Ableist - Tumblr Posts
Another thing regarding ableism and what not let disabled people be bitter, be depressed, be upset, etc that we have to live with the shit we do don’t say “it’ll get better” or constantly say “you should just look on the bright side” or whatever the fuck they always say about how we should be happy. We are not here to make you feel better. We are not here to be your “inspiration”. We are not here for you to feel better about yourself. We are not here for you to tell us how we should behave/feel. Let us be human
Had a group of teens laugh at and make fun of me for walking with my cane today. Wtf y’all wtf.
Is decency not a thing? Is kindness non existent? I am just a person and sure I use a mobility aid but goddamnit that doesn’t mean you cam/should laugh or make fun of me or any other disabled person for how they walk or behave and what not
The fuck is up with abled people and thinking that using or having a mobility aid makes us weak? Or that our goal should be to not use them? Why can’t they just accept that using mobility aids is not a bad thing and that we use them because they help and give us more freedom? My mobility aids enable me to do so much more than I can without them and my goal is not to get rid of them or not use them or whatever my goal is to have the ability to do what I want and be independent and not be in excruciating pain. Maybe at some point I wont need my mobility aids but right now I do so idk about other disabled people but stop telling me to try to not use something that makes my quality of life so much better and stop telling me to get better soon I’m just trying my best and the fact people don’t see that is really disheartening just because I don’t fit what someone thinks i should look like or be doing to “get better” doesn’t mean they should feel free to tell me their opinions on my body and what I do to accommodate myself
Honestly this started out as a rant about ableist bullshit regarding mobility aids but it definitely applies to so much else like neurotypicals complaining about how I accommodate my autism and telling me to “just be normal” and other shit like that.
It definitely applies to more than what I’ve said here but goddamn it abled people stop policing disabled bodies and minds, stop trying to control us, stop thinking you know our bodies better than we do
Tl;dr: abled people need to stop with their bullshit and leave disabled people and their tools and accommodations and self accommodations alone. Abled people believe they know our bodies better than we do and that’s simply not true.
I fucking hate doors.
They’re heavy and when I have my cane let alone my crutches they’re a fucking nightmare to open.
Why aren’t there more accessible doors? Why is nearly every “accessible” or automatic door not working or up a goddamn flight of stairs???
Why do abled people always fucking suggest the most basic things to “fix” disabled people’s problems/disabilities and act like they know better than we do???
If you, a person who does not live with the disability you’re trying to “fix”, can think of a solution off the top of your head without any research, experience, or even trying to actually understand what we have tried and what we’re actually dealing with don’t you think that we might’ve already or are already trying that???
For me this comes most from my mother saying that I need to change my diet (even though I have so many sensory issues surrounding food and have tried and failed so many times), that I need to lose weight (ma’am I am trying), that I should try stretching (you know what I’ve tried that for years and guess what it just stretches my ligaments because I’m fucking hypermobile and it ends up causes me more pain), that I need to exercise more (I’m trying but I’m also limited by pain. Pain that keeps me from being able to exercise most of the time. Pain that usually gets worse when I try to exercise), that I should try to not use my mobility aids because I’ll become reliant on them (ma’am they help me. They are not hurting me. They are what keeps me able to do stuff you want me to be able to do. Why should I try to not use them???), and so much fucking more
Like seriously abled people stop pretending you know our bodies better than we do I promise you you don’t. Even doctors (as shit as they might be) are supposed to listen to us before they even start to make recommendations (yeah many don’t but they’re supposed to)
I absolutely fucking hate it when my parents or anyone is like “we’re just trying to help you” when in reality they’re just telling me shit I already know or are just straight up being ableist
I don’t need other people to tell me that the amount of pain I’m in isn’t normal.
I don’t need other people to tell me that I should lose weight.
I don’t need other people to tell me shit I already know about my own goddamn body.
I don’t need other people thinking they know my body better than I do.
I don’t need lectures on how using my mobility aids will hurt me in the long run. Like um excuse me these are keeping me from constant injuries and even more severe pain.
I don’t need other people to tell me I sleep too much. I fucking know that. I’m exhausted all the time and the only way to fix that is to sleep also get this I don’t feel my pain when I’m sleeping
I don’t need other people to tell me to exercise. Believe me I’m trying it just hurts too fucking much to do it regularly.
All I fucking did was tell my parents I’ve been dizzy all day because my heart rate has been up all day (thanks POTS) and they both fucking both start “talking” to me (really lecturing me) about all the shit I need to change and all the shit that they’re not comfortable with. What the fuck do you mean dad that you’re not comfortable with me being in pain??? And when I tell you that I use mobility aids to help alleviate that pain you say you’re not comfortable with that either. Who the fuck said you get to determine what’s best for me based on what makes you uncomfortable/comfortable??? It makes me, the person actually dealing with this shit (though if you asked my mom she’d say she deals with it too because I’m “an extension” of her), uncomfortable that they are imposing their opinions and ideas and feelings and ableism onto me.
Abled people do not get a fucking opinion about my goddamn body. I will take suggestions from people who actually listen to me and who have done the work and research to best help me and who aren’t obsessed with how I look to the outside world (my mom especially is obsessed with how we as a family look to the outside world absolutely obsessed and we have to be perfect and me being disabled doesn’t fit into her perfect little fantasy).
I honestly don’t even know how to engage in a productive conversation with them. They think they’re trying to have an “adult conversation” about it but when I tell them they’re not helping and that I already know everything they’re telling me and that what they see as helping me isn’t actually helping they just double down and call me out for being “immature” because I get really fucking frustrated because I’ve heard the same fucking things over and over and over again and again from them and myself and other people who quite frankly don’t get a goddamn say on my body. I told them if you think you can help tell me something I don’t already know or haven’t already tried and they just go “we’re just trying to help” like guys. You’re. Not. Helping. I’ve told you this so many times
Also this really hurt a lot more because I though my dad was more on my side than I guess he is. I thought it was just my mom who was so hell bent on being involved and giving me useless advice that quite frankly will just hurt me but nope it’s both of them and I fucking hate that.
All I wanted to do was help make dinner and now I’m alone in my room on the floor with my back against the door trying not to cry or punch something.
Also don’t get me wrong I love my parents and I’m super thankful for them but goddamn sometimes they’re so fucking infuriating
Why are people (specifically my parents) so fucking fixated on me not using my mobility aids? Like I use them because they help me why do they not want me to use something that helps me?? Also why is their only suggestion to work out? Like uh broskis I’ve tried that and uh it doesn’t fucking help it just leaves me in more pain. Sure being strong in nice and all but I already am strong and that ain’t helping.
So I saw a comment mentioning that if someone makes fun of you for having shaky hands it's ableist and now I'm wondering is having shaky hands consodered a disability?
Asking for a friend... eue;;
This is so, so, so very true! Each day is different, so we may “look more disabled” one day versus a different day. For example: being too exhausted one day to handle walking through Wal-Mart to shop, and using one of their motorized carts, while on other days handling the store just fine. (Happens to me occasionally, and thankfully no one has said anything, but I do get those “looks” from the ableists. I’ve been made aware of my own unconscious ableism, and it takes an open mind to get over it & give grace to myself and others.
“Choosing to be disabled”
Ableists often believe that “choosing to be disabled” is a major social problem. They aggressively believe that most disabilities aren’t real, and that people could stop being disabled if they’d just make better choices. They think most disabled people are fakers who just stay disabled out of laziness.
They may see accessibility and accommodations as “enabling”, and try to get them taken away. Or, they may try to force people into treatment (whether or not safe and effective treatment actually exists.) Or they may just be mean and hostile towards disabled people they encounter. Or any number of other things. This hurts all disabled people badly.
People with disabilities often feel like they have to prove that they are not faking, and that their disability isn’t a choice. This can lead us to worry a lot about whether we’re somehow doing this on purpose. In this state of mind, it’s really easy to find things that feel like evidence that we’re fake.
Disability usually involves tradeoffs. We can’t choose to have all of the same abilities as nondisabled people, but we often can make some choices about which abilities to prioritize. This can superficially look like “choosing to be disabled” if you don’t understand how disability works. For instance:
Medications:
All medications have side effects
Managing the condition and the side effects can involve complicated tradeoffs
There is usually more than one option
It can often be a choice of what abilities you prioritize most, and which impairments are most tolerable
You may be able to choose to make any particular impairment go away
That doesn’t mean you could choose to be unimpaired
Ableists will think you are faking no matter which choices you make. They are wrong.
Mobility equipment:
People with mobility impairments often have more than one option, and there can be complex tradeoffs.
Eg, which is more important to someone?
Being able to go further without fatigue (in a power chair) or being able to ride in a regular car (with a collapsable wheelchair)?
Being able to travel a mile on the sidewalk (in a wheelchair), or being able to use all of the subway stops (by walking)?
Being able to get into inaccessible buildings (by walking), or being able to go out without being in pain (in a wheelchair)?
Retaining the ability to walk (by spending a lot of time doing physical therapy) or being able to take a full course load in college (by spending that time on studying and losing the ability to walk)?
No matter which choice you make, ableists who don’t understand disability will see it as “choosing to be disabled”. They are wrong.
There are any number of other examples, for every type of disability. This affects every kind of disability, including physical, sensory, cognitive, psychiatric, chronic illness, and the categories I forgot to mention.
Tl;dr We all have to make choices about how to manage our disabilities, and there are often complicated tradeoffs. No matter which choices we make, ableists will think we’re making the wrong ones. No matter which choices we make, ableists will think that we are faking.
In the face of this kind of hostility, it is easy to start doubting ourselves and believing that we’re fake and terrible. It helps to remember that the ableists don’t know what they are talking about (even if they are disabled themselves). Making choices about how to manage disability is just part of life. The ableists are not experts in how you should be living you life; they are wrong and they are mean.
The friend finally randomly replied.... with the typical conversation occurring of
Me: *reaches out*
Her: *leaves on read for a few days then replies* I was distant because I thought you should reflect on your actions.
Me: What actions??
Her: The fact you dont even know is why I distanced.
Me: I'm sorry. You didnt tell me something upset you so how would I know? People dont always know something they do or say upsets you. Thats something you have to communicate so we can clear the air/work on it.
Her: Here we are again with you simply not knowing youre wrong. It's all here in our chat.
Me: You. Didnt. Tell. Me. But also it's in the chat? You mean the chat where I told you that you upset me with how you spoke to me? The chat where I bared my heart and mind about having pots and being neurodivergent? About how you treated my medical issues and mental struggles as character flaws instead of what they are, medical conditions? How you spoke to me in a very ableist manner repeatedly when I tried in vain to explain that I wasnt blowing you off xyz times because I didnt care but that because I was having flare ups in symptoms? THAT chat? Because you getting upset that I was honest with you about how you made me feel and why is your problem not mine.
You being a neurotypical, indirect, ableist, holier than thou, MEANIE, is your problem not mine. I was sitting here grieving the loss of a long-time friendship for 2 months because you couldn't be bothered to communicate with me like an adult. I literally do not understand people. I dont understand how you think the way you're treating me is totally okay. I was depressed as fuck but now I'm just more hurt and angry.
Angry that you refuse to accept that someone you were friends with for years decided to confide in you that they were autistic+adhd+pots. Officially verbalizing it. To you. And you just.... shut me out like I was trash. How fucking dare you. How absolutely fucking dare you.
I'm heartbroken, still. Which you don't deserve. I'll miss you terribly. Which you dont deserve. My kids will miss your kids, which is depressing for them as I have a total of 3 mom friends with kiddos their age which is now only 2 I guess. (Not including my new tumblr mom bestie who we havent actually chatted chatted cuz, I'm shy as fuck in the beginning of friendships. But I digress.)
I just.... I'm so hurt. I am so hurt. She doesn't.... even understand how hurtful she is and that's worse. Fucking ironic considering I communicate with her clearly about what upsets me and why and yet it simply doesnt sink in what I'm saying. She simply COULDNT be the reason I'm upset and hurt.
I can't even think anymore right now. This is too much. Honestly I was starting to accept the no contact and her replying with more ableist shit just reopened the wound.
Remember seeing this the other day as I was reading through a bunch of ableist comments on YouTube and online.. just needed to put this out there to remind myself and others of how we can be more aware and respectful.