But Where Can I Hide

But where can I hide

when my tormentor resides

inside my mind?

-katie, 02:30

Holding you gives me a different kind of euphoria. ❤

How did school go, Summer?

I heard the wind ask

It's the first three days and yet,

my mind floats with the clouds

The readings kept piling

as my concentration escapes

with the world I create

with my hands,

hoping it would soothe

the anxiety gripping me

How did school go, Summer?

I heard the trees breathe

I wrote an essay today

and it was longer than I thought

Ideas kept gushing out

in a ruthless Niagara

Crashing within, demanding

to be inked

I fell lost in the midst

swallowed by the points

I wanted to shriek

In the end I felt drained

collapsed against the wall

How did school go, Summer?

My cursor blinked at me

I waited patiently

for the internet

as it paced sluggishly

with my hope withering

throwing itself on the corner

of my bedroom as I cursed

the shadows mocking me,

the stains carved on the door

How did school go, Summer?

The moon beamed as I sat

The stars looked down

as I wept,

shoulders fiercely rocking

resolves painfully crumbling

The wind puffs in cadence

with my suppressed screams

One, two, three breaths

drawn from the ocean

I am okay again

How did school go, Summer?

I wish I could say how

I have tales to tell

about how I survived

I wait and wait in vain

but the question never came

How did school go, Summer?

I pray

one day

you would care

to ask

-how did school go, Summer?

katie, 11:31

❤

12 months and counting...

You are the blessing I didn't ask for but were given;

You are the miracle I didn't pray for but happened.

You happened. And my love, I've become my best version. Thank you for calming my storm. Now everything in me is pacific. Thank you for taming my demons. Now they kneel and wear golden halos.

Since you happened, the lips that refused to pray started uttering praises to God who made this blissful encounter possible.

Because you happened, I lift my hands up above, call out in the voice of a Seraphim as I feel my wings growing...

Wings that were severed when I-

I renounced my faith in love.

You happened, so I regained everything I ever lost from fear and doubt and wrath.

You are the gift I didn't ask for but were bestowed;

You are the guardian I didn't pray for but were sent to bring me home...

You were sent TO BE my HOME.

-god sent, katie

7th of March 2020 @23:30

Do not let others dictate your destiny. Take the wheel.

-katie, 23:30

Maybe there's a greater plan,

a better storyline

written for me

That's why

everytime

I try

to circumvent

destiny, I get slapped

by the busy hand

of the clock!

-katie, 23:46