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How to Subtly Push Back in a Negative Job Interview

My inspiration for this career guide is a hostile job interview a few years back. I fumbled it because I was unprepared.

At the time, I was taking a break from the family business (I've since returned full-time), going out in the world and doing my own thing.

I met this business owner at a gala. I had already been aware of the company's reputation as one of the best in their field. We hit it off immediately. It turned out they were looking for a freelancer with my exact skillset for an ongoing project.

I went in for an interview a few days later. I tailored my presentation to their company and needs, as I usually do.

I made an effort to prepare. Overall, I expected smooth sailing as I had already made a good impression at the event. I was armed with tons of relevant experience, skills, and portfolio.

Long story short, the owner was absent that day. I was interviewed by other senior staff who, much to my surprise, went for the jugular: a stress interview.

The problem was that we were discussing a freelance project, not a permanent position with the company.

In that context, the stress interview technique was misguided at best. It showed me that they didn't understand the freelance relationship and had unrealistic expectations. Working with this client would likely be a nightmare.

Freelancers have other options, and we are looking for clear, professional, and mutually respectful interactions.

That was definitely not the case.

I was just trying to get a feel for the project, but the interviewers seemed determined to neg me.

I was angry at myself for fumbling that interview.

Not because they didn't choose me for the project. The interview was a huge red flag 🚩, so I was no longer interested in working with them anyway.

No, I disappointed myself by being powerless, not knowing how to push back in a professional way.

I was clueless as to how to defend myself without burning bridges. The latter is relevant because I might eventually have to deal with that company again in our family business.

I vowed to myself that the next time this happens (because it will), I will be prepared. So I brainstormed some sentences to flip the script when it's all stick and no carrot.

💬 1. Ask Direct Questions

"I’m sensing there are some concerns here. Could you share what specific qualities or experiences you’re looking for that you feel I might not meet?"

Translation: Let’s see if you can back up your negativity with something concrete.

💬 2. Highlight Their Approach

"I’ve noticed this interview has focused a lot on challenges and potential negatives. Is there a particular reason for that?"

Translation: Why so serious? Let’s balance this conversation out a bit.

💬 3. Turn the Question Around

If they hit you with something overly harsh, try, "That’s an interesting perspective. How does your team typically handle situations like this?"

Translation: Let’s talk about how you guys deal with these issues. I’m curious.

💬 4. Reframe the Situation

"It sounds like this project has a lot of potential challenges. What support does the team offer to ensure success?"

Translation: If you’re so worried, how about telling me how you plan to help?

💬 5. Emphasize Your Professional Standards

"I always strive to maintain a high standard of communication and professionalism in my work. What’s the typical communication style within your team?"

Translation: Let’s make sure we’re on the same page when it comes to professionalism.

💬 6. Use Silence Strategically

After a particularly harsh question, pause before responding. Let the silence do the talking.

Translation: Silence can be louder than words—let them sit with their negativity for a moment.

💬 7. Seek Clarification on Their Concerns

"It seems like there are some strong concerns about this role. Could you clarify what the biggest risks you see in bringing someone on for this project are?"

Translation: Spell out your concerns. Let’s see if they’re really justified.

💬 8. Politely Challenge Assumptions

"I’m curious about the assumptions behind that question. Could you elaborate on what led you to ask that?"

Translation: What’s the real reason you’re grilling me here?

💬 9. Redirect to Your Strengths

"I appreciate the focus on potential challenges. However, I’d love to highlight how my previous experience with [specific example] directly aligns with this role."

Translation: Let’s get back to what I bring to the table.

💬 10. Exit Gracefully

"It seems like there may be a disconnect in expectations. I believe it’s important for both parties to feel positive about a collaboration. Perhaps it’s best if we reconsider if this is the right fit."

Translation: I have options. If you don’t see my value, I’m out.

Use these techniques wisely, and you’ll not only navigate tough interviews with grace, but you might even leave the interviewer rethinking their approach.

After all, your career is all about knowing your worth and choosing who you want to work with. ✨

What advice would you give to someone struggling to find their path in their 30s?

Off the top of my head ...

Make a realistic assessment of yourself.

Your personal pros and cons. You need to center what you're good at, but you also need to pursue difficult goals and projects that you are not yet good at. Otherwise you'll never improve or learn anything new.

Let your childhood dreams guide you.

I wanted to be a writer as a little girl. Writing is now a big part of my job, but child me had creative writing in mind, so I now pursue this too in my spare time and I feel fulfilled.

Be decisive and move fast.

Timing is everything. When you make a decision, you need to execute as soon as possible, preferably immediately. If you don't, in a few weeks or months you'll cool down on the idea. Your circumstances will have changed, potential collaborators will get swept up in other stuff, etc. You'll give up and never do it. So just do it asap.

A Month of Growth: Embracing My Progress and Finding Strength in the Journey

It's been a month since I asked myself why I believe that I can't.

One month later, I find myself in a different space, both mentally and emotionally. The doubts that once clouded my mind still visit occasionally, but they no longer dominate my thoughts.

🌱✨ I've learned that progress isn’t linear, and it’s okay to stumble as long as I keep moving forward.

Over the past few weeks, I've focused on building better habits, ones that nurture my well-being rather than sabotage it. 💪🏽🌟

There were many days when the old, unhealthy patterns seemed so tempting, like a comforting embrace in the midst of uncertainty.

But I started recognizing those moments for what they were: temporary urges that didn’t have to define my actions.

🧠💖 I'm beginning to see that self-discipline isn't about being perfect or never slipping up. It's about showing up for myself consistently, even when I don't feel like it.

I've started small, setting achievable goals each day, and gradually, those small steps have led to bigger changes.

🌅💫 One of the most significant shifts has been in how I talk to myself.

I've stopped berating myself for not being where I want to be yet and instead started celebrating the fact that I'm on the journey.

I've realized that kindness towards myself isn't a reward for reaching some distant goal. It's a necessity for making the journey sustainable.

There’s a newfound sense of peace in knowing that I’m not racing against anyone, not even against time. I'm exactly where I need to be, learning exactly what I need to learn.

The fears and insecurities that used to paralyze me now serve as reminders of my growth. Every time I choose to act in spite of them, I’m proving to myself that I’m capable.

Looking back, I see how much I've evolved in just one month. 🌿🛤️

It wasn’t about a dramatic transformation but rather about the accumulation of small, consistent choices. I’m learning to trust myself, to believe that I can, and that belief is becoming stronger each day.

I know the journey is far from over, but I’m more equipped now than ever before. I believe in my ability to navigate whatever comes next, knowing that I have the tools to keep moving forward.

And in that belief, I find strength and hope for what lies ahead. 🙏🕊️