I Think Being Held And Comforted While I Cry In Their Arms And They Whisper Sweet Things Into My Ear

I think being held and comforted while I cry in their arms and they whisper sweet things into my ear would safe me.

Just the two of us, existing and feeling and letting it all go and being warm and not happy, not even okay, but better.

I just really need something to hold onto while I let go completely.

Me normally watching a YouTube video: :)

The video being about someone with my deadname: what the fuckk??? ○_○

Tw: sh and suicide

I'm gonna fucking cry. I am so sad and lonely and alone and hormonal.

I don't want to exist anymoreeeee.

I miss feeling whole. I miss sleeping. I miss everything.

Why do I feel so empty? Why do I need to cut myself open to feel whole? Why? WHYY?

Tw: slight mention of sh

I want to tell him how much he is improving my quality if life but I don't want to be annoying...

I fucking started sewing again?? I am making my own clothes and patches and I started studying again.

And it's okay. He even passively stopped me from relapsing soooo many times.

I see my wounds healing and I am okay-ish with it. He tells me I'm pretty. He tells me he likes me. And I kind of belive him.

I want to tell him all of that. I want to tell him that he is really helping me by just existing the way he is.

He makes me feel safe and protected and better.

Latin. I fucking hate Latin.

No, I actually don't, but I hate having to study it.

Why do I have to know the future infinitive passive?

What??? Why?

Tw: sh

Was just thinking about cutting open my chest and stomach and seeing the blood run out of me.

Really wanted to do it but I know taht I shouldn't so I tried finding reasons not to.

I couldn't find anything and cried into my hoodie and then BAM!

I remembered that I was wearing his t-shirt and it still smells like him and I just cuddled into it and cried and tried to calm myself.

It kinda worked, I didn't relapse yet