Bonded

Bonded

Harry/Draco, Pansy/Hermione

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35392933/chapters/88219483

Summary: Harry gets assigned the most boring Auror case in the world with the most horrible partner. Featuring a certain blonde nemesis, ancient magic bonds, a dragon, and a little too much Pansy/Hermione love (in Harry’s opinion).

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 

Chapter 3 

Harry awakes to the sound of metal doors clanging open and Pansy Parkinson's shrill voice yelling “What the hell!”

He blinks his eyes open and looks up dazedly to find Hermione and Pansy glaring at him with their arms crossed looking scarily similar.

Pansy strides up to them and grabs Draco by his collar, waking him up. Before he can even open his eyes she’s berating him, “How could you do something this dangerous Draco! I told you the tunnels were dangerous when you asked me about them?! And you wonder why Shakleboldt says you go on suicide missions?!”

“Ha! I told you Malfoy goes on suicide missions.” Harrys says to Hermione before meeting the steal in her eyes and thinking that perhaps now is not a time for jokes.

“Yes Harry but you’re on one too right now.” Hermione says looking pointed furious and glaring around the room.”

Suddenly the room grows quiet as both Pansy and Hermione’s gazes fall on their clasped hands at once. They exchange startled glances before Pansy glares at Harry.

“So what's this then Draco?” She speaks icily, gesturing to the bloody hands between them.

“Um, we’re in a weak magic zone so we combined magic for Harry to cast.” Draco looks chagrined.

“I did wonder about the dragon.” Pansy says haughtily looking a little relieved.

“Can you pull apart your hands now?” Hermione asks carefully, “I think we should get a look at your injuries.”

Harry meets Draco’s eyes startled that neither of them had thought to check their hands earlier and finds Draco looking equally confused. “Yeah sure”

They slowly pull their hands apart.

Hermione gasps.

Pansy says, “What the hell.” This time softer and a little awestruck.

Harry looks across at Draco’s face and watches the flickering blue light dance across it. He looks otherworldly and Harry just barely holds himself back from caressing his cheek. Instead he looks down focusing on the glowing blue lines etched across their palms and does his best to look concerned.

“What is this?” He asks softly, voice wavering as he watches Pansy and Hermione watch them.

“Draco, how did you bond your magic exactly?” Hermione says tentatively, never taking her gaze away from Harry’s face.

Draco explains the process and Harry tries to listen but he’s distracted by blue light reflecting in the depths of his grey eyes.

“Harry?” Hermione startles him and he breaks his gaze turning back to her. “Sorry what?”

“I’ve read about this sort of thing. It was common for wizards to share power in the medieval ages in order to fight bigger magical beasts. If I’m correct the glowing only happens in the dark and should fade over time. Your scar holds a bit of Draco’s magic and vice versa. I think if you hold hands you should be able to continue to share magic. It might tire you out though.” She cautions looking carefully between them. “I wouldn’t use it again unless you’re in a life or death situation.”

Harry looks across at Draco and finds his uncertainty mirrored.

Then Draco starts to look a bit cheerful. “You’re saying I’ve bonded magic with the Savior of the Wizarding world?”

Hermione nods at him confused.

“Aha!” He cackles. “This is great now, Shaklebodt can never fire me.”

“Our magic is bonded maybe forever and all you can think about is getting to keep your job?” Harry glances at Hermione who is glancing across at Pansy and finds them to be just as perplexed as he is.

“You’ve got to learn to look on the bright side of these things.” Draco says looking affronted. “I mean think of all the things we can do. “We have enough power to fight dragons.”

“You can’t actually use it for those things.” Hermione cautions. “If people find out about this type of bonding everyone will be doing it. It’ll cause power imbalances. In fact,” She sniffs. “It’s very dangerous. We’ll have to hope it fades.”

“Way to spoil the fun Granger.” Draco makes a face at her childishly.

“It’s important you know the details.” Pansy admonishes him, sharing a glance with Hermione.

The four of them tramp through the tunnel and back into the lobby. Hermione and Pansy insist that they report their magical development to Shacklebolt which makes Harry and Draco moan and groan and drag their feet across the marble floor.

Hermione and Pansy walk them all the way to his office door like untrustworthy little jailers and invite themselves into the meeting. Harry and Draco make childish faces at them every time they turn their backs until Shacklebolt catches them and asks if their bond has caused facial twitching. Harry and Draco pretend not to know what he means.

~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe he kicked us off the safest, most boring Auror case ever.” Harry says when they’ve been ejected back into the hallway and the heavy oak door has slammed behind them.

“It’s important that they observe your magic for a couple weeks to make sure it’s still stable” Hermione sniffs at him sounding haughty. Harry starts to think Pansy is rubbing off on her.

“So we just have to sit around in our offices doing nothing for two weeks?” Harry asks grumpily.

“No. Shakleboldt said you’re going straight to St. Mungos for a couple hours of observation and then they’re making you do magical testing every weekday to make sure your magic is still fine.” Pansy states flatly looking at him with mild concern. “Do you have hearing problems? He just told us this during the meeting.”

“Ha!” Draco says, sounding hysterically amused. “I told you. You never listen to anything Shakeboldt says Harry.”

“I have more important things to think about.” Harry says dramatically quickening his pace down the corridor.

They break off from Pansy and Hermione towards the floos and Hermione calls after them “Don’t forget to meet us at Dragon's Lair when Mungos releases you! Its pub night after all.”

Huh, it is Friday Harry ponders as he steps into the floo beside Draco.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The healers at Mungos take them into a small room eager to poke and prod them with spells. They cast diagnostic after diagnostic, picking at the golden and blue strands of their magic until Harry and Draco are looking at them blurry eyed with boredom only pausing to roll their eyes at each other periodically. Finally after an hour of tests the healers proclaim their magic “stable for now” and click the door behind them leaving Harry and Draco alone in the blinding white room to wait out the last three hours of their observation.

“And I thought our case couldn’t get more boring.” Harry mutters staring at the medical posters splayed across the walls.

“I wish I had my ministry model to work on.” Draco says echoing his sentiment as he kicks his legs back and forth off of the examining table.

“This is such a waste of time” Harry grumbles getting up to look at the medical tools on the counter.

“Should we try our new powers?” Draco says, cocking an eyebrow at him.

“Why not?” Harry steps closer until he’s facing Draco who’s still perched on the examining table. Stealing himself he moves in until he’s bracketed by Draco’s legs and extends his hand towards him.

Draco hesitantly reaches his own hand forward. Gently placing it down across Harry’s palm.

Their scars touch and the air around them starts to crackle like fireworks. The heat of their palms draws them in. Unknowingly they shift closer. Harry’s other palm comes to Draco’s waist and they lean into the dense sparkling warmth of each other's bodies.

Harry find himself hypnotized as the gentle gray of Draco’s eyes swirl before him. He leans in and watches as Draco’s eyelids flutter.

Suddenly Draco is shifting against him and Harry leans in further before he realizes that Draco is trying to shove him away. He stumbles, feet tripping over each other until his back hits the wall behind him. As he becomes aware of his surroundings he realizes that his clothes are smoldering.

“I… Um. Sorry” he spits out taking in the shaken expression that’s fallen across Draco’s pale face.

“Its uh, It’s alright.” Draco stumbles over his words, flustered “Should we maybe try touching again without our scars touching? To make sure it’s them causing this?” Draco suggests hesitantly. “Er okay,” Harry steps nervously forward and extends his other hand. He hopes Draco doesn’t notice he’s shaking slightly.

When Draco slips his long slender finger through Harry’s shorter brown ones the rushing heat fills Harry's head once again. He looks up and is captured by Draco’s gaze. His tongue flits over his lips and he’s about to give in, letting himself fall over the precipice that is Draco’s warmth when he realizes that Draco’s face is coached perfectly blank and his eyes are cold.

His heart drops to his stomach. He realizes maybe Draco doesn’t feel what he feels so he shoves his feeling into the back of his head and steals himself to pretend. He glances back into those beautiful grey eyes with a challenging expression and wills himself not to feel. It works, he thinks because Draco drops his hand as if he’s been stung.

“Well good.” Draco says flatly. “Looks like it only happens when our scars touch.We’ll just have to avoid that whenever possible.”

Harry spends the rest of their time at St Mungo's feeling shell shocked and empty. He studiously ignores the way Draco’s hair falls in soft waves against his neck and the way his heart expands when Draco gets excited explaining the next phase of his cardboard model.

Harry wonders when he started noticing these things about the blonde man in front of him and can’t quite place it. He wonders if it happened when he first tumbled off of the library shelves and Draco was on the ground waiting for him, arms extended. He wonders if it was during the fight that had cracked his scar open onto Draco’s desk, when he’d first realized Draco looked like an angel.

He wonders how he hadn’t realized it. How Draco had snuck up on him and made him feel like this. Sudden anger hits him like a sucker punch. His world is on fire and he’s burning with it. Draco shouldn’t be allowed to make him feel like this. Draco, his nemesis. Draco, bonded to him through ancient magic. Draco, who goes from sullen to cheerful with the flick of a switch.

Suddenly Harry can’t trust himself in a room with Draco. He clenches his fists, tries to breathe but within seconds he’s standing and snatching his wand from the counter beside them. Without a word he turns to the door and storms out.

Harry wanders the cold winter streets until his hands go numb and his cheeks are red against his tanned skin. He watches as his boots leave crisp prints in the snow and wishes that somehow things could be easy.

Eventually the sun dips low on the horizon and the sky darkens. When the street lamps around him click on he decides it’s time to head home.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry steps into the sitting room to find Hermione waiting for him. She’s dressed in going out clothes. A skin tight green dress and high heels, her dark velvety robes draped over her shoulders like the night sky. “Well you took forever.” She snorts, turning towards him, arms crossed firmly over her chest. “You remember its pub night tonight?”

“I needed some time to think.”

She continues as if he hasn’t even opened his mouth.“You know I really thought working with Malfoy would be good for you. Wake you up a bit, give you a new perspective. But instead I find myself increasingly unsurprised to find you acting like it’s sixth year again. I mean come on Harry. Walking out of a medical supervision period? Risking your life instead of sitting peacefully in a room with Malfoy is completely insane.”

Harry rocks back on his heels and keeps his mouth shut. It’s completely unhelpful to do anything other than agree with Hermione when she’s in a ranting mood.

“And Kingsley’s already owled to say he’s forgiven you. How does that man expect you to grow up when he keeps supporting this immaturity?!” She throws her hands up in the arm exasperated.

“Sorry ‘Mione I know I shouldn’t have” Harry mumbles throwing himself down into one of the armchairs. “Being bonded to my nemesis was a lot to handle and I needed some air.”

Hermione looks at him suspiciously and he can tell she doesn’t buy his explanation. She sighs and sits next to him. “I know it’s a lot to handle Harry and I’m sorry for berating you. I just wish you and Draco could figure things out as easily as me and Pansy have. I mean I can’t believe we weren’t friends earlier.”

“Being friends with Draco is never going to be that easy.”

“It might, you never know.”

Harry tries to picture being friends with Draco Malfoy but all he can think about is the hot heat in the examining room and his tanned palms against long pale fingers.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry arrives at pub night and marches through the crowd straight towards Hermione’s tousled curls.

“Look I’m here, just as I promised.” He says as cheerfully as he can muster before looking down and doing a double take.

“Um.” He pauses searching for words. “Are you two holding hands?”

“Yes.” Pansy responds serenely, lifting their clasped hands and pushing them into his face.

“Would you like a drink Harry?” Hermione asks swiftly, a light blush coloring her cheeks.

Before Harry can even respond she’s shoving a large blue cocktail into his hand. “We have some extras, a man kept sending drinks to Pansy.”

“What can I say? I'm irresistible.” Pansy grins unapologetically across at Hermione.

“Yes, and now we have all these drinks to show for it.” Harry notices that Hermione is slurring her words slightly as she gestures to the array of brightly colored drinks on the table. “Ginny and Theo have claimed those purple ones but all the others are up for grabs.

Harry glances out onto the dance floor and notices Theo and Ginny laughing heads thrown back as they twirl each other through the colored lights of the dance floor.

“I know you’re plying me with drinks to distract me from the hand holding Hermione” He says suddenly feeling a whole lot happier. “And to be frank, I’m so exhausted from the day I’ve had, it’s working. So cheers.” He holds up the bright blue cocktail and clicks it against her glass before lifting it to his lips and downing the whole thing in one go.

He’s wiping his lips and gasping for breath in recovery when he spots a head of white blond hair pushing through the crown towards them. His stomach immediately drops and sends him into a massive coughing fit.

“For god's sake get it together Potter. We’re in public and people are looking” Pansy hisses stepping on his foot.

He takes a deep breath and is finally calming the tickle in his throat when Draco reaches them.

“Pansy!” He calls warmly wrapping her and Hermione into a hug.

“Hullo Potter.” He says flatly as he pulls away. “Fancy seeing you here after you walked out on me. You know that examination was incredibly boring for the last two hours.” His gray eyes are dark and steely as he glares at Harry. Harry finds himself having a hard time glancing away just the same.

“Sorry I um had to do something.”

“Oh very convincing Potter.” Draco sneers sitting down at their booth.

They fall silent for a while listening to Hermione and Pansy chat about ministry affairs. Harry settles about drinking the array of drinks in rainbow order.

He’s started on his yellow drink when Hermione excuses herself to the bathroom.

“So Pansy, what did you do to convince that man to keep sending you drinks?” Draco draws, ignoring Harry completely.

“Oh. I bribed him obviously” Pansy responds dismissively, reaching for a new drink.

“What? Why would you bribe him?” Harry breaks through their conversation and from both of their startled looks he can tell they’d forgotten he was there.

“Well don’t tell ‘Mione obviously but I was trying to make her jealous.” Pansy confesses sticking her nose in the air. “Obviously it worked. I'm incredibly genius.”

“That you are.” Draco’s eyes are soft with fondness as he claps Pansy on her shoulder. Harry finds himself distracted, wishing Draco would look at him like that.

“What do you mean why would you try and make her jealous?” Harry stumbles shocked as things start to make sense.

“Oh I think you know Potter.” Draco winks across at him and Harry realizes that Draco must have known about Pansy and Hermione before tonight.

“You knew about this?!” He spits staring Draco down in what he hopes is a menacing manner.

“Obviously” Draco drawls. “How could you not know? It was right in front of your face.”

Harry stomps on Draco’s foot under the table and is about to respond when Theo and Ginny come crashing down onto the bench next to him.

“Hey everyone!” Theo calls to the table, swinging his arm around Harry’s shoulder and leaning in.

“I saw that handholding.” Ginny taunts Pansy as she reaches for her purple drink draining it quickly.

“Did everyone know about this but me?” Harry asks, glaring at his friends (and his arch nemesis) ((and Pansy who he guesses is his friend but it seems a little complicated. Especially if she’s keeping secrets)).

“You know we might not be able to be friends if you’re keeping secrets from me.” He admonishes Pansy.

“The only person I told is Draco,” Pansy huffs prissily. “The rest of them must have figured it out by themselves.”

“It was pretty obvious when we walked in on them cuddling on the coach last week.” Theo adds grinning at Pansy.

“I had a freak out at first but they actually make a lot of sense together.” Ginny interjects quickly. “But don’t tell Ron I said that he’d have a cow.”

Harry wishes Ron was here at least then someone would be as oblivious as he was. Then he thinks about the way Ron had thrown two of his favorite chairs across the room the first time Hermione had gone on a date after their breakup and realizes that this is the first time he’s actually been glad Ron’s gone.

“Well we all know I’m a thousand times better than Ron.” Pansy proclaims looking quite proud.

Harry is startled to find himself agreeing with her. He’d always been confused about how Ron and Hermione worked together. They were both so focused on different things and Ron never paid attention when Hermione talked about work which she passionately cared about. He thinks back to the couple of times he’s seen Pansy and Hermione together the last few weeks and realizes that Hermione's seemed a lot happier. Good for her for finding someone who makes her happy, he decides.

“I think you do make Hermione quite happy.” He states glancing across to Pansy, extending his olive branch. He’s startled to watch a bright grin spread across her face.

“Well look at that!” She giggles in a startlingly un-Pansylike way “the Savior has declared his acceptance. I really must be a thousand times better than Ron.”

Harry winces, in that moment he’s never been more glad that Ron is out of the country.

“You’re making it sound like Potter's approval is worth more than mine.” Draco whines, setting his green drink down onto the table.

“Yes.” Pansy responds primly. “That’s because he’s famous and world renowned and Hermione's best friend.”

“I’m famous and world renowned.” Draco shoots back at her lazily stirring his drink.

“Famous for working with an evil sociopath.” Pansy retorts haughtily.

“Well we can’t all be born the chosen one.” Draco shoots a glare across the table at Harry but this time it’s softer, almost playful and Harry can’t bring himself to glare back. Instead he shoots a lopsided smile back at his nemesis. Draco blanches and breaks eye contact quickly looking down at the sticky table in front of him.

At that moment Hermione’s heels click up to the table and she slides back into her seat next to Pansy. The table falls silent and Hermione looks around suspiciously. “Okay so what did I miss?”

“Potter was just saying he thinks I make you quite happy.” Pansy says her unnatural grin pouring across her face a second time.

“Oh, was he?” Hermione looks flustered and quickly picks up a red cocktail sipping it as her cheeks start to blush.

“I was.” Harry says looking at the two women across from him with warmth in his eyes. Hermione deserves happiness after all she’s gone through and if she’s found it with prickly aristocratic Pansy he’s going to support it. Yeah Pansy can be overdramatic but she’s also quite funny and recently he’s found himself warming up to the cold cutting charm of the Slytherins.

“Well good.” Hermione looks pleased and she scootches closer to Pansy pressing a peck to her cheek.

Theo, Ginny and Draco immediately wolf whistle at them startling Harry but he joins in when they start to applaud.

Pansy pulls away looking sour. “Now look at what you’ve done! everyone’s looking.” She turns toward Hermione looking for support in her reprimanding but Hermione has lost it giggling over her drink, her head falling to Pansy’s shoulder. Pansy softens and brings her hand up to card through Hermione’s curls.

Watching them, Harry's stomach curls. It takes him a second to recognize the feeling as jealousy. He wants what they have so badly it aches. He tries to distract himself glancing around the table to his other friends but his eyes catch on a flicker of gray and suddenly he’s staring into Draco’s eyes; it only makes the pain in his stomach worse.

Without thinking he drains his drink and stands up. “Alright, does anyone want to dance?” He tries to sound as cheerful and unsuspicious as possible.

Hermione immediately glares at him suspiciously.

“Yes!” Ginny and Theo cheer immediately. They’re always up for a rambunctious romp around the dance floor.

“Looks like Harry’s quite drunk already.” Theo says teasingly as he pushes himself up from the table wiggling his eyebrows at him. “Takes quite a bit of drink to get this one moving.”

Harry stands up from the table and finds his legs already feel wobbly and loose underneath him. Huh he must be quite drunk.

He imagines finding out his best friend is dating the best friend of his nemesis and almost accidentally kissing said nemesis all in one day warrant a few more drinks than usual.

The reminder of the almost kiss causes panic to rise in his stomach again and he grabs another drink off the table gulping it down before following Theo and Ginny onto the dance floor.

Theo and Ginny pull him in almost immediately and before he knows it they’re spinning back and forth under the rainbow lights. His legs feel wonderful and light and everything goes a bit blurry. He exchanges grins with Theo as Ginny spins between them her long red hair hitting them both in the face. He allows himself to forget his disastrous afternoon and sinks into the beat of the music.

After a while Pansy and Hermione join them and they form a circle spinning together in an empty corner of the room. Harry finds himself dazedly wondering where Draco has gone and scans the room spotting him across the room dancing close with a dark haired man he doesn’t recognize. A bitter taste rises in the back of his throat and the hot curl of jealousy returns to his stomach. He curses himself for allowing his stupid blonde nemesis to make him feel this way and focuses determinedly on his friends around him. However he can’t quite keep himself from glancing over at Draco every couple of minutes.

This means that when Draco finally leaves his dance partner and starts the trek across the room towards them Harry notices. He does his best to feign ignorance and concentrate on the sway of Ginny and Theo on either side of him leaning into their bodies and laughing with them.

He does such a good job at concentrating on his friends that he actually is startled when Draco cuts in between them.

“Potter.” He says and Harry’s eyes flick up to find the blonde man directly in front of him. Draco’s milky skin is covered with a fine sheen of sweat and he can tell Draco’s had a good amount to drink by the flush on his cheeks.

“Um. Yes?” Harry says, still moving to the music.

“Dance with me?” And suddenly Harry is certain this must all be a trick of his mind. He’s so drunk he’s completely lost it. Or maybe Pansy bribed Draco this time, trying to pull an ultimate prank on him.

“Did Pansy bribe you to ask me that?” He shouts back over the music, his mind still reeling.

“Um. No?” Now Draco looks confused and hesitant.

The lights wash over him painting across his skin and abruptly Harry doesn’t care if Draco’s been bribed or if he’s hallucinating. He gulps, clearing his throat nervously “Er sure. I guess. I guess I’ll dance.”

He steps closer to Draco and Draco pulls him by the sleeve deeper into the crowd. All at once Harry is immensely grateful for how drunk he is. He places his hands on Draco’s shoulders and loses himself in the push and pull of their bodies against each other.

Immediately heat pools at his navel and it feels like there are sparks of magic in the air around him. He gasps as Draco’s slender finger closes around his hips pulling their bodies even closer. He glances up into charcoal eyes expecting them to be cold and blank like in the examining room. His mind draws a blank when he realizes that Draco’s eyes are dilated and his gaze seems to be dragging across Harry’s mouth.

Harry’s too drunk to care about the ancient magic bonding them or the way Draco acted in the examining room earlier that day. All he cares about is the heat in his stomach, and the look in Draco’s eyes, and the sticky sweat feeling of their sweaty bodies against each other. He clasps the back of Draco’s neck in one of his hands pushing his fingers up through the back of his hair. He remembers when he first had the realization that Draco looked like an angel in the sunlight. He never would have imagined he’d find himself here in a darkened club pushing his body into Draco as he looks down at him with so much want in his eyes.

He watches as Draco’s gaze drags across his lips a second time. This time he can’t stop his own eyes from flitting across Draco’s lips and suddenly the two men are leaning in. The cool brush of Draco’s lips against his set a forest fire blazing in his stomach. He leans in craving more and lets himself drown in the dark bliss. Draco licks up between his lips and he opens his mouth to him. Their tongues curl around each other, all hot heat and hurried gasps. The kiss feels like making up for lost time. Harry pushes even closer, sliding a hand up and under Draco’s white shirt.

He barely gets a chance to caress the scorching skin beneath before Draco’s hands are up on his chest. He can’t quite comprehend what’s happening but suddenly he’s stumbling back into the dancers behind him. The burning heat of Draco’s body disappears leaving him cool and aching. He reaches back towards Draco to pull them together where they belong but Draco shoves his hand away.

When Harry meets his eyes they are wild and blazing. “How could you let this happen?!” Draco spits in an accusatory tone. “This isn’t us. It’s the bond. This could never be us. I don’t want you.” His voice is cold and cutting and suddenly Harry feels stone cold sober. He watches frozen as Draco disappears into the crowd.

It’s only after Draco’s disappeared that he looks down at his scarred hand and remembers the gauze he’d wrapped tightly around his scar before leaving that night.

He tries to make sense of what’s just happened and suddenly the panic and confusion of it all solidifies in Harry’s stomach and he’s immediately certain he’s going to vomit that very second.

He pushes his way through the crowds and stumbles through the side door of the pub, vomiting onto the bricks of the alleyway. It’s only a couple seconds before he feels Hemiones cool hands on his back she pulls his hair back for him as he continues to retch onto the cobbles.

“What happened? I saw Draco walk out?” She asks in her most soothing voice.

“I can’t talk about it okay. I just can’t.” Harry is embarrassed to note his eyes are watering; he hopes Hermione doesn’t mistake that for tears. He most certainly is not crying. “The bond is too much and he’s so confusing and I just don’t know what’s going on anymore.”

“Okay okay. We’ll figure it out. It’s going to be okay.” Hermione wraps him in a hug pulling him in close. “I’m going to apparate us home and we’ll have some tea. Tomorrow we can problem solve.”

“What about Pansy?” Harry finds himself asking. Pansy is the last person he wants to see right now; he can't believe he asked that.

“Oh she went after Draco.” Hermione explains quickly, waving her hand towards the front of the pub where Draco had disappeared. “It’s important for her to be there for her friends.” With that said she turns swiftly on her heel apperating them back to Grimmauld Place directly into the sitting room.

Harry drinks the tea Hermione prepares for him and goes about ignoring every single question she asks him. When she presses him he answers her in incoherent mumbles and she quickly gives up hugging him and sending him to bed.

Harry immediately falls into a fitful sleep. He dreams of pale hair tangled between his tanned fingers and milky skin in the sunlight.

Falling

Louis Tomlinson/Harry Styles 

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35413789

Summary: Louis has avidly avoided listening to Harry’s new album for so long and now it’s chosen to ambush him in a grocery store.

TW: blood, injury, alcohol abuse

They were about 10 minutes into making dinner when it all started to go awry. First Ben noticed that there was no meat for the burger patties. Then about three minutes later Louis noticed they were out of cabbage for the coleslaw as well. Niall offered to run to the store, it was late enough at night that there shouldn't be too many fans he argued. But Niall had brought all the groceries they had in the first place and Louis felt horrible sending him off to the grocery store a second time. So Louis had grabbed a black beanie and some dark sunglasses and hopped in the car.

~~~~~~~~~~

Louis stands in the fluorescent lights of the grocery store staring down at the bright green cabbages. He picks up a medium sized cabbage and is rolling it in his hands to check for blemishes when his concentration is broken by the sound of a voice. Freezing in his tracks Louis lowers the cabbage back into its place and grips the handle of his shopping basket so hard his knuckles turn white. He quickly looks up above him and just as he suspected he sees a speaker.

“Fuck” he swears out-loud before looking side to side to make sure no one actually heard him talk to himself in a grocery store.

He’s avidly avoided listening to Harry’s album for so long and now it’s chosen to ambush him in a grocery store? He honestly should have expected as much. The store is quiet and Louis can hear the lyrics quite well. He knows he should put his basket down and leave immediately. He knows this could throw him into a spiral that could last weeks and yet he can’t help himself. He turns towards the vegetables and spaces out.

Harry’s voice immediately spikes a visceral reaction in him. He can feel an ache tugging at the center of his stomach right below his navel and god he misses him so much. Then the lyrics start to sink in.

He listens as Harry describes the way a drink and his wandering hands have ruined a love he once held dear and Louis' heart drops to his stomach. He suddenly feels nauseous. He’s not ready for this. He doesn’t want to hear Harry’s apology after all these years standing in an empty grocery store watching passerby in the mirror over the vegetables. He turns to go a second time but again is stopped by the pure desperation in Harry’s voice as he asks plaintively “What if I’m someone I don’t want around?”

Suddenly it’s all too much and Louis feels his breath start to quicken in his chest. He looks down at his clenched knuckles. Tries to focus on the tile of the floor beneath his feet but he can’t stop listening, can’t tear himself away and suddenly the floor starts to look exactly like the tile in his old house and he’s back 3 years.

~~~~~~

Louis wakes up tangled in the white sheets of his bed as if he has been thrashing about all night. As he peels his eyes open it takes him a couple seconds to get grounded before his heart clutches in his chest as he realizes the pillow beside him is ice cold. He wonders if Harry even bothered to come home last night or if he’s passed out in the throes of whatever party he refused to miss last night.

Last week when Harry had gone missing like this Louis had found him in the bushes by Niall's house, his clothes ripped and dirty. It had taken hours of searching to find him so by the time Niall called to let him know Harry was safe he had already forgiven him.

This tends to be the pattern. Louis and Harry fight. Harry runs off to whatever party is the craziest or the most packed. Louis worries until past midnight shaking until he finally falls asleep. Harry disappears. Louis worries too much. Harry gets found and Louis forgives him.

Louis thinks he forgives too easily. He thinks if he just was firmer with Harry. If he just told him how worried he is maybe things would be okay. But it’s hard to be honest when you're terrified. And the way Harry’s been acting lately terrifies him.

Louis shakes his head to clear his thoughts, pushing himself out of bed and grabbing some running clothes. He’s angry enough at Harry for disappearing again that he figures he’ll go on a run before unearthing his body. He needs to have a clear head before he speaks to Harry again and running helps. He shoves his shirt over his head hurriedly before padding downstairs to find some clean socks and shoes.

It isn’t till Louis reaches the bottom of the stairs that he realizes something is wrong. When he looks towards the kitchen he notices that the light is on. He definitely remembers turning it off last night. Relieved he realizes that Harry must have come home after all.

“Harry?” He calls tentatively not wanting to startle him. He waits a couple seconds but doesn’t get a response so he pushes his way through the kitchen door.

The sight that greets him leaves him frozen in shock.

The first thing he sees is Harry’s body strewn limp and pale across the hard tile floor. Then he notices the curle of blood pooling out from Harry's left hand, stark red against the white tile like a wine stain. The sight of blood shocks Louis into action and he scrambles across the floor towards the unresponsive boy in front of him.

He calls Harry’s name several times lightly hitting his face trying to wake him up before remembering to check his pulse. As Louis reaches for Harry’s right hand to find a pulse he slips in the blood on the floor and clumsily crashes against his chest. When his head lands on Harry’s chest he breathes a sigh of relief as he hears a heartbeat in his ear.

“You really scared me this time Haz” He whispers before righting himself and reaching for the cellphone in his pocket.

He calls Niall because no one else knows about how they find Harry every other morning. Niall answers the phone with a slightly frantic hello as if he already knows the news that's waiting for him. At first Louis can only breath across the line, the shock in his system intermingling with the relief of company.

“Louis? What is it? Is Harry with you?” Niall barks bringing Louis back to reality.

Louis answers, willing his voice not to shake with every bone in his body. “Niall, he’s with me but he’s not responsive. He has a pulse but he’s covered in blood. I found him on the floor of our kitchen. I don’t know what to do, do I call an ambulance?” He rushes glancing around the kitchen trying to take stock of what has actually happened. He sees a half empty bottle of whisky on the countertop with its lid off and as his gaze drifts to the floor he notices glass shards scattered around him. Looking down at himself he realizes he’s kneeling on the shards and he watches as dark inky blood starts to well from scratches on his knees. He realizes he can’t feel the cuts, his whole body filled with a bone deep numbness.

“Alright Louis, it’s okay. Take some deep breaths.” Niall’s the level headed one. Louis has always known that. “Stay next to him and try to wake him up. Maybe splash some cold water on his face” Niall continues. Louis follows his directions robotically filling a glass at the tap and walking across the glass strewn floor back to Harry. He dumps the water across him but Harry gives him no response.

“He's not responding, I don't know what to do” He tells Niall, voice weak and shaking.

“Okay sit tight and stay with him” Niall commands in a gentle voice. “I’m calling 911 and then I’ll drive over to be with you while you wait for them to arrive”

Louis breathes out full of immense gratitude and listens to the click as Niall hangs up the phone.

After that he gets lost in the blur of things. Niall arrives, he remembers hugging him sitting with Harry's body. The paramedics arrive loud and colorful. Louis can’t understand how they’re so calm, so collected, when his Harry is still laying sprawled out pale and unresponsive before them. The paramedics ask him questions he can’t answer while they move Harry to a stretcher. Niall leaves in the ambulance. Louis does not, he’s volunteered to grab Harry clothes and meet them at the hospital.

As the ambulance pulls out of his driveway he's left shaking bleeding from his knees into the pool of Harry’s blood in front of him. It takes him minutes to move to a standing position and inch backwards out of the kitchen. When he looks behind him, he is transfixed by his bloody footprints trailing across the previously pristine floor.

~~~~~

“Um excuse me?” Louis jumps as he hears an unfamiliar voice directly to his left.

“Sorry, just could you move? I need to grab one of those cabbages.” He turns eyes wide and frightened to see an old woman gesturing to the vegetables in front of him.

He breathes a sigh of relief. He’s fine. He’s in a grocery store. Harry’s okay, they’re just not on speaking terms. Louis' body is still shaking and he finds it hard to catch his breath so he pushes past the women and moves to the front of the store.

When he reaches the door he finds it difficult to pry the shopping basket from his grasp; his fingers feel frozen and numb, like they don’t belong to him anymore.

It’s impossible to exist in this world without losing a piece of yourself. I look at the way that my fingertips press to your cheeks like butterfly kisses and wish I was better at this. Everyday a human looses 40,000 dead skin cells, each afloat like ashes drifting off into a winter breeze. I find solace in the fact that some of this confeti of DNA has found home on your cheekbones like buried treasure. You’ve spent all day studying genetics so I wonder if you can tell me how long this will last. The helixes of our DNA intertwined across skin like satin ribbons, silky to the touch and yet so slippery.

Draco pulled the bottle toward him and Harry watched as large pale hands wrapped tightly around the dark glass neck. Draco’s lips came together at the bottle top and he tipped his head back closing his eyes tight. As he gulped the sweet liquid down, his throat undulated in the firelight. Harry couldn’t stop thinking about reaching one of his hands out and feeling the way it moved.

“You want some?” Draco said huskily, pushing the bottle into his hand.

“Yes.” Harry placed his lips over the ghost of Draco’s own. He kept his eyes open as he drank. He watched as Draco’s cheeks went pale and his pupils dilated. He finished drinking and set the bottle down on the carpet. He was about to turn back to Draco, continue to lose himself in Draco’s eyes when he looked back at the rest of the group and noticed Blaise watching them.

One of my fav excerpts from my new fic Infiltrate the Slytherins

I don’t know when I realized it, but it could have been last night. I was sitting in a pile of my freshly washed sheets, my left hand precariously balancing half a corn tortilla smothered in peanut butter.

Licking the drip off the lowest corner and barely saving my clean bedding I refocused on the list of side effects of brain tumors pulled up on the phone in my right hand. Something about the night felt too calm like when the sun comes out after a storm but you still don’t have power.

I remember thinking forward to the next morning, picturing the way nausea would swell in me as if the butterflies in my stomach were celebrating the last warm day before giving in to the freeze. As I fell asleep the only thing I could think of was brittle fragments of monarch orange shattered across wet concrete.

I think the two of us know what color she would be. That spicy sweetness sits tucked behind your teeth like bubblegum, the very sight of her reminds me of summer. A perfect silhouette who glows amoxicillin in the sunset, I watch you get sick to swallow her. I wonder if this is why when she looks at me I go cold. Her heat burns hot, illuminates in flamingo and fuchsia, I bet she blooms like a French rose. Spread her across my skin like calamine, but I think her brightness might burn us both.