My Mom Is Binging

my mom is binging

anyway here's one of my fav thinspo

as a young girl I had imaginary friends. as an adult I have an imaginary Russian ballet instructor who shames me for eating and makes me workout for 2 hours a day.

am I the only one that hates mascara? you can never get it off, it flakes during the day, it melts in hot weather or if your eyes are watery (my eyes are super watery)

when I was younger I used to be addicted to mascara, I literally used to wear it every day at school (with other makeup too, but if I didn't have the time I would have definitely put mascara on at least)

It's because I used to think that I'm ugly and that my lips are too small for any lip products that is not lip balm, but as I grow up I realized that I look so much better and cleaner without any kind of eye makeup

and believe it or not it had a little impact on my mental state: everyday I was in a rush and I always used to mess it up, I used to have literal breakdowns because I was running late and I couldn't put on mascara properly, and at night it was a pain in the ass to take off. and my whole self esteem was attached to it, for some reason in my head if I wore mascara I would have looked a lot better.

I love my makeup routine now (even if I want to make it smaller) especially because it doesn't have mascara. oh and I love love loove lip products now <3

yes, I still think that my lips are small (I will get injections in the future :p) but lip liner and lip oil help so much, now if I have to leave the house and I don't want to wear makeup I always have my little lip combo moment that I love sooo much (I use essence 8h matte lip liner in the shade 04 and the essence cranberry oil (that is sadly out of production)) and absolutely no mascara never ever again in my whole life

and before anyone says that this is a metaphor, no it's not I really just hate mascara

thank you for making it this far, I hope somebody actually appreciates my little silly talk

TW: ED Rant

I absolutely hate what I've done to myself. I was so, so close to being the smallest weight I've been since middle school. I was seeing so much progress on such short time. And now I'm heavier than my highest weight I've ever been in my life. God, I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I just can't stop shoveling absolute garbage into my mouth. My body looks grotesque now. I don't even know what I'm looking at when I look in the mirror. I'm a fat fucking pig who deserves absolutely nothing.

Tomorrow is my little brother's birthday party and I know I'll hate what I wear because it won't even matter the outfit I choose cause my body is fat and nothing will look good on me and there'll be so much food and candy and cake but I won't eat it. I'm done feeling this way I'll get a job soon and I'll get to skip all the meals I want, just like I did before. And I'll try even harder this time I'll restrict even more

(not my pic)

I've been thru so much, I fucking deserve to be skinny

day 4 ✅

tomorrow I will start this diet plan 🩷