Do You Ever Have That Longing When All You Want Is To Go Home And Be Hugged By The Person Who Makes It

Do you ever have that longing when all you want is to go home and be hugged by the person who makes it all feel better but then your stomach drops because you realise that you can’t picture where you want to go or who you want to be hugged by??

No? Just me?

Post-fall Hannigram needs to be Will running up to Hannibal snapping this photo and then sending it to Jack for no reason but to tease him.

Like just every year on the anniversary of their fall he gets a post card:

The year Will sends this Jack retires:

I went outside for the first time in over a month!

I've missed the outdoors so much. Everything is so beautiful. I actually had to close my eyes and breathe in multiple times because it's so overwhelmingly gorgeous out there.

There was water and ducks and trees and dogs and sun and insects and plants and wind and clouds and sky!

I've missed it all so much and I know it'll probably be another month before I get out again so I'm trying to savour the memory right now.

Me being fine after talking about traumatising stuff:

Therapist: oh cool! It seems talking things out works for you

Me being fine after rediscovering trauma:

Therapist: okay this is a bit weird

Me continuing to be fine during every therapy session since the beginning with no large shifts in mood:

Therapist: goddammit you're dissociating aren't you

I think the reason why people want to know what's "wrong" with disabled people is because they want to reassure themselves.

They want you to say you were in a horrific accident or that you have a well known and treatable disease because they think they can stop it happening to them.

They think their health is a given because they aren't a dangerous driver/ an alcoholic/a drug user/obese/an unhealthy eater etc. Obviously this isn't true but it's easier for them to think of it like that.

Until one day they meet someone who did nothing. They're not really asking "what's wrong with you". They're asking "what went wrong" because they think they can avoid it.

So when they meet someone who made all the right choices, who was healthy, who was safe and one day woke up sick and never got better, it scares them because some part of them realises that it could happen to them.

They can exercise and eat a balanced diet and be as careful as possible and it doesn't do a thing and they can't do a thing about it. That terrifies able bodied people.

People like to look for something or someone to blame and they hate it when there's nothing there.

Hello! If you don't mind me asking: Whoever wants to answer, what does 'endo' mean?/genq. I'm assuming it's something that, if searched up in Tumblr, won't yield 'nice' results (as in, it would come up with discourse blogs or something along the lines of that.) I'm not looking for an argument, I'm just curious/gen as I've seen the term floating about, but I'm not sure what it means.

Thanks if you answer, no problem at all if you don't/won't! :D/gen Have a nice day

Hi! Endo is short for endogenic system. An endogenic system is one that exists without DID. There's a lot of discourse as to whether you can be plural without being disordered (ie having DID, OSDD, UDD etc). Personally, we don't think we know enough about the topic to definitively say whether we think it's possible or not. Some people very strongly think it is possible and some very strongly think it isn't.

Discourse around the topic is harsh from both sides so I'd advise you to try and stay out of it and form your own opinion!

Endogenic systems sometimes use other terms to describe themselves like multigenic or mixed origin. Multigenic means they think they formed for multiple reasons and are multiple types of "genic". Mixed origin means they think they formed from both trauma and endogenic reasons. There are also BPDgenic and MDDgenic which are terms referring to the idea that the system formed because of another disorder.

Another term you might hear is traumagenic. A traumagenic system is one that formed from trauma. The vast majority of the time they have a dissociative disorder.

If we're going even deeper, there's something called tulpa. The term tulpa originates from an Asian background (Buddhist I think) and refers to purposefully creating an alternate identity. There is a lot of talk about whether it's cultural appropriation for non-asian people to use this term. We believe that this is a closed practice and people without Asian origin shouldn't be using the term tulpa but not everyone agrees.

There are also traumagenic systems who use endogenic to refer to a specific alter who they feel didn't split because of trauma.

On top of that (and I know this is getting long) there are endogenic systems who believe that they are disordered without having a dissociative disorder or a system that formed because of another disorder. Our personal opinion on this is that it's offensive and that endogenic systems are not disordered. However, we might be wrong and I encourage you to come to a conclusion on your own.

That's everything we can think of right now but feel free to ask more /gen! Take care of yourself because discourse can be rough.

:D