Poetselixir - Tumblr Posts
I was never a halcyon sea
but you calmed my waves
with songs
I've never heard before.
-katie,13:10
if i pass away,
my pen will mourn me longer
than my friends will ever do in a lifetime
it will sit cold on my study table,
its own bereavement fester
with the lifeless body buried somewhere
reeking of lost poetry
an ocean of mystery that seems
unsolvable now that the lead vanished
like smoke
it will try to recollect the words
it used to scribble
and the emotions they carry
it will marvel at the depth of the scars
that resonate on the seemingly flawless pieces,
how many times in a day did i survive
the pangs before i decided the culmination
of a barren life
such a tragedy that it could only lie there
thinking of the past as its yearning
to be held burns with the candlestick
-mourn me longer,
katie, 16th of July 2021, 16:45
the past is an old apartment
i try to visit
everytime i feel the need
to be reminded
of the times
love and happiness
were my roommates
-katie, 31st of July 2021
When I opened up about
my depression, my ex boyfriend
told me to get an exorcism
Yeah, if I remember it now
I can only laugh
and at the same time,
feel aghast at the ignorance
not just of my ex boyfriend
but of everyone else
who could not stop
the stigma that if you're
depressed, it's probably
because
you don't pray enough
that's why your mind
is so messed up like
paint splatters
Here's the thing, I pray
more than I should
kneel, hands clasped
tightly together as though
my whole life depends on
how firm my fingers could hold
on to one another, lips trembling,
trying to mumble pleas of guidance
to the Almighty, over and over
until I am certain that I am heard
Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt
His divine providence, but just as my anxiety
makes me go back to make
sure I left the door locked, I pray
five times a day to be sure my cries
reach the heavens
I pray harder than anyone I've ever
come across because I don't
wanna lose any chance to be cured
But then the demons still loom
inside my head, they managed
to make it their kingdom
You know one time, I was talking
to a dear friend and he told me,
"it's all in the mind"
My whole being sighed as I tried
to break free from the clutches,
the hands pushing my head deep
into the water, it's all in the mind,
my emotions aren't real
and if I could just snap out of it
then everything would be smooth
sailing, I am just sad
but my mind tends to intensify
that sadness, I overthink every
single thing even the ones I can't
control, and most often than not,
the sinking feeling leads me
to the decision that I am worthless
Grab a razor, a pin, a pair of scissors
anything sharp enough to cut
through my flesh so I could
bleed the negativities out
It's all in the mind, I try to
incorporate it in my mantra
However, just like the prayers
I say five time a day,
it does not work its magic trick on me
They told me I am merely an attention seeker
I am young and always in need of validation
That I always magnify my emotions
to their extremities
So I pull the sleeve of my cardigan
to cover the razor cuts, put on
a smile, okay I look dreadfully fine
The teacher calls me out, "sweetie
isn't it a little hot to be wearing
a cardigan?"
I tell her I am feverish as I feel
sweat dripping at my back
She'll leave me alone
like all of those who are
scared to meet me in the eye
but ended up judging me
I hear too many whispers
behind me, I say I don't mind
but I do, who wouldn't?
I just wish I could run
somewhere or could
disappear before the
stories catch up with me
My mother said I should ignore
people's opinion
for they don't define me, I do
But mama, the words crawl
on my bedroom wall, their
venom stain the pictures hanging,
the curtain, the floor
The noise becomes louder
drowning my heatbeat,
I put a hand over my chest,
It's time to pray again
I pray, pray harder than I used to
Beseech the heavens
to calm the waves devouring me
I repeat the mantra, seventy-seven times
It's all in the mind but the agony
is the realest I've ever felt in this life
I pull my cardigan, I can't bear to see
the cuts this time
I've been addicted long enough
to the sticky blood gushing
It's useless, for the real wound
is invisible
It's invisible
yet mighty enough to shrink
me into an insignificant mess
They all advised me to open up
so I can breathe
But, when I opened up about
my depression, my ex boyfriend
told me to get an exorcism
I am glad I didn't
-when i wore a cardigan at the height of summer, katie
image: https://id.pinterest.com/pin/730849845781054640/
It's been a while. I am thrilled to be back to make this announcement: My poetry book, Sweet Nothings is NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!
"May the heart, in its exhaustion, remember to rest and indulge into the sweet memories of love songs resounding from its yesteryears.
These are the soft rambles that filled your mind as you lay awake in bed at the early hours of dawn. Those austere longings that snared your heart, relentless as the wind blowing on the trees, swift as the waves kissing the sand, tenacious as the rain chiming in with the beat of the music coming from your stereo, they are here—neatly scribbled and compiled into an anthology. These are your stories. The love notes you hastily jotted down at the last page of your high school textbook, the poems you composed during your weekend getaways, the letters you struggled to ink on stationeries while ardently wishing that one day, the love of your life will find and read them.
They are finally here. The long walks on the beach. The late-night conversations. The sultry kisses at the back seat of your car. The lingering glances. The love songs. The promises. The sweet nothings! They are all here, captured in prose and poetry. So, dear reader, bury your nose on the pages with utmost gusto. Whether you are a sojourner, a bold and willing settler, or a classic runaway in love, you’ve had your own share of sweet nothings, I am sure. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to rediscover your youth, relive the love stories that ended, make peace with the pains they caused. Above all, allow yourself to breathe and celebrate the love stories that won over the years and stayed."
Get your copy through the following links:
Ukiyoto All Versions - https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
Amazon eBook - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09WH8PMWN
Amazon Paperback - https://www.amazon.com/dp/9354904491
It's been a while. I am thrilled to be back to make this announcement: My poetry book, Sweet Nothings is NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!
"May the heart, in its exhaustion, remember to rest and indulge into the sweet memories of love songs resounding from its yesteryears.
These are the soft rambles that filled your mind as you lay awake in bed at the early hours of dawn. Those austere longings that snared your heart, relentless as the wind blowing on the trees, swift as the waves kissing the sand, tenacious as the rain chiming in with the beat of the music coming from your stereo, they are here—neatly scribbled and compiled into an anthology. These are your stories. The love notes you hastily jotted down at the last page of your high school textbook, the poems you composed during your weekend getaways, the letters you struggled to ink on stationeries while ardently wishing that one day, the love of your life will find and read them.
They are finally here. The long walks on the beach. The late-night conversations. The sultry kisses at the back seat of your car. The lingering glances. The love songs. The promises. The sweet nothings! They are all here, captured in prose and poetry. So, dear reader, bury your nose on the pages with utmost gusto. Whether you are a sojourner, a bold and willing settler, or a classic runaway in love, you’ve had your own share of sweet nothings, I am sure. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to rediscover your youth, relive the love stories that ended, make peace with the pains they caused. Above all, allow yourself to breathe and celebrate the love stories that won over the years and stayed."
Get your copy through the following links:
Ukiyoto All Versions - https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
Amazon eBook - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09WH8PMWN
Amazon Paperback - https://www.amazon.com/dp/9354904491
It's been a while. I am thrilled to be back to make this announcement: My poetry book, Sweet Nothings is NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!
"May the heart, in its exhaustion, remember to rest and indulge into the sweet memories of love songs resounding from its yesteryears.
These are the soft rambles that filled your mind as you lay awake in bed at the early hours of dawn. Those austere longings that snared your heart, relentless as the wind blowing on the trees, swift as the waves kissing the sand, tenacious as the rain chiming in with the beat of the music coming from your stereo, they are here—neatly scribbled and compiled into an anthology. These are your stories. The love notes you hastily jotted down at the last page of your high school textbook, the poems you composed during your weekend getaways, the letters you struggled to ink on stationeries while ardently wishing that one day, the love of your life will find and read them.
They are finally here. The long walks on the beach. The late-night conversations. The sultry kisses at the back seat of your car. The lingering glances. The love songs. The promises. The sweet nothings! They are all here, captured in prose and poetry. So, dear reader, bury your nose on the pages with utmost gusto. Whether you are a sojourner, a bold and willing settler, or a classic runaway in love, you’ve had your own share of sweet nothings, I am sure. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to rediscover your youth, relive the love stories that ended, make peace with the pains they caused. Above all, allow yourself to breathe and celebrate the love stories that won over the years and stayed."
Get your copy through the following links:
Ukiyoto All Versions - https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
Amazon eBook - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09WH8PMWN
Amazon Paperback - https://www.amazon.com/dp/9354904491
"May the heart, in its exhaustion, remember to rest and indulge into the sweet memories of love songs resounding from its yesteryears.
These are the soft rambles that filled your mind as you lay awake in bed at the early hours of dawn. Those austere longings that snared your heart, relentless as the wind blowing on the trees, swift as the waves kissing the sand, tenacious as the rain chiming in with the beat of the music coming from your stereo, they are here—neatly scribbled and compiled into an anthology. These are your stories. The love notes you hastily jotted down at the last page of your high school textbook, the poems you composed during your weekend getaways, the letters you struggled to ink on stationeries while ardently wishing that one day, the love of your life will find and read them.
They are finally here. The long walks on the beach. The late-night conversations. The sultry kisses at the back seat of your car. The lingering glances. The love songs. The promises. The sweet nothings! They are all here, captured in prose and poetry. So, dear reader, bury your nose on the pages with utmost gusto. Whether you are a sojourner, a bold and willing settler, or a classic runaway in love, you’ve had your own share of sweet nothings, I am sure. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to rediscover your youth, relive the love stories that ended, make peace with the pains they caused. Above all, allow yourself to breathe and celebrate the love stories that won over the years and stayed."
-Sweet Nothings,
Ana Grasya
Avail a copy through the following links:
Google Play - https://books.google.co.in/books/about?id=-xhmEAAAQBAJ&redir_esc=y
Ukiyoto All Versions - https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
Ukiyoto Philippines (for those in the Philippines only) - https://www.ukiyotophilippines.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
"May the heart, in its exhaustion, remember to rest and indulge into the sweet memories of love songs resounding from its yesteryears.
These are the soft rambles that filled your mind as you lay awake in bed at the early hours of dawn. Those austere longings that snared your heart, relentless as the wind blowing on the trees, swift as the waves kissing the sand, tenacious as the rain chiming in with the beat of the music coming from your stereo, they are here—neatly scribbled and compiled into an anthology. These are your stories. The love notes you hastily jotted down at the last page of your high school textbook, the poems you composed during your weekend getaways, the letters you struggled to ink on stationeries while ardently wishing that one day, the love of your life will find and read them.
They are finally here. The long walks on the beach. The late-night conversations. The sultry kisses at the back seat of your car. The lingering glances. The love songs. The promises. The sweet nothings! They are all here, captured in prose and poetry. So, dear reader, bury your nose on the pages with utmost gusto. Whether you are a sojourner, a bold and willing settler, or a classic runaway in love, you’ve had your own share of sweet nothings, I am sure. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to rediscover your youth, relive the love stories that ended, make peace with the pains they caused. Above all, allow yourself to breathe and celebrate the love stories that won over the years and stayed."
-Sweet Nothings,
Ana Grasya
Avail a copy through the following links:
Google Play - https://books.google.co.in/books/about?id=-xhmEAAAQBAJ&redir_esc=y
Ukiyoto All Versions - https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
Ukiyoto Philippines (for those in the Philippines only) - https://www.ukiyotophilippines.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
a woman is criminalized
should she decide to
terminate a pregnancy
while a man can back out anytime
such is the reality
i am forced to live by
and so is jessica
and katrina
and amanda
and gabrielle
and thousands of others
in gritted teeth,
i try to swallow back
the bile rising from my throat
i feel nauseated
just thinking about that
night at the parking lot
where my jeans were torn
ferociously from my body
i tremble from the warm
puff of wind blowing
my nape
my boyfriend just learned
the truth this morning
when i threw up
all over the kitchen floor
he was aghast
i tried to reason out
he didn't use protection
because he expected me
to be the one responsible for it
it's a sad world,
gina could only weep now
a sad world for women
but therese tried to play it cool
though the pregnancy test
that screams positive in her face
shatters her composure
she never wanted this
haunting reality
but her neighbor had forced
himself on her one drunken night
an episode she's trying to drown
in a deadly shot of alcohol
it's a cruel world
but rachel is carrying her seventh child
seventh child!
as though the six she bore
aren't too many
rita had her second child today
via c-section
a procedure she could barely afford
but her labor seemed longer
than the death march
she was not able to bear down
so a cut suddenly became
a logical procedure
it's a cruel world
and dana knew it
the moment she was judged
for not wanting children
thus having her tubes tied
at twenty five
it's a cruel world
for maria
for delia
for claudine
for martha
and thousands
of other women
who have to live with
society's standards
of right and wrong
a woman is criminalized
should she decide to
terminate a pregnancy
while a man can back out anytime
i close my eyes
as i listen to people
with no uterus
decide on my future
-katie
Image: https://wallpaperaccess.com/download/sad-woman-1940837
If we will ever come to a point where goodbye is inevitable, I will not ask you to teach me how to forget. Instead, I will ask you to show me how to remember. We made so many beautiful memories together, it's a shame to erase them all just because we have to part, and can no longer go back to the beginning to fall in love again. No, no matter how much it will hurt, I won't ask you to teach me how to forget. I will walk all the paths we've trodden and remember how your laughter sounded, how your fingers curled around mine, how your hair smelled under the sun, how your lips tasted. I will remember every bit of you, so when I am finally ready to let go, I can let all of you go the way I've let all the kites fly away when I was young and life was innocent and gentle and kind.
-let go,
katie, 17:30
We both got what we wanted.
Except each other.
-katie
i am still known
as the girl who
writes poems
though the truth is
i can barely come up
with a line
that could have
made you
change your mind
-katie
in another universe
i hope
i am happy enough,
confident enough,
strong enough
to be alone
katie
you are one of the reasons i believe in the existence of a living God.
-katie
i guess it's still in my blood-
the ability to bottle
all my emotions
like they won't
suffocate me
sometimes i wish i can
open up to people
but then,
maybe you can't really teach
an old dog a new trick
afterall
-katie
happy thoughts, they tell me,
"fill your head with happy thoughts"
oh, how i wish to
but the thing is,
my mind
is already crowded
and my demons
won't let any of these
"happy thoughts"
ruin their own
idea of a "merry-go-round"
-katie
Image source:
i never held your little hands
though in my dreams, i had
we picked daisies together, we did
and your chuckles still reverberate
over my ears as i try to make sense
of it all
it doesn't make sense, nothing is
making sense
even the hole i try so hard
to fill with thoughts
of you glowing under the sun
seems fleeting
my darling, you were so perfect
but then you fade away
gently, slowly
a dream finally detaching
itself from reality
so i could wake from my sleep
did you think it will be easy?
did you think that it won't hurt?
when i opened my eyes, no words
could console me,
no amount of tears
could wash away my grief
the only thing that holds
my pieces intact is the knowledge
that your pain is over
while mine has just begun
-thoughts before d&c, katie
Image lifted from https://pin.it/1ra1G8Z
when i grow up
i want to be
an astronaut,
an author,
a magician
as a child, it was
easy to dream
of anything
a doctor,
a scientist,
a teacher
the world is vast
and full
of possibilities
now a grown woman,
my heart just wants
to be happy
but disappointingly,
happiness is elusive and
life is a sadist
that takes pleasure
in my agony
so in a world where
we can be anything
i became a masochist
-katie