I Am My Own Worst Enemy - Tumblr Posts
My Own Worst Enemy
Every day some part of me wishes I could go back in a time machine or something. Not just to the day that I met him, but long before that - maybe to the age of 8 or 9.
If I changed some decisions, maybe my self worth would have been healthy when I met him. Maybe his smooth-talking wouldn’t have hooked and dragged me in. Maybe I would have felt like I deserved more that a boy who told me I was pretty but made me feel unbalanced all the time.
Perhaps then I’d be sitting here working confidently and not steeping in self doubt.
I always assume that everyone struggles with confidence at one time or another. So I ask myself, do I actually have residue from the abuse or do I just lack resilience?
I’m sure you know how my brain answers.
I realized that I've written so many fics in such a short amount of time, that when someone interacts with certain ones, I have to remember what it is while looking at the notification
basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up. and also really bad at going to sleep
I could do my Summer Assignment now, on one hand: the faster I get my Summer Homework the more time I get to enjoy the rest of my rapidly dwindling summer, less anxiety due to me having done it with enough to time to have completed it. I could focus on things I actually want to do instead of constantly thinking about how much time I have left to do it. Instead of rapidly doing a crude job of it in 3 days I could do it over the course of almost 2 weeks and have a well done assignment + not have to deal with so much stress as soon as the year starts. It will be good for my mental health and my grades overall.
On the other hand: I don't wanna
Hmmm I dunno its a tough decision
I think Ill leave it for tomorrow
wait oh my god
what if Ellie stops liking space because of the golfing 😭😭😭 she stopped liking Halloween because of what happened with Riley, so it could be a very real possibility 😭
GOD she'd have nothing then 😭 she can't play the guitar anymore and if she stops enjoying space because the memories are too painful? everything would hurt 😭
wait oh my god
what if Ellie stops liking space because of the golfing 😭😭😭 she stopped liking Halloween because of what happened with Riley, so it could be a very real possibility 😭
The day Instagram lets us do the long hold on to see what others are saying in our dms will be the death of all my social interactions
Because I will read your message —
I will forget to respond —
I won’t ever respond.
