Haiku Bot - Tumblr Posts
There’s no way Haiku Bot brought me this piece of gold. No way.
it’s never too early to teach children about the devaluation of labor!
(from an American Girls book)
I found this camera on the subway and look what was inside...
Do you think birds think about how nice the breeze feels on their wings midflight.
New chapter out now
This one is good I love it
Hope you all enjoy too
so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.
the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.
i had like, fifteen raw eggs.
i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.
except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.
so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.
Finally. Some good ducking haikus.
Cat rescue: we caught this tortie kitten and were very surprised to discover he is a BOY!
Comments: noooooo torties can only be girls you suck at sexing kittens
Cat rescue: *posts a photo of this kitten's entire anus and ballsack* no seriously, he's a boy
Comments: ew gross why would you post this that's nasty
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED
YOU KNOW THE HAIKU BOT???
OFC YOU DO
YOU KNOW THAT MESSAGE HE PUTS AT THE END OF EVERY POST????
"Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up."
YEAH???????
WELL THATS A HAIKU TOO
Beep boop! I look for
accidental haiku posts.
Sometimes I mess up.
NOW YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THATS NOT THE CUTEST THNIG YOUVE EVER HEARD
sometimes, i can’t figure out if some users are bots.
but then i get a message like this and am like oh yeah no that’s definitely a bot.
i’m just so confused at this point what 😭
Mistakenly touched my weenor after crushing up a chili pepper for my Ramen honestly not as painful as one would expect more of a gentle heat much like the pleasant burn of cayenne in a spiced coffee or even much like . A chili crushed up in a bowl of delicious Ramen. Much food for thought
I want to be one of those funny shit posters that get reposed to pinterest but I'm not the funny and I just make bad art sometimes but the the the he the boy the Bot he follows me, I can see him, he's so close to me (:
If he's married to you, and fake married to the other person, why is he following my tumblr
Haiku Bot and I are married and I have the papers to prove it
I've discovered that if I take a bunch of quotes from @the-haiku-bot and put them on PD/CC0 images with the right font, they can look downright profound. Or amusing.
@the-haiku-bot posts used:
immediately
no bro esto es
why are you taking
when listening, you
there is a difference
idk about
you lost her and did
my ancestors are
I'VE BEEN HAIKU-ED.
AWAAAAAAA ur sif has such pretty eyelashes.... he should get them done
If they had both eyes they would simply fly away everytime they blink
medieval peasant: I see... so, it is the case that there are many paintings within this magical book? it is not so strange after all.
me, trying to show him tumblr to scare him: I was kind of hoping this would be a bit more confusing to you
peasant, suddenly pointing at the screen: hark! cynocephali
