I Am Done. My Mum, While We Were Coming Back From The Stable, Decided To Talk With Me About My Cuts And

I am done. My mum, while we were coming back from the stable, decided to talk with me about my cuts and sh so she parked the car somewhere and said "Tell me honestly, do you still cut yourself ? You know that your cutting is so hard for me to handle."

I said that I stopped cutting (what is a lie)

She "You've changed, I can see it and I think you still cut yourself."

"No, I don't."

"Can you please give me your every blade and razor?"

"Sure"

"You won't hide any?"

"No" (ofc I did)

"It's so hard for me to handle your cutting."

I don't think I've changed but okay....I will give her my blades but I've already hid few. But my mood ? Totally dropped....I don't know anymore....

Hah.....I just had a talk (not on purpose) with my "parents" about being hit and my "mum" don't remember any of the situations....

What the fuck "mum" ? You were there at least once

I'll start school tomorrow, new school because it's university but I don't want to....

I feel bad and I know school will make it worse

I am scared that I screw school

That I fail classes

That I be the worse

I don't want to go

I'm ill now

I have a high fever, hard af headache and sore throat

I've lost consciousness for a minute and fell on the floor

And my synesthesia is working hard, every turn on the bed is different colour or an objecte

Why the fuck my plushie smells like a fucking men's perfume when I was the only one who slept with it ? And I just came back from my holiday and plushie was with me ?

Da fuck ?

It's not like I mind it but how ?

My dad telling me that he weights less than anyone in our household when his weight is only 0,5kg less than mine.....

Wow dad....so mature