I Got A Gym Membership Right... I Started Running On The Treadmill Right... TELL ME WHY THE TREDMILL

i got a gym membership right... i started running on the treadmill right... TELL ME WHY THE TREDMILL HAD A SCALE!?, brotha wtffff it weighted me AS I WAS RUNNING! and i was like omg wtffffff done clocked me WHY AM I SO BIG! bro biggest fucking motivator ever i saw that and started sprinting because oh hellllllll naaaaahhhhhhhhh-

fuck i hate myself so much... gonna be skinny one day fr

no literally, like if the number isn't going down, is it really an 3d?

sometimes I feel like my 3d isn't real lol. I feel that if I don't stop eating then It's not real, even when im fasting or only eating like 500 cals. It's not real, or at least i don't think it is

finally got a gym membership friends ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

this is kinda just a rant for myself. seasonal depression has got me so fucked up, i've been masking it pretty well, but damn everyone's comments on my body have really been getting too me lately.

"you look so tired'

'you look like youre gonna burst out crying any minute from now'

'youre so fat, when are you gonna stop eating fatty'

idk i think imma start just wearing baggy ass clothes and try to 'hide' myself, like idc if the baggy clothes makes me look fatter. i just wanna sweat off as much water weight as possible aesthetics dont matter rn when i am this big. just gonna go around with no make up on and live my life. get my steps in. aad try to loose weight. loose so much weight that i have people asking me 'omg how did you do it?' 'omg are you okay, you look so sick!' idk maybe that's just wishful thinking i hightly doubt anyone would notice. but hey a girl ccan dream and i am gonna keep on going until i finally get where i need to be.

FRESHMAN FIFTEEN STAY TF AWAY FROM MEEEEEE

typing my feelings here, so i don't binge eat later. i am sooo stressed out with college rn, i have major exams coming up and so much studying and i feel sooo overwhelmed. i am already 100 cals over my calorie limit!!! i just feel like binging and making myself 'feel better' in that way but i know imma regret it and start crying later about how much i hate my body if i did that. the only thing thats keeping me from binging is how fat and disgusting i am, like i dont wanna grow any bigger so i am just telling myself that so i dont start binging like crazy.