Introspective - Tumblr Posts
isn’t this beautiful? aren’t you glad you can see?
one of those things that's really striking and interesting to me is how often it's simply not addressed when discussing low approval Solas + inquisitor that Solas is, in many ways, acting out his role as the fantasy trickster god. he comes to you in a very humble format; an apostate mage elf, which in the social dynamic puts him veeeeery low on the podium. one of the first things he does in his first conversation is address the fact that HOPEFULLY, the Inquisition will remember who helped, and who did not -- because it is a very real possibility, again, in the context of the social dynamic, for him to be fucked over supremely by the inquisition -- to put him back into a circle, etc. once it's over. of course, Solas knows, and we the player know, that this will never happen, because he's Fen'Harel and such and such. but when interacting with him IN GAME? that social dynamic is vital to understanding why Solas acts the way he does around you. it's fairly easy to rack up approval--simply make the effort to consider a perspective other than your own, a perspective from someone who society has deemed very low (elven mage). slam him down and be belligerent? it only confirms that the leadership here is rooted once again in power hungry individuals who will step on the lowest classes for their own gain.
it's quite literally... fantasy trickster god testing the hero to see if they will treat the humblest person with kindness, or need to learn the error of their arrogance. solas APPROVES almost entirely of things that promote elven and mage freedom, helping the needy, freeing those who need freeing, not playing into being an arrogant leader. when you punch him, in the social dynamic, you are exerted an abuse of power and authority that now goes beyond the verbal, into the physical. could HE, if he were a simple elven mage, defend himself? no. because an elven mage hitting the leader of a holy army back could have him be put to the death. none of this excuses Solas' own flaws, his faulty reasons for his actions, etc. but like, taking into consideration the actual social structure of the game and what kind of power dynamics are going on here, it's necessary to UNDERSTAND the character and what kind of choice you make here, and how it all informs Solas' idea that either 1. he's wrong, this world has things worth saving, but he cannot diverge from his course, even if he on some level wants to be stopped, or 2. this world is just as terrible as the one he left behind, and it needs to be undone.
Anyway, people actually said they would like some character analysis posts, so I’m writing one. And it’s going to be about Carth.
Specifically, about why I believe Carth doesn’t really love Revan. I would like to preface it by saying that I am not trying to criticize anyone for liking the Revanasi ship. In this blog we believe everyone should be able to freely choose their favorite pairings! This is simply an analysis of the character’s behavior and dialogue in-game.
Keep reading
I never found a scar option in ME2 and ME 3 which might just mean I’m dumb but I like it better this way because its actually so fucked up to think about loseing your scar(s) in ME-2
Imagine being Shepard and stareing at your hands or forearms that dont look like yours anymore because that tiny faded scar from when you were six and cut yourself with the child safe scissors isnt there on your index finger.
The larger scar you dont remember the origin of doesnt rake across the back of your hand anymore. And the shiny rounded scar from where you tripped and chipped your shin-bone when you were 15 is gone too- along with all the divits and imperfections in the bones where you banged them learning to run from cops in the city or falling out of trees and jumping crates with your friends in the colonies.
Sure the bad ones are gone too. Scars from battles where you lost friends. Maybe the big scar on your shoulder doesnt ache on reentry anymore, and the scar on your cheek doesnt send phantom pains shooting through your face when you’re stressed. You’re commander Shepard. You’ve seen some pretty fucked up shit, not much rattles you.
But every time you look in the mirror you stare for an extra moment and try to decide if the unmarked skin you see there is even yours.
Will a body built by your enemies ever truly feel like more than a shell of you?
“If one is master of one thing and understands one thing well, one has at the same time, insight into and understanding of many things.”
—Vincent Van Gogh
3:45 am monologue
Sometimes I don't feel like part of humanity. More like a fake and empty emulator A mimic, unable to feel empathy
Sometimes, I fail to recognize myself in the mirror. Smiling and winking back at me, confused. Unsure what makes me so happy, a puzzle to be solved.
When I'm alone, the world dissolves into gray. No more observers; my essence is fixed in place. It's becoming difficult to avoid myself.
I keep repeating that everything will be okay. With what face do I claim? If I cannot keep myself awake For my dreams are nothing but dreadful recollections of past mistakes.
Afraid of everything, I live in despair. So much so that I forget to take a deep breath. Only unconsciousness allows me, briefly, to change the pace.
For those like me, I bid you farewell. Be your days better than the last sour taste. Don't forget to call them; they prefer you alive and sane.
We reinvent ourselves every time we're impacted by something, every time we watch something influential, ever time we have a meaningful conversation. We are constantly reinvention ourselves. We are not a puzzle to be put together or a vase to be painted and then fired, but a piece of clay that never goes dry, constantly being molded from day to day, hour to hour, second to second.
You ever see a pretty dress, a well-organised notebook, a peculiar balcony or read one line of poetry and get the overwhelming urge to reinvent yourself
Dumping random sketches from my phone done in Sketchbook. (I had a Note 9 with a pen) No real motivation to learn how to draw further due to AI so I'm just dumping some of the stuff I was working on so it doesn't feel like a total waste.
Someone told me about the cognitive bias form called “curse of knowledge” the other day and I’m obsessed w/ thinking about it.
The basic premise is that it is “when an individual, communicating with other individuals, unknowingly assumes that the others have the background to understand.” Or in other words, once you learn something, you can’t at all remember what it was like to not have that knowledge or context anymore. It creates gulfs between people who have different knowledge bases who are communicating.
This has come up for me in life SO MUCH around topics of abuse, boundaries, consent, and relationship dynamics. (All types of relationships, not just romantic.) I’ve read about and studied and dissected these things to death so it’s second nature for me to talk about it. Then, I will think that a friend and I have the same values of what’s abusive or acceptable.......but then later I learn that what they meant is totallyyyyy different than me.
Or when I bump into people who truly think that thin = healthy or who don’t understand what being trans is at even the most basic level. I’m like “Jesus this asshole is hopeless” and I no longer remember what it was like back when I very FIRST learned these concepts.
It’s one thing if someone is willfully ignorant or a proud bigot. But if someone is TRULY learning something new, they need the super super basics patiently available to them so they can get the knowledge you have...and then THAT could become a bridge between you.
This “curse” feels important for me to just bear in mind before I write people off. And to just not assume that someone else and I are talking about the same thing. Maybe it’s a case where they have knowledge I don’t.
What will happen to my Google photos when I die?
I am now sad about fog.
On a more serious note, I love this idea. Everything remembers. It ties in beautifully with a lot of the ideas behind Diane Duane’s Young Wizard series. What is Loved, Lives. And continents are loved. They support, shelter and feed all the beings that live on them. They maybe taken for granted sometimes, but they are loved.
fog is just a rlly big land ghost
it's been quite some time. so much emotion and movement happening, yet i still feel as though i've been at some standstill. waiting ... for what exactly? i wouldn't even begin to be able to utter the words to you. perhaps i'll use the most obvious excuse. that being, i've been running away from the idea of self -- whatever that should mean, better yet, look like.
these days, finding the time to unravel and weave the mingling thoughts that swim ferociously within my mind ... seem to be that of luxury. i crave to hide away so that i may find my thoughts and piece them up like once before.
there it was. there it is … the song of gloom filling the evening air. i can’t seem to figure out this particular feeling of sorrow. is it the motion of moving forward? moving on? i suppose the reality of our memories don’t seem to exist in these 66 seconds of her lullaby. my love for you re-emerges and the feelings of some beginning becomes suspended. here is where i find the love i buried deep within the earth — hidden furthest from you. her words become my own and my heart loses sight of the present moment. here is where i yearn for your companionship, missing the warmth of your presence
or rather the idea i orchestrated of you.
i once knew of love —
little one, how you have grown. how you have hurt. turning towards your sins - nurturing your rage.
i gaze upon the heart, allowing my face to rest against your punctured wounds. i weep, as you suffocate the seed of purpose. why must you run to the water? - do you search for the bottomless pit? in hopes that blu will become black and black consume your restless soul?
i awoke. thinking of your childlike presence. recalling the smile which shimmered in iridescent hues - overwhelming the lips, as laughter spewed beyond the spirit and into the air.
i recalled the mother who held her first born, rejoicing in tongues. mesmerized with love, as her reflection mirrored her in infancy. i recalled her … as my heart beats for you, thumping heavily.
dear friend, i suppose in your sadness you have not heard the opening of windows and the swinging of doors. i pray for your weakened heart and the bitterness which has wrapped your soul. might you ask the stars above for strength or have you forgotten? … purpose lingers at the draw of your breath.
nostalgia somehow always takes over
what’s the use in being in a relationship when you can’t artistically challenge yourself? i feel like lovers should naturally stimulate one another to constantly push forward.
Hi-
To be honest, I really struggle with self-doubt sometimes. And because of that, I’m always searching for some sort of praise to lift my spirits, even if it’s just for a minute. Because if I don’t, my criticism and thoughts slow me down, until I’ve dug a grave of negativity that I lay in, usually for weeks. And it’s just as hard to get out of that pit as it is to get your grades back up. And even though I get all this love and support from my family and you guys, most times, I distort those words of love into something that makes me think that I could have done better. I wholeheartedly believe that this message applies to most people, because it is only human that we put ourselves down, so that we can improve. And it’s inevitable. We can’t help it, we’re just wired that way.
Recently, I’ve really tried to let go of my perfectionism, and it’s been a struggle. For these things that I’ve been telling myself for years have been permanently cemented into my day to day thought process.
But it all leads to growth.
In some way or another, you and I will improve and change drastically. Albeit, a very long and slow process, if you’re able to look back today, and just take a moment, take a breath, and just think of all the things you’ve done, all the beautiful people you’ve met, all the culture you’ve witnessed….Though you may not think it, or feel it (I know I don’t), we are amazing. Truly graceful in what we are passionate about, and what we’re capable of doing well. Please, take this message and remind yourself as much as you can, that you actually are enough. You’re right where you need to be.
You are right where you need to be.
