And This Is It, Really. You. You Were My Teacher First, The Best Teacher I Ever Had. You Were My Teacher,

And this is it, really. You. You were my teacher first, the best teacher I ever had. You were my teacher, then my mentor, and eventually my best friend. My every good morning, my every goodnight. And here I am still learning at your feet, how to let you go.

Tarot

I don't think I would have ever truly let you go. One reason after another, malingering like a cancer in my soul; I may have moved on but I hadn't moved far enough.

I'm not a fool. I know I'll still mourn you. I know I'll still grieve. We had something amazing and we fucked it up royal.

I love you still. I miss you every day. But it's not worth it anymore. It's not worth sacrificing the peace I have with him, for the distress I feel with you.

It will take time (the hanged man said so). But just as in the beginning, there is no turning back now. My future (our future) doesn't have room for you.

Asked And Answered

I don't flinch when an ambulance goes by any more.

I stopped praying for you for a while, and I've recently started again. More than anything, I pray that you've found peace.

“I pray you’re ok. That it’s okay. I pray all the parts of you that I remember are still there. I pray that you’re happy. Even if it’s not with me.” - Iain Thomas

via @quotemadness

Deliveries

I got my crash cart today and I find myself recalling when you said you'd give me a set of MacIntosh blades, and it's cold in my throat as I think of asking you if I may still have them, when the pregnant girl walks through my door all soft voice and sweating forehead. Three questions, maybe four and she's sent directly to her doctor, it was simple as that yet I still wonder if you'd be proud of me.

Two steps back

It's been four months now, and I still expect at any moment for him to start laughing, declaring it the grandest of pranks.