Stream Of Conscious Writing - Tumblr Posts
Where Lies Come Home to Roost
Dreams are deceptive, he lays behind me and I twist my head back to ask what this is, but dreams are mealy mouthed spewing whatever I want to hear, and he kisses a tender peck on my lips and says can we just let it be this for right now? Because dreams are the most chameleon of liars, when I wake to an empty bed overflowing with unprocessed emotions.
Dreams are deceptive, while the reality is watching him cross a cold parking lot and knowing that even if he did see me, he's wishing he hadn't.
If You're Gonna be Petty
He got fat by the way.
Helpless Before Thee
Please God, I pray, just bring my lover home safe
Even though home isn't with me
Just please.
Parking Lot Romance
Yours is the name I whisper to the sunsets that take my breath away and to myself a hundred times a day when the emotion becomes so overwhelming that something has to escape my lips like a prayer like blasphemy like salvation and alleluia
alleluia
alleluia
Amen.
Friday 2241
I know it's just a panic attack and I know all the things I did wrong to bring it on but
fuck I just need someone to tell me I'm not going to die.
Metamorphosis
Tear me from limb to limb through skin and bone
to find yourself and come out renewed on the other side
while I wait for you.
I will wait for you.
Run
Maybe I can beat you out from under my skin like fat tears crying starve myself till my only thought is hunger pangs over shadowing my aching heart tendons
I need to run from your absence.
Wednesday 1339
I dreamed of you last night, I've no idea if it meant anything at all; but for a brief space of firing synapses we were happy.
Today you have not contacted me at all.
In Times of Trouble
I sit beside him waiting my turn for the needles and the ink
our words are casual theater in action the veneer polished to impress
but it's when he tries to kiss me
and kiss me
and kiss me
I wake up realizing I found the steel to tell him no.
The Anatomy of Jealousy
If I could stretch my fingers into tendrils across this table
interlaced intertwined the way I want to be with you burrowing seeking the source
through dermis and tissue at your throat till you swallow me as I have you uncounted times I will penetrate your heart so deeply embedded in your ventricles that you cannot live without the presence of me
and then no other can have you.
Monday 1955
We touch on it from time to time, and I tell you the same always: you've never given me false hope.
Except
you have.
Every time you tell me you're in love with me. Every time you tell me it's fading for her. Every time you tell me about the conflict in your soul, every time you claim me as yours;
hope flickers.
Tuesday 1343
I don't understand what's going wrong or how to fix it I'm losing you and I don't know why
Sunday 0001
To put a name on it, he is a what might have been, and now my childhood friend starts lingering at the edges of my mind, a dangerous habit as I've a tendency to fall for fantasies.
What might have been. I'll always wonder how it could have gone.
Monday 1332
I do not ever pray for you to leave her, oh no, I am too righteous for that; or superstitious, what have you.
I pray that you are happy. I pray that you find peace.
Most of all I pray that there is a resolution to this mess, sooner please, than later.
Thursday 1301
Every minute ticking by twists the knife a bit deeper.
Anything you can do I can do better, I can do rejection better than you.
WHERE ARE YOU YOU ARE ALL I HAVE
Saturday 1945
I can't breath without you.
Friday 1140
I dreamed of you last night, startled arms captured, you leaned in for a kiss
and I was yours.
Wednesday 2100
I woke with the feeling I had yelled at you, warranted or not I felt ashamed.
Tell me; if she weren't in the picture, would we still be?
Found Out About You
It's almost been a year and I should have moved on by now I know but my chest is a graveyard of undead feelings that rise at the most inconvenient of times.
My right flank itches with the irritability of a healing tattoo and my mind is harder in ways I never dreamed and my house is torn asunder yet still I smile, I laugh, brittle sharp and jagged as always and tomorrow-
Tomorrow...
Tomorrow I will see him. For the first time, in almost a year.