Spider Bros Au

Spider bros au

Peter: Andrew, did you eat my gummy worms

Andrew: and your gay bacon yea

Peter, cocking a gun: so you have chosen death.

Tobey: How did you get a gun??? I will just buy you more gay bacon Ohmyfucking-

[Spider-man meeting Deadpool for first time]

Peter: mr wade sir, why do you wear a red suit?

Wade, delighted: So bad guys don’t see me bleed!!!

Peter, vibrating with excitement: omg are you on your p e r i o d ?

Tobey: I can’t believe Mr. Harrington gave you a D on that last test. You’re a top student, how do you get a D?

Andrew: he answered half the questions, told Mr. Harrington the test was stupid, burped, then left.

Tobey:

Peter: and that’s not worth a D+? ,,,,I smell t r a n s p h o b i a,,,,,

On being asked "are you a boy or girl?"

Time froze. The bustling room stood still and was drowned out by silence, interrupted by the racing thoughts in my head. Across the white cookie display counter was the middle-aged lady who asked me a simple question. "Are you a boy or a girl?" Her once beady brown eyes became wide with curiosity. Did she not have other things to worry about, like how much longer will her hair tie hold her large mane of hair? She came back to me after I wished her a good day. Was her inquisitiveness more prevalent than her hunger? Just eat your damn apple pie before the vanilla ice cream melts and makes your plate cold! Behind her stood her friend with hair dyed black and a face I could not read because of her wide sunglasses. It looked stoic. If she really were indifferent to my answer, she would have gone off to find a table in the busy café. Her latte was nestled between cupped hands, warming them from the brisk mountain air.

These two women caught my prolonged attention, which I had learned was detrimental to the steady flow of customers coming in and going out of the building. The café stood at the entrance of a small, conservative town. My answer could possibly affect my future living here. The big round table a few feet away sat the local regulars drinking their small decaf cappuccinos, eavesdropping each conversation that passed their ears. What were the inhabitants of this little town to do but gossip and spread rumors? These regulars knew me as a man— err, I had been on testosterone for a little over half a year, and the changes were subtle. I looked like a young boy on my good days. Guess this was not one of them. My voice had not deepened drastically, my flat chest was not visible through my black apron, my round facial features were as noticeable as daylight, and I was lucky to have the counter between us hide my wide hips. I could be a tomboy for all they knew.

Would it matter if I was a boy or girl? If I was neither or both? Our relationship as employee and customer was supposed to end as soon as she stepped out the premises. Afterwards, she would explore the small tourist town before driving down the mountains back home. There were so many tourist attractions to see and take pictures of, and my gender was not one of them. Although gender was, for many, information given easily by their looks, that information is not anyone's right to know. She was not my friend or my cousin or my aunt; she was a stranger! A stranger who could leave a bad review for the small business whose owners struggled to keep alive. A stranger who put my future in this town in jeopardy as the regulars sat close and listened in. A stranger who was about to leave and eat her damn apple pie!

My friend and coworker had just finished taking the next customer's order. She left their order ticket on my counter and had already started taking the next order. There was no time to answer or panic over these needless questions! It was the end of autumn. With winter starting to peek its head over the mountains, tourists began to flood the prehistoric town like swarms of ladybugs killing gardens. We had to keep a quick pace. Yet here I was, making time to entertain their notion of gender.

Am I a boy or a girl?

I am a girl!" I said with my friendly customer service smile. I said despite the thick black hair on my belly. Despite the fat which moved from my hips to my stomach. Despite my restricted chest. Despite the silicone penis in my pants. Once more, I allowed fear to create a lie to keep others comfortable. As soon as I gave my response, the lady with the hair tie about to snap let out a heavy breath I was too anxious to notice she was holding in. Her friend's mien did not change; she did, however, shift her weight from the left leg to the right. They were nervous about my response? How was my gender going to affect them? Perhaps as a curious story to share with their husbands after arriving home, exhausted from a fun day. "You would never believe it!" they would exclaim. "We went to this cute little café, and a freak of a child checked out our order! I had to ask her what her gender was because it was practically indistinguishable! Her mannerisms said boy, but her voice said girl. How bizarre, don't you think?" And their husbands would murmur a "yes, honey," behind their Union Tribune newspapers.

The ladies left to a table which became empty and clean while they waited for my response. The next customers waltzed on over with their children holding caramel apples and toothy grins. I rung up their orders, and wished them a happy day.

"Thank you, miss!" the father said.

As they walked out the door, the older sister loudly whispered to her younger brother, "I thought she was a boy."

Dr. Strange: So your name is...?

Tobey: I'm Spider-man.

Dr. Strange: And you are...?

Andrew: Spider-man.

Dr. Strange, pointing at peter: ??

Peter: Spider-man.

Dr. strange: Oh don't tell me. He's Spider-man? Why would the three of you have the same name?? What kind of fool do you take me for??He's Spider-man, he's Spider-man, you're spider-man- Are there any other Spider-men I should know about???

Miles Morales, whispering: no one tell him about the multi-verse

Dr. Strange:

Dr. Strange: I'm outta here.

[peter coming home from highschool]

Peter: hey wha-

Aunt May: We need you to find your brother

Peter: wh-

Andrew: he went to spy on fisk and got found in the vents.

Peter: that’s sus.

Aunt May: Peter

Peter: wait how did they even find him ??

Andrew: he kept humming the spy theme song in the vents.

Spidey bros au

Peter: do you think the ninja turtles are real, Tobey?

Tobey: no buddy-

Peter: *walks away sad*

Andrew:

Andrew: hey didn’t you work with them though?

Tobey: He ate my licorice. I’m taking away his happiness.