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By the way if you're creating a space like a private group chat or a Discord server it is absolutely your responsibility to make sure that space is safe.

It is your responsibility to moderate it. To regulate the behavior displayed within it. To take action when people create harm. You cannot just create this space then wash your hands of any responsibility for what happens within it.

I keep seeing so many teens making servers and chats and groups and then whining that they're getting bullied for not doing anything when people use them to cause harm and upset and I cannot stress this enough.

You are responsible for shutting that down. Or for sourcing someone to do it on your behalf. You have control of that space. You are not just an innocent bystander.

"Anything goes here, if you're offended just leave" is absolutely not an excuse for blatantly allowing things like harassment, bullying, racism, homophobia and other targeted hate.

Discord in particular is incredible for available resources for preventing things like this. There are literally hundreds of server bots you can deploy to auto-moderate and manual moderation is as easy as two little clicks.

If you feel you're responsible enough to be in the position of power of creating a space, you are responsible enough to ensure it is not used for harm.

And if you're not?

Well.

That discord server post made me remember the stark difference between Serverstuck (a minor populated server) and Degrees of Lewdity (strict adult-only server)

Serverstuck has the worst mods and owner I've seen because they're all Antis and abuse the rules by excusing anyone who are close to them & punishing others who are strangers, lying to people on why some got banned, and allowed sensitive political topic go unregulated

Degrees of Lewdity, despite filled with people who has crude & cursed-level sense of humor, has strict mods & owner, write the correct information on why some people are banned or muted (they even allow users to request to be ban from the server for mental health reasons), and immediately shut down any conversation of sensitive political topics that cause infighting between members

I feel safer in a server for an adult game development than a "minor friendly" homestuck rp server

While I do welcome servers that have a mixed age range, I don't think I've ever or will ever join a server moderated or owned by someone who is either/both an anti or a minor.

To run or moderate a server you need to be impartial, objective, socially aware, able to appropriately manage conflict and relatively socially seasoned. I've personally found most minors often lack or are incapable of most if not all of these qualities.

(And that's not me hating on minors or calling them ignorant. Some of those qualities are just things you learn or develop with age and time. Some adults never learn them at all, even, but they are qualities you need if you're going to, essentially, be in charge of other people.)

Sephiroth's Server Safety Tips

Always do a thorough check into who is advertising the server, who owns the server, and other members before joining a server where possible.

Once you've joined the server, immediately use the search function to look for key words related to topics you want to avoid, possible past conflict, bullying, ect.

Immediately check the server rules. Its a red flag in itself if the server doesn't have any. Also, 'just be nice' is not a rule. Servers should have clear, clean cut rules and regulations.

Don't be afraid to message server owners, moderators or users privately and ask questions. They shouldn't get offended and if they can't or won't answer questions about basic rules, server safety protocols, ect, you should reconsider joining.

Don't be afraid to ask around other people to see if the server is known or has a reputation, either. If a server is based on a specific fandom, for example, search through that fandom for any past mentions of the server or ask other fans if they've heard of it.

By the way, you're certainly not obligated to do things for people or return effort, but if you frequently refuse to do so you cannot blame other people for your social relationships crumbling away or for the opinion they form about you.

I see so many posts about how; "you're not owed my time!! If I want to ignore you for weeks I can!! You just have to accept it and be ready to accept me whenever I give enough fucks to speak to you again!!"

And while its absolutely true that, yeah, technically, not even your friends are owed your time. And plenty of people need respite from social engagement, if you're someone who frequently ignores your friends, cancels on them, blows them off or just generally doesn't reciprocate the effort they're putting in....

Sooner or later they're not going stop that effort. They're going to think of you as a selfish or ignorant person who isn't suitable for friendship.

My friends are understanding of the fact that sometimes I'll go a few days or a week without replying. Everyone has a life, everyone gets busy, everyone gets overwhelmed. But I always make a point of reaching back out to them the moment I have the time or energy to.

I thank them for being patient. I ask how they are. If I've really got enough time and energy I make plans to meet up or call them. I put effort into actually maintaining the friendship, valuing them as my friend, and making sure the relationship is even.

The amount of vitriol I see aimed at friends or family who have genuinely and in good faith expressed that people aren't putting in effort or maintaining an equal relationship is fucking astounding.

"I don't have many friends. Everyone is so fucking selfish these days, always expecting people to be available at the drop of a hat or answer every single text."

Are they though, Karen? Or are you just acting like a child with its toys, expecting people's lives to be put on pause until you're ready for them?