Safe Spaces - Tumblr Posts
people have GOT to be more comfortable with some spaces not being about them. sometimes spaces are not for you. sometimes you will be told you cannot enter a space because it’s not for you. or you cannot bring a friend because a space is for you and not for them. that’s ok
I was just thinking about how important it is to have authors (both fan and professional) with whom I feel... safely unsafe, if that makes sense.
Like, this is going to hurt, there are going to be things that happen to these characters that I absolutely Do Not Want to happen, but I trust you and I trust this ride.
By the way if you're creating a space like a private group chat or a Discord server it is absolutely your responsibility to make sure that space is safe.
It is your responsibility to moderate it. To regulate the behavior displayed within it. To take action when people create harm. You cannot just create this space then wash your hands of any responsibility for what happens within it.
I keep seeing so many teens making servers and chats and groups and then whining that they're getting bullied for not doing anything when people use them to cause harm and upset and I cannot stress this enough.
You are responsible for shutting that down. Or for sourcing someone to do it on your behalf. You have control of that space. You are not just an innocent bystander.
"Anything goes here, if you're offended just leave" is absolutely not an excuse for blatantly allowing things like harassment, bullying, racism, homophobia and other targeted hate.
Discord in particular is incredible for available resources for preventing things like this. There are literally hundreds of server bots you can deploy to auto-moderate and manual moderation is as easy as two little clicks.
If you feel you're responsible enough to be in the position of power of creating a space, you are responsible enough to ensure it is not used for harm.
And if you're not?
Well.
thank you for reaffirming to me that it makes other people really uncomfortable when you are feeling down and need support
I'm sorry Anonymous Individual, your card declined. It appears you've maxed out the balance. Would you like to try another?
By the way if you send me snot-nosed massive rants bending over ass backwards and tying yourself into knots to create the most victimised "exception" to that one safe space post I wrote, you're just straight up getting blocked.
I'll read the first few lines up until it becomes apparent what you've sent and then I'm skipping over all 14 paragraphs to the end to hit BLOCK.
Stop wasting your time. Stop wasting mine. I don't care what you have to say and nobody else is going to see your white knighting.
(The person who sent me the ask is blocked so won't see this but for future reference to the rest of you.)
Me: Hey, so, actually, for the sake of me not killing myself I would actually love spaces where I can play Animal Crossing or share baking recipes or talk about Captain America showing hole for Iron Man without people sending videos of dead children and police brutality and trauma-dumping their personal issues on me. I also think its important over-all for these spaces to exist and be accessible and protected. Random Idiots Online: So you're a white-privileged racist? You know everything is political, right? You want us to just co-exist with bigots? What about my uncle's daughter's best friend's queer goldish?? What about people being blatantly transphobic in the chat? You're just going to say you hate all black people like that? White pig.
where the hell are minor proshippers supposed to go?? like just not post or make anything till they 18 or
The unfortunate reality is that a lot of proshipping revolves around adult topics and topics which are largely, by law, age restricted. Exposing minors to or engaging with minors regarding or even providing minors with access to such things can come at a very real, very legal cost.
And yes, yes. I know. Minors aren't fragile little glass things who shouldn't know about kink and sex until they're 80, but the law is the law, and even the people who acknowledge that someone who is 17 is absolutely looking at porn and having sex do not want to be thrown in jail or fined.
That and muppets on the internet will see anyone over the age of 18 interacting even casually with someone under the age of 18 and start dragging them across the internet as a rampant pedophile, so.
That said, there are a fair few minor-friendly proshipper based or friendly blogs also. You just have to sift through and look for them, and I do highly recommend thoroughly checking them out and keeping a hawk's eye on them because a lot of the time they're "infiltrated" by people looking to deliberately cause trouble.
This is a common complaint minors in fandom spaces as a whole have (which is vastly understandable). I'm considering creating a masterlist of minor-safe spaces and blogs potentially in the future.
Since I've already swung a bat at the hornet's nest with that safe space post I'm about to drop-kick it on its way down:
Actually not every single space has to include you and that's okay and actually how the world works and instead of trying to barge your way into spaces not meant for you, expand on the amount of spaces that are for you.
I get really tired of trying to explain to cis women why I’m not comfortable in all women’s or “no cis men” spaces like you’d think it would be obvious with all my transmasc-ness but no it’s still like talking to a brick wall
Clifford Prince King
On a personal note...
This is a personal story, so feel free to scroll on past (if you're only here for the Jikookery I can respect that).
I'm posting this because it's connected to what Jimin and Jungkook (specifically Jimin) may or may not be doing with this album and their travel series "Are you sure", and by that I mean coming out publicly as queer and as lovers. If it sounds vague, it is, because I don't know what they're doing yet. I don't know how far Jimin is taking this or what direction he'll go. But if he is going to make his private life public, then my post is relevant even though my experience is a microscopic spec 0f what he will encounter.
I live in a conservative little town on the edge of a big city, we're almost the last stop on the metro train line. This place has 10 000 residents and a reputation for being a little on the rough side. It's not a bad place and the people are not bad people but they won't step aside if you pick a fight, lets put it that way.
There's one high school in our little town, and I am the school librarian. I also run the school's pride club and when I started it 5 years ago (that's when I joined this school) it kicked up a bit of a stink. The community had mixed feelings. I wasn't out as trans at that point, only as queer. The school principal supported the club but wanted me to keep it quiet (I didn't). She wanted me to be appeasing (I wasn't). And when we had challenges from homophobic students, she wanted me to 'let her handle it' ( I didn't).
I responded to bigotry with patience and kindness, modelling the behaviour I expected and having many many conversations about prejudice, the patriarchy, learned behaviour, fear of the unknown, and minding your own damn business....
When I came out as trans to the school community - changing my name and pronouns - I faced some real push back from both staff and students. Students were less openly hostile but sometimes the subtle attempts at bullying are worse. My line manager was really difficult about it. I was a hot topic of conversation. It wasn't a good time. But I stuck with it, partly because I couldn't go back and partly because the Pride Club students were so empowered by what I was doing. They thought I was really brave. I couldn't let them down.
It was a tough time for me personally. Every day was a struggle as I navigated my wavering sense of identity and tried to be true to myself. Most of my family and friends were okay with it but some were not. Some flipped back and forth, some thought I had lost my mind. I had to let a few people go from my life, including one of my closest friends. I've lost a few more since then. I've cried more in the past few years than I have in my whole life and I am pretty tough, so you gotta know - it was a lot.
Fast forward to now. The pride club is well established, homophobia still exists but it's less overt and it's no longer ignored, and we have staff who are active allies. It's definitely a success. Our students to have a safe place where they can be themselves, and slow change is coming to the culture of the school.
It has come at a personal cost though. Not a HUGE personal cost but enough for it to matter. I am recognised and known around town because, well, most people in small communities know each other. But more so because of my role in the school, and because I am the only out and vocal queer person on school staff (yes, there are other LGBTQIA+ staff but they keep it quiet, and I don't really blame them).
At school i still have to correct people on my pronouns on a daily basis, and occasionally a student will throw a comment my way but it's not often these days. I have to come out to all the new staff pretty much as soon as I first meet them otherwise it's awkward. It's just an everyday thing. It's not a big deal but it's tiring, and it's something cis/straight people don't ever have to think about.
What is tough, though, is sniping from the community at large every now and again. I have been targeted on community socials and I've had had some pretty brusque service from local shop owners and service personnel in local businesses. Sometimes I see kids from school at the shops and they point me out to their parents. I pretend it's because they're happy to see me (what the fuck else am I going to do - hide in the apple crate?) They may say a friendly hello... or they may following me through the aisles of the supermarket trying to menace me - yes, that has happened - I just have to wait and see.
I do have allies in the community too - like the gorgeous pharmacist who always gets my name and pronouns right and compliments me (on whatever he can think of) every time I collect my meds. There's a stern woman in the hardware store who makes a point of loudly correcting herself when she uses the wrong pronouns (often). I appreciate this, I really do, but honestly it would be great if she could be a little quieter.
I am not a celebrity by any means, just a small town school librarian. But wherever I go in my small town - to the doctor, the supermarket, the park, or the gym - there's a chance I'll encounter someone who knows my face. Sometimes that makes me nervous.
The point of this long and boring post is to give people who may not know what it's like, a bit of insight into the experience of a regular, everyday person who lives in a conservative place and who is both recognisable and queer. It can be exhausting, and from time to time I struggle with mental health issues. So I have no doubt that for people who are really well known, it would be much, much worse. They would be the subject of public debate on news sites and TV. They'd be tossed into arguments by politicians on both sides of the divide. They'd encounter hostility in person too, and that's really frightening.
So please remember that if the celebs you admire choose NOT to come out, it's because they've weighed up their choices and that's the safest option for them. Support them where they're at, so they can live their best life under the circumstances.
If they do come out, they'll probably need even more support. Please love them, defend them, celebrate them, and validate them. They need you more than you know.
And above all else, be a good human.
PS, no need to comment here, this is purely a PSA <3
