Neurotypicals Dont Understand - Tumblr Posts

My recent reblog has reminded me of how much abled people really just.... don't understand. Both physical and mental disabilities.

I feel like... abled folks are so used to everyone (other abled folks) doing things maliciously. Whether actively malicious or passively. With hidden intent. Hidden meaning. Carelessness. Or whatever.

There's almost always social cues hidden meanings behind phrases and actions that (to me) makes no sense other than to not be direct/respectful with someone.

Like an abled friend of mine thinking I just, casually blew off her kid's birthday party last year. She genuinely had it in her head that I didn't actually care. That I said I'd go and backed out for an invalid reason. That I simply went "eh, changed my mind."

Not me almost passing out after spending 5 minutes in my driveway in the summer with this pots body and taking basically 24+ hours to recover from it while getting lengthly texts from her being upset with me for not showing.

I understand she was upset. And it was valid. Wanting someone close to be there for a special event for you/your child. And them not making it at the last moment. What I did not understand or excuse was the way she went about berating me and guilting me after I tried to explain to her why that day happened the way it did.

It just.... didn't get through to her. She kept passing over the explanation with "well you still should've, well this, well that".

No. No well. No well anything. I physically almost had a serious health incident TRYING to get to you and couldn't. So yes. I prioritized my health over a birthday party. Yes I'm sorry your feelings got hurt. But I'm not sorry I took care of my health first.

Our friendship..... really had been strained a couple of times because she hadn't grasped that her issues with me were because of my audhd & pots.

Another day was a playdate with our kids. We were supposed to meet up at a water pad for kids in the morning-ish. No real set time or time limit.

She said, in text while I was en route, that she couldn't stay past 11 o'clock. My gps told me we'd get there at 10:50-something. Just shy of 11.

So to me. That meant I was going to get there, get parked, unload the kids, and she was going to be gone. I still tried to go. We got ¾ of the way there and I couldn't get ahold of her via text. I was overheating and full of anxiety so I wasn't thinking straight and didn't think to just... call. Calling gives me anxiety even with people I'm close to. So it just wasn't an option that crossed my mind.

We turned around and went back home and I told her as much.

Cue the upset. Cue the "wait so you're not coming?" "So you wasted my time?" Which I understand. I do. I just hate that she didn't understand why I took her messages the way I did. Why I didnt call in my frazzled state. She thought it was careless and malicious.

She got very upset bcuz she rearranged her morning to meet up and I get that. (Which i didnt know she went through all that trouble) But what I wasnt told at the time was that there was a time limit until the day of. What she didn't understand was she basically told me she was leaving at 11.

So in my overheated panicked audhd brain, I thought I guess it won't work out this time we can try again.

But to her. It was me blowing her off not a care in the world about her and seeing her/the kids. When that wasn't it at all.

We fought for that day over it. Then when I tried to talk to her like normal a few days later she was upset that I was casually talking to her as if nothing happened. As if she wasnt still hung up on it. When 1 she didnt tell me she was still upset and 2 i can't read tones/passive aggressiveness in texts for shit so how was I supposed to realize she was being short with me bcuz she was still mad a week later?

I know I'm ranting but.... she just... she was so set on my brain and body being the same as hers and couldnt fathom that I could do such things innocently and not being mean, careless, malicious, etc.

I love this friend dearly and we are now on better terms when she FINALLY understood why I'm the way that I am and that nothing I do is to purposely hurt her feelings or waste her time.

But I almost lost a friend over my disabilities and that shit is fucking stupid. Absolutely stupid. I just.... this is why my friend group is primarily other people who are neurodivergent/disabled. Over time we let our guards and masks down and thrived as friends and helped each other and worked around each other's struggles.

But some friends..... they just don't understand. Not fully. They both now know I struggle and why I struggle. But their understanding is only to a certain point. They're good people. But there is a clear difference and it makes me sad a lot.... I think somewhere in their minds the "if you work hard enough you'll overcome it" mindset still exists within them. They don't outright say it. But I get that feeling sometimes when we interact.

I've already lost so many people in my life for other reasons (coming out) so I'm honestly holding on to my small group for dear life. I know the saying of if they were REALLY your friend they'd accept you for who you are and what you are. But honestly to me that really sours all the good memories and experiences I had with them growing up. Makes it all seem invalid bcuz they weren't genuine on their end. But I was genuine on mine. I was still a part of making those memories.

Yes they turned out to be my friend for selfish reasons but... it was still a person I made memories with. Someone who is stuck in my core even though they're gone forever from my life. I wouldnt ever want them back in my life. But i still learned from them and lived life alongside them. I wont invalidate that.

I should stop rambling at this point but. Man shit really got me thinking about things from my past. Distant and recent.

The friend finally randomly replied.... with the typical conversation occurring of

Me: *reaches out*

Her: *leaves on read for a few days then replies* I was distant because I thought you should reflect on your actions.

Me: What actions??

Her: The fact you dont even know is why I distanced.

Me: I'm sorry. You didnt tell me something upset you so how would I know? People dont always know something they do or say upsets you. Thats something you have to communicate so we can clear the air/work on it.

Her: Here we are again with you simply not knowing youre wrong. It's all here in our chat.

Me: You. Didnt. Tell. Me. But also it's in the chat? You mean the chat where I told you that you upset me with how you spoke to me? The chat where I bared my heart and mind about having pots and being neurodivergent? About how you treated my medical issues and mental struggles as character flaws instead of what they are, medical conditions? How you spoke to me in a very ableist manner repeatedly when I tried in vain to explain that I wasnt blowing you off xyz times because I didnt care but that because I was having flare ups in symptoms? THAT chat? Because you getting upset that I was honest with you about how you made me feel and why is your problem not mine.

You being a neurotypical, indirect, ableist, holier than thou, MEANIE, is your problem not mine. I was sitting here grieving the loss of a long-time friendship for 2 months because you couldn't be bothered to communicate with me like an adult. I literally do not understand people. I dont understand how you think the way you're treating me is totally okay. I was depressed as fuck but now I'm just more hurt and angry.

Angry that you refuse to accept that someone you were friends with for years decided to confide in you that they were autistic+adhd+pots. Officially verbalizing it. To you. And you just.... shut me out like I was trash. How fucking dare you. How absolutely fucking dare you.

I'm heartbroken, still. Which you don't deserve. I'll miss you terribly. Which you dont deserve. My kids will miss your kids, which is depressing for them as I have a total of 3 mom friends with kiddos their age which is now only 2 I guess. (Not including my new tumblr mom bestie who we havent actually chatted chatted cuz, I'm shy as fuck in the beginning of friendships. But I digress.)

I just.... I'm so hurt. I am so hurt. She doesn't.... even understand how hurtful she is and that's worse. Fucking ironic considering I communicate with her clearly about what upsets me and why and yet it simply doesnt sink in what I'm saying. She simply COULDNT be the reason I'm upset and hurt.

I can't even think anymore right now. This is too much. Honestly I was starting to accept the no contact and her replying with more ableist shit just reopened the wound.