Past Lives - Tumblr Posts

Recently my bf told me that his mind doesn't exist pre 1970s the oldest. Like apparently I exist from now all the way back to like, 1700s or older. and So i regularly bring up stuff that happened back then that still effect the world today. & he can't imagine existing pre microwave. he could conceivably be born anywhere between 1970s to today but I could have been born at any time. that's so wild. what the fuck. what does this mean. there has to be a spiritual meaning to this but I haven't soulsearched enough to come up with one. I'm just baffled that bro doesn't regularly consider like 90% of humanity's time on earth. I'm just pondering this conversation that we had like 3 nights ago so i'm not expecting yall to engage but if yall are whats the oldest time period you guys can like, mentally live in? Like that your brain considers when thinking of your world's "big picture"

i just had the weirdest moment, i was feeling my front teeth with my tongue because they’re the tiniest bit crooked, and then i had the thought “i’ll check if they’re also crooked in my other mouth” and then i realized to my shock and confusion that i have only one mouth, leading me to believe that in a past life i was a terrible monster with two mouths

"There’s a word in Korean: 인연 [in-yun]. It means "providence". Or… "fate". But it’s specifically about relationships between people."

Have you ever thought about who you were and what happened in your one of your past lives? This spread will tell you! 

Your gender.

The environment you grew up in.

Your childhood.

Your education and how you faired.

Your accomplishments, whether you achieved your goals or not.

The occupation you held for the longest.

Your relationships.

Your family life.

The nature of how you died.

A lesson you learnt in this past life.

Another lesson you learnt.

How this past life could help you live the life you are living now.

Another way this past life could help you live the life you are living now.

A Glimpse Into Past Lives

To be honest, this is the first spread I’ve ever created and carried out for a client concerning their past lives. It’s a general spread, looking at three themes of your past existences. The goal of this reading is to learn and take away something from said past lives.

If you psychically can tune in and tell a person who they were in other times, that’s awesome! I cannot, unfortunately, at this time. So, this spread gives some insight into what the client may have been up to in other lifetimes, as well as the major lesson to take away from it all. You don’t have to have cards 1, 3, and 5 represent specific past lives (I did not), but you absolutely can!

This reading will help you scratch the surface. If you want to dive deeper, I suggest finding a way to carry out a past-life regression, preferably with a professional highly trained in that area.

So, please, use this spread at your leisure! And, if you want me to take a peek for you, click here to find the spread in my shop. I’m offering it at a special low-time price for the holidays.

Cheers!

(and please do not use my pictures without my permission)

Vidas pasadas (Past Lives): lo que pudo haber sido, y es.

Una historia coreana, hecha en Corea y EEUU, por hablada en coreano e inglés, por un equipo mixto como pasa desde que el mundo se supo redondo, sobre la historia de una mujer, un pasado, un deso, un sueño, la evolución del tiempo que pasa, el darse cuenta que la vida no es lo que soñó una vez, y tener la oportunidad de transformarlo de nuevo ante quien debería ser su destino…, y la vida que…

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Nothing is harder on the soul, than the smell of dreams, while they're evaporating.

Imagine meeting someone who wanted to learn your past not to punish you, but to understand how you needed to be loved.

reincarnation

ive been writing a reincarnation series for twst

so i might as well share it now.

(in timeline order instead of publishing order. some of these might suck a lot, honestly.)

🌸: flower fields, amidst they weep (KnY x TWST)

Yuu had memories. They weren’t quite a past life, as much as they sometimes wished it was, but.. The truth was, in the modern world, demons existed. Those demons had existed since the Heian Period. Things that ate humans to survive, and burned in the sun. ..Although that wasn’t quite true, because they’d been born human, but through various reasons, had been turned into a demon. It could be desired, it could be forced. In the end, it was a mercy to end them, by demon slayers, wielding Nichirin blades. Yuu was one of them. Having lived among those who saved others thanklessly. They didn’t want child soldiers, but in the end it was often they were the last ones to survive, and would use up the rest of their life for revenge, before they eventually burned out. They were lucky, that way, because they still had the option to live their life. But there was only so much they could refrain from taking action. Once you know of the monsters in the dark, there really was no turning back. ---- Former Modern Demon Slayer!Yuu (WARNING FOR MANGA SPOILERS)

~ Excerpt ~

Pink flower petals followed the blade in a direct trail, almost like its own shadow, and shot straight past with a speed that could be almost seen as inhuman, were they not in a world with magic.  It struck true at the side, shattering the glass of its head on impact, and spilling blot everywhere. Rosehearts-senpai staggered. Everyone was stunned in silence, if only for a moment. The path wasn’t as straight as they’d liked. They probably shouldn’t keep throwing stuff with the hope that it’ll go in the right direction. “Yuu-kun!? How’d you–” “Ace!” Yuu’s head turned to where Ace was, bleeding sluggishly. Oh shit. They weren’t fast enough– In their panic though, Rosehearts-senpai suddenly moved, hand reaching out as the blot started to drip away from his form, shrinking away from the light that formed on his fingertips. Left underneath was a ruined dorm uniform.

🦋: Ignoring the ways of right and wrong (BSD x TWST)

"Ignoring the ways of right and wrong, eternal life or lasting fame, we turn to face each other, loved and lover, face to face." – Yosano Akiko, River of Stars: Selected Poems of Yosano Akiko Riddle Rosehearts is Yosano Akiko (or has her memories.)

~ Excerpt ~

His hand reached out in blinding light. Butterflies fluttered past him.  “Thou Shalt Not Die!”   And for a second, she felt free.  Everyone was silent. (Ace had been fixed up, good as new, in a flutter of wings.) His panting sounded too loud in his ears, more than disheveled for the first time in his life. His eyes were wide in– (“My ability can easily save lies,  so the lives of those in my proximity  end up as something cheap.  It's my fault that those close to me died.  I'm sure...  That will happen again.  Is there some place  where it's okay for me to live ?”) His eyes burned. ("I'm keeping a tally. I'm counting the number of times you've saved my life .”) (“When you tally things as they're done and finish the word, " correct / right ," it feels like the " correctness / rightness " in the world has gone up by one.") (“This is your “ correctness ”.”) ("That righteousness has taught me. No matter who you are, everyone's spirit has a limit .") ('You are too righteous.') Seventeen years. Seventeen years without this accursed ability. And then— What is wrong with me? Righteousness. ‘Correctness’ . How could I? In a life ruined by those words, I am here again, repeating my errors.  Bile rised up her– his? Throat. A gloved hand clamped over his mouth– He faltered. Blood. On his hands, his– Someone could’ve died and it was his fault– !  ‘You are too right.’ Wrong. Wrong. All of this is wrong!  Out. I need— I —

🔥: The past never dies (MHA x TWST)

From the time Leona was born, and from the time he grew a proper awareness, there'd been heavy expectations weighing down on him. (From the time Touya was born, he was made and trained for the chance to surpass All Might.) Compared time and time again to his older brother, always seen as lesser. Worse, no matter what. Their personality differences, even bringing up an ability of his and calling it 'terrifying' when they wouldn't fear such a thing from his brother. (The problem with Touya wasn't that he lacked in motivation. No, it was that he was simply born with a weaker quirk. An unfortunate combination of powerful flames, with a resistance to cold, thus being liable to harm by his own. He was deemed a failure and no more training was to be done.) --- Where Leona Kingscholar has Todoroki Touya's memories. (I know it's weird, but TWST names sound better with first name-last name, while anime names sound better last name-first name.)

~ Excerpt ~

From the time Leona was born, and from the time he grew a proper awareness, there'd been heavy expectations weighing down on him. (From the time Touya was born, he was made and trained for the chance to surpass All Might.) ... Falena didn't understand. How could he? What was the point of anything if working hard gave you nothing, and the only thing that got you far in life was privilege and when you were born? 'I'll show them,' Leona promised. 'Show them that I'm worthy to be king.' (So what if dad refused to train him!? He was the one who lit the fire under him in the first place! The one who gave him the desire to be a hero! To be stronger! What right did he have to suddenly stop just because Touya could get a little burned?      He started training in secret.) Everyone would find fault in him no matter what, all to be able to praise his brother. No matter what he did, he couldn't win. (Then there was Natsuo, who'd also inherited mom's quirk. Touya had slowly fallen into despair, when the golden child had been born– Todoroki Shoto. The perfect combination of half n' half. What?) "Must be nice to be the firstborn, huh? You can spend every day singing and napping and still become king." (Touya hated Shoto. He meant everything that Touya wished wasn't true. That maybe he wasn't needed. That his purpose, his dad's attention-! He kept training.) "Leona... You may never become king, but you are still wise. There is much you could do for this country." Was that supposed to comfort him? That he still had a purpose? Really? ('Stop training' , he says. 'There are things beyond being a hero you can do'. 'Do things like play with your siblings, or make friends at school.' "But everyone at school says they're gonna be heroes..! ..There's no way you'd understand..! Because I'm your son.") Why did he have to feel this way, just because he was born a few years too late? ("What would you know, mom!? You think dad's the only person that got me going? Your family was poor so they sold you away and you had no say in the matter. Isn't that why I was born in the first place..!?")

👶: i want the world to go away (KHR x TWST)

For a while, Azul had been unhappy with his life. As a child, looked down upon, bullied and laughed at as a silly little octo-twerp– It hadn’t been that great. Looking down upon himself, feeling like an idiot, and a good for nothing. He hadn’t been good at academics, not at sports, and the lack of a tailfin like the others meant he couldn’t catch up to them half the time. He was useless. Except he couldn’t let it end like that. Refused to let it end like that, and thus came an obsession with getting back at them. Proving to them that they were wrong. They would learn… After all, came his signature spell. Every single thing that made any of the others special, better than him could easily be taken. All he had to do was offer what they desired, and that was pitifully easy. ‘I’ll take your singing voice–’ ‘Your unique spell–’ ‘That tailfin of yours..–’ All were expendable, and all could easily be his for a price. It felt right. Like he’d found what he wanted to do. (It was meant to be revenge against those who’d wronged him, but now..?) --- Azul with Viper's memories, hell yeah

(ive never seen khr so im going off wiki knowledge.)

~ Excerpt ~

“Interesting. That's a pretty tempting offer.” “Then—” His heart sank. “Here's the thing, though.” How could he stop his worst nightmare from happening..? “No offense, but none of that's gonna be enough to justify me returning these contracts.” “What?” “See, if I don't help Team Ramshackle dispose of these contracts, they'll make a huge racket outside my room every day until morning.” “Huh...?” He blankly replied. “If you take their dorm away from them, they take my good night's sleep away from me. I want them gone from Savanaclaw, so these things have gotta go.” What.? “Sorry, Azul.” What could he– What…? And then he found his answer. (It popped into his head, like it had always been there. Something he had the confidence to know that he could do it, even if he’d never done it before.) “Viper Mirage R. ” Leona tilted his head, “Hm?” Rule set: Do not use King’s Roar. If this rule is broken, then the target will be damaged with a wound determined by the caster. This affects everyone in the area. “Do it and you’ll regret it. This is your last warning.” He steely spoke. “Sure, I’ll call your bluff. Kneel before me! King’s Roar –” Leona's hand twitched, watching as a wound opened up. “Huh. Fancy trick. I wonder what other tricks everyone must be hiding.” “Leona!” The hyena called worriedly. The brunette shrugged it off, “Just a papercut. Whatever. I don’t actually need to use it, no matter how convenient it may be.” Azul braced himself.  ------------------------------------------------- Leona let a smirk grace his lips. ‘Sorry, lil’ bro, stealing one of your ultimate moves. Not like you’re here to catch me.’ “ Jet Kindling ,” he mockingly muttered as his fist burst into flames. He could tell that the both of them had startled. After all, most magic came from a focus, their pen. These flames were nothing, compared to being nearly burned alive once upon a lifetime. It’d heal easily anyway. What was the point of having these memories if he couldn’t put them to use, eh? The contracts went up in flames. -------------- Azul couldn’t.. Believe it. He’d been a fool. “Ah.. My.. contracts.. reduced to ashes… I don’t believe this..”

🥀: my riddled heart i had to cradle back together (BSD x TWST)

Riddle had been a little puzzled on what he wanted to do. After the realization, he hadn’t known what he wanted to do about his mom. Winter break was looming ever so closer with every day that passed. ---- Or, It's winter break, and Riddle decides to have a chat with his mom.

~ Excerpt ~

He still felt a pang of fear at the thought of being taken away from his friends anyway. ‘You can do this.’ “Even more than you had been before? What were you going to do when I got older? Keep treating me like a puppet who can’t think for itself?”  His thoughts went blank for a moment. “You raised me so dependent on you and your dumb rules. So sheltered.. If you kept me locked in all the time I don’t think I’d even be able to live. So many things could’ve gone and I- I can’t even believe you.” “..I can’t even understand what you were trying to do. It’s so nonsensical..”  Nonsensical was like the Queen of Hearts, herself. Except, maybe they were both flawed. Not someone to be followed all the time unquestioningly.  Not someone he should follow.  And while he himself had enforced the rules, they were less rules and more guidelines that could be followed. But it didn’t make much sense to follow them all the time when all it did was make him miserable. What was the point of rules? Usually to stop things from happening, things that could cause harm, generally.  The Queen of Hearts’ rules could be attributed to causing stability in where there is chaos. Something to strictly follow in a mess, and a form of control, in a way. What help did the rules enforced by his mother do? It controlled him. Sure, she helped him learn so much, but what was the point of it all without freedom? She wasn’t the ruler of anything, she didn’t need rules like that to keep order. Yet she did it anyway. And in a way, she was to blame for why he was like this.  “Riddle!” She chastised.  His mouth turned to a thin line. “I’m leaving. I’ve accomplished so much more away from your influence. In a year, I’ll graduate, and then you can’t do a thing.” Riddle was scared at first. Then subdued. Then angry. ..And then.. numb. Tired.  “I’ll give you the courtesy of ignoring what you’ve done so far, because it truly could’ve been worse.” ... “Don’t you dare, Riddle Marie Rosehearts ! I am your mother, and–!” You will listen to me. Maybe it was concerning that he’d gotten so used to it that he already knew what she’d say. “ ‘You know best’?” He mockingly muttered under his breath. The prefect had once shared a popular children’s story, along with the songs, from back in their world, and they’d both had a fun time laughing and making jokes while it was explained. He didn’t really know if he understood the story very well, admittedly, but Yuu had confessed that it’d been awhile since they’d last seen it so they hadn’t remembered it too well.

🎪: can you hear this? (HB x TWST)

Kalim had never been attributed to being particularly observant. He was always the one with no thoughts in his head, always smiling. Innocent. Naive. Gullible. It was seen in the way the ones with an intention of using him, he let get close. He’d let them steal from the many riches he’d been set over time. And maybe people felt bad for him, in the way kicking a dog would be (‘pathetic’), but otherwise unimportant. Except the truth was, Kalim trusted none of them. He understood from a young age that he was quite privileged, so it was only right to let them take and take, wasn’t it? Understood that not everyone was treated as nice as he’d been. Kalim was overly aware of the world as an heir should be. Aware that so many things could go wrong. If he got hurt, it would be on Jamil’s head. If he made a fuss, accused someone of anything, that person would be blamed even if they were completely innocent. It was a lot of power. ..And the truth was, he wanted none of it. The thing he wanted wasn’t something he could achieve. --- Kalim | Blitzo - Jamil | Stolas

~ Excerpt ~

Jade. “Kalim? Are you alright? Please speak to me.” “No,” He answered stiffly. He startled, “Huh?” “Why did you do that..?” “Hm? You mean..” “Hey, Rakko-chan. Didn’t you see? Umihebi-kun was gonna turn everyone against you and boot you out.” “I know.” “?” “..I knew already. You didn’t need to step in. You shouldn’t have stepped in!” “..So you were just letting it happen?” “Fuck! None of this even matters!”  Everyone was startled at the curse word. Tears of frustration were escaping him anyway. “I didn’t care! Him ruining my life was the least he deserved! After everything! But then you just had to get involved! So what if he was mind controlling me?! I didn’t even want to be the Housewarden anyway! I don’t care about any of this! In fact, I hated it. Him bringing it all down was doing me a favor! But oh.. Kalim wouldn’t notice this, Kalim’s an idiot! Kalim’s too kind for his own good! So I couldn’t turn you away because I’d already established myself as the kind of person to welcome everyone! But fuck it all! It doesn’t even matter anymore! Because Jamil could die, and it’s all because of you guys!” 

🎤: Idolization / Inconsolable (OnK x TWST)

Vil Schoenheit had felt like the only path in life was the entertainment industry. His father loved him, he knew, was supportive in every way, yet his father was also a famous actor. ..And regardless.. The truth was, he remembered another life. A life where the industry had sunk its claws into him already, messing him up deeply. Acting had been all he was– All she was, and to stop made him feel hollow. --- Vil Schoenheit having Ai's memories (warning for manga spoilers sort of?)

~ Excerpt ~

The first time around, she was meant to be cute and dazzling..! Emotive, and loving of her audience (she’d be a fool to think it was only innocent adoration they gave her) .  But that was okay, because she only mattered as much as her fans loved her, right? Maybe it was the drawback of being someone who hasn’t had love outside of that, doesn’t have someone to care for them like that. ..Or maybe it was a plus, because she would’ve always put her work first then some false validation.  Ai was shaped by love. And that ‘love’ she gave, throwing the word around like candy, deeply wishing that one day it would come true. And it did. And then she died.  It was with Vil’s eyes that he’d noticed the injustice. The undeserving blame, for being ‘imperfect ’. This time around, he’d taken the form of elegance. Of beauty so overwhelming, it felt intimidating. Vil understood what love was. He saw it in the way his dad would encourage him to do what he loved. In the way he cared for him when he had a nightmare, and in the way… But in the end, both were confined to their own roles. Any point of straying was met with backlash. An idol wasn’t allowed to fall in love. And an actor was nothing more than the role they played. ..Perhaps the media had simply forgotten one simple fact– Their age. Ai Hoshino was a teenager. (Twenty when she died, though.)  Wasn’t that age all about finding love, and experimenting? And Vil Schoenheit was a teenager as well, having started acting since he was a child. Didn’t everyone at one point dream of being in the spotlight? Dream of being the star that dazzled them all?  ..It felt unfair. The world felt unfair. ... .. Vil from then on had begun putting his all, hoping that someone would see his light. Would see his potential. But maybe it was his fault, that he was–  ..What were those words they used? Too perfect. Otherworldly. Special. Maybe that was Ai’s fault, for being such an efficient liar. After all, her smile had never been as genuine as it had been when she’d had something to love, to adore. Her children. That smile was what people loved, and that smile was what she learned to copy for the next time. Vil didn’t quite have that frame of reference, not anymore. Sure, he still felt happy, but the media invaded his life over and over. Acting was his life. It consumed him. The thing about entering it even once, meant that suddenly your privacy meant nothing.  He doubted he’d look as beautiful with a wide smile like that. Not with how he looked this time. Expecting one thing and getting another was hardly something that made you pretty.  ..Vil just wanted to win. Wanted to be seen as more. 

ive finished book 6. and i already have an idea of who idia's reincarnation is (how the fuck does one even get started writing a fic centered around book 6. like .HELLO so much stuff happened. and also theres a malleus appearance so im better off figuring who to make malleus first so i know how to write him as a character...)

started book seven. and honestly. i have zero clue who to make malleus, haha...

Past Lives works so well for me because I am so enamoured with pragmatism in fiction.

I read and watch a lot of stories about idealized love stories and I often enjoy them too! I spent my entire childhood believing that the teenagers who got together in the media I consumed would stay together forever. And then as I got older, I was naturally introduced to more stories about romances that didn’t work out. Still, it’s hard for me to think about those as pragmatic, most of them have this desire for sadness in them. They would make me feel as though the devastation was the point, that the narrative was forcefully bent toward the saddest outcome.

Past Lives doesn’t make me feel this way. Nora doesn’t stop talking to Hae Sung because of an unforeseen tragic circumstance. She makes a choice and goes through with it. Hae Sung puts it best during their conversation at the end of the film. She is the kind of person to leave. And he loves her because she is that kind of person. The “what-if” isn’t in wondering about if circumstances were different. No matter what, she would have chosen her plays over anything else. Her husband even notes that so much of how their relationship happened is because he fit so well into the life she wanted. The whole reason this film is called “Past Lives” is because that’s the only way to ponder about whether Nora and Hae Sung could be together.

It’s such a delightfully Asian perspective on it. “In another life” films are so common, but I always feel like Western movies do it in a kind of parallel universe kind of way. I love that in this one, Nora is so steadfast and consistent in her personality and desires, that there is no real contemplation and consideration of making her and Hae Sung’s relationship work. There is only a longing and a love.

Lives Before Us.

vds one shot. you can find more on my ao3.

( @ apolloswords )

feel free to comment/message me any suggestions for one shot ideas!

Lives are sometimes finished abruptly, and the souls are forced to carry out into the next life. If soulmates are true, will Lucian and Johannes ever find their way back to each other?

When Johannes heard the rustling in between the trees, he immediately tensed up. If he was doing this sneaking around during the day, he probably wouldn’t have to feel his heart jump out of his chest. Instinctively, he placed his hand around the handle of the dagger he had tucked under his shirt and into his belt. He paused a bit, waiting for another warning through the rustle of the bushes and trees.

Nothing came.

He let go of the breath he was holding and relaxed a bit. He must’ve just heard a squirrel or something rustling about. Since no following sound came after, Johannes was probably paranoid for nothing.

Just before he was about to take another step further, he heard the rustle again. He reached for his dagger again, but the sounds of the rustling only seemed to get closer. And whatever was behind the noise seemed to be quicker then him.

Before Johannes could take hold of his dagger, something lunged at the back of him and he instantly fell to the ground. Trying to fight back, though it was hard when pressed down against the grass, Johannes wrestled with whatever it was that had attacked him. It was hard to make out with the shadows of the tall trees cascading onto him and only relying on the light of the moon to make a little sense out of the figure. But it wasn’t until he heard the familiar sound of giggles that he stopped fighting back.

There was no way a giggle like that could come from any kind of animal.

Feeling a smile begin to form on his face, he flipped himself around and face the boy on top of him. He beamed at him with a bright smile, satisfied that his plan of attack had worked and his victim laid helplessly under him.

“Well that’s one way to meet me.” Johannes smirked as he let himself lay on the soft grass. “You think I want to come out here in the first place? I thought something was lurking in the shadows but I didn’t think it was going to be you.”

Lucian grinned and reached out to ruffle his soft dark hair. “You should have seen your face. I know you were scared.”

“I don’t get scared.” He pouted.

The smaller boy giggled again. “Yes you do and you did.” He poked at Johannes’ stomach. “Just admit I got you.”

“Nope.” Using his strength, he gripped onto Lucian’s waist and quickly flipped him over. Lucian yelped just as Johannes pinned him down in the ground. Now it was Lucian laying in the soft grass as he continued to smirk at him. “Now I got you.”

“Listen, I tried.” He snorted. “It’s not easy trying to scare a knight.”

“Maybe one day.” He winked at him before rolling off of him and laying beside him in the grass.

They both looked up at the stars around them, the trees seemed to have made a clearing and there were no clouds tonight. They twinkled and danced above them and Johannes thought this was probably the brightest he had seen them. He didn’t want to admit it, but it did cause a rather sadness in him.

Because it was probably the last night they would ever see the stars together.

“Isn’t it so wonderful to think that people before and after us will see the same stars?” Lucian asked in wonderment, a completely different perspective then the one Jens was currently in.

He frowned. “Don’t stars die?”

He shrugged and kept looking at them. “Probably not in our lifetime.”

“I see.”

They were silent for a minute. Quiet. And when Johannes had felt too much time pass between them, he heard Lucian whisper in a small voice.

“Are you scared?”

Johannes turned his head away and looked at Lucian, who was already looking at him. Even in the darkness of the night, the other boy’s blue eyes were brightly lit. But they held a sadness to them. One that Johannes never though he would see.

“I am.” He admitted, nodding slowly. “But not because of the war. I just want to come back home to you.”

“I want you to come back home too.” Lucian whispered back, his bottom lip quivering.

“But you won’t be here.”

Lucian sighed and shook his head sadly. “No I won’t. The whole village is moving east and I don’t know how far. And we both don’t know how long the war can end.”

Johannes could feel his eyes begin to water and he knew his voice was going to shake. Looking deeply at the other boy, he tried to hold back from crying. “Promise me you’ll let me find you no matter where you go.”

A singular tear began to fall down from eye and he prepared himself to feel it roll down his cheek. However, just before it fell down even further, a pair of lips stopped it. He felt Lucian’s lips on his cheek, kissing him right below his eye. Johannes felt his lips turn up into a small smile. It wasn’t unusual for Lucian to kiss him on the higher part of his cheek.

In fact, it seemed to be his favourite place to kiss.

“As long as you promise to always come find me.” Lucian whispered back.

“I will.” He nodded, trying to smile through the other tears that fell from his face. “I will find you in every life I live.”

Placing, his hand on his face, Lucian brought Johannes’ face closer to his. He used his thumb to wipe away some tears and tried to give him his own reassuring smile. Kissing him in the same spot, Johannes held his breath to keep the tears from falling. He felt his body vibrate a small hun of laughter as Lucian began repeatedly kissing the same spot, over and over again until there were no more tears running down his face.

Pulling away, Lucian faced him with a grin. “You know they say that the marks on your face and body were left by your lover in a past life.”

He snorted, amused at his romanticism. “Where did you hear that one from?”

“My mother.” He traced his finger on the spots his lips were just on. “It means in your next life, I’ll know it’s your when theres marks dotted on your face like the stars above us.”

“God Luc,” He marvelled at the boy. “You are unlike anyone I’ve ever met.”

“Maybe that’s why you’re so in love with me.”

“Maybe so.”

They laid there for awhile, Lucian tracing his finger on his face. If Lucian didn’t have to spend all day working at the shop where his mother sold all kinds of trinkets and crystals, Johannes could easily see him as an artist. And probably the best one in the village. It was too bad Lucian had to take over the shop after his mother got sick. He hoped that one day, he could be the artist he always dreamed of becoming.

“What are you thinking about?” Lucian asked.

Johannes shrugged. “Just about who we could be in our next life.”

“God, don’t make it sound like it’s going to happen so soon.” He snorted. “I would like to know we at least survive the war.”

“I’m just ready to come back home to you.” He lifted his body off the ground and held a thumb to Lucian’s bottom lip. “And my soul is already missing you.”

He leaned in, closing the space between their lips and kissing him like it was his last time. He didn’t want to think of it like that. He didn’t want this to be the last time. But tomorrow he would have to face what the morning brought, and he had to accept that it could be his last sunrise.

When they parted lips, Johannes made sure to study every small detail about Lucian. The dark curls of his hair sweeping into his face. The freckles that dotted his porcelain skin and bright cheeks, like the colour of spring flowers. The lips flushed from his own, slightly parted as he tried to catch his breath and turn the corners of them up into the sweetest smile his eyes had laid on. The lightness of his eyelashes, like the golden summer sun striking against the most beautiful blue that rushed out of waterfalls, painted the sky and shimmered through refracted light.

He would remember this face. And he would remember it even if it was the last thing in his memory.

“Promise me you’ll come back to me.” Lucian whispered.

Leaning forward once more, he placed a kiss on his face. Right at the top corner of his lip. He kissed it a few times as he felt the other boy crack a small smile, giggling again.

“Why did you kiss me there?” He asked, the lightness in his eyes returning. And the lightness made them twinkle, much more brighter than the stars.

“So when I come back to you, I’ll give you a real kiss.” Kissing the spot one more time, he lowered his voice. “If your story is true, then I know by my mark that it is you that I’ve come back to.”

-

Jens was definitely awake when he began feeling the train jostle along the tracks. The trip from Antwerp to Utrecht had been a rather smooth, but getting to Amersfoort was almost the complete opposite. Luckily it was less than a fifteen minute ride.

“You finally look awake.” Moyo laughed from beside him, nudging him gently. “I’m pretty sure you slept the entire ride to Utrecht.” stop

He shrugged. “Had to get up early to put on the costume.”

Moyo frowned at him. “It’s only a fluffy blouse and some pants. The sash and your dagger are like your only accessories.”

He shrugged again. “What can I say? I’m a noble knight on his day off. It’s a great costume.”

“A lazy one too.” Robbe smirked from across from him.

“Well I didn’t really know what to wear for a Renaissance fair. Speaking of which, why are we going?”

“Figured it would be a good vlog.” Robbe shrugged. “Plus it’s apparently a big thing here. Amersfoort resembles a small medieval town and it’s really popular for them to host a Renaissance fair every year.”

“So we’ll clearly blend in.” Jens smirked, gesturing towards all their costumes. While his was probably the least extravagant, he was impressed by the Broerrs and Sander’s effort.

“I went with Amber last year.” Aaron shrugged, poking his head up from behind Jens’ and Moyo’s seats. Poor guy was had gotten the short end of the stick and had to sit alone. “It’s actually pretty fun. They transform the whole place and it’s almost magical.”

“Oh!” Sander snapped his fingers. “So you know the legend of Amersfoort then, don’t you?”

Aaron frowned. “No. I think Amber told me but I forgot.”

“Classic.” Moyo teased as Jens snorted.

Sander rolled his eyes but there was an intriguing look on his face. He leaned in, calling the others to come forward. Aaron came from behind and shoved himself beside Moyo, practically squashing Jens towards the train’s windows.

“Amersfoort once used to be a beautiful kingdom, one of the grandest in the land. But after the war, only a little bit of it remained.” Sander began to say. “But it was home to the great lovers, the son of a local shopkeeper in the town square and one of the greatest knights in the entire land.”

“What were their names?” Moyo asked.

“Lucian and Johannes. Lucian was the heart of the villagers and Johannes was one of the bravest protectors of the villagers. They fell in love when Johannes wandered around the town square one day. He spotted Lucian sitting by the fountain, his head buried into some book. Eventually, he found himself falling in love with the rather ordinary boy.” Sander continued.

A shiver ran down Jens’ back. It wasn’t remotely cold inside the train and with Moyo’s body heat practically on him, there was hardly any way for him to be cold. But the shiver didn’t run down with cold spikes. It ran down with rather fuzzy shocks and tingled following behind.

Shaking it off, he prompted Sander to continue the story. “What was the legend?”

“Well it’s not really a legend. I was wrong on that part. But it is a story told by the people through many generations.” He continued. “One day, the kingdom had to go to a great war. Not only did all the knights have to go and fight, but the village was targeted as well. The villagers were told to leave and find a new place to settle while the knights fought off the enemies as much as hard as they could to give them some time to evacuate. So Johannes was forced to stay behind and fight while Lucian had to leave with the rest of the people.”

“Did they see each other again?” Robbe asked.

Sander sadly shook his head. “No, they didn’t. They promised they would come back to each other on their last night. But the next day, the village was attacked much earlier than expected. Lucian and a few other members tried to create a barricade at the village’s entrance to hold off the enemies from tearing up the place, but they were killed in the midst of it. Johannes didn’t know until nightfall, in which the grief took over. The next day, on the battle field, he fought with all he could but they say his energy gave out because of his heartbreak. He died shortly enough so they never did get to come back home to each other.”

“Shit.” Aaron said. “No wonder I didn’t remember that. It’s so sad.”

“It is.” Sander nodded. “They say that one day they may be reunited again but, nobody knows for sure.”

“How did they know about the legend?” Robbe asked.

“Lucian was an aspiring artist. Or he wanted to be. He carried a sketchbook around, filled with sketches of his everyday life and slowly, the pages began to be filled with Johannes. Sometimes just himself or sometimes, with Lucian in it. On the last page was a poem of their last night, with the recollection of their promises.” Sander replied. “Sadly, the sketchbook got lost in the archives so nobody knows the original poem. Only translations and interpretations.”

“I feel like that makes it sadder.” Moyo noted

Jens shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He wasn’t sure why, but there was something eerily familiar about the story. Maybe he had heard it as a bed time story as a kid. His mother’s side of the family was Dutch, so maybe they had known and told him the legend. The familiarity ran deep into his bones, but the announcement on the train’s system interrupted himself from further thinking about it.

“Next stop, Amersfoort.” The voice on the overhead system spoke.

The boys scrambled out of their seats to prepare to get off. They made sure the camera and their accessories were still attached onto their costumes. Jens gripped the handle of his dagger as he followed close behind.

-

It was like they had been transported back in time.

Jens hadn’t been sure exactly what he was expecting, but this exceeded any idea he had. The Renaissance fair took over almost all of Amersfoort. The shops had little stands showcasing their products with rustic packaging and stands of trinkets were being sold at almost every corner. The restaurants presented food in clay dishes, and they resembled any food you would see in a fantasy tavern. Even the townspeople seemed like they were from a different era. Jens had been right, they all blended right in.

He managed to lose his friends after being distracted by certain stands. Crystals, brass necklaces and leather bounded notebooks intrigued him. He didn’t worry so much, they couldn’t be that far away. He figured he would eventually run back to them as he wandered around

Eventually, he found himself in the middle of the town. People danced around to the music being played near a beautiful fountain. The fountain refracted in the grace of the sun, leading it’s light to fall on a boy standing beside an easel.

The boy couldn’t be any older or younger than Jens. His tousled brown curls fell over his face as he continued to paint on the easel. From what Jens could make out, it seemed to be the beautiful scenery of the town. Stepping closer, past the dancers and the musicians, he made his way towards him, feeling a tug at his heart strings.

He seemed to be unlike anyone Jens had ever met.

His work is beautiful, he thought to himself. And it really was. Jens felt a warm feeling towards it, and it was almost like the strokes in the painting seemed to sway a little bit to life. It looked like a dream to him, as though he had once closed his eyes and had been in the same exact setting.

“May I help you?” The young boy asked, a twinkle in his vibrant blue eyes.

Jens had realized he had been staring and found himself at a loss for words. By the way the boy was looking up at him, he felt himself take a closer look at him. Tousled curls. Porcelain skin. Dotted freckles. Flushed lips. Sweet smile. Light eyelashes. And of course, beautiful blue eyes that twinkled brighter than the stars.

“Sorry,” He stammered. “I didn’t mean to stare. You just, looked like someone I know.”

“Really?” The boy asked, the corners of his lips tugging upwards. “Who?”

He opened his mouth, expecting a name to tumble out but then frowned. Jens didn’t know who he reminded him of. He didn’t have a name. But yet, he knew this boy’s face. There was something so familiar about it, he swore he knew one just like it.

“I’m not quite sure.” He finally said.

The boy giggled and Jens felt his heart skin. He knew that sound. He knew he knew that sound. But he just didn’t know how.

“I’m Lucas.” The boy said, extending his hand to shake.

“I’m Jens.” He replied, breathless. Reaching out, he shook Lucas’ hand and felt the tingles run down his back again. Only this time, they were following shocks of pure warmth.

“So Jens, are you enjoying the fair so far?”

“From what I’ve seen, yes. It’s somewhat magical.”

“Well that’s one way to put it.” He winked. “I probably shouldn’t hold you from the rest of it. I’m just here to paint a few scenes and do some portraits.”

“Actually uhm, could I stay?” He asked, shifting on his feet. Jens knew it was probably a weird thing to ask upon meeting this stranger, that was the last thing Lucas felt like to him.

“Stay?” Lucas asked, obviously surprised at the question.

He nodded, holding his breath as he waited for him to laugh or tell him off. But Lucas didn’t do that. Instead, he smiled again and nodded.

“Sure Jens, you can stay. You can sit on that stool there if you want.”

“Thanks.” He grabbed the stool and pushed it closer to him, which Lucas pretended not to see even though a pink blush covered his face. And that’s when Jens noticed the most intricate detail about the boy in front of him.

There laid a mark, just above the right corner of his top.

And that’s when Jens finally knew.

-

“Isn’t it crazy that we’ve seen the same stars as those before us?” Lucas whispered, playing with a blade of grass as his head tilted up towards the night sky.

Hours had passed since their meeting, and Jens only left Lucas for a little while when he had to film a few videos for the vlog or when Lucas had a customer to paint. But he knew he couldn’t leave him just yet and met up with him, even when the fair was done for the day. So they walked towards a nearby meadow, surrounded by trees and away from the late bustle of the town. From here, the stars began to dance brightly before their very eyes, in the brightest light any of them had ever seen.

Feeling the soft blades of grass against his own back, Jens turned his head to also look up. “I’m pretty sure it’s because they don’t die in our lifetime.”

“And probably not in any other.” He said, still looking up. “Lives before our own have witness the same stars.”

Lucas turned his head to face Jens with a small smile. “Aren’t you supposed to be with your friends?”

“They know I’m here. I think they’re getting drunk at some pub. Besides, I think I should be here right now. With you.”

Grinning, he let out a soft chuckle. “Can I say something crazy?”

“Go ahead.”

“I don’t think this is the first time I’ve met you.”

Jens turned his head to face him, Lucas’ eyes wide and blue. “I don’t think this is the first time I’ve met you either.” He breathed out.

Reaching out, he felt Lucas brush his fingertips across his cheek. They grazed over the small marks on his face, pressing onto them gently.

“I know these marks.” He whispered. “I used to see them in some of my dreams. I think I’ve seen you in some of my dreams too. But it’s a little different. I don’t know how, but it is.”

“Do you believe in past lives?” Jens whispered.

He nodded.

“Well,” Jens said softly, letting his eyes lower onto the mark above Lucas’ lips. “I’ve been told that marks are often left by lovers of our past lives.”

He giggled, and it rang through his body like sounds of tinkling bells. “Who told you that?”

Jens smirked and shrugged. “It’s just something I know.”

Holding his breath, he reached out and let his thumb brush over Lucas’ mark. Lucas didn’t flinch from under him and only melted against his touch.

“It’s you.” Jens whispered out. He didn’t know what the words meant or why he said them, but he knew they had to be said. “I’ve come back to you.”

Lucas held his breath and searched Jens’ face. And as he did, he noticed the same way his blue eyes marvelled at him. He looked at him in the same way he had looked at the night sky.

The same way he looked at him many lives ago.

“You found me.” Lucas breathed out. “You kept your promise.”

Leaning forward, he let his lips brush against his. But before he could let them fall and kiss the boy his soul had never forgotten, he whispered softly.

“Well this is surely one way to meet me.” He said, smirking against his lips.

A giggle escaped past the lips of the other boy and sent soft vibrations through his body.

“Welcome home.” Lucas whispered, pulling on the fabric of Jens’ shirt to close the space between them. “Now, I got you.”

What if this is a past life as well, and we are already something else to each other in our next life? Who do you think we are then? I don't know. Me neither. See you then.

PAST LIVES 2023, dir. Celine Song

every slight reference of "Montauk" takes me to the lanes of 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'.

PAST LIVES 2023 | dir. Celine Song