Hurting Those Who Hurt You Will Not Solve Anything

“Hurting those who hurt you will not solve anything”

Maybe not but fantasising about it will solve my urge to punch a wall

It goes really really really fuzzy (usually gradually but sometimes not) and then when the fuzziness fades and I feel like my brain is clear again x amount of time has passed and x has been fronting for however long

Open ended question for other systems: how does it feel for you when you're not the one fronting?

the Study of Wild Narcissists (accurate version)

Reporter: And here we see the narcissist in its natural habitat. This creature is nervous and easily startled so we approach it carefully.

Reporter: When approaching your narcissist, make sure to appear unthreatening and friendly. Extend a hand and give it a compliment or ten. Let it know it can trust you and it’s appreciated.

Reporter: Once the narcissist is comfortable with you, make sure to keep reminding it that you are not a predator. Whilst displaying as predators, many narcissists have the instinct of prey. Be gentle and patient.

the Study of Wild Narcissists (ableist version)

Reporter: Oh my god! It’s a wild narcissist! I bet it was stalking me. We need to scare it off. Quick, charge at it!

Reporter *wielding a stick*: It’s growling at me! Do you see that? What a vicious and evil creature… I’m going to prod it and see what happens.

Reporter: It’s attacking! What an unfair and unexpected reaction! We should have done more research on how to kill it!

Reporter: Oh, wait. False alarm, guys. That wasn’t a narcissist. That was a random, slightly mean creature. Damn, this is the fifth time that’s happened.

Reporter:

Reporter: But what’s that over there? Is ThAt A nArCiSsIsT?

I wasn’t brave or a survivor or anything like that.

I was scared. I was so fucking scared.

Sometimes I find it great that I have low/no empathy and "doesn't care" that much about people since I don't have to spend energy trying to manage feeling other people's emotions and use said energy to do something actually substantial, such as actually fucking helping said person

Sometimes it's just... kind of horrible... Everyone expects you to have a "normal" amount of empathy and puts words into your mouth about how you're supposed to "feel other people's emotions" and "feel grief over other people's suffering" or else you're a "bad" person. Like yeah, I am helping this person because if I have to hear them complain one more time I'll fucking lose it, but I still helped them. Does that make me a bad person? No, get a fucking grip

Hot take but manipulation isn’t a bad thing.

The entire premise of society is based on manipulation. When a child is crying or angry, you might give them some chocolate to make them stop. That is manipulation. When you want a promotion, you might try suck up to your boss and work harder than usual. That is manipulation. Favours are basically acknowledged and welcomed manipulation. The whole thing is about doing something for someone so they can do something for you.

Society wouldn’t function without manipulation. It’s only when people talk about the functions of society for what they are that people don’t like it.