazily.
" you can't Just sulk in here harry" she sighed and then just as randomly it hit her " you know what you have to do nothing..but you can help me right ?"
" help you with what ?" He asked strangely curious.
" we have got these old cold cases files that's already been done but nobody is ready to tally them to check which one's closed, which one's are still being worked on and which ones need to be worked on. You can help check them " Hermione suggested.
"I'd rather choke to death mione. I left ministry for a reason " harry rolled his eyes.
" come on-"
" fine" he dragged on " I'll come but I'll be in the visitor's section. I'd wander about and if nothing interests me I'll come back "
Hermione thought for a moment but then nodded and very much regrettably harry left with her soon enough.
Harry was absolutely right about ministry being a very boring place. Hermione was as busy as ever and Ron Definitely didn't wanted to see him, everyone's gawked at him like an old extinct species present in a museum and the visitors section was filled with mostly bunch of kids who came on a trip. Harry was more than ready to just go back home and was walking to Hermione's office when he collided with someone just before her door.
" I'm so sorry- I didn't- Draco?" Harry frowned.
" what are you doing here ?" He asked immediately.
" well- you know I like to walk around here with files and running in circles " Draco joked, harry almost did smile " I work here obviously . I didn't know you were coming "
" oh, Arthur fell sick. I had to visit " harry replied.
" oh " draco replied as though realisation stroke him just then " I heard about that. How is he doing now ?"
" fine " harry nodded.
They remained there awkwardly looking at each other when someone crashed by Harry and his eyes fell onto Hermione's office door.
" listen I - I'm sorry- I gotta go actually. I need to- well talk to Hermione, but meet me soon I guess ?" Harry Suggested.
" oh- no- sure, yeah. Meet you soon then "; harry nodded and walked past Draco, almost about to knock her door when he heard him call out.
" what ?" Harry responded.
" I'm - almost done with work. Wanna go somewhere ?" Draco asked. Harry thought about it for a moment, his mind screaming of how weird it was, how awkward it would be and how incredibly wrong it was to see your ex boyfriend just as a friend.
" sure " instead harry replied.
" wanna come in my office then. I just need to-"
" sure " harry smiled cutting him off before Draco could've even explained but then it didn't matter and they walked into Draco's office.
" potioneer then " harry nodded as he entered his office.
" yeah, I got the opportunity last year and I thought why not. Hermione suggested me. Thanks to her" Draco dismissively replied stashing his files into his bag and locking.
" so why didn't you call when you came ?" Draco asked as he wore his coat, checking his pockets one last time.
" I just came actually, a day before yesterday and things had been busy with making up- meeting everyone and- just things " harry replied pocketing his hands.
Draco understandingly nodded and walked them out of the door.
They made a few small talks as they walked out of the ministry and strolled across a few more streets.
" so- you sold the apartment ?" Harry asked curiously.
Draco looked at harry for a moment before he realised what he meant and shook his head " it's already hard enough to find apartments here, I couldn't afford losing another and I mean it's not that apartment was the reason for everything, right "
Harry understandingly nodded but somewhere they both were welcomed with the fact of how strange it was to be like this, they were pretending maybe but it wasn't easy to just forget everything and yet both were playing their parts to the best.
They walked silently a few more streets both thinking of the same thing yet none dared to bring it up again, after all they had decided that they won't be the ex's who can't be friends.
" you wanna come over to my place, for dinner, maybe ?" Draco offered.
Harry wanted to say no, even almost said no but somewhere in the back of his mind knocked the images of Ron and Hermione and their pity looks or their hesitation in being able to talk. Considering the history it should have been harder with Draco but surprisingly enough, it wasn't as hard and so he responded " sure. Not like I have any other places to be "
Draco nodded and took the turn for his apartment and in not less than 5 minutes they were there as though he had planned to take harry home. They walked up the stairs in deafening silence and didn't utter a single word even when they entered the apartment, it was a doorbell that startle them and defiantly made them talk.
" mrs. Kentucky, how are you doing ?" Draco greeted his neighbour with a huge grin.
" lovely Darling. Wanted to return the sugar I borrowed and - is that Harry ?" She peered a little more through the door to get a better view but as Draco turned around to check on Harry, he vigorously shook his head.
" no, no that's just a colleague. Not a very friendly one at that " Draco Whispered and she nodded.
" not friendly eh, so not gonna date him huh" she mischievously smiled. Draco reddened at her words and immediately took the sashe of sugar and practically Shoved her out continuously thanking her and with a loud thud closed the door.
" she just-"
" I know " harry nodded smiling knowing exactly the kind of gossip lady Mrs. Kentucky was.
" ju- just for the record- I- I didn't bring anyone so there's nothing to-"
" Draco " harry stopped him " it's fine. We're- history " he added.
Draco seemed as though he wanted to say something but didn't and followed into the living room after nodding at harry.
" this place hasn't changed at all" harry said after having glanced the place.
" I- I didn't really feel like the need to " Draco replied.
" you mind if I- change ?"
" no, no of course not " harry shook his head vigorously and turned around to head towards the couch. Draco took it as a cue to get changed fast and join him again in the living room.
Harry despite having initially planned on sitting over the couch, stepped into the balcony and let himself gawk at the view. It's been so long he last saw the beautiful view it offered. The balcony had always been a very peaceful, calm escape especially when things seemed to overweight him; he can remember endless nights he had stood on the balcony because he felt as if something is someone was choking him, like the coil around his neck only tightened and he surged for air and this place had been where he came for a breath. He never was able to understand why everything was the way it was as and when he looked for answers, he couldn't, at least from not where he was. As he stood there watching over the city of London he was hit with strong realisation of how much he actually missed being here, missed the smell of the pizza place down the road and the sound of loud TV from the apartment next door and the lights that flickered on the road by the passing cars and the sight of clock tower, he missed being able to see over such a long latitude and wonder how farther the end is and it wasn't as if he didn't like paris, but paris wasn't London. Paris didn't had that flickering lights going by down the streets or the kids running down the streets on a skateboard or the loud neighbour next door with obnoxious loud TV nor it had the clock nor Paris had that calming grey look in the sky because of the always unprecedented rain about to happen any moment. Paris just wasn't what he thought it was.
" missed this ?" He heard. Harry didn't need to turn around, he just nodded.
" paris doesn't give you this ?" He asked as he stood by next to harry.
" there's a lot of things paris doesn't have " harry mumbled wishing he could explain Draco everything but he couldn't. He waited for Draco to ask why did he leave but he never asked and this is why perhaps tonight Harry was here and not there. Perhaps this is why Harry found it easier to be with Draco because he didn't ask too many questions, because he never asked unless he knew harry wanted to asked, because he understood when Harry didn't feel like talking, because he understood harry like no one else and even when draco should be the last person to understand harry and give him another chance, he did and maybe that's why he was here tonight, in the heart of the City with the one man who's heart was just broken as Harry because he knew harry, when no one else seemed to.
" London is home-"
" and Paris isn't ?"
Harry just shook his head. Paris was everything but home.
Because in paris, there wasn't you. Because there wasn't you in your blue blowy shirt and washed jeans with open arms, there wasn't you..
Part 7
I don't know why the short chapter!!!
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Wish I were Heather
Dialogue prompt 21 - “Don’t ask her out again, please... you’re killing me every single time you ask that.”
TW- Hurt/comfort ||Post breakup
I heard from you late night in the middle of the June, that was the last I heard your voice or saw your face before you came back to the city. News had started flowing here and around about you, flashlines saying "The Golden boy returning after disappearance?" much before your arrival, much before I had even saw the headlines but I thought they were fake until I saw the headlines again "The boy who lived back in action". I don't know whether I was upset that day when I saw the news because you didn't choose to call me like you used to or whether I was angry that I found out that way or if I felt indifferent because you weren't a part of my life, I didn't quite know. But whatever it was, I knew you coming back was a change I wasn't ready for.
When I was a kid of 4 year's old, I used to think that the world ended where there wasn't my house or my school, I didn't used to think of the towns in the periphery of the country or the outskirts, I thought they didn't exist at all but then I also thought that love didn't exist either until you happened and you changed everything there was in me. You became my shine, my armour, my shield, my breath,my heart beat, my world, everything. I thought you were my world, just like I used to think of my world as a 4 year kid. There were no outskirts, or towns in periphery, in that world it was only you and me but now, the periphery is all we have. I see you, from the outskirts of my world.
I would walk down my supermarkets, see the newspaper's, newsletters, magazines with your face on front, everyone rejoicing as if a lost King had returned to the kingdom but I walked past them because I didn't need to know of your life, the life you knit for yourself somewhere across the globe or what your future held for you anymore, I don't think I wanted to know either but then it was like a flap of a moth that everything changed and suddenly there was you, with everything you still had of mine, my heart, my soul, my love and you asked me if we could talk. I couldn't say no and we talked for hours, our past, our present, our unknown unraveling future, our apartments, our friend's, our families, my job, your job, my cat and your dog, the new fences in my garden, the new polished surface of your flat, your visits to different part of the worlds, the taste of coffee and tea in other countries, the humongous libraries you visited and artisans you met and the international friends you made. We talked about everything and yet it wasn't enough because talking to you was like staring at the moon, I never want to stop.
And I knew I was right, you were a change in my life, yet again, I wasn't ready for.
It was so easy for you to pick off with people right where you left off, or start a new charity, or meet new people everyday, or to get into new business, or engage with muggles, or do interviews, or go on runs. It seemed effortless when I saw you, like you were a natural but then I think you were always a natural, maybe it was one of the reason why I loved you. And so effortlessly you were there wanting to be my friend again, how could I had denied, you had my oxygen.
But then I forgot that maybe you didn’t want anything more than a couple of Hi’s, awkward conversations in the isle of the departmental store or a couple of phone calls that’d only last for 10 minutes. I wasn’t ready for what was coming. It wasn’t like the calm before a storm, It was much rather like the autumn sunsets before the winter nights. You were there and I was there and so was everyone, right there back at the diner, having a dinner late night after work before the weekend when things spurred on the table and we landed talking about relationships.
“Come on, there has to be someone, we’re your friends, Harry. Don’t hide it from us.” Ron had teased gulping right after a huge sip of his beer.
The echos of laughter, the savage sounds, the enthused smiles came over everyone’s face but me and then you gave your shy smile, confirming to everyone that there was someone. I felt my heart plunge.
“Well there is this girl. She’s a volunteer at the charity house and we’ve been getting along pretty well and we definitely hit on each other a lot but when I asked her out, she said we should wait for a while. It’s going good but I don’t know yet.” You had shrugged with a calm blush on your face. You were thinking of her and it made you smile, it made you happy and that somewhere made me want to die.
And everything after that was about you and that girl. I was happy for you, I really was but for just once I was hoping that there would be someone who noticed that I was staring out of the window towards the bridge at the couple hugging before they departed separate ways. And I thought I needed someone to acknowledge that but no, when I felt Hermione’s hand brush against my closed fist as a sign to ask if I were okay, I realized, It was your acknowledgement I needed. It was your gaze I yearned for, It was your affirmations I needed but you were there, and yet you weren’t there for me.
When I used to be with you before this happened, I always wished that time would slow down, if only for a couple minutes, a few seconds, just so I could hold your hand a little longer but now every passing second, I wished it’d end sooner because I don’t think I could’ve taken you talking about that girl or you pretending that we never existed, maybe it didn’t to you, it did for me.
I thought your feeble crush on that girl would last a few weeks because she repeatedly kept turning you down, I thought that maybe you would give up but now I think maybe her turning you down was nothing but a fuel for your engine to run. I looked at you more often than not, I stared at you for insane amount of duration while you would be there talking to that girl, your hands brushing, a curious yet soft and lovable eye contact between the two of you and the endless smiles you both had, and I hated to say this to myself, you looked happy.
There were even days you were in my dreams and we’d do nothing but talk because instead of that girl, it was me, it was me your hands would brush against, it was me you kept looking for reasons to touch my arm, it was me you kept fondly smiling at, it was me instead of her but then my dreams would crash the moment i’d wake up and pretending that you were here with me, i’d say “Don’t ask her out again... You’re killing every single time you ask that.”
But you weren’t there to listen, you couldn’t listen to the shatter of my heart.
And then one day when I was walking by a coffee shop near your charity center and I saw you from the opposite side of the road. I had almost taken my step to greet you from the window but then I saw her. She walked with a croissant in her hand and gave one to you and one for her and I only looked at the two of you, the hands brushing again until you had interlocked the fingers together and the crimson blush on both of your faces, a soft yet big smile on both of your faces, even your legs were intertwined beneath the table.
And I couldn’t look away.
She was Heather, she was everything I wanted to be, she was everything I couldn’t be and that’s why you wanted her and not me, and because I know you wanted her, I couldn’t hate her, not even a for a minute, not even for a second, not even for a single moment, not even a little bit, not even at all. You looked happier, more than you ever were with me because that means I was never what you needed or ever wanted but you said I was. She bought those things out in you I never could, I had never seen you smile so much and I knew it wasn’t the smile you have when you start seeing someone, it was a smile that said you were really happy, happier than you had ever been in your entire life, it was a smile of when you’re in love. You made promises to me that I was everything you ever needed, that I was the one who bought out the life in you, that I made you the happiest you have ever been, you said I made you want to live and not just exist in mortality but now seeing you entangled into her, I knew I wasn’t what you thought I was for because If I were it, if I really were everything you ever wanted, you ever needed, then there would’ve never been a Her. Then it would have only been you and me and our world with no outskirts.
But now, I didn’t even want the periphery to live, I didn’t want the outskirts because you were kissing her and I was watching you and I heard my heart drop down from a high building and remain into nothing but scatterer fragments over the ground. It was broken, more than it already had been.
She made you happy and I have to live with it. And maybe I’ll live, if only a little, I think I will.
But I will always live wishing that I were her, wishing I were Heather.
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Half a heart
Dialogue prompt no. 24-..“We never were just friends, and you know it.” “I know it, but you deserve someone better than me.”
Hurt/comfort || Angst || hint to MCD
“We never were just friends, and you know it.”
“I know it, but you deserve someone better than me.”
They stood there placid with the soft breeze that flew between them, breezily taking the strands of the red scarf away.
Autumn had far begun and the shades of crimson and orange had settled into the sky with the soft colours of sun cowered behind the clouds.
But like every love story of theirs, that bloom in autumn, here they were again, standing face to face, drowning in love with each other.
"You will always deserve someone better, no matter what because you deserve to be loved by someone who would bring you breakfast in bed, someone who brings you flowers everyday, someone who picks you up on a date and drops you back home just to spare a few minutes with you, someone who would bring you all the best in the world, someone who would make promises of forever and fulfill then, someone who would promise you the time, someone who would cherish every little win of yours, someone who have more of a heart than mine to give." He says as tears well up in the corner of his eyes but he doesn't want them to fall. He can't let them.
The other man stepped closer and pulls him by the red scarf hangings loosely around his neck just so he could be a little closer to him.
"I don't care about any of that. Don't you get it. I don't care whether you can bring me flowers or not, i don't care if you cannot be there for me whenever I win a game, I don't care whether if you cannot make breakfast in bed for me, I don't care that you've loved anyone before, I don't care that you only have only half your life left to give to me. I don't care if you only have 29 minutes to live or you have 10 more years to live. I don't care. I have made my decision to stay whether you think I deserve it or not. I can make my choice, Draco. I don't care whether you think I deserve someone else or not, I want you, everyday. Everyday you've left to offer. I want to be your person till the last of your breath and nothing you say is ever going to change that, so you have two choices, let me love you without a flight or keep fighting me while I still love you?"
A choked sob leave Draco's throat and he collapses into a hug with Harry, his arms lifelessly wrapped around his neck and his petite body almost befitting Harry's.
"Why do you love me so much?"
Harry wrapped his arms closer around Draco and softly said, "Because for my every question, you are my answer Draco. Even if loving you was ever a choice, I'm glad I made that choice."
They stood there for a long time, embracing each other with no words needed to be spoken and soft sobs continuously leaving Draco's lips because that's what love did to him.
The thing about their love story is whether it was a choice of falling in love or not, Harry would've made the same choice, repeatedly over and over again because that's how much he loved Draco and Draco would've tried to save Harry from that pain of loving him because he always wants to protect him but that's their beautiful sad end, they always end up together, in every life they lived in because loving the other was a choice even if the end would always be fatal. Harry knew the end of their tragic story, he always did but he chose to love Draco because even in the choice of loving Draco, he never really did have any. He just loved him, as he was, with only half his heart he had left to give. He loved Draco with and without the fatal consequences.
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Always my home
Hurt/comfort.
Love is perhaps like a wave that hits the shore. It's like when you're little and you go towards the wave to catch it but as soon as it comes towards you, you run away, but when you're old and much wiser and much more heart broken you run towards the wave and you wait for it to drown you. Love is perhaps that wave that never comes back and take you to the widest of the ocean to never be reunited with the shore again. You might reach another shore one day, but it's not home.
Because home isn't a place, it's a person.
He was my home. All my life I thought loving someone would be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do but he made it so easy, with his wicked jokes, his beautiful smile, his love for the most ultimate romance of all time, his gorgeous eyes and the heart that only ever had so much love to give. I think every time I looked at him, I loved him more and more and even though I never thought i’d be able to love him, I did and in all the time we spent together, I didn’t regret even a single moment even when he gave made that stupid badge just to get my attention. I loved the conversations we had, the intimacy we had, the calls we had, the texts we had- every moment I spent loving him have been the best moments of my life and I’d cherish them for as long as I live, for as long as the sun loves the moon, for as long as there’s a lover sitting by the window confessing their love to the moon, I’d love him with everything in me. Maybe there is a universe where him and I fight all the battles, where maybe we stay on the same side- always, where maybe we sit under the stars every night and dance, where maybe we go to karaoke’s so we sing our hearts out, where we sit across table and discuss our grocery list, where maybe we joke about in martian language in public and freak everyone out, where we hold each other's hand without ever fearing a moment where we don't hold hands, where we say I love you without fearing the world. Maybe there is a universe where we work out and I hoped that it was this universe but I don't think it is.
This perhaps is the universe where we don't work out because we're not the same him and I. We don't belong together, not here at least. We couldn't share our love in the secrecy of forbidden rooms or in the secrecy of notes passed between hallways. We can't be together because I can't have only half of him when I want to love the whole of him. We can't be together because we're not destined to be. I've heard it often that if things are supposed to work out with someone, they will, but apparently, me and him, thing's between us were never supposed to. I see him from a distance and I know one day he'll be someone else's and as much as that pains my wretched heart, I'm glad that someone would be able to love his heart in the ways I could've done all my life but couldn't but even if one day he comes back to me with his heart in the palm of his hand, I'll open mine and make space for his.
I hoped this was our universe, I still hope that it is but even if it isn't, It'll be okay. We'll be fine, both of us, with our heart's with someone else even if I only wanted my heart to be yours and yours to be mine but it'll be okay, I know one day It will be but if I'm sure of one thing, it's that, no matter what, he will always, always be my home.
An altered draft from what was supposed to be a part of ATW.
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You loved me first but I loved you last- Draco’s version.
We were in second year when I vividly remember Pansy said that doing arithmetic was the easiest she ever had to do and I agreed that day but back then I didn't know you, but now I do and now my answer is different.
Loving you was the easiest thing I ever had to do, ever.
I wonder most nights, even after you’re gone, why is it that it was so easy to love you? How did I fall for you so easily when I had always been so cautious of my heart, cautious of who I was loving, who I was giving my heart to? But I suppose I know the answer, its because, it was you. Just you. There is nothing that I should add to it or think of it or describe to it because the answer is only 3 letters, one word. Loving you was like the simplest thing in the world because what was there in you that I could not love. Loving you was like learning moon is a satellite, sun is a star and clouds are just water. You were like the most beautiful wave I had ever seen, the only wave I wanted to be drowned in, you were like the most beautiful set of piano played in the world, you were like all the letters written in calligraphy. It was easy to love you because it was so simple to adore you, to fall for you.
I perhaps was unaware of what I was doing when I started falling for you but I think I took a chance in loving you because you said you loved me first and I thought that maybe, because you fell for me first, your feelings would not change. But I was wrong, more wrong than I had ever been in my whole life. I thought it could never be possible for you to fall out of love with me because of all the words laced with love you said, all the names you gave me, with the ways you adored me, i thought it wasn't possible but I was so wrong.
But I'm rendered speechless everytime I still think of you, you were and are that one thing in my life that reminds me of gravity, you are my gravity that keeps pulling me down and that made it easier to love you. I loved you from the moment you decided that you didn't want to drink coffee at your favourite cafe because they didn't make tea and you knew how much I rather liked tea better. You changed your cafe for me and it made me love you in incomprehensible ways and yet I wonder where did it all go wrong. Where did it go wrong that in this love story we managed to make, I'm the only one standing with my heart in my hand and you're not here, you're not even close anymore. Where did it go wrong that one day you simply said that you couldn't be with me anymore? I wonder if I was never enough for you. I wonder if my love was not enough to make you stay.
I wish that I could have loved you a little longer or maybe you'd had stayed a little longer so I could have put pieces together, so as to understand why you didn't you love me anymore but you didn't stay and I let you go because I think I suffocated you. I just want to know the moment when you realised that I'm not the one you wanted to be with because every lonely night when I stay up and every morning I wake up, I cry in silence with my heart so heavy because all I ever wonder is when did you fall out of love with me? But I thinking faced with reality, I wouldn't be able to confront the reality because if you told me the truth, the moment you fell out of love with me, I think I'd die a little more than I already have.
But I think the problem wasn't you but me, if you could not bare to look at me anymore because just like everyone else, you too got bored of me, you too understood that being with me was nothing but a waste of time and space and love. Perhaps you too realised that loving me would be a dead end, that it's like walking on a lonesome street because nothing stays forever with me and you understood it pretty soon but the part of me who loves you in indescribable ways, it thinks about what if you had stayed with me, for a little longer and how I could had shown you that you were my entire world. You still are.
I always thought that if there was one person I would never need recovery from, that would be you but you are the only person who has hurt me in ways that goes beyond my power of explanation but I would never reverse time to undo whatever happened because being with you, even when you caused me this insufferable pain, I'd never redo a single moment because you are that rare pearl that you find only in the deepest of the ocean. If I had to repeat us altogether, I would do it all again, in a heartbeat, from the beginning till the end only because I know I'll get you for another time, for moments longer than two and I'll love you all the same.
But I would never deny that this pain that you caused me by saying those few simple words, "I'm sorry but I don't love you anymore," those few words were the hardest thing I ever had to listen and I wish I were even deaf but every night these words repeat itself and I cry myself to sleep in the same pillow I have been confessing my tears for a while now. These words shatters my world, breaks my heart, my soul, my existence but I couldn't make you stay, not with my words, not with my love, not with my affection, so perhaps you looked for something more than this and I hope you may find it in someone that isn't me but if time comes when you run out of people, run out of roads to go on, I hope you remember that in the sunset we painted, you're still all the colours in my sunset and you will always be. So one day if you choose to love me back once again, I want you to know that I'll still be there, painting the canvas of our sunset waiting for you to join me.
Because I got a request to write alternative version with Draco on Instagram.
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Phantom of the future
Hurt/comfort // word limit- 6.9k
That’s the thing about nostalgia, it leaves you empty somehow and when I know you are my forever nostalgia, how can I not be empty forever?
With love comes pain and pain demands to be felt because love and pain are the two most surreal things in the world. You never know whether you may finally discover your true self or entirely lose oneself. But with time we all wish once to turn back the time and live what we couldn’t live or undo those moments we all know what they are.
2nd November’ 2000
What if one of them had guts?
Their love, It was like a tell tale story. Nobody knows where it came from, nobody knows who wrote it, nobody knows the actual reality, nobody knows the missing lines, nobody knows the history, what we know is that it lives, it breathes. Their love was a tell tale story, untold to anyone.
It was that day, that winter afternoon when the rain in its most substantial form was ready to pour down upon the world, crying if the cloud must in its own grief. Only that day the grief was to be shared by those 2 boys who knew so little of love and too much of pain. Those 2 boys who had been so well acquainted with grief that only one could fathom but the grief that was yet to be inflicted upon them would have changed the course of their lives.
And Harry was so unaware of the change he was going to face when he was standing at that train station with the bags in his hand, ready to elope, from all of it to a place where they might belong, where they might be who they wanted to be. All was set, the place was awaiting for two young men in love, there was a suite awaiting with one bed, a reservation for a few days until they would run away again to a little town in the outskirts of Greece and live there until the time would have come for them to leave that little town too. All was ready, all was set, all was planned. He only had to come to the station. He only had to come.
But three hours in the rain, with the station telephone running out of calls to make, with his hands hurting with the weight of the bags, with his heart that was so bruised and afraid and his eyes full of tears and his mind home to his worst fears. 3 hours in the rain, with all his clothes wet, his eager eyes growing more tired by every second and his legs eventually getting tired of the constant shaking, with his dying hope. The sky changed from amber to grey, from grey to darker, all trains left and yet there was no sign of him.
And then came that black owl, finally in the darkness of the night, when everyone was asleep and no one could even figure out the secrecy of them. It came towards Harry and rested upon his knees. Harry slowly and carefully took off the letter tied to its little legs and opened it in the palm of his hand and watched the owl fly away all at the same time.
2 words in the letter, no, it was a note.
“I’m sorry ~ D.M.”
And Harry knew that night that they both failed, that their future failed, their hope failed, their life failed, their love had failed. Nothing they ever hoped for, nothing they ever wished for, they were never going to get it and every living day after that he would have to live with the fact that they didn’t have the guts to fight. He knew that every living day after that was as hard as it was going to be and no matter how much that night he wished upon to be dead, no matter how much he wished upon to run to Draco and convince him to run away, no matter how much that night he wanted to change things, no matter what he wanted that night, it was never going to change the fact that their love story was nothing but an incomplete one and it will always be that way.
Every living day after that was just a mere existence.
7th May’ 2006
“Harry, can you pass me the daily?” Ron asked, adding sugar to his coffee.
Harry lazily picked the daily by his feet, resulting in it falling down to the ground.
“Stop being so lazy. Just pick it up.” Ron rolled his eyes.
Harry groaned and reached out to pick it up from the ground, only when he did that, his eyes fell upon the printed words on the cover page of the daily.
“Malfoy heir engaged to Astoria Greengrass.”
Harry’s eyes fixated on the article and even if he tried to stop himself from reading the article further on, he could not stop himself.
“Sources close to the family have revealed that the engagement happened in a discreet, fashionable and typical Malfoy way inside the secrecy of their homes. The sources also reveal that the engagement had been the most awaited one in the family and one that was supposed to happen in December last year, nonetheless now the wedding is set to happen on 2nd November of 2006. Rumours reveal that the booking for the venue of the same have already started and recently heard through workers in the industry reveal that the wedding might just be the grandest one in a decade-”
“Harry, the daily.” Ron yelled again, startling Harry out of his reading trance.
“Yeah.” he choked up and walked up to Ron. He handed him the newspaper and walked out of the apartment without even a little idea of where he was headed. Ron had tried to follow him but he had disapparated the moment he had walked out.
That day the pain resurfaced itself, the one that he had buried for so long in the captivity of his chest, it resurfaced again and made him feel all those things he never wished upon feeling again but little could he help when he saw the news because how could he not feel sad about it, when the only man he ever loved was getting married. He was forced to think of those times when they had been together, he was forced to think of all those moments, all those days when love made sense, all those days of making plans to have a future they were supposed to have together, all those days when they were in love. He was cursed with the memories that lived in him, the memories he was sure he had not entirely moved on from, after all we never really move on, the light of that diminishes until its left with nothing more than a small burning flame of a candle.
Somewhere we are all bound with the memories we take on as we move forward in our lives, whether it's a curse or not, that’s on the story of that lover.
2nd November’ 2006
“Nervous?” His friend chuckled behind him, forcing him to look up in the mirror.
“I guess.” He replied.
“Yeah, well, it's about to start. You have to be at the altar before Astoria reaches so you’re not the bride, she is. Don’t steal her limelight.” Blaise laughed off.
“Sod off.” Draco chuckled.
“If you must say so-oh- by the way, don’t forget your cufflinks. You have a ridiculously skinny wrist. And- I almost forgot, this came in your mail today.” Blaise threw the letter at Draco and took his leave almost as if he had other things to do.
Draco picked up the letter from the ground and kept it beside the box of cufflinks, watching it curiously.
Done with his cufflinks, he picked up and opened the letter.
“Found your 5 leaf clover in a world of 3?” and it ended there with only a P.S. note “Congratulations.”
And Draco knew very well where it came from. His choked heart saw the letter for long enough to come late to the aisle and hard enough to forget it was his wedding.
“There’s a saying.”
“I’m all ears.”
Draco shifts closer so his head is laid over Harry’s lap more comfortably in the secrecy of the open tree house they made in the forbidden forest. He holds out the palm of his hand and show’s Harry a shamrock.
“What’s that?”
“A shamrock. 3 leaf clover.”
“Why do you have it in your hand?” Harry asked.
Draco shrugged, “I found it on my way here.”
“Anyways, I was talking about the saying. You see this, this is a shamrock. But not every clover is a shamrock. These are 3 leaf clover, apparently it's said that if you find a 4 leaf clover, you are blessed with good luck but the possibility of finding a 4 leaf clover is 1 in 10,000 but I was doing some light reading and I came across the fact that the 5 leaf clover also exist and the possibility of finding it is 1 in 100,000 which is like really hard, which makes both 4 and 5 leaf clover really rare.”
“Okay and why are you telling me this?”
“Because finding those clovers are really rare. To find something that extraordinary is rare which is the same as finding someone you truly love. Someone you love in the purest form. That’s rare. So, I guess I'm saying that you are my 5 leaf clover in a world full of 3 leaf clovers and while everyone settles for searching for 4 leaf clovers, I already have both 4 and 5. So, I am indeed lucky.” Draco explained. Harry however didn’t reply which made Draco look up at him to find him so fondly smiling at himself that his heart skipped 100,00 beats at once.
“You’re such a nerd.” Harry had laughed but Draco remembers the way Harry had kissed him that night. That kiss was a love confession that night. That kiss still lingers over his lips.
“Draco?”
He snapped out of his memory and stared at his soon to be wife standing in front of him looking at him with a suspicious glance.
“Do you Draco Malfoy take Astoria Greengrass as your lawfully wedded wife in sickness and in health?”
Draco breathed sharply and only for a moment stared out of the window behind Astoria and said, “I do.”
7th June’ 2008
“Are you coming to the party?” someone asked.
Draco frowned as he looked up and said “what party?”
“The Potter- Weasley party? It was an open invite to everyone.” the man said.
“Whatever for?”
“Didn’t you hear?”
“Hear what?”
“Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter are getting married.”
Saying his world crashed in front of him would mean that he still cared about Harry, but his world crashed in front of him. How could it not have? A world that was made up of glass was bound to fall down and shatter one day.
He forced himself with a nod but when his friend had left the office, he had run to the long french open window and in the most toxic habit he had picked up, he lit a cigarette and smoked off. He picked the habit up in anxiety and almost 10 years later, it still sticks to him. He rubbed his hand against his chest as he fought for air and at the same time he smoked out another puff but it didn’t last long, neither the cigarette, nor the pack of it, nor the trying to reach for breath worked. He had ultimately sat down over the floor with his phone diary from when he was 18 and the dried up 4 leaf clover in his hand. He turned around the leaf in his hand and allowed himself to imagine what would have happened if he had really given Harry that leaf like he had wanted to.
In the loneliness of the night, in the flickering burn of the old pain, he got drunk on the night and the memories of years ago and he only wondered one question. Is there a world where they go to Greece?
8th August’ 2029
“They got divorced.” Ginny said with almost shock.
“Who?” Harry asked as he flipped another set of pancakes on the pan.
“At the age of 49.”
“Who got divorced?” Harry asked again.
“Astoria and Draco Malfoy. Says here that she knew that he never really loved her and more often than not it seemed like a marriage in convenience. Also says, they were unhappy with their marriage for years but the pressure of the society made it almost unbearable for them to do anything else. Tragic, isn’t it?” She said,
Harry nodded although partially distant in his thoughts.
“If I have to be honest, I don’t blame them for getting a divorce. They were not happy with their marriage for a really long time.” Ginny added.
“How do you know?” Harry asked.
"Astoria worked for the pharmaceutical departments of the team, so I had talked with her for a really long time when I had injuries. Even back then she didn't like talking about Draco, I always assumed it was because she was a secretive person but now I get it."
"Could be that she really didn't like talking about it."
"Perhaps. Pity though. If you read the article further, it says that Draco remains silent about the whole divorce-"
"Can we not discuss their divorce? It's bad enough but we're just being gossipy about it and we don't like that." Harry interrupted.
"alright. Still though-"
"Ginny." Harry slurred off and took the newspapers away from her and read a few lines of the article and finally followed upon the image of Draco on the corner of the page.
“See, another one bites off to dust.” Draco had said. His hair shone with the faded red of the rising sun coming through the little peak of the window of the library.
Harry took the Daily from Draco’s hand and read the headline of someone getting married.
“What’s wrong with this?”
Draco leaned forward as he crossed his legs, “whatever is not wrong with this? They’re getting married, that’s what's wrong.”
“And why is that wrong?” Harry asked almost curiously.
“Because it's a marriage. It's an establishment by society. Just another one of the elements to fit into a society and please others. Marriage is just a built up concept, a proof per say that you are bound to someone for life and statistically more often than not, people land up in marriage just for the sake of it which is just wrong.” He explained.
“But isn’t marriage like the most sacred and strongest vow sort of thing in the world?”
“That’s all just words of consolation, to state it in easier ways. I do not believe in marriage, probably never will.”
“But it's marriage. It's a proclamation to your significant other in front of the whole world, It's promising someone that you want to grow old with them, it's a vow.”
“I believe if you really love someone, the only ones who need to know are you two. You don’t need to prove the whole world about your love. If you want to grow old together, do it, why label it with something the same people made who forbid us to get married too?” Draco shrugged, “It's just something I believe though but if you really believe in marriage then that’s your thing. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to and if somehow one day I do end up getting married, it’ll be some sort of a convenience.”
“even if it's with someone you really love?” Harry asked, a flicker of pain passing through his heart.
“I don’t need marriage to prove my love to someone. I’ll give that person much more than what marriage gives-”
“What if it’s me?” Harry couldn’t hold back which left Draco more speechless.
“What-”
“What if it’s me? What if it’s us? Your opinion will not change then either? Of course, I’m not saying this to sound creepy but if we ever work out and we reach a point in our lives where we want to marry, you wouldn’t?”
Draco couldn’t answer because Harry had never really talked about a plausible future before and as endearing as that thought seemed at that moment, it also seemed all the more scarier because of how serious their relationship had turned.
“I- I don’t know. I mean, I still don’t believe in marriage but I can’t say anything about it. I can’t make that promise but if we’re to work out, we’ll go on forever but I wouldn’t want to settle with the norms of the same society that makes us keep us a secret, you know, that forces us to meet in the secrecy of forbidden rooms and in private before morning. How can I ever settle for a norm they created?”
Harry wanted to say something to it, he really wanted to but he knew that Draco was strong headed about his opinions and no matter what, he wouldn’t be able to change his opinion, even if they seemed irrational. He was only left to not talk about it further ahead but it didn’t mean that he wasn’t almost hurt by his words. He wanted Draco, probably much more than anyone else but if being with him came with a cost, he chose to settle with that cost.
Marriage in convenience, he knew it. He should’ve known it years ago too but when he had come ages from his young self, he couldn’t help but find himself almost in agreement of the thoughts they had shared in the library. Maybe, nobody ever remains happy in a marriage, maybe they all do it for the sake of it or maybe they do it because back then their love was strong but with years, that fades and what’s left in a marriage is responsibilities and the memories of being young in love. He looks at Ginny as he thinks so and realises he had burnt the pancake.
19th September’ 2035
“Holly herpies played bad, innit?” the man slurred in his british accent and Draco couldn’t help but overhear the conversation.
“Of course they played badly this season, Ginny weasley retired as the captain after all.” the other man said.
“Talking about Ginny Weasley, you heard their son got married last month?”
“Albus?”
“Uh huh- small wedding. Sources say Harry wasn’t happy with Albus’s choice.”
“Why?”
“Something about marrying too young. Think I heard somewhere that he knew what true love was and in the haste of wanting to get married, he didn’t see it in Albus’s life.”
Draco shook his head as he read briefly through another line of the obituary, realising that more than half the people he used to look upto have died now.
“Have you read his new biography? Talks about his questioning sexuality during his young years? The writer says that he was involved with someone back in his school years.”
“Do you really think he might’ve been involved with someone back in school?”
“Hardly. Public stunt I would say. It was a population of like 3000 students, at least one of them would have found out if the golden boy was dating someone. It’s not possible, nobody is that good enough to keep secrets.”
Draco shook his head again with a low smile over his lips. His finished cup of coffee was already taken back to the counter and what sat in front of him was the bill of his coffee he was yet to pay. He noticed how the two men who were talking about Harry had walked out completely oblivious of the fact that Draco had heard the entire conversation.
He wondered what those boys even knew of love, of secret love in fact or if they ever even understood the aspect of loving behind closed doors away from the world, then he realised perhaps they did not because not everyone gets the chance to be in secret love. What the world knew of the secret love was so little and what Draco knew was too much. He took out his wallet to keep the cash on the booklet when in hand came his phone diary which was over 30 years old and he carefully opened the diary to the 4 leaf clover. His face stretches into a frown and he grazes the brown leaf with soft hands and realises he had no purpose to carry that leaf around but he still does, maybe because it reminds him of Harry, maybe because it reminds me of the pain of love. But perhaps the purpose of his life died when he was too young, a mere boy of 19. He picks the leaf in his hand and almost leaves it there that day but he couldn’t do it because it was the only physical thing that reminded him of Harry. For the first time in 30 years, when his diary fell from his hand, a small page slid from between and he opened the note and found the note he wrote for Harry but never gave it to him like several other things in his life.
“I love you beyond the letters written by every lover in the world. I love you more than all the sonnets in the world. I love you more than the stars there are in the sky and I love you more than my own existence. To quote, you are the first rays of sun for me and you are the last light of the moon for me. I love you more than I admit and more than I allow myself to believe, you are it, you are the reason why I’m a mortal, to love you forever and die.”
He runs his hand against the smudged ink around the corner of the page and remembers the touch of Harry’s skin after he had written it because when he had written the note, Harry was late to the tree house and Draco had chosen to write something for him but he could never give it to Harry. He was always too afraid, always. He always knew loving Harry was a losing game, one that would become an illusion one day, a long forgotten dream but he really wondered right now if it did become a dream because he doesn’t think so and if it did then perhaps it became the most surreal one.
9th January’ 2039
“Nice celebration, isn’t it?” Ginny asked as she came and stood next to Harry and slowly wrapped him in the warm embrace of the blanket she was in.
Harry smiled, “It was.”
“Still shocks me, you know, how they love each other so much.” She said.
Harry nodded.
“That’s Ron and Hermione, I guess. The most perfect couple there ever was.”
“When I was a little girl, I used to read those fairy tales love stories and I always thought, that stupid fairy tale love stories would never be what I want.”
“You’ve always been different like that. What did you want then? What kind of story?” Harry smiled at her.
“Something that was more real. Like Ron and Hermione. What they have is real, true, beautiful.” She said, He noticed the way she kept staring up at the stars covering the sky like a heavy blanket. He noticed how she did not say that their kind of story was what she wanted because truly, this isn’t the kind of story either of them wanted. It was beautiful but a tragic one. It was one of those stories where love faded from that shade of red to the shade of pale rose, one that lived for years only to dimmer with every 365 days. Harry knew their love had vanished somewhere along the way. They stood under the same blanket like all those times they did, but she didn’t leave his heart racing anymore, she didn’t even calm his heart anymore, she didn’t gather all his attention when she walked into the room like she used to and she wasn’t the one he wanted to give all the paper rings to and he knew she didn’t feel all the same either. He wondered where they went wrong, how it happened but then he thinks time happened. Time made him love her and all the same made him forget what loving her felt like. He wanted to love her but loving her now only seemed like a safe play but maybe that’s what their love always was. Their love wasn’t reckless, it wasn’t carefree, it wasn’t unprecedented, it was always calculated, predicted and careful. All their love was a foundation to all the most perfect calculations but now when he stood here, he knew somewhere his calculations went wrong because in all his divisions, he needed a zero and what he was left with was a remainder 1 and that was Draco and even if he wished that it was Ginny, he knew that she wasn’t. He never loved her the way he was supposed to, he never did. He never loved her till the brim of the glass, he never did and she knew it. Another marriage turned into convenience.
22nd April’ 2051
“All these faces we haven’t seen in years, right?”
They had gathered, all of them, at one place in the given time for one purpose, the funeral ceremony of Minerva McGonagall. A legend had died and all were here, even the broken lovers. Nobody wants a reunion in the graveyard but life is sometimes about meeting in the graveyard, living or dead. Funny, how we live our youth wasting away and old age counting every second. Time. It’s a constant reminder of choices we make, all our lives, who we love, who we don’t, who we leave, who we don’t, who we chose to spend our life with, who we don’t, who we make beautiful mistakes with, who we don’t.
Harry walked around to look for the nearest bench to find some peace from all the stories he already knew and there was only one he found, at the entry of the ceremony garden, occupied by one other man.
“Taken?”
“By you.” Harry almost smiled, almost. The same effect even after years.
“52 years has it been?”
“52.”
They sighed in silence, both of them together.
“What happened in 52 years?” Harry asked.
Draco shook his head, bemused, “Life.”
“You liked it?”
He didn’t answer.
“What happened in your 52 years?”
“Journey.”
“You liked it?”
Harry shrugged, “We never like all parts of a journey, do we?”
“Alone?” Harry asked.
“Always been.”
“You chose it.” It was a statement, not a question but a statement that was more true than even Draco could’ve said.
“I chose it.” He agreed.
And the wind blew between them, few leaves twirling in front of them above the ground and the sun covered behind the clouds.
“I wanted to come. To that station.” Draco finally said after a long pause of silence.
“Why didn’t you?”
“Pain.”
“Of what?”
“Of Love.” He replied.
“I pained you?” Harry asked.
“No, loving you did. It took me 30 years to realise all of it and all 52 years spent in regret.”
“Realise what?” He asked, turning to face Draco. They both were old enough but his mind only pictured his younger version, one he had always loved.
“To realise that love was always supposed to be painful, I just had to be brave.” He said and for the first time in 52 years, his grey eyes met his green and it was just that, a moment locked in a memory of two old men who couldn’t even remember where they kept their glasses, but this, they’ll remember even in their deathbed.
“Why weren’t you brave then?”
“Loving you turned me into a coward.”
Harry chuckled beside him, “You were always a coward.”
“Or maybe I always loved you.”
And followed silence.
“Did you truly love me?” Harry couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t. 52 years of waiting for this answer and he needed it now.
“More than myself.”
“And yet you chose yourself?”
“I chose not to lose you.”
“But you did.”
He did. In not wanting to lose him, he lost his everything and that cut a deeper scar because now he sits in front of him and yet all he knows is that he doesn’t have Harry.
“I waited till the morning, hoping you’d come but you didn’t and I was left with a choice not my own to make, I left.”
“I loved you, more than I ever allowed myself to admit, more than I ever allowed myself to even believe or even understand back then but I did but I was afraid. I am a coward, always will be but I didn't want to be someone who wanted to lose you by choice. If you think I didn't think of you in all these years, believe me, Harry, I thought of you more than I should've and it kills me to realise that I couldn't spend my life with you. I always feel foolish that I never came to the station but I could've never lived to see a day where I would have messed up and I'd have lost you forever. I couldn't do that."
"But you still lost me forever, didn’t you? You already did that. You lost me nonetheless and you lost me by choice and I lost you too, because of your choice,"
"I loved you too Draco, maybe more than I understood back then but I did and believe me when I say, not seeing you come to that station was the worst pain I ever felt in my life," Harry replied heavily.
"You really are a coward." He added.
"I wish I had the guts to love you."
"I wish it too." Harry sighed.
"If I could turn back time, I would." Draco said.
"Would it really help?"
"If I could go back in time, I'd choose you, over and over again. I wish I had realised sooner that you were worth all the risks, worth every chance, worth every day."
"And you think turning back time would help?"
"Maybe, maybe not but it would give me a chance to see my life with you." Draco shrugged.
Harry remained silent for a very long time, perhaps long enough that they forgot they were even talking but then Harry spoke up,
"Time is an illusion, a phantom."
"everything is."
"You can't turn back time."
"One can wish." One can truly wish.
"I don't want this to be the last time."
"But it is, isn't it?"
It was.
10th September' 2065
His hand shook as he brewed his last cup of tea and his knees hurt all the same but he walked towards the mail and sat them down next to his rocking chair. He took his tea and with a slight tremble in his body, he managed to sit down. Letters after letters he ignored until his trembling hands came upon the most familiar handwriting ever after years of forgetting a lot of things. He would forget what he wore last night or where he went to his last date or who he went on a last date with ages ago but that handwriting, he knew it so well. He tore the envelope and opened the letter. In a world of print, it was only he who would write a letter.
It contained 2 pictures, a picture from 1999 and a picture from 2055, of the same place, the treehouse Harry and Draco built together. He flipped the images and saw the handwritten note,
“2 April 1999- To our first home” “2 April 2055- To our forgotten home”
Draco kept the pictures aside and opened the handwritten letter,
“What if we had made it through? Through all of it?
This is my last letter Draco, if you’ve received the letter then I’m no longer in this world but there were things I had wanted to say for a long time but have not been able to and I knew there was no better I wanted to say all these unsaid things than a letter.
If I have to be honest, I knew you would not come that night, at that train station, I knew you wouldn’t, not because I didn’t have faith in you, or our love, I knew you would not come because I knew you. You were brave, you always have been but you were always scared when it came to me and I lose my mind every single time I even try to think of its answer. I knew that day that what we had ended way before I even reached the station but I kept giving myself the hope that for once, just once in your heart you’d find that courage to give us a chance. You were always so scared of loving and I can blame the whole world for making you not believe in the power of love but it took me a long time to realise that you were so scared of love that you ran away from love. You never wanted to love to begin with because you had seen so many love stories crumble before you like a piece of paper, you never wanted to love because as endearing as that pleasure of being in love was, you were afraid of the pain it might cause you and you were not wrong to believe any of it. I think somewhere in your head you were so sure that we would never work out, maybe so was I but In all my life, Draco, you were and truly are the only one I wanted to give a chance to love. In the hopes of not wanting to live through the pain of loving, you let go of me completely that you lost me forever and I had to let you go because I had no choice. I could’ve fought for you, every single time but I suppose that was not what you wanted. But here’s a thing I learnt about pain and and love in all my life, they’re related, there can never be one without the other, no matter where we go in our life we are one step away from making a huge mistake and the best decision of our lives. You cannot love without pain and pain can never be pain if not because of love. We have to let ourselves delve into love, we have to play by chance, always because we are never certain of what may happen. You were so afraid that all we’d do would end up in vain but I can never bring myself to even believe that you would think that we’d not work out and say, we did not work out, would it had meant that what we had was not good enough because what I know, Draco, loving you was the best feeling I had ever known. I could not bring myself to not love you even a single day because this time I was afraid I’ll forget the best feeling in the world, of loving you.
I wanted you to believe in us, that we could have made it through, I wanted you to give us a chance, if only one time and for the last time in your life, I wanted you to have all that you could have with me and the rest would’ve been history. I could’ve shown you the rainbow of love, I could’ve loved you in all the ways I wanted to, I would’ve shown you that us, we would always be worth it because there was no one else I wanted to show my love but to you. I wanted you to just take the courage of loving me and I would’ve loved you with everything in me, with all the love that there was in me, I would’ve fought battles for you, I would’ve led the armies into the battle for you, I would’ve loved you till the sun would have died, I would’ve loved you in the midnight conversations, I would’ve loved you in your morning mood, in all your flaws, in all our faults, in all our fights, I would’ve loved you through it all because my love for you was never finite, never. You were the only man that no matter what, no matter when would have shown up at my doorstep and I would’ve accepted you with open arms because I loved you so much but I guess, that same love was not enough to make you believe in us but believe me, Draco, you are worth every chance, in every life. And I hoped that you would’ve given us a chance and I would’ve shown you that being in love with you, being together would never be a mistake, that we would’ve ended up together, always because You are it, you are the love of my life and will always be, even in hell or heaven.
And you said that day that if you could turn back time and live through with me, you will. So, Draco, this is your time to take your chance. Do you have the guts?
Always yours, Harry Potter.”
Draco read the letter over and over again, perhaps even 72 times and every time the words hit the same. The sun went down that day, with him, in that chair, re-reading it because he couldn’t bring himself to do anything, anything but read Harry for one last time and realise that the only time Draco has a chance is after Harry is dead. He realised that day how truly wrong he had been, how foolish he had been to believe that they would not have ended up together. He was mad at himself to believe that there was even a single way that he would give up on Harry when he knew how much he loved him. It felt ridiculous to him to look back at his life and realise, he had wasted away his life in nothing, in loving Harry throughout the years and in regret of ever leaving him. It hit him that day that Harry loved him too much to have let Draco let go, the only reason Harry ever let go of Draco was because he pushed him away when if Draco had just went to that station that day, his entire life would have been so different and at that point it didn’t matter if they would have ended up as endgame or not because Draco knew that he would have given his heart to Harry and allowed himself to love Harry in all the ways he wanted to, because he knew that he at least gave themselves a chance to make their own story, even if it would end as a tragic story, he would die in peace knowing he at least gave it a try.
He opened another envelope that came with it and took that instrument in his hand and stared at it long enough to be ready.
He was ready to turn back time.
2nd November’ 2000
He wiped his tears, pushed the quill away, tied the note to his owl’s leg and sent it away, with his heart breaking inside. He knew he should go, but he was afraid, he should but he knew that they would never work out. He rested his head against the table, sniffing when he suddenly felt the cold breeze run by and he saw the open window. He got up from his chair and shut off the window before his table, only to realise he had closed it before too but nonetheless he closed it again and this time he noticed the phone diary on his table that wasn’t there before. He took the diary to put it away in the drawer but only by chance he opened the diary and found that 4 leaf clover from nowhere and was instantly reminded of Harry. In that diary, there was that note too, one that he wrote not an year ago when Harry was a little late and Draco had a nice day and he wanted to tell him about his day while they cuddled in the night, it was then when he had realised how much he had truly loved Harry. And now when both of those things were there in front of Draco, he couldn’t help but wonder what if he gives both of those to Harry. He sat there thinking of it for a long, long time, almost the dusk settling in when he heard an unknown voice. He thinks he hallucinated that day because he hadn’t slept in hours but he thinks he had heard that voice, ‘Be Brave, go to him’ It could have also been his inner conscience but whatever it was, it made him rethink his decision. He looked at the note he wrote one last time and he whispered to himself,
“What am I doing?”
He stared at the clock on the wall and calculated if he would make it on time.
That was all it took for him to rewrite his story. That morning, he ran to the station and arrived just the moment Harry was about to leave and hugged him tighter than anything else in the world and that feeling of being at that station with him, it was the only thing he felt was the most right feeling in the world. They cried, Draco confessed his fears and Harry embraced him but they did not take the train to Greece.
They rewrote their story. They stayed in london, they loved in secrecy and they became a tell tale story but a completed one, one that lived decades.
Tagging a few people for boost, you can ignore if you like <3 (don't hesitate to tell me if it's a bother)
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Lighthouse
Word 14: blackout
Harry turned off the ignition of the car, rolling the windows back up and turning off the music and turned to Teddy.
"Shall we?" He smiled at the little boy.
The little boy nodded and they both got out of the car and Harry instantly started unraveling the bag they bought with them.
"What's that, Harry?" Teddy pointed out to the far off light coming from the other end of the shore.
Harry looked up and turned to Teddy once again, "That's a lighthouse."
"What does it do?" Teddy asked curiously.
Harry thought about it for a moment then replied, "It guides you home."
Teddy stared at the lighthouse curiously then looked at Harry again, "How does it guide us home?"
"when we go on long journeys on water especially at night, it emits light and we follow it to come back home. Say one day, you go on a sea trip and you're lost and you can't find a way to come back home and you see that, you know then exactly that you're closer to home than you were before." Harry explained.
Teddy stared at the lighthouse once more before he turned to Harry, "So, you're saying if this lighthouse is not there, we cannot come back home?"
"Maybe but it'll take longer for us to reach home."
Teddy nodded.
"Harry-"
"You ask a lot of questions, Teddy." Harry chuckled.
Teddy shrugged, "I'm curious."
Harry smiled at the little boy and picked him up in his arms and sat him over the hood of his car. He bought the bag along with him and sat down over the hood himself.
"Ask away." Harry said.
"Why did my parents leave, Harry?"
Harry turned to look at Teddy, almost shook at the sudden question.
"What do you mean leave?"
"Arthur said this in class the other day that my parents left me but you said that they didn't leave me, that they're always here but I know they're not here, Harry. Why did they leave?" Teddy asked.
Harry was almost saddened by the fact that he saw a little of himself in Teddy. He never wanted Teddy to have that childhood he had, he never wanted him to feel an empty presence but Harry always knew no one could take away that position of parents and Teddy was always going to feel some sort of emptiness, Harry just wished he didn't.
"The world, Teddy, has its good and its bad sides. Your parents didn't leave you, they were in fact the strongest, bravest, most courageous people I ever knew but they died protecting the world. They just had to go away because sometimes some sacrifices had to be made and your parents being the bravest, sacrificed themselves. Your father told me one day you'll ask this question and the world would tell you they died for something so big and you'll be just as proud of them as they were of you." Harry explained.
Teddy looked at Harry with what was only respect and awe.
"They were proud of me?"
"More than you could ever know."
"But they're always here," Harry said pointing to his chest, "Right here and they'll never go anywhere. They're your lighthouse, Teddy and they will always guide you home."
Teddy smiled, "They're my lighthouse."
Harry smiled and nodded.
"Blackout makes it all beautiful, right?"
"It does." Harry said.
It was after a while he laid back against the hood of the car and Teddy did the same that Teddy asked while staring up at the stars.
"Michelle said when people die, they go up in the stars, do you think our parents are there, looking down at us right now?"
Harry nodded, "I think they are."
Teddy asked again after a while, "Who's your lighthouse, Harry?"
Harry shrugged, "My lighthouse left, Teddy."
"To where?"
"To find his lighthouse."
"I can be your lighthouse." Teddy suggested.
Harry's eyes brimmed with tears as he turned his head to Teddy and gave him a forehead kiss, "You'll be my only lighthouse from how on, Teddy."
One that would never go anywhere.
Sad hurt/comfort, just take it😭.
My absence had three reasons, one, I had to go away because of my sem end exams, second, as soon as my exams ended, I came down with a bad fever (I'm okay now) and three, the writers block hit pretty hard but I'm here now and I'll try to write more this time, I'm really sorry about it whatsoever. Also a belated happy new year to everyone, may y'all have a good one<3.
Tagging some of y'all for a boost, don't hesitate if you're uncomfortable with the tag <3
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