Spider Bros Au - Tumblr Posts
Spidey bros au
Peter: do you think the ninja turtles are real, Tobey?
Tobey: no buddy-
Peter: *walks away sad*
Andrew:
Andrew: hey didn’t you work with them though?
Tobey: He ate my licorice. I’m taking away his happiness.
*Andrew coming back from uni*
Tobey, hitting the ceiling with a broom: Sorry I left the window open and this fucker got in.
Andrew: Oh a bird flew in?
Tobey: Massive red one yea
Andrew:
Tobey:
Wade, holding onto the ceiling fan: sugar tits h e l p m e !!
Andrew:
Andrew, grabbing a mop:
Wade: :O
Spidey bros au
Aunt may: who left all the red bull cans under the couch
Peter: I did
Aunt may: why? Clean it up, please.
Peter: it’s for ms ratman, she’s a widow with 25 kids
Aunt may:
Aunt may: Peter, are there rats living in our couch?
Peter: andrew said they couldn’t live in his room
Spider bros au
Peter: Andrew, did you eat my gummy worms
Andrew: and your gay bacon yea
Peter, cocking a gun: so you have chosen death.
Tobey: How did you get a gun??? I will just buy you more gay bacon Ohmyfucking-
[Spider-man meeting Deadpool for first time]
Peter: mr wade sir, why do you wear a red suit?
Wade, delighted: So bad guys don’t see me bleed!!!
Peter, vibrating with excitement: omg are you on your p e r i o d ?
Tobey: I can’t believe Mr. Harrington gave you a D on that last test. You’re a top student, how do you get a D?
Andrew: he answered half the questions, told Mr. Harrington the test was stupid, burped, then left.
Tobey:
Peter: and that’s not worth a D+? ,,,,I smell t r a n s p h o b i a,,,,,
Spidey bros au
[patrol gone wrong]
Andrew filming: Spidey, can you tell us why you’re caught in your own web. Follow up question: why is your webbing extra liquid-y ?
Tobey, mumbling: cause i didn’t-
Andre: A little louder for me, bud?
Tobey: CAUSE I DIDN’T CARRY THE TWO LIKE YOU SAID NOW GET ME OUT.
-
Peter: life is an ocean and I am but a smooth rock whomst has just arrived on a beach.
Andrew, already picking him up: Fuckin’ love skipping rocks.
Peter: wai- nO !!
Tobey, joining in: Skip, skip, skip, skip-
-
May: Where is Peter?
Andrew, hiding a bucket behind his back: Haven’t seen him.
Tobey, kicking a shovel underneath his bed: Think he said he was going out for the week…
May:
Peter, stuck inside the wall:
Andrew, having consumed enough caffeine to kill three horses and crawling on the ceiling: where are the fresh children for me to feast upon !!
Tobey picking up a cross and backing himself into a corner: What the fuck what thefuckwHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUC-
-
Andrew: I have something to tell you…
May: you can tell us anything.
Andrew: Im bi
Peter: knew it
Tobey: finally.
Uncle ben: …
Aunt May: Ben no.
Uncle ben: HI BI IM UNCLE BEN.
-
Peter, directly into the intercom: attention shoppers. My friend is hot and ready to trot. He is single and ready to mingle. He is-
Ned, physically wrestling the mic out of his hands: PETER.
As much as I love the idea of a slow burn spideypool I think it would be so much funnier if they just matched on Grindr
Wade: so what do you do?
Andrew: oh uh, yknow…web design…photography. You?
Wade: ✨murder✨