Drawing Inspired By This

drawing inspired by this

quote obviously by Nora Sakavic

Baz Pitch

i’m a villain-coded gay

Carry On/Wayward Son Playlist

Some of these are super obvious and people already always associated them with the books but maybe there’s some y’all didn’t know about. These are all just songs I personally associate with these books and thought I’d share it.

sweet creature - harry styles

how to save a life - the fray

secret love song - little mix

we might fall - ryan star

someone to you - banners

talk me down - troye sivan

teeth - 5 seconds of summer

eyelids - pvris

f*ck’n up - ryan star

one for the road - arctic monkeys

bite - troye sivan

too good - troye sivan

devil in me - halsey

unsteady - x ambassadors

when the darkness comes - colbie caillat

wild heart - beth crowley

the sound - the 1975

watch you sleep - girl in red

carry on - fun

into my arms - nick cave and the bad seeds, flood

young and beautiful - lana del rey

love in the dark - leroy sanchez

come out and play - billie eilish

brave - riley pearce

fire meet gasoline - sia

mary - big thief

bring me to life - evanescence

bohemian rhapsody - queen

asleep - the smiths

the light behind your eyes - my chemical romance

you’re special - nf

destiny - nf

unworthy - vancouver sleep clinic

restless soul - flor

you are enough - sleeping at last

carry on wayward son - kansas

love fool - the cardigans

lights up - harry styles

warm blood - flor

golden - harry styles

Aftg where everything is the same but Kevin always turns up Get’cha Head In The Game at night practice

Parsifal was a mood throughout the entire book tbh

Parsifal sitting in the bath tub wearing sunglasses is a fucking MOOD bitch

Something I posted on my Instagram yesterday:

— how my life has changed in 2019

So I promised to make a caption about this, and while I’m here right now listening to the Dear Evan Hansen Soundtrack and crying about it, I decided to finally write it all down. I have always been rather open about my private life on this account, because I like to be honest and true and I’d like people to know me as I truly am. One thing I mentioned a few times but never went into detail about is my mental condition. I have social anxiety and I’ve probably had it all my life (according to my parents) but it got worse during my early teenage years, due to a toxic friend (according to my therapist). I’ve only come to admit this condition to myself about two years prior. I got a therapist and I’ve been in therapy ever since with sessions every once in a while and it did help me a lot. What helped me even more though was a fresh start, which is what leads me to this year.

At the beginning of this year my ex boyfriend of two years broke up with me. I haven’t realized how much I attached myself to him and relied on him until I was truly on my own again, and god did it help me to get more independent and myself again. A few months later I graduated, so once again one chapter of my life that was behind me. I had to get into university. But before that I had months to find myself, and god did this summer make me happy and confident. I went to see my therapist more often again and he encouraged me to take more risks (risks as in talking to people more often, forcing myself out of my shell, take the anxiety with me and push through it) and I did. I also spend a lot of time reading and painting/drawing which helped me, too, because it calms my nerves and helps me escape my life for a bit.

University started and I knew no one. Awful conditions for someone with social anxiety, great for someone who’s fighting it. I’m still struggling with making friends to this day, but I am learning and I can see and appreciate the progress I’m making. I try to go out more often and take risks and text people even though I’m terrified. I try to go to people I know from class and talk to them, even if it’s just “hi” and honestly it makes me feel powerful, because finally I’m not just letting the fear push me down but instead I’m pushing back, fighting with all my might, even if that might is just a shy “hello, how are you today?”. I try to go out more often, to parties or even on dates or trips from my university. I show up to my classes and lectures as much as I can. I even go to the loo in the middle of class and raise my hand to participate even though I have only known my classmates for a few months instead of years. It’s baby steps, but it’s something. I’ve still got a long way to go but I’m working on it and I know eventually I will get there. This year is solid proof for that, and I’m so incredibly thankful for everything and everyone that helped me get where I am today.

Another thing that changed besides my anxiety is how I view myself. I used to dislike me and my looks like any broody teenager. I’ve grown up. I appreciate my body and everything it does for me. I try to keep it healthy and changed to a mainly plant based diet and go for a lot of long walks. I’ve lost a lot of weight through that, which is good if you keep in mind that I was on the cusp of being overweight for quite some time. I’m now a healthy average weight for my height. I feel so much better and more beautiful and healthy.

So as you see, a lot of things changed this year for the better for me and even though there was a lot of stress and anxiety and heartbreak, it was absolutely and completely worth it and I couldn’t be more grateful.

You will be found, hopefully, and most importantly, by yourself.