Touch Aversion - Tumblr Posts

Day 5, 9, 10, 17, 18, 30- Lost in the Darkness

aka Working very hard to keep Bakugou blindfolded the entire story

prompts- pinned down, stranded, you're a liar, touch aversion, blindfold, bridal carry- building collapse, broken bones, head injury, Bakugou being Bakugou, Kiri not taking his shit hehe

AO3 link- https://archiveofourown.org/works/50415793

Sometimes Katsuki entertains the idea that he might regret coming to U.A.

He didn’t, he would never accept anything less than the school that All Might attended, but circumstances like this gave him plenty of time to think. Especially since he couldn’t do literally anything else at the moment. Currently, he was blindfolded, with his hands tied behind his back, suspended in the air hanging from a rope that was connected to a harness, being forced to pretend to be a hostage. As much as the training scenarios were as close to real life as they could be, hanging from a singular rope tied to a ceiling was not something to be fucked around with, and Katsuki could be grateful at least that he wouldn’t get injured by his classmates’ idiocy in this shitty simulation. He wouldn’t put it past them to just cut him down without warning him so he fell flat on his face. They really were that stupid. As soon as they’d gotten him in the air, he’d wanted to get out of his restraints himself, perfectly capable of rescuing himself, but Aizawa had told him that if he didn’t play his ‘randomly’ assigned role (bullshit, Aizawa never left anything up to chance) as ‘regular citizen’, then Katsuki would lose an entire grade over it. Damn fucker was using his stellar academic record against him, and Katsuki had to admit, it was currently working. As impressed as he was that Aizawa had found something that got him to go along with this dumb exercise, Katsuki also never hated his teacher more than right now.

So, unfortunately, here he was. Hanging here, in complete silence, cut off from the world around him. God, this fucking sucked. Had to be one of the most humiliating things he’d done since getting to this school, and to make matters worse, he was so bored. The classmates who were pretending to be the villains who ‘captured’ him had left him ages ago, off fighting the heroes of the exercise, being serious fucking idiots as you should never leave a hostage alone because you don’t know what they’ll do or the heroes plan and then you lose your bargaining chip. … Sue him, he was bored, he could think both sides’ actions through, and he certainly wouldn’t have acted this dumb, and he’d win the battle against anyone assigned to be his enemy. That first fight with Deku was an outlier, and Katsuki refused to count it.

Noises caught his attention, and Katsuki hoped that this shit would be over soon. He just wanted to go to his room, make a pot of coffee, and forget today with some violent video games he could take his anger out on. Maybe if he was lucky, Kirishima would be down to play too. He always felt better after annihilating one of his friends. But then the noises shifted, and Katsuki carefully turned his head, trying to pinpoint where they were coming from without getting the rope to spin.

“Bakugou!” Dunce face. Wonderful. “Guys, I found him, come on!”

More noises followed her shout, footsteps, and he sensed the area around him fill up with people. He’d been right, as he always was, going off to the fight and leaving him alone was a dumb move by his classmates and they’d gotten their asses kicked. From what he could hear, since they still hadn’t taken off the damn blindfold, dunce face, pink cheeks, and shitty hair had come to his ‘rescue’. Joy. At least pink cheeks had some measure of sense when Deku wasn’t involved, and Kirishima would hopefully keep Kaminari from being too stupid for his own good. He supposed this was the best out of a shitty situation since he was stuck here anyways.

“So how do we get him down?” Kaminari asked. “If we just cut him down, he’ll fall.”

Katsuki bit his lip, trying to keep himself in check. The answer was so obvious Katsuki could’ve screamed.

“Ooh, Uraraka, if you float him, I can cut the rope.” Thank god, Katsuki thought that discovery was going to take them three more years as they chattered.

“On it, Kirishima!”

Five fingers came to his chest, and the horrible feeling of weightlessness infected his whole body. Katsuki had never liked pink cheeks quirk in the first place, and he hated it even more now. He hated not being in control of his own body. Katsuki bit his lip harder.

Katsuki swung a little as Kirishima sawed through the rope, and he felt it when the rope attached to his harness suddenly went limp. He floated around for a moment before he got too fed up with their idiocy.

“Let me down. Now.” Katsuki hissed, his voice as venomous as a snake.

He could tell he surprised pink cheeks in her gasp, even though they still hadn’t taken off the goddamn blindfold, but he seriously didn’t give a shit. This day was shitty enough, he didn’t need her to add to it more than necessary. He heard her speak her stupid words, she really didn’t need to say it every time, from what he could tell of her quirk, but he used the sound to prepare for the sudden fall he was about to experience.

The freefall he was expecting got interrupted by strong arms, Kirishima balancing him so he could stand on his own without falling over. Under the blindfold they still hadn’t taken off, his eye twitched. And he thought today couldn’t get any worse, but he supposed he’d underestimated just how fucking stupid these assholes were.

“What do we do now?” Kaminari said, doing fuck knows what.

“How about you untie me?” Katsuki growled, his desire to keep his grades perfect fighting with his desire to just fuck all this shit and take the fucking hit so he could be fucking done.

“I got you, bro!” Kirishima said, and Katsuki heard Kirishima’s quirk go off again. He felt a swish behind his back, and his arms were finally freed from those damn uncomfortable ropes.

“Fucking finally.” Katsuki muttered, rubbing at his wrists. “Took you idiots long enough.”

Katsuki’s hand went to the blindfold, ready to rip it off himself, when the whole building shook. He instinctively put his hands out to steady himself, and before anyone could speak, Katsuki felt the ground crack and split open, and they were all freefalling with a shout. Katsuki had a single moment to curse in his head, as apparently things could get worse, and he’d just jinxed himself. But before he could try anything that might mitigate the shit the building collapse had started, his head crashed into something hard and unyielding, sending bright sparks across his eyes before he fell into a darkness a blindfold couldn’t create. 

~~

Katsuki’s first thought as he slowly rose to consciousness was that his whole body hurt, and he didn’t know why. He could feel heavy weights pressing down on him, completely covering his right arm, left hip, and there was one pushing directly on his face. His face was sticky, his arm was sticky, and his hip was throbbing two beats faster than his heart. He groaned, trying to move to escape the weights but they kept him pinned down, his legs scraping on dust, sliding through the dirty ground like a waterslide.

“Hold on, I think I heard him.” He knew that voice. That was… that was…

Oh shit. As he heard his best friend, memories came rushing back to his mind. Putting on the harness in the unhappiest way, being lifted into the air, and Aizawa handing him the blindfold to put on before his teacher gently tied his hands behind his back. Chattering voices from his idiot classmates, who joined him only to leave him there a little while later. Other voices of different people, Kirishima cutting him down, cutting the ropes, and then the ground disappearing out from under them. The building must’ve collapsed, that’s what the weights were, debris from the cave in. And the blindfold was still on his fucking face.

Kirishima must’ve found him, because soon the weights were being lifted off of him, and he heard a soft, “fuck.” The weight on his face was lifted very slowly, gently, and fingers probed at Katsuki’s temple, and he twitched as Kirishima disturbed the dried sticky shit on his face and in his hair. He was pretty sure it was blood, but he couldn’t be sure, as who knows what kind of plumbing had been disturbed when they’d fallen. Be easier for him if it wasn’t blood, though.

“Kami, get over here, turn up the light. Bakugou’s hurt!” No shit, Kirishima. Why not say other obvious shit like they were in trouble or that they were trapped?

Kaminari must be using his quirk to have his electricity crackle around him, giving them what light they could get. Light began to penetrate his darkness, and he shut his eyes harder, the light stabbing needles into his brain. A pained gasp slipped out unconsciously, and his left arm tried to shield his eyes from the light, but Kirishima took his hand, and held it.

“Easy, bro, you took a lot of damage.” Kirishima murmured. If Kirishima kept saying super obvious things that didn’t need to be said, Katsuki was going to blow him up.

Katsuki ripped his hand out of Kirishima’s, and came to his face. Since none of these assholes would finally take off this goddamned blindfold, he was going to do it himself. But as he pushed the fabric upwards, strobe lights blinded him, his vision going white as he screamed. A hand pulled his away, the blindfold falling back into place. Firecrackers of light assaulted his mind, taking away his ability to process the world around him. Flashes of what he’d managed to see popped through his mind, Kirishima with minimal cuts and a few bruises, Kaminari’s jacket tied around Uraraka’s bloody shoulder as a tourniquet, and Kaminari was nothing but an essence of overly powerful, bright light.

“Bakugou, what’s wrong?”

All he could manage was a strained, “bright.”

Kirishima’s fingers pinched at the blindfold, putting himself in between Katsuki and Kaminari, and through the shining light setting his nerves on fire, he could see his best friend frown before putting the blindfold back. “Shit.”

“What is it, Kirishima?” Kaminari asked, sounding unsettled, like he had in the mall training. Two was enough for a pattern for Katsuki, he was going to rage at Aizawa for letting this happen to him again, and swear that he wasn’t doing anything like this again until the teachers fixed this shit so a third time never happened.

“Bakugou, I think you have a concussion or something.” Kirishima muttered, knowing to talk to him despite the fact that it had been Uraraka that had asked. Katsuki hated being talked about like he wasn’t there. “And your arm totally looks broken, dude.”

Even though Katsuki couldn’t see it, he knew Kirishima was biting the inside of his cheek. It was one of his nervous habits. But a head wound meant the stickiness on his face was blood, and that complicated shit. Adding a broken arm to the mix was a disadvantage he would struggle to get through, but Katsuki refused to let this stop him. The marathon this had been going to be had just turned into a triathlon. Fuck. Still, he could do a triathlon with his eyes closed.

Actually, he was going to have to. Katsuki could see the overpowering light still through the blindfold, but it was easier to deal with with the blindfold on. Goddammit, his day could not get any-- stop. Don’t jinx yourself again. He didn’t know how this could get worse, and he didn’t want to know. Today fucking sucked ass, he should leave it at that.

“You with us, bro?” Kirishima asked, and he realized he’d been getting talked to, but honestly he couldn’t care less.

“Yeah.” He muttered. “Just figuring out how to get us out of here.”

Since Kirishima had removed the debris, Katsuki was able to lean to his left side, using his good side to get himself up. He could practically hear Kirishima wanting to help him, but he also knew Katsuki wouldn’t accept it. His left leg was shaky, his hip screaming at him to stop, but pain was just a call he didn’t have to answer. Pain never stopped All Might, therefore it wouldn’t stop him.

But as soon as he got himself as upright as he could, a bout of dizziness hit him, and he lost his balance, crashing into Kirishima. His best friend fumbled a bit catching him, making a surprised noise, but got him standing after a moment.

“Okay, dude, I’m sorry, I know you hate this, but you can’t walk by yourself.” Kirishima said, regret lacing his words, infuriating him. Kirishima was the only one he could trust not to pity him, but he still hated needing his help. Kirishima had learned the language Katsuki spoke, to know when to ask for something because Katsuki needed it but wouldn’t say it, to brush everything off as not an issue because Katsuki didn’t want to talk about it, ever. This wasn’t his language and Katsuki growled at him, the warning sign that he was about to get his shit rocked.

But Kirishima never took his shit, so he just adjusted Katsuki so his left arm was slung around Kirishima’s shoulders. And he thought that being tied up was humiliating.

“Bakugou,” Kirishima said, lowering his voice so only he could hear. “You can’t take the blindfold off, Kami’s light is too strong for your concussion, and you can’t walk. Just this once, let me help you. Let me be your crutch.”

Oh damn him for using that shit against him. He let Deku be his crutch one time and they never let him live it down. Katsuki was going to find a reason to blow Deku up for this, whether it was a good reason or not. This was all his fault anyway.

Regardless of how he felt though, Kirishima was right. He couldn’t see, and being trapped under a bunch of debris was not something that he could get out of on his own if he was blind. He couldn’t even see what was in front of him, the light radiating off Kaminari too bright for him to see anything but blurs and blobs of where he assumed people and objects were.

It felt like swallowing broken glass, but he ground out a quiet, “fine.”

“Thanks, dude.” Kirishima whispered, wrapping his arm around Katsuki’s waist. He hobbled them over to the others, Katsuki struggling to walk in step with Kirishima since he couldn’t fucking see where the bastard was stepping. God, he just wanted today to end.

“Dude, Bakugou, you look like shit.” Kaminari exclaimed, crackling faintly.

Katsuki tried to shy away from the bright light without looking like he was doing that. “If anyone else says one more blatantly obvious thing, I’m gonna blow all three of you up.”

He heard Kaminari’s, “yeesh, sorry” but it was soon drowned out by pink cheeks.

“Hush, Bakugou. You can’t do that anyways, you’ll just make this worse, unless you want this to cave in more. Now, we need to take care of your arm. Okay, what can we use to make a sling?”

Lots of ideas were discussed, and shot down violently by Katsuki, but eventually he allowed Kirishima to take the harness off and use that, Katsuki using his good arm on Kirishima’s shoulder to keep himself upright. Katsuki refused to let any noise of pain out again, but internally he was screaming as Kirishima moved. Oh yeah, his arm was definitely broken, it felt like almost a Deku level of broken, and when Kirishima finally stopped and took his waist again, Katsuki was trying to minimize his heavy panting and shove down the tears in his eyes.

“Here, Kirishima, I can make Bakugou float so it’s not as hard for you to carry him.” Uraraka said, way too chipper for what she was saying.

Katsuki felt a flash of panicked anger ignite in his chest. Not being in control of his body when he was trapped and blind was a step too far, and he didn’t care what it meant for him to refuse it. He’d rather drag his own ass out of here on his own, completely blind, then have the last thing he had taken from him. Control over his body was something he refused external assistance for, and he would not let her steal that from him, he didn’t care how hurt he was.

Sensing her fingers as they began to brush his skin, Katsuki kicked out at her. “Don’t touch me!”

He must have connected with Kaminari accidentally, as he got a static shock from it, but the “ow!” Kaminari made made up for it a little.

“Bakugou! Don’t kick me!” Pink cheeks squealed, which just made his resolve stronger. He ignored Kaminari’s, “don’t kick me either!”

“Then don’t fucking touch me.”

“Come on, man.” Kirishima said in his ear. “We need to get out of here.”

“I’m not letting that bitch touch me.” Katsuki growled back.

Pink cheeks made an affronted shout, but Kirishima was quick to understand what Katsuki was actually saying, that her quirk was off limits.

“He doesn’t mean it, Uraraka,” uh, yes the fuck he did, “but I’ve got him. He’s not heavy to me.”

Somehow Katsuki got a sappy vibe from that comment and he promptly ignored it.

“If you say so, Kirishima.” Uraraka said, doing that stupid pouty face she made when she was trying to be serious. He didn’t have to see it, he could hear it just fine.

“Come on guys, let’s get out of here.” Kirishima said, and they started walking. “There’s a path, Bakugou, if there’s anything you can trip on, I’ll handle it.”

Kirishima kept to the back, not leaving Kaminari’s light but also trying to keep as much of it off Katsuki as he could. This is why Kirishima was his best friend, even though he hadn’t actually wanted a best friend when he came to this school. But Kirishima understood him, helped without helping, didn’t shove his weakness back in Katsuki’s face. When they got back, he supposed he could make too much gyūdon and give the other bits to Kirishima for this. He supposed it’s been a while since he had that, and he could just randomly have a craving for a meatier dish.

The more they walked, the more Katsuki couldn’t help leaning on Kirishima. Each step with his left foot sent another bolt of pure agony to his hip, and every step with his right jostled his arm, and Katsuki’s head was already swimming from so much movement that he could barely keep track of the world beyond the pain. With the blindfold keeping the torturous light away, he couldn’t see the worried looks his friends were shooting him, only being able to sense a tension rising in the air, unable to place where it was coming from. It was strangely quiet as they walked, which unsettled him. Kaminari usually was a motor mouth, Katsuki always had to yell at him to be quiet. But now, no one was talking, and that didn’t seem right.

Suddenly, the light stopped, and they all froze.

“Kaminari!” Pink cheeks shrieked, the sound sending another bolt from his ear to his brain, and then back. He couldn’t be worried about Kaminari for a minute, he was so wrapped up in agony.

He heard knees and hands hit the floor along with winded gasps. Kaminari must have been pushing the limits of his control, his quirk more suited for attacks rather than support, keeping the volts so close to him had been exhausting him. As worried as he wouldn’t admit he was for his idiot, he was more worried that this would make dunce face go into whey mode. Not only would they lose what little light they had, but Katsuki wouldn’t be the only one out of commission, and Katsuki didn’t think their little group could take much more.

“I’m okay.” Kaminari panted, and the light started up again, but it was duller. “I’ll be fine. Plus ultra, right?”

The light was so dull in comparison to what Kaminari had before, that he reached around Kirishima’s neck, strangling him a little but for a good reason, and he peeled back the blindfold for a moment. It was still too bright, driving icepicks into his brain, but he could make out his friends now. Uraraka had knelt down to Kaminari’s level, and Kaminari was trembling, but from what Katsuki wasn’t sure. To let Kirishima breathe, he let go.

“Take a breather, man, you’ve been going for like, forever.” Kirishima said, and again the light went out, as the sound of shifting echoed in the darkness.

Katsuki never liked darkness, not that he was afraid of it like a baby or anything, but he never liked being able to see what and who was around him. Especially since… well. He supposed both. Kamino had only added onto what had happened with the sludge villain. But being plunged into darkness now wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, and he was glad to hear Kaminari’s breath evening out.

Standing was becoming unbearable as they waited for Kaminari to be ready again. His left leg was trembling fiercely, and his right wasn’t doing much better. His arm was still against his chest, but just being upright was making him dizzy, the world spinning painfully, like being stabbed into a ceiling fan as it rotated. At this point, Katsuki was standing on pure willpower alone. He wouldn’t fall, he already had to lean on Kirishima, he wouldn’t embarrass himself further and fucking fall. He wasn’t Deku, clumsy as fuck and idiotic. He. wouldn’t. fall.

“Okay, I’m ready.” Kaminari said, though they could all hear the exhaustion still in his voice. But the relief Katsuki felt might’ve slipped through, as Kirishima adjusted his hold a little, taking on more of Katsuki’s weight.

The sound of electricity crackled in the air, the light reappearing. It wasn’t as bright as when Katsuki had first woken up, but it was better than Kaminari’s second attempt. Still too bright for him to take off the blindfold, but instead of thirty icepicks digging violently into his brain, now there were only twenty.

Katsuki realized he’d been wrong before, standing wasn’t agony, but continuing to walk now was excruciating, so much worse than standing. His steps shuffled a little, his mind unable to send the signal to lift them up all the way, and Kirishima had to take more of his weight. He was practically carrying Katsuki by his waist, Kirishima’s arm wrapped almost all the way around.

A rumbling sound in the distance.

“Did you hear that?”

“That sounded like--”

The rumbling got closer. Katsuki could just barely make out the sound of roof cracking under too much stress.

“Shit, run!”

Footsteps took off, but instead of his own following, Katsuki felt Kirishima shove him to the ground, cracking his head again on the hard ground, and he just barely felt Kirishima’s hardening activate before he passed out again.

With every breath he took, he felt his chest brush something stiff, and he could hear heavy breaths that weren’t his own.

“Shitty hair.” Katsuki moaned out, coming back to consciousness for the second time that day. Honestly he was just pissed off at this point, he hadn’t even jinxed them this time!

“Hey, Bakubro.” Kirishima said, and the awful sounds of rocks shifting and falling to the ground echoed too loudly in his ears. “Was a little worried I put you down too hard.”

“Fucking threw me.” Katsuki groaned, opening his eyes to darkness. His heart beat a little quicker. “Where’s dunce face? ‘S dark.”

“I’m not sure.” Kirishima sighed. “I knew I could only protect you with my quirk, so I told them to run. They did. Hopefully they outran the collapse.”

Katsuki did hope they outran the collapse. He was no doubt someone was coming after them, but it was probably the other idiots in their class. Aizawa hadn’t even set foot in the mall when it collapsed. And knowing his idiots, it would take them two days to find a sponge in a sink. With Kaminari and Uraraka trapped alongside them, it would be even harder to find them.

God, he just wanted to go to bed.

“Bakugou, wake up, hey don’t sleep.” Kirishima suddenly said, shaking him a little.

Katsuki let out a noise that meant that hurt and if Kirishima did it again, he’d regret it.

“Sorry, bro, but you can’t sleep.” Kirishima said. “I don’t know what’s going on with your head right now, but I don’t think it’s safe for you to sleep.”

Shit. He hadn’t been trying to fall asleep, he must have been passing out. That was a problem.

“What… what does this shit look like?”

“What shit?”

Katsuki’s good arm grabbed Kirishima’s face awkwardly, and rolled it around, trying to gesture to the space around them. He stopped when he heard the debris.

“Oh.” If rolling his eyes wasn’t painful, he would’ve. He settled for huffing. “I don’t know. I can’t see anything either. I can feel the debris on my back, but it keeps shifting around when I breathe. But don’t worry, I can keep this up for a while, you’re safe, bro, I got you.”

Right, Kaminari had been their only light source. He hadn’t really been worried about his safety, he’d wanted to be able to crawl out of here. But that wasn’t happening apparently. They were just stuck here until someone found them.

“Hey, Bakugou?”

“Mm.”

“Do you ever think about death?”

“Hah?!” Kirishima’s voice was way too blasé for this subject. “The fuck kinda question is that?”

“I’m trying to keep you awake and that was the first thing I came up with!” Katsuki heard Kirishima’s blush in his explanation. If he wasn’t hardened, he’d have gotten a smack for that. Katsuki just kept telling himself that rolling his eyes would hurt, rolling his eyes would hurt, don’t do that.

“Think of something better!”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry!”

There was a beat of silence. Katsuki groaned. God his friends were stupid.

“Are you and Midoriya exes or something?”

And he thought the death one was bad. “Excuse the fuck me? Has he been saying that? I’m going to fucking murder him!”

“No, no he hasn’t!” Kirishima said, saving Deku’s life, for now. “He’s never said that, or implied that or anything. We all just… we just wonder why you hate him so much. Like, I know you hate pretty much everybody, but your hatred for him is intense, dude. So we all kinda have a sort of bet going on, trying to figure out why. Couple of people think it was because you two dated and then had a bad break-up, especially since he knows so much about you.”

Katsuki blinked. That was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard, and he’d known Deku for over ten years. Holy fuck.

“Shut down this ‘bet’, shitty hair, you all can stop fucking guessing.” Katsuki snarled.

“Oh yeah?” Kirishima perked up. “You gonna tell me?”

“No.” Somehow Kirishima deflated without moving. “First off, you assholes can stay the fuck out of my business, it makes no fucking difference to you why I hate him.”

“Yeah but we like Midoriya.” Kirishima sighed. “And we like you. We thought maybe if we could figure out why you hate him, we could help fix it.”

Katsuki supposed it was well-intentioned, but the idea still made his skin crawl. His relationship with Deku was his own, and… he didn’t want to think about it. His head already hurt too much.

“You can’t fix it, shitty hair.” Katsuki sighed. “None of you can. It’s only between us. Personal. Though if you could get him to stop crying every other second, that might help.”

Kirishima laughed breathlessly. “I’ll see what I can do.”

It was quiet for a minute.

“Does it… bother you, that I don’t like him?” Katsuki didn’t like how unsure his voice was, and he fully blamed it on the nondescript head wound.

“Bother, no, but it kinda makes me sad.” Kirishima said, shrugging and then freezing as more debris shifted. “I mean, you’re my best bro, and Midoriya’s a good bro, and it kinda sucks that we can’t like hang out together or do fun stuff. But if you don’t like him, I’m not going to force you to do stuff with him. You’re allowed to not like people. We’ll all just hang out separately.”

Katsuki couldn’t name the emotion in his chest, and he refused to try.

“You know, you could do better.” Katsuki said. “You’re one of the only idiots in our class who’s somewhat tolerable.”

“Aww, I love you too, Bakubro.” Kirishima chirped, and Katsuki’s eyes widened. “It’s not like that though, we’re just friends.”

“I didn’t fucking say that.”

“Maybe not in those words.” Kirishima said. “But I know you.”

“Not well enough apparently.” Katsuki muttered. “I didn’t fucking say that. I don’t say that shit to anyone, let alone you.”

“Aww, Bakubro!” Kirishima whined, and Katsuki knew he was wearing the stupid smile he was always wearing when he teased Katsuki. “You’re breaking my heart.”

“That was the intent, yes.”

Kirishima laughed, and the echo died in the walls of fallen debris around them.

“How’s your quirk?”

“I’ll be alright, Bakugou.” Kirishima said, and Katsuki could hear the strain Kirishima was trying to hide from him. “I’ve got you. I can keep this up a while longer.”

Katsuki didn’t doubt that, Kirishima had already risked his life for Katsuki once, it didn’t surprise him that he’d do it again and again. He was a good friend.

Silence followed for a moment.

“Bakugou, you still alive?” Kirishima asked.

“Mhm.” Bakugou murmured. “If I die, I’ll let you know.”

Kirishima huffed a strained laugh. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

The tiniest shines of light then filtered through the cracks of the debris. A spark of hope ignited in both of them. A muffled voice echoed through.

“Kaminari? Uraraka?” Kirishima shouted, and Bakugou whimpered. Damn, that hurt. He understood its necessity, but goddamn that hurt.

The voices got stronger, and so did the light. The debris was being shifted around, pink cheeks obviously using her quirk to move the debris safely. Thank fuck.

“Kirishima?” Kaminari’s voice rang through, and Bakugou just groaned quietly. That seemed to be answer enough, as he heard a, “I can hear them!”

Debris began to move quicker, and the light kept getting stronger, a pocket shining through. Katsuki didn’t have to see the head popping through to know that Kaminari was able to see them now.

“How buried am I?” Kirishima asked. “Can you see it?”

“Yeah I can see it, sheesh man, you’re under a lot of rock.” Kaminari said. “But Uraraka should be able to get you out, bro. Just give us a little time.”

“Thanks, bro.”

Without a watch but with a head wound, Bakugou couldn’t tell how it took them to move the debris, and the sounds sort of amalgamated into a noisy blur that he couldn’t quite distinguish. Eventually, he felt the chest he constantly brushed as he breathed disappear, and he could hear Kirishima shift around without the debris falling off of him. A hand came to his shoulder, but thankfully didn’t shake him. 

“You still alive, bro?” Kirishima whispered.

“I haven’t told you I’m dead yet so what do you think?”

Kirishima laughed quietly. “Come on, Kaminari unburied me. We can stand up now.”

Ah shit. This was going to be hard, but Bakugou couldn’t back down now. He hoped that what sort of rest he’d gotten laying down would allow him to be able to stand again.

Okay. He could do this. He’d stand if it killed him.

His left was already trembling as he tried to push himself up, his hip screaming at him to stop moving as he moved his body. Instead of even trying to lose his left leg, he put all his weight on his right, but using his left arm and right leg to stand wasn’t working, and he could feel Kirishima’s hands begin to touch his shoulders. Dammit, he didn’t need fucking help!

Putting any weight on his left leg suddenly became the stupidest decision he’d ever made, as it hadn’t even been three seconds before he was crying out in pain and falling back to the ground.

Several versions of his name rang out in almost perfect unison, hands touching all over, and he just groaned. Today had to be one of the shittiest days of his life. At this point, he’d rather just pass out so he didn’t have to deal with this anymore.

“Bakugou, are you alright?” Kirishima’s voice finally made a sentence instead of just an exclamation.

“Stop fucking touching me and I might be.” Katsuki hissed, and four of the hands retracted themselves. The other two belonged to Kirishima, but he couldn’t see where his friend was to smack him with his good arm.

“Please don’t hate me for this, Bakubro, but you’re too hurt.” Kirishima said, and one hand stayed under his shoulder and the other moved to his knees.

Shit, wait, no, he wasn’t ready-- Kirishima lifted him into the air, and his hip screamed through his voice. The sound he made didn’t even sound like him. The versions of his name were shouted at him again, pounding his head so hard he could barely process their words.

“Hip.” Katsuki panted, finally taking control back of his voice from his hip.

“Dude, what do you mean?” Kirishima asked. “What’s going on?”

“Left hip.” Katsuki gasped. “Been broken since I woke up.”

“Dude!” Kirishima shouted and Katsuki grimaced. “I-- sorry, bro, but why didn’t you say anything? We’ve been walking with you this whole time!”

“Could handle it.” Katsuki groaned.

“Bullshit, Bakugou.” Kirishima snapped, and he sounded angrier than Katsuki had ever heard before. “Look, dude, walking with a head wound and broken arm is one thing. Walking on a broken hip is another. Kaminari, Uraraka, you two keep going. I’m gonna stay here with Bakugou.”

“I said I can handle it.” Katsuki said, trying to push out of Kirishima’s arms. Kirishima just held him tighter.

“I don’t care what you say, Bakugou.” Kirishima snarled. He was beginning to sound like Katsuki.

“Kirishima, are you sure?” Uraraka asked. “If we go, you’ll be completely in the dark.”

“I’ll be fine.” Kirishima said. Bastard even had the audacity to ignore Katsuki’s “I’m already fine.” and continue on like he hadn’t said anything. “Seriously guys. You go ahead. I can protect him with my quirk if anything else happens. We need help, now, and you two are our best chance at getting it. We won’t go anywhere, so you’ll know where you left us. It’ll be okay.”

Katsuki could hear the worried looks his friends exchanged, but they said their goodbyes and footsteps started to fade.

Kirishima knelt to the ground, and placed him down flat on the ground. He heard a bit of shifting before Kirishima pulled Katsuki’s head into his lap. It was somewhat comfortable, the darkness keeping Kirishima from seeing Katsuki’s unhappy blush. A soft hand came to his hair, brushing softly through his spikes, and that helped his headache better than the lack of light.

“You’re such a liar sometimes, Katsuki.”

Kirishima’s voice was soft, but the emotion in it was just as strong. Caught off guard by the sudden use of his given name, Katsuki barely managed a confused, “No I’m not.”

“Yes the fuck you are.” Kirishima snapped. “Saying you can handle walking on a broken hip when you can’t see and you can’t even catch yourself if you fall because of your arm. No one can do that, not even you. I can’t believe you sometimes, hiding that from us. From me. Seriously, Katsuki, how could you be so stupid?”

“I wasn’t being stupid!” Katsuki growled.

“Walking on a broken hip is stupid.” Kirishima insisted. “You know better! If it were me, you wouldn’t let me walk on it. You would’ve made Uraraka use her quirk on me so I didn’t put weight on it. What’s wrong with you, Katsuki? Why the hell did you do that?”

Even though they were arguing, the soft hand in his hair didn’t change its rhythm.

The pout on Katsuki’s face also matched the blush spreading to his ears. He wasn’t sure about how he felt about Kirishima using his given name, and he didn’t think he could figure it out with the headache that was trying to resist the comfort from Kirishima’s fingers.

“All Might worked for years with a hole in his side.” Katsuki pouted. “I could make it for one fucking day. It’s just pain.”

“Yeah, but you’re not All Might.” Kirishima said, and Katsuki bristled. “You’re not! You’re gonna be the number one one day, I’m sure of it, but you’re not there yet. And walking on a broken hip is a good way to make sure you never get there. What if you damaged your hip permanently?”

“I wouldn’t do that.” Katsuki grumbled. “I know when to stop before it gets that bad.”

“No, you don’t.” Kirishima refuted. “If you knew when to stop, you would’ve told me about your broken hip right when you woke up. Come on, man, I’m supposed to be your best friend. Why didn’t you at least tell me?”

“Not like I can keep a secret here.” Katsuki muttered. “If I’d said anything, then those two extras would’ve overheard, and pink cheeks would’ve used her stupid quirk on me again.”

“She was trying to help you.” Kirishima sighed.

“I don’t need her fucking help.” Katsuki seethed. Clenching his jaw made stars appear over his eyes, so he forced himself to ungrit his teeth. “I don’t want her fucking touching me. I don’t want anyone fucking touching me.”

“I’m touching you.”

Katsuki pouted again. “It’s different.”

“Because I’m ‘tolerable’?” Kirishima asked, with just the hint of a smirk. Bastard.

“Somewhat tolerable.” Katsuki huffed. “Just because you’re not literally the worst doesn’t mean you’re actually tolerable.”

“Uh-huh.” Kirishima said, not believing him at all. Damn bastard. “I don’t know what it is that makes you like this, but come on, Katsuki. Keeping us out when it comes to shit like this is only gonna turn around and bite you in the ass. I mean, look at us now. You can’t move, you still can’t even see even if it wasn’t dark, and now I have to stay here with you so you don’t die or get crushed or something.”

“You don’t need to rub it in.” Katsuki snapped.

“I’m not.” Kirishima sighed. “You’re my best friend, Katsuki. I don’t want to see you hurt, and just be stuck watching as you purposefully make yourself worse to prove some sort of point. I don’t even know who you’re proving it to, none of us care that you can’t walk on a broken hip.”

“I care.” Katsuki said. “I’m not like those extras who whine and cry every time they get a tiny scratch. They’ll never even make it to the top twenty with that attitude.”

“And you think you’ll make it to the top twenty if you constantly ignore your body?” Kirishima snapped back. “You constantly yell at Midoriya because he’s always breaking his bones all the time, and yet you do something like this!”

“It’s different!” Katsuki repeated.

“Ugh, no it’s not!” Kirishima groused. “What are you trying to prove, Katsuki? That you have absolutely no regard for your own well-being?”

“That I’m strong enough on my own.” Katsuki hissed.

The hand that had been softly running through his hair disappeared, and he refused to miss it. It came to his cheek, a softer touch than Katsuki would’ve suspected for how strong Kirishima was, and how mad at him he was.

“What if someone wants to be with you?” Kirishima asked softly, his thumb brushing up and down his cheek. “What if someone wants to stand by your side, to be there as you shoot to the top, wants to help you get there by calling you out on your bullshit, wants to hold you when you have nightmares, wants to have your back, wants to help prop you up when you can’t see or stand?”

Katsuki blinked.

“What was that middle one?”

“Wants to help you get there by calling you out on your bullshit.” Kirishima said. That hadn’t been the middle one he’d been talking about, but he let it go. Maybe he’d just misheard. “And that? That was bullshit.”

Katsuki huffed. “Okay maybe… maybe it wasn’t my smartest decision.”

“No shit, sherlock.” Kirishima muttered. Katsuki ignored that.

“I didn’t figure it would be such a big deal. It’s just pain. Pain is a call I don’t have to answer. I’m not weak, pain isn’t that big of a deal.”

“Your pain is a big deal to me.” Kirishima said. “Just because you acknowledge you’re in pain doesn’t mean that you’re weak.”

“The pros get hurt all the time in the field.” Katsuki retorted. “If they can rise above and keep moving when they’re hurt, then I can too.”

“You know, when we went on the Shie Hassaikai raid,” Kirishima said slowly, obviously thinking about his every word, “I passed out after that fight with Rappa.”

“You told me about that.” Katsuki said, unsure of where this was going.

“Yeah I did.” Kirishima said. “That fight took everything out of me. I had more cuts and bruises than I could physically count. And you know what Fat Gum did?”

A beat.

“He took me out of the fight.” Kirishima answered himself. “He found a place where we could be as safe as possible, and he got me medical help. I didn’t rejoin the fight after that. Fat Gum didn’t either. He stayed with me, kept me safe.”

Katsuki didn’t say anything to that.

“So why is it that Fast Gum, the actual pro, takes pain into consideration when making decisions, making sure that the people he was with were protected, but you, the teenager, don’t?”

“You were unconscious, I wasn’t.” Katsuki deflected. “I keep telling you, it’s different.”

“I wasn’t unconscious the entire time.” Kirishima shot back. “I woke up before Overhaul destroyed the street. And Fat Gum still stayed with me. Helped me get to the ambulances, even went with me to the hospital. He didn’t go back into the fight, he just stayed with me until I was taken care of. And he’s a genuine pro.”

Katsuki refused to answer his unspoken question.

“I think you’re running out of reasons why it’s different, Katsuki.” Kirishima said.

“Fuck you.” Katsuki snarled. “And why the fuck are you all of a sudden using my given name? I didn’t say you could do that.”

“You’re deflecting again.” Kirishima called out. “Give me a reason, dammit. A real reason. Why is it so different?”

“Because it’s me!” Katsuki shouted back. “I have to do this.”

“Dammit, why?”

“Because I have to be good enough!” Katsuki shouted, his voice echoing in the empty hallway.

A choked noise of pain followed, and Katsuki lost track of reality as his world became nothing but unending agony, the pain so overwhelming that he couldn’t even be sure that he was breathing. It felt like it went on for three separate lifetimes, drowning him in a torment so excruciating he didn’t think he could ever describe it in words.

Shaky breaths were the first thing he became aware of when the pain finally began to subside. The fingers on his cheek were in his hair again, lightly dragging their nails across his scalp, and he clung to that feeling as his only salvation as he managed to get through the final assaults of the pain.

“Katsuki?” Kirishima’s voice was so quiet that Katsuki barely heard it.

Katsuki made the quietest noise he’d ever made in his life in response. He only just now realized he was crying, tears running rivers down his cheeks.

“You’re good enough, Katsuki.” Kirishima whispered. “You don’t have to kill yourself like this to prove you’re good enough. You’re good enough on your own, Katsuki.”

Katsuki couldn’t even think of a response, the pain had completely cut his voice off.

“It’s gonna be okay, Katsuki.” Kirishima kept going when he didn’t say anything. “It’s gonna be okay. You’re enough, you’re good enough. You’ll be okay. It’s alright. Yound soonna breathing, it’s okay, you’re gon it’s okay. Yound soon it’s alright. You’reat.”

The hell? Katsuki was completely losing track of what Kirishima was saying. The fifty icepicks in his brain were beating a drum beat that went two beats faster than his heart. When his mind tried to understand what Kirishima said, he just got indecipherable static in return. Darkness was slowly beginning to encroach around his mind, easing the pain by just trapping him in shadow.

“Omatsuki! Matsuki?” Katsuki couldn’t even feel Kirishima shaking him now, his mind so wrapped up in shadow. “Comake uke Kaki! Wake mase uple. Come Kaki!”

Kirishima was shaking him harder now, his voice insistent and desperate, but Katsuki couldn’t feel a bit of it. The shadow that stole him from consciousness to ease the pain had already put him completely under, the darkness of unconsciousness swallowing him whole.

Something was different. He couldn’t tell exactly what, but something was different.

Voices surrounded him, voices that hadn’t been the people he’d been stuck with. The only one out of the cacophony that he could properly pick out was Kirishima. Oh! That’s what was different! He wasn’t in Kirishima’s lap anymore, with no fingers running through his hair. That had felt really good, he was a little sad that Kirishima had stopped. It had really helped with the pain. That… he was no longer in. His hip was still throbbing, his arm still ached, but his head was kinda floaty, and that helped drown out everything else. What was going on? Katsuki tried to ask, but all that came out was a soft groan.

“Bakugou?” Kirishima must have heard him. “Hey, Bakugou, you back with us?”

He made a small, affirmative noise.

“There you are.” Kirishima chuckled breathlessly. “I was getting worried you’d sleep through the whole rescue.”

“Dum’ass.” Katsuki mumbled.

Katsuki could hear Kirishima’s relieved smile. The soft hand that was in his hair came to his cheek again. Unconsciously, he leaned into it.

“You really scared me, Katsuki.” Kirishima’s voice dropped, shaky and scared. “I thought I’d lost you.”

“Hah?” Katsuki replied, and he tried to get his head on straight, get away from whatever was making him feel all floaty.

“Shh, it’s okay, Katsuki.” Kirishima said, his thumb running up and down Katsuki’s cheek again. “You’re gonna be alright now. Everything’s okay.”

“You?”

“I’m okay too, Katsuki.” Kirishima murmured, but he didn’t quite sound it. “I asked Recovery Girl, she said it was okay for you to sleep.”

Katsuki made an uncertain noise. “Don’t, sound, okay.”

“Yeah, well, when you think someone you love just died in your arms, you don’t sound okay for a little while.”

Katsuki couldn’t think for a moment, and it had nothing to do with his head being floaty. Loved? Kirishima loved him? Sure, they were best friends, Kirishima was the closest friend he’d ever had, but that didn’t mean anything. Katsuki had walked away from his friends from middle school without even thinking, he’d realized he didn’t care whether they were around him or not. They weren’t good for him, encouraging him to do shit he shouldn’t, and they were just lackeys who followed him because he was the biggest fish in their little pond. He’d figured that… he’d figured that all friends were like that. That that was why Kirishima had forced his way into Katsuki’s life, that that was why all of Kirishima’s friends had followed suit. He’d made it clear on day one that he was one of the most powerful students in this class, even if he hadn’t done it in the best of ways. The USJ incident had been a better judge of his power, and his character. He hadn’t been able to lose Kirishima after that, and as soon as Kirishima had deemed him acceptable, the rest of the Bakusquad followed suit. But he’d never thought that Kirishima had deemed him acceptable because he’d cared about Katsuki, just that Kirishima thought he could use Katsuki to get ahead, and the squad followed because he could keep them afloat academically. The invitations to movie nights, playing video games, hanging out outside of school, and now caring when he got hurt, he’d thought that was just pretenses. That they didn’t care whether he showed up or not, that if they found someone who could do what he did (who had a better attitude) they’d walk away from him without thought. Did all of the Bakusquad feel that way? When he could think properly, he had to give this a ridiculous amount of thought.

“Shh, just go to sleep, Katsuki.” Kirishima said, somehow sensing that Katsuki’s mind was going a million miles an hour. “We’ll talk later. Sleep.”

Even though it was Shinsou who could control minds, Katsuki’s mind still seemed to shut down when Kirishima told it too, only just now noticing that he was completely exhausted. The soft touch to his cheek continued, gently settling him into a comfortable sleep.

And goddammit, he was still wearing that goddamn blindfold.

If someone looks uncomfortable when you hug them, please stop hugging them.

If someone shuffles away when you stand beside them, don’t move closer to them again.

If someone shrugs your hand off their shoulder, don’t fucking put your hand back on.

Don’t be an asshole. If someone says they don’t like to be touched, I don’t care how much it “offends” you. Stop touching them.

Stop.

Hot girls get non verbal and touch averse in the target

Kaz Brekker smut on the way! I will be respecting his touch aversion, so y/n and Kaz will have been in a relationship for a year and a half and have been actively working on helping him through his fears. It's not gonna be like spanking or biting, since it is his first time, so expect a lot of fluff and wholesomeness.

I have beef with the fact that all good autism rep seems to come with an aversion to touch. If I like you, I WILL be touching you in any and every way possible, thank you very much. I will be leaning on you or sitting on you or hugging you or running my hands through your hair. And I would very much like to be resiprocated. I’m not good at words, I’d much rather show and receive my affection with other sensory input. I would very much argue I am like this BECAUSE of my autism, not despite it.

The perfect Kanej fanart doesn't exi-

Communication

Corym chuckled again and kissed Milo’s cheek, pushing him back to lie on the couch, nestling his head on his chest.  

“You know,” Milo spoke up, “We can also just… sleep like this, I still can’t feel my legs, you really cut my circulation.” 

“Oh stars, I'm so sorry!" he giggled. "But nope.” Corym sat up and stood, pulling Milo to his feet along with him. He was certainly wobbling, but at least he could stand. “Gotta get your blood moving again.”

Milo groaned as Corym led him through simple stretches he performed before dancing, laughing together through the awkward effort on Milo’s part until they both settled in bed. Out of habit, Corym reached out to him, but Milo shied away from his touch.

“I ah… do you mind just… not? It’s nothing against you, I’m just a little overwhelmed, and well…” 

“Is this about that thing you mentioned once? About not really liking touch?” 

Milo bit his lip. “Like I said, it’s nothing against you, what happened earlier was really wonderful, I just… I- it’s hard to explain… I’m not sure I have the right words for it. I- when it's people I don't know, even a handshake feels invasive and uncomfortable. It's like I feel the ghost of the contact for too long afterwards. It's better, I guess, with friends and family, where I don't mind hugs and such on a good day. You're one of the only people I voluntarily reach out to and that I want to be entirely, fully comfortable with and well... I mean, guiding winds, nobody has ever even kissed me like that and I just- I mean I still kind of feel our contact from earlier, but in a nice way, and I really don't want you to think I disliked anything, I'm so sorry, I-"

Cory cut off his rambling that seemed to be making him spiral. “Hey, it’s okay, I had fun, Mi. You are… exceptionally enticing to me, but I’m proud of you for telling me to stop. It'll take the time it needs to take."

Milo broke into a smile, “Thank you," he whispered, hesitantly reaching out for Corym’s hand, barely grazing his fingers with his own, before curling up to fall asleep, soundly.

"Sweet dreams." https://tapas.io/series/A-Crownes-Game/info

I love Kanej, but I was a bit angry at Inej for her "I want you without your armour or not at all" comment.

Kaz, the bastard of the Barrel, who always kept a distance to anyone, admits that he wants and needs Inej and she pushes him to go beyond his bounderies. Most people liked this scene. I didn’t. What if it had been the other way around? If Inej kept thinking about the menagerie each time Kaz touches her and he keeps insisting that she lets him? Everybody would hate him for it. Consent is important, no matter if it is the man or the woman not ready to take a step, no matter if we are talking about sex or nonsexual intimicy.

Inej surely meant no harm, but she basically told Kaz that he can have a relationship to her terms or no relationship. That's not okay. Pressuring or persuading someone to take a step in a relationship they are not comfortable with is not okay. It's abuse. And Inej should be the last person to abuse someone in any way.

I'm trying to raise awareness for these kinds of abuse, where neither the abuser nor the abused realize that it is abuse. Like with my Ex boyfriend who kept touching my breasts and my arse in public, no matter how often I told him that this makes me ashamed. He told me this was unnormal and that I had to work on myself to be able to allow this. It was my first relationship and I was insecure, I questioned myself. Today I would tell him that it doesn't matter if my issues are normal or not. That no means no and it leaves no room for discussion.

I have touch aversion, too. Not as bad as Kaz, but it is an issue. I can accept touches from people I have a deep emotional connection to and I always have to see the touch coming. I experience people going over my bounderies without bad intention constantly. Just this week I had a painful dentist appointment and the dentist tried to calm me by petting my arm. I had to tell her again and again to stop doing this because it's making things worse. She did it kind of subconciously and didn’t realize that this was an act of violence to me. In situations like these I think about how Kaz must be feeling when the person he trusts most, maybe the only person he trusts completely, doesn't accept his bounderies.

I think Kaz is in a similar situation like I was with my Ex. Inej is his first love and he doesn't want to lose her. He wants to please her. But going over his bounderies isn't the right way I think. Slowly trying what he can do without feeling repulsed would be better (over-clothes touching, touching with gloves, touching hair instead of skin...). If this leads to him being able to enjoy skin to skin touches that's good. But if it doesn't it shouldn't be a reason to give up on the whole relationship.

it's fucking horrific how family members think consent for non sexual intimacy isn't real. I struggle with physical contact unless it's someone I'm romantically involved with, so hugs and pecks on the cheek from family are a no no. unfortunately this doesn't seem to stop them, since apparently their needs are more important than My boundaries.

collar / touch aversion / Leave me alone (you’re the lump in my throat and the knot in my chest)

The first few weeks on Titan had been hell. Coming down off a supremely magnificent Red Eye high that he'd managed to stretch out for days - something unheard of and very much frowned upon even by the addicts who jonesed for the drug the most - had been rough. He'd been quite literally out of his mind. Unfit for any sort of company. There were scratches up and down his arms and legs, he'd nearly bitten through his tongue, and he'd lost a significant amount of weight.

Apparently he'd been so wildly out of control - deranged, in fact - that they'd resorted to chaining him up like an animal.

The thought brought him dark amusement. He'd always told Spike that they were beasts. Killer hounds on Syndicate leashes. A hound was hardly a frightening animal though. He preferred to liken himself to a viper. Forget Adam and never mind Eve, the snake was the true hero of the tale of Eden. The controlling power, with cunning and stealth, with wicked fangs to sink into the unsuspecting flesh of prey. The Syndicate named themselves Dragons as if a fictitious beast were more frightening than creatures actually in existence. Fools. Fools for more serious reasons than something that trivial though.

They didn't approve of his fixation on strength and shows of might. They didn't approve of his desire to use terror as an intimidation tactic. They certainly didn't approve of his use of Red Eye. Unlike most who took the drug, he had always been able to will himself into a state of cool-headed self-discipline. He'd had the uncanny ability to subdue the fervor that it awoke in nearly everyone else. It had made him more lethal by far than he'd ever been before, and that was saying something considering the body count he and Spike had racked up over the years.

Chained and collared, he was sent to Titan to languish. Sent to Titan to be tormented by the mad scientists who were truly governing the goings-on of the sad, dusty little moon. He knew the dark reality of this place. The Elders had sent him to get clean, to curtail his shaping of the newer members of the Syndicate, and to take advantage of the despair of the men and women trapped on this rock. The military had and would always be a fine source of customers when it came to drugs that numbed, drugs that distracted, drugs that gave people increased speed and endurance. It was a place he could have thrived, but that was not the intent.

He had torn himself to shreds originally. On the ship that brought him to Titan, he had frothed at the mouth and drawn blood everywhere he could reach. By the time they reached Titan he had been strapped down by more restraints than were necessary. On the moon itself he was freed except for the collar. They kept him in a tiny cell where he could not stretch out and they plagued him with constant pain. Whips, brass knuckles, the collar itself revealed to be able to shock quite powerfully, and of course their fists and boots. None had any of the fighting skill of Spike, of course, which meant he could have bested any or all of his jailors if they'd given him half a chance. But their job was to break him. Physically, mentally if possibly, spiritually if he gave a shit about that type of thing.

He refused to bow to their cruelty. His own ran deeper, pulsed stronger. They were ants in comparison. And eventually the predetermined stretch of time the Van had allotted for his punishment came to an end. He was released out into the general populace for the more important mission of converting soldiers to addicts. Behind the scenes, of course, and with the mission of finding a fall guy to ensure the Syndicate was kept as far removed from responsibility as possible. It was child's play, of course, and then he was called back.

It wasn't until he returned to Mars, returned to Tharsis and to Julia, that he realized something had gone wrong.

They'd always enjoyed quite a few games in the bedroom. Julia loved to dominate. She'd often employ handcuffs, blindfolds, collars and ball gags and other ways to keep him from bringing them both to climax too soon. She got off on being in charge and he had always been exhilarated by the sheer heights of desire he could drive her to while being unable to move as freely as he'd like.

But he flinched when she brought her hands to his bare skin. Not a large reaction but not something either of them could deny having seen. To her credit, she didn't acknowledge the involuntary action beyond the blink of surprise she'd been unable to hide.

And then he discovered a deadness inside himself. Oh, he'd never been emotionally stimulated to much degree... had never been able to sympathize with the people who he was sent to hurt or kill. There had always been a piece of humanity missing from his soul and it had never bothered him in the least. If anything, it made it far easier to be who he was and do what he did. He'd seen the flashes of weakness in Spike from time to time and had counted himself lucky to not have to contend with those turbulent emotions. He experienced delight and disgust and plenty of other things, he had no need to experience the hassle of a conscience.

But there was a new emptiness within him now. He had thought himself immune to the brutality he had gone through on Titan but apparently not.

There was no more appetite within him for anything sexual. No pride in making Julia scream. No urge to find completion for himself.

Beyond that, he was now uncomfortable with physical contact of any sort. Her soft hands on his skin prickled like sandpaper and he was surprised that her palms didn't leave trails of blood to show where they'd lain on his body. Touch aversion, due to the near-constant contact he'd been made to endure by those plebeians?

How pathetic.

It ignited a fury within him. How ironic that they had been so worried about the madness a man could be driven to under the influence of Red Eye when the true danger had turned out to be their attempt to subjugate him. He found himself increasingly unsettled by his own inability to suppress his rage, and by his body's refusal to feel lust.

He knew it baffled Julia. Their animalistic union had once been a nightly occurrence whenever he wasn't on a mission. And now? He couldn't even stand to see her.

He had sat up in bed while she slept, discontent, and found he was unable to feel even the faintest stirring of longing for her. It was a slice of himself that he was not prepared to let go of yet. The thirst for this woman had been a source of such carnal pleasure for years... and now, to have to give up physical coupling just because there was no urge whatsoever? It was not by his choice and that made him bitterly upset.

Days passed in a haze of mounting frustration. Spike had been gone on another assignment and the Van had refused to put Vicious himself back to work yet.

She came to him in the darkness of the night, likely assuming that their first few attempts at joining together again had gone awry solely because he'd been gone for a while. She came to him gently at first, then tried to be commanding. He burned with the need to meet her demands, with the desire to be in charge of his own body's cravings. He was trembling, seething, at the block that existed between his previous hunger and his current... absolute lack. It went beyond a void because he could still not stand to have her touch him.

"Leave me alone!" He erupted at her when she approached him, nude and brandishing a crop.

Her eyes had flashed at him. She licked her lips once, not in a sensual manner but to give herself a moment of recovery.

"Why?" She implored.

(you’re the lump in my throat and the knot in my chest)

But he did not say these thoughts aloud. He chose to chastise her instead.

He sneered at her. "I do not need to offer you any explanation. I do not need you at all. Our time together is over. Find someone else to be your plaything as you seduce and bribe and cajole your way to the top. I will not suffer your presence in my company any longer."

Once they'd had similar goals. To carve a path to the Van itself and wrest authority of the Syndicate for themselves. They had designs in mind, subterfuge and blackmail and backstabbing. It wouldn't do to blaze a trail there while leaving ruin in your wake - the route Spike would no doubt take if he'd any mind for the future and for assuming control. Spike, for all his capabilities and cleverness, was not inspired to take responsibility of his own life let alone a powerful crime syndicate like the Red Dragons. Spike had always preferred being directed where to attack. He was a hurricane force that would do well as Vicious's second in command, rampaging wherever Vicious chose to send him. Julia, with all her beauty and cunning, would be invaluable as a way to infiltrate other syndicates. Her ability to steal into a room and draw attention was impressive, but moreso was her knack at operating behind the scenes and pulling people in this direction or that as if they were puppets to which she held the strings.

The dream didn't have to die. He could still usurp the Syndicate with Spike as his trusty and deadly right hand. Perhaps there could even be room for Julia at the top in that far away future. He had no intention of rushing this process, after all. Time would help deteriorate the grip of the Van on the other members, and time would give him the chance to assume their loyalty instead.

First, he had to cut himself off from the open wound that was his former relationship with Julia. He could not afford to indulge in the outrage that rose up every time he considered what had been taken from him. He had to accept the changes wrought and move forward coldly and callously. Every act the Van took was leading them further from the ruling force they had once been, and bringing Vicious closer to unleash a new wave of savagery upon this forsaken city.

He would rule it all one day, or else see it razed to the very dust.