John Mulaney Quotes - Tumblr Posts
TMA Characters as John Mulaney Quotes Because Why Not
Season two Jon: “do my friends hate me? Or do I just need to go to sleep?”
Peter Lukas: “I keep walking through cold spots and being like, “I wonder who that used to be?””
Daisy Tonner: “Shut Up! You’re all gonna die! STREET SMARTS!”
Martin Blackwood: “You could pour soup in my lap and I would probably apologize to you”
Melanie King: “You know how I’m filled with Rage?”
Also please excuse my terrible handwriting, I am in fact illiterate.
My Favorite Characters as John Mulaney Quotes (Hazbin Hotel Edition!)
HAZBIN HOTEL:
Sir Pentious: Do all my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?
Vaggie (about her wings and tits): No! That's the thing I'm sensitive about!
Cherri Bomb: FUCK DA POLICE!
Someone talking about Alastor: He did not look like his job description. He looked like he should be the conductor on a locomotive powered by confetti, but instead, he made his living in murder. He was the weirdest goddamn person I ever saw in my entire life. He was a man most acquainted with misery. He could look at a child and guess the price of their coffin.
Charlie: My vibe is like, hey you could pour soup in my lap and I'd probably apologize to you!
Angel Dust: THERES A HORSE LOOSE IN THE HOSPITAL
Alastor: Here's how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the '30s -- as long as you weren't still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it.
Husk: For those of you who don't know what it is, blackout drinking is when your brain goes to sleep, but your body gets all 'Eye of the Tiger' and soldiers on.
My Favorite Characters as John Mulaney Quotes (Murder Drones Edition!)
WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
V (at the beginning of ep. 8): You ever seen a ghost?
Uzi: I have had a very long day. I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress I an under.
N: Girl Scout cookies are delicious! They come in Thin Mint and Samoa and also other flavors. How come I have to know a child in a beret to order them? Just sell me the cookies. I have American money. Just put them in a store and I’ll buy them.
Glitch (after someone says something concerning): We don't have time to unpack all that!
Khan (after reuniting with Nori): Now I get to say, ‘my wife’ which is very exciting. It has a lot of power to it. It’s fun to say ‘my wife’.
Lizzy: You can’t always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.
The Teacher: If you are a school student, your opinion does not matter.
Midoriya: another story I heard about myself. this one happened in high school
Midoriya: there was this teacher from our high school whose son went to our high school
Midoriya: his name was Enji todoroki and his son Shoto Todoroki went to our high school and he was a sophomore, when I was a senior so he was 2 years behind me
Midoriya: now Enjii, was an asshole
Midoriya: and one day he and Rei decided to leave town, which you should never do if you're an asshole.
Midoriya: and Shouto todoroki decided to throw a party at the Todoroki mansion. Hooraaay!
Midoriya: and everyone around town heard about it and got up individually and thought "ok, let's go over there and destroy the place"
Midoriya: I walked into this party, everyone I had ever met was there and everyone was drinking like it was the end of the world. People were drinking like it was the apocalypse and Asui was coming to saw their legs off.
Midoriya: I walked into the basement, they had a pool table in the basement, one kid (Denki) threw his body onto the pool table and broke it in half.
Midoriya: Another kid (Bakugo) found out which room was Enji’s and went upstairs and took a shit on his journal.
Midoriya : So the party's going great. I'm in the basement and I'm holding a red cup (you've seen in movies) and I'm standing there and I'm holding a red cup, and I'm starting to black out. And all of a sudden I hear Tokoyami say "something something police"
Midoriya : and in a brilliant moment of word association, I yelled "FUCK DA POLICE! FUCK DA POLICE!" and everyone else joined in.
Midoriya: a hundred drunk, white children yelling fuck DA police. With the confidence of guys who have already been to jail and arent afraid of it anymore, like I SERVED MY NICKEL YOU COME AND TAKE ME confidence. But white children..
Midoriya: it turns out the reason that Tokoyami said "Something something police" was because the police were there!
Midoriya : and Officer Shota Aizawa looks over a sea of drunk toddlers yelling fuck the police in his face! And he was almost impressed! He was like woooow.... and he leaned into his walkie talkie and went GET THE PATTYWAGON!
Midoriya : and my sister Uraraka , who is now a mother, this woman now has a baby, she grabbed a forty, smashed it on the ground and yelled SCATTER!!!
Midoriya : and then we all ran in different directions. It was like that scene in Ratatouille where the humans come into the kitchen and all the rats run in different directions.
Midoriya: Like I ran into the laundry room and climbed out of a window and into the yard and there was this big chain link fence and I thought "I've never climbed a fence that high before!" And then I woke up at home.
Midoriya : on monday... I went to school, because that's what we did back then.
Midoriya : I walk into school and who do I see but Shouto todoroki . And he was like "Hey, were you at my party on Saturday?"
Midoriya : and I said no. You know, like a liar.
Midoriya : and he said "Things got really out of hand... someone broke the pool table...... someone took a shit on my dad's journal............ but the worst thing is, the worst thing is someone stole these old antique photos of my grandmother, and my parents are freaking out about it...........................
Midoriya: and I had that thought, that only blackout drunks and Steve Urkel can have.
Midoriya: did
Midoriya: did I do that
Midoriya: I figured no....... I wouldn't have done that. But I was never sure.
Midoriya: until, two years later!
Midoriya: I'm playing video games with this kid named Shinsou who also went to our high school, we're playing video games for a few hours and then he says to me "hey c'mere, I wanna show you something."
Midoriya: and then he takes me to his bedroom, then he takes me to a side room off of his bedroom. Never a good thing to have.
Midoriya: and then he shows me a tiny room, that's covered wall to wall in old antique photos from different parties over the years.
Midoriya : and I said why???? Why do you do this???????????
Midoriya: and he said "BECAUSE IT'S THE ONE THING YOU CAN'T REPLACE!!!!!!”
(it’s two of my favorite things together, thank you!)
Gone Series Characters as John Mulaney Quotes
Sam: You know those days where you’re like “this might as well happen”. Adult life is already so goddamn weird.
Caine: I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die.
Astrid: My wife said that walking around with me is like walking around with someone who’s running for the mayor of nothing.
Diana: Shut up! You’re all gonna die! STREET SMARTS.
Quinn: Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?
Edilio: I try to stay optimistic, even though I will admit, things are getting pretty sticky.
Orsay: I’m new in town and it gets worse.
Jack: I just wanna sit here and feed my birds.
Howard: Stop snitchin’ motherfucker.
Roger: Hi, I’m very gay and I’d like a few dollars.
Sanjit: You could pour soup in my lap, and I’d probably apologize to you.
Dekka: Some people give off a vibe of, right away, they’re like “do NOT fuck with me”.
Drake: Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Cause it sounds like he sucks, and I will totally kill that guy for you.
Brianna: Sometimes babies will point at me, and I don’t care for that shit at all.
Lana: One black coffee.
Bonus Sam + Caine: None of us really know our fathers. Anyway…
Art Vent
I don't get how people are able to post their art when it's objectively Not Good
Like, when the artist is definitely just starting out and needs to learn the basics of art and you can't give them any constructive criticism without sounding like an assbag or being too general or saying basically "git gud"
Oh and let me be clear, I'm not shitting on these folks. I WISH I was that confident when I was at that skill level. I am jealous/proud of these people
If I wasn't chained to the No One Look At Me Or I'll Kill Myself mindset, I'd probably have improved my art a lot more, learned to take criticism, interacted with more artists, and gained a platform or been on my way to one much quicker
This is just something I can't do I guess
I have tons of art that is passable but because it's not super-extra-excellent I don't want to post it and a lot more art that I stopped 3/4ths of the way through because I'm scared the finished product won't be perfect
I even got into a hellishly frustrating artblock this past month because I looked at the amazing work of some artists (that I love so much) who are not only younger and better at art than me, but can draw a wider array of subjects and can actually dedicate themselves to art for more than a few days at a time
Seeing these artists' work shattered my confidence and made me throw out every sketch before it was even half-done because it wasn't "perfect"
It's something I'm working on though
Watching the new Mulaney special is expecting to see all the memes on internet and knowing which part will be used