Just Something I Wrote - Tumblr Posts

Scars

Torture me Maim me Mutilate me For I will take that pain happily Tear me apart limb by limb Throw me to the wolves Slit my wrist or Hang me from a noose For these scars will show won't they These will show the world I hurt Pain courses through my veins Emotional scars don't matter much do they They never signify pain It's all in your head they say Those scars don't even hurt Then why does the shatter of the heart resound louder than that of glass Why do these mental scars bleed so much more than those on my hands They don't matter much But they hurt so much more Why would you worry about something that doesn't even show So hurt me physically In all the ways I've been hurt emotionally To see if they would care then And till that day comes I'll sit here in the pool Of my imaginary blood Hoping for a day They care about a broken heart As much as they care about a broken bone

 For a minute, it seemed like you could look right at me

For a minute, it seemed like your eyes understood mine

And then you looked away, not wanting to know

You turned your head in the direction of simpler things

My eyes speak my truth They speak a language only those willing understand

You were so close, the shine in yours

Matched mine so well it seemed like it was meant to be

Alas mine weren’t the eyes you were trying to read

You only ever looked for hers

Your smile belongs to her and so does your gaze

Your eyes might shine every time they look into mine

But they lighten up when you look for her

You think no one notices but

Every now and then

Your eyes wander towards her

How do I even know any of this you might think

Because I only ever look at you

For a minute, our eyes dance in an unspoken conversation 

For a minute, it seemed you were looking right at me 

The next I understood you never do

THE MOON

The moon is my only friend

For he stays long after the very end

I talk to him for days

And he nods with understanding okays

The moon is my only lover for my night sky he covers

In all my dark times he shall shine

and even when no one else he'll always be mine

The moon is my only hater

for now he only says later

Why does he get all the stars

while I only the scars?

A Lowly Servant

Summary -

Merlin feels he is not a friend of Arthur or the Knights. He is just a servant. Just a lowly servant. Why would they even be his friends? He is just Arthur's manservant. Nothing else.

Chapter 2

Arthur was sitting alone by the window. As soon as he entered Merlin knew he was sad. 

"So, how has your day been?" He asked trying to make him talk. He was sure Arthur heard him. He wasn't too far away and neither was his voice low but Arthur didn't respond. Merlin went about his daily routines. Arthur hadn't moved an inch in the past hour and Merlin was worried. 

"What's troubling you? You can tell me. You know that." "Why would you think that? How can you even understand my problems? I am a King, Merlin! The answer to my problems will not be with my servant. Now get out and make yourself useful! Tell the knights to come to the council room. If you'd be able to, that is!" he snapped.  Merlin would never get used to Arthur snapping at him. Neither the knights. Something had changed and Merlin couldn't figure out what exactly. Arthur had been angry with him in the past but not like this. Never like this. But Gwaine? Elyan? They were his friends, and it was not as if he had done something extreme. He was being snapped at by all of them. Even the usually calm and composed Sir Leon. He felt as he didn't belong here anymore.

Chapter 3

"What you are thinking is not correct Merlin. Why would you think they hate you?" asked Gaius over dinner.

"What else can be the reason, Gaius? They don't behave like that with other servants. It's just me. I must have done something to make them behave like this. I must have imagined Arthur's politeness as his friendship. I am his manservant. They are the Knights. If not, his equal they are his friends. I should understand that. They are not my equals and thus cannot be my friends." 

Gaius sighed. There is no use telling Merlin anything once he has decided otherwise. He just hoped that Merlin will be proved wrong.

Chapter 4

Arthur entered the throne room with Merlin trailing behind him. He asked the woman, who had come to state her problems.

"You Majesty. there have been attacks on my village. They ask not just for grains but for people as well. Anyone who dares stand up to them they just......kill him. Killed him..." She stifled her sobs and continued. 

"They have magic, Sire. They have used it in front of us. Please help us sire. They have threatened to kill every single one of us. They come each week and take grains and people alike. Please Sire! You have to help us!” she pleaded.

Arthur got down from his throne and approached the woman.

“You and your village have nothing to fear. Me and my knights will ride at dawn tomorrow. Gwaine, Elyan, Percival and Leon be ready!” said Arthur and the knights nodded.

“Thank you! Thank you so much, my lord!” said the woman. “Are there any injured in your village, Cara?” asked Gaius while taking her away and she nodded. Gaius turned to Merlin and he understood.

“Sire, may Gaius accompany you? There are injured in the village. They will need help.” asked Merlin.

“Of course. He must. Oh, and Merlin. Tell George to be ready at dawn too.” replied Arthur. “George!?” exclaimed Merlin, All the knights turned to him.

“Yeah?” said Gwaine. “But am I not accompanying you? Why would you need George?” asked Merlin, already panicking. The attackers have magic. They will definitely try to kill Arthur. He has to be there. He has to! “No, you are not. You will be there with Gaius tending to the harmed. For our services we will be taking George.” replied Leon. “I can do both. I-” started Merlin. “Will not go against the King’s orders!” said Percival.

There it was again. The snapping. He was just asking a question, not defying any laws! Why the sudden change? They had been friendly since morning and now?

Foolish! I have been so foolish. They were not being ‘friendly’ they were being ‘polite’. You are not their friend. Arthur is the King of Camelot and these are the Knights. I am just a servant, thought Merlin.

“Sorry Sires. I will inform George at once. And I apologize. I shouldn’t have exclaimed like that. I have no right to object to wyour orders.” said Merlin. And then he softly added, “I am but a lowly servant.”

He started for the door and passed Arthur on the way. For a moment it seemed to him that Arthur’s face fell. 'It can’t be. You are just a servant. Not his friend that he’ll be sad because you are,' thought Merlin and left.

Chapter 5

All through their two day journey Merlin and George decided to share all their work. George was more than pleased to be working directly for the King, Merlin was dreading every moment he would have to spend near Arthur.

"Merlin!" Gwaine called out. Merlin's head snapped up. It had been weeks since Gwaine had called to him. A bubble of hope formed in Merlin, and he quickly rushed towards him.

"Yes G...Sire? Yes sire?" he said, catching himself mid way. Gwaine looked up and looked as if he realized he was doing something illegal. He shook his head and just threw his boots towards Merlin. Merlin's face fell, and he left taking the boots with him. Merlin had realized that no matter how much he works, no matter whatever he does they are not going to be his friend. "A lowly servant" is what he had called himself, he had hoped that if they were his friends they would contradicted. No one. No one had said anything. Well no one except Gaius, who had given him a whole speech on how he is a powerful sorcerer and how he is like he is a son to him. 

Now he had given up. He had accepted that he was a just a servant. A lowly servant.

They reached the village and Merlin and Gaius immediately set out help the injured. 

"What is this?" said Merlin while examining the wound on a man's shoulder.  "Poison. From what I see, all of their swords are coated with poison." replied Gaius. "Merlin, get my bag. I think I have left it where we first stopped." 

Merlin obediently left. He reached there and inside the Knights and Arthur were talking...

"This was not supposed to happen! Have you seen him?" said Elyan. " I have. He is not his usual self." replied Gwaine.

"Arthur, we need to to stop. You saw what happened that day..." started Percival when he spotted Merlin near the door. 

"I am sorry Sires. I was just here to get Gaius's bag. So sorry Sires." Merlin bowed and left. He rushed back to Gaius. He had a lot of questions. Who is not like himself? What is it that Arthur is doing? Could it be that....that they were talking about him?

He shook his head. Whatever they were talking about is not of his concern. 

Chapter 7 (part 1)

It was the day of the challenge. It was to be held at the edge of the village which looked out to a valley. As soon as the day dawned the challenge began. Elijah had chosen giants of men from his army. Elijah’s men may be strong but the knights were agile and quick. After some time Percival was wounded, and Gaius went up to Merlin.

“What did you do? The swords were poisoned, Percival should have dropped dead by now." said Gaius. "Last night I had gone to their camp to change the swords. I removed the poison but they are forged of magic." replied Merlin. "Forged of magic?" questioned Gaius, dread settling in. "Weapons capable of killing the most powerful of sorcerers." answered Merlin.

The battle continued till eve but none had fallen. Injured but not dead. Darkness started creeping around the village but they continued the battle. In the clang of the swords something clicked and Merlin's head snapped up. He sensed something and put his entire focus on it. Another click. A bolt being fitting in a crossbow.  There was only one death today that would matter the most. Merlin knew what he had to do. He had known this is what they would try to do.  He knew, so he ran. 

The bolt was fired for one person, Arthur. Everyone heard the swoosh of the arrow but it never hit Arthur. Merlin wanted to call out to Arthur or Gaius but when he opened his mouth, "Gw...Gwaine!"  He called out to his friend. 

To hell with his injuries, Gwaine ran with the speed of wind and was immediately by his side.  "Merlin...keep your eyes open. Merlin! EYES OPEN!!" he said.  Percival reached and gently lifted him.  "Merlin!" he heard Arthur. 

"The challenge shall continue tomorrow." said Elijah starting to go away. "no!" said Merlin.  "Eh...boy? Why not?" sneered Elijah.  "Be...because if not dead one...man is dying." replied Merlin. The smile vanished from Elijah's face and Gaius stepped in. "You said it yourself, "One man from all". And he...he is..." 

Gwaine's anger took the best of him. He took out his sword, turned and plunged his sword in his opponent.  "Well, if you wanted someone who was in the challenge, there you go." 

Elijah started to raise his hand to signal attack when he heard Merlin in his head. "Elijah...don't do this. You just killed one of your own kind, how many more must die?"  Elijah lowered his hand immediately.  "My apologies, Your Majesty." he said and retreated with his troops apologizing to Merlin through their connection. 

Chapter 7 (part 2)

"Merlin you old fool!" Arthur said as Percival laid him down in one of the houses.  "What is my life compared to all of yours?" he said. Merlin knew he was gonna die. He was a powerful sorcerer, but the bolt was also forged of magic. It could easily kill him, but he had a few thing to say. Merlin used all the magic he had to keep awake. Gwaine and Arthur sat on either side of his bed while Gaius sat near the end of the bed. 

"Gaius...when I'm gone...." "You are going nowhere!" Said Gaius even though he knew it wasn't possible.  "Tell them....about Emrys. And all he has done." 

"Merlin, please. Merlin you are not dying. You can't die! You have to stay with me, with us! Please, Merlin..." said Gwaine. No one had imagined the day Gwaine would but here he was, silently crying beside his dying friend.

"Why Sir Gwaine? Isn't George enough?" asked Merlin, a small smile forming at his lips. "He isn't our friend, you are." said Elyan.  'Oh yes? Is that the reason you all behaved so harshly? Is that the reason you all were treating him so rudely?" questioned Gaius. "It was supposed to make him mad just for a few days. Until today.." started Percival. "It's his birthday tomorrow. We just wanted to surprise him." said Leon.

Merlin let out a small laugh. He, himself had forgotten his birthday. 

"Be the best knight in Camelot for me, Gwaine." he said and Gwaine nodded in response.  "I will take care of Hunith, rest assured." said Gaius.

"I'll make sure these idiots don't get themselves killed." said Elyan tear streaming down his face as he smiled. 

"Percival...take care of Gaius for me." said Merlin, trying not to wince. Percival clapped a hand on Merlin's shoulder and smiled at him.  

Arthur wanted to say a lot and he would have if he was not crying so much. Merlin was his first friend. The only person who had never seen him as 'Prince Arthur' but as just 'Arthur Pendragon'. He wanted to tell Merlin that he was his most trusted and loyal friend but...he couldn't. He just couldn't. But Arthur just sat there watching his one true friend taking ragged breaths that would soon lead to his last. But when he turned to look at him, Merlin smiled. It seemed as if he knew.  "Arthur....Guinevere" said Merlin and Arthur understood. 

Merlin took one last look at all of them and smiled again. His magic was slipping and he breathed his last words... "When the hour of the greatest need is upon, Walk along the Lake of Avalon Call out for me  and I shall be To try and be that friend indeed."

And as he did the room was filled with tiny balls of lights. Merlin's hand fell limp from Gwaine's.  "Merlin? Merlin!?" exclaimed Gwaine, breaking down beside him. The clang of Elyan and Arthur's sword said it all. Gaius collapsed to the ground and Leon silently mourned. 

"Happy Birthday..." whispered Percival. Even though Merlin wouldn't hear it now. He would never make a joke or give comical remarks. He would never come bustling in the room with that bright smile. He would never see the banquet they had prepared. He would never see the celebrations and the feast they had prepared. 

He would never see them and they wouldn't see Merlin again...