I Am Done. My Mum, While We Were Coming Back From The Stable, Decided To Talk With Me About My Cuts And

I am done. My mum, while we were coming back from the stable, decided to talk with me about my cuts and sh so she parked the car somewhere and said "Tell me honestly, do you still cut yourself ? You know that your cutting is so hard for me to handle."

I said that I stopped cutting (what is a lie)

She "You've changed, I can see it and I think you still cut yourself."

"No, I don't."

"Can you please give me your every blade and razor?"

"Sure"

"You won't hide any?"

"No" (ofc I did)

"It's so hard for me to handle your cutting."

I don't think I've changed but okay....I will give her my blades but I've already hid few. But my mood ? Totally dropped....I don't know anymore....

I am with my "parents" by the sea and I got into the water with my "mum" but there were so many jellyfish and I got scared. I touched it by accident and there were around me and I was shaking...

And my "mum" ?

She was laughing and joking about me being scared

Nice

I'll start school tomorrow, new school because it's university but I don't want to....

I feel bad and I know school will make it worse

I am scared that I screw school

That I fail classes

That I be the worse

I don't want to go

Why the fuck my plushie smells like a fucking men's perfume when I was the only one who slept with it ? And I just came back from my holiday and plushie was with me ?

Da fuck ?

It's not like I mind it but how ?

I'm on a holiday trip with my "parents" and here are horses and as I horse rider I am I am helping kids. And when we were waiting yesterday for an owner to come and start the lesson one kid looked at my barcode-arms and asked "What happened to your arms ?"

I said "Oh, that's nothing."

Other kid, older one, said "Did the cat from this morning did it ?" (In the morning I'd put a cat on my shoulder to keep it away from the dog and the owner said to be careful because it might scratch me )

I ofc said no and we didn't continue the conversation but kids are kinds intelligent....they sometimes think

I can't sleep after this conversation with my friend....I don't know if I should sleep

What if she does something while I'll be sleeping ?

I don't know