I'll try to write my way out
594 posts
Stormykatie - My Beautiful Bleeding Pieces - Tumblr Blog
We both got what we wanted.
Except each other.
-katie
If we will ever come to a point where goodbye is inevitable, I will not ask you to teach me how to forget. Instead, I will ask you to show me how to remember. We made so many beautiful memories together, it's a shame to erase them all just because we have to part, and can no longer go back to the beginning to fall in love again. No, no matter how much it will hurt, I won't ask you to teach me how to forget. I will walk all the paths we've trodden and remember how your laughter sounded, how your fingers curled around mine, how your hair smelled under the sun, how your lips tasted. I will remember every bit of you, so when I am finally ready to let go, I can let all of you go the way I've let all the kites fly away when I was young and life was innocent and gentle and kind.
-let go,
katie, 17:30
a woman is criminalized
should she decide to
terminate a pregnancy
while a man can back out anytime
such is the reality
i am forced to live by
and so is jessica
and katrina
and amanda
and gabrielle
and thousands of others
in gritted teeth,
i try to swallow back
the bile rising from my throat
i feel nauseated
just thinking about that
night at the parking lot
where my jeans were torn
ferociously from my body
i tremble from the warm
puff of wind blowing
my nape
my boyfriend just learned
the truth this morning
when i threw up
all over the kitchen floor
he was aghast
i tried to reason out
he didn't use protection
because he expected me
to be the one responsible for it
it's a sad world,
gina could only weep now
a sad world for women
but therese tried to play it cool
though the pregnancy test
that screams positive in her face
shatters her composure
she never wanted this
haunting reality
but her neighbor had forced
himself on her one drunken night
an episode she's trying to drown
in a deadly shot of alcohol
it's a cruel world
but rachel is carrying her seventh child
seventh child!
as though the six she bore
aren't too many
rita had her second child today
via c-section
a procedure she could barely afford
but her labor seemed longer
than the death march
she was not able to bear down
so a cut suddenly became
a logical procedure
it's a cruel world
and dana knew it
the moment she was judged
for not wanting children
thus having her tubes tied
at twenty five
it's a cruel world
for maria
for delia
for claudine
for martha
and thousands
of other women
who have to live with
society's standards
of right and wrong
a woman is criminalized
should she decide to
terminate a pregnancy
while a man can back out anytime
i close my eyes
as i listen to people
with no uterus
decide on my future
-katie
Image: https://wallpaperaccess.com/download/sad-woman-1940837
"May the heart, in its exhaustion, remember to rest and indulge into the sweet memories of love songs resounding from its yesteryears.
These are the soft rambles that filled your mind as you lay awake in bed at the early hours of dawn. Those austere longings that snared your heart, relentless as the wind blowing on the trees, swift as the waves kissing the sand, tenacious as the rain chiming in with the beat of the music coming from your stereo, they are here—neatly scribbled and compiled into an anthology. These are your stories. The love notes you hastily jotted down at the last page of your high school textbook, the poems you composed during your weekend getaways, the letters you struggled to ink on stationeries while ardently wishing that one day, the love of your life will find and read them.
They are finally here. The long walks on the beach. The late-night conversations. The sultry kisses at the back seat of your car. The lingering glances. The love songs. The promises. The sweet nothings! They are all here, captured in prose and poetry. So, dear reader, bury your nose on the pages with utmost gusto. Whether you are a sojourner, a bold and willing settler, or a classic runaway in love, you’ve had your own share of sweet nothings, I am sure. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to rediscover your youth, relive the love stories that ended, make peace with the pains they caused. Above all, allow yourself to breathe and celebrate the love stories that won over the years and stayed."
-Sweet Nothings,
Ana Grasya
Avail a copy through the following links:
Google Play - https://books.google.co.in/books/about?id=-xhmEAAAQBAJ&redir_esc=y
Ukiyoto All Versions - https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
Ukiyoto Philippines (for those in the Philippines only) - https://www.ukiyotophilippines.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
"May the heart, in its exhaustion, remember to rest and indulge into the sweet memories of love songs resounding from its yesteryears.
These are the soft rambles that filled your mind as you lay awake in bed at the early hours of dawn. Those austere longings that snared your heart, relentless as the wind blowing on the trees, swift as the waves kissing the sand, tenacious as the rain chiming in with the beat of the music coming from your stereo, they are here—neatly scribbled and compiled into an anthology. These are your stories. The love notes you hastily jotted down at the last page of your high school textbook, the poems you composed during your weekend getaways, the letters you struggled to ink on stationeries while ardently wishing that one day, the love of your life will find and read them.
They are finally here. The long walks on the beach. The late-night conversations. The sultry kisses at the back seat of your car. The lingering glances. The love songs. The promises. The sweet nothings! They are all here, captured in prose and poetry. So, dear reader, bury your nose on the pages with utmost gusto. Whether you are a sojourner, a bold and willing settler, or a classic runaway in love, you’ve had your own share of sweet nothings, I am sure. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to rediscover your youth, relive the love stories that ended, make peace with the pains they caused. Above all, allow yourself to breathe and celebrate the love stories that won over the years and stayed."
-Sweet Nothings,
Ana Grasya
Avail a copy through the following links:
Google Play - https://books.google.co.in/books/about?id=-xhmEAAAQBAJ&redir_esc=y
Ukiyoto All Versions - https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
Ukiyoto Philippines (for those in the Philippines only) - https://www.ukiyotophilippines.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
It's been a while. I am thrilled to be back to make this announcement: My poetry book, Sweet Nothings is NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!
"May the heart, in its exhaustion, remember to rest and indulge into the sweet memories of love songs resounding from its yesteryears.
These are the soft rambles that filled your mind as you lay awake in bed at the early hours of dawn. Those austere longings that snared your heart, relentless as the wind blowing on the trees, swift as the waves kissing the sand, tenacious as the rain chiming in with the beat of the music coming from your stereo, they are here—neatly scribbled and compiled into an anthology. These are your stories. The love notes you hastily jotted down at the last page of your high school textbook, the poems you composed during your weekend getaways, the letters you struggled to ink on stationeries while ardently wishing that one day, the love of your life will find and read them.
They are finally here. The long walks on the beach. The late-night conversations. The sultry kisses at the back seat of your car. The lingering glances. The love songs. The promises. The sweet nothings! They are all here, captured in prose and poetry. So, dear reader, bury your nose on the pages with utmost gusto. Whether you are a sojourner, a bold and willing settler, or a classic runaway in love, you’ve had your own share of sweet nothings, I am sure. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to rediscover your youth, relive the love stories that ended, make peace with the pains they caused. Above all, allow yourself to breathe and celebrate the love stories that won over the years and stayed."
Get your copy through the following links:
Ukiyoto All Versions - https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
Amazon eBook - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09WH8PMWN
Amazon Paperback - https://www.amazon.com/dp/9354904491
It's been a while. I am thrilled to be back to make this announcement: My poetry book, Sweet Nothings is NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!
"May the heart, in its exhaustion, remember to rest and indulge into the sweet memories of love songs resounding from its yesteryears.
These are the soft rambles that filled your mind as you lay awake in bed at the early hours of dawn. Those austere longings that snared your heart, relentless as the wind blowing on the trees, swift as the waves kissing the sand, tenacious as the rain chiming in with the beat of the music coming from your stereo, they are here—neatly scribbled and compiled into an anthology. These are your stories. The love notes you hastily jotted down at the last page of your high school textbook, the poems you composed during your weekend getaways, the letters you struggled to ink on stationeries while ardently wishing that one day, the love of your life will find and read them.
They are finally here. The long walks on the beach. The late-night conversations. The sultry kisses at the back seat of your car. The lingering glances. The love songs. The promises. The sweet nothings! They are all here, captured in prose and poetry. So, dear reader, bury your nose on the pages with utmost gusto. Whether you are a sojourner, a bold and willing settler, or a classic runaway in love, you’ve had your own share of sweet nothings, I am sure. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to rediscover your youth, relive the love stories that ended, make peace with the pains they caused. Above all, allow yourself to breathe and celebrate the love stories that won over the years and stayed."
Get your copy through the following links:
Ukiyoto All Versions - https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
Amazon eBook - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09WH8PMWN
Amazon Paperback - https://www.amazon.com/dp/9354904491
It's been a while. I am thrilled to be back to make this announcement: My poetry book, Sweet Nothings is NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!
"May the heart, in its exhaustion, remember to rest and indulge into the sweet memories of love songs resounding from its yesteryears.
These are the soft rambles that filled your mind as you lay awake in bed at the early hours of dawn. Those austere longings that snared your heart, relentless as the wind blowing on the trees, swift as the waves kissing the sand, tenacious as the rain chiming in with the beat of the music coming from your stereo, they are here—neatly scribbled and compiled into an anthology. These are your stories. The love notes you hastily jotted down at the last page of your high school textbook, the poems you composed during your weekend getaways, the letters you struggled to ink on stationeries while ardently wishing that one day, the love of your life will find and read them.
They are finally here. The long walks on the beach. The late-night conversations. The sultry kisses at the back seat of your car. The lingering glances. The love songs. The promises. The sweet nothings! They are all here, captured in prose and poetry. So, dear reader, bury your nose on the pages with utmost gusto. Whether you are a sojourner, a bold and willing settler, or a classic runaway in love, you’ve had your own share of sweet nothings, I am sure. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to rediscover your youth, relive the love stories that ended, make peace with the pains they caused. Above all, allow yourself to breathe and celebrate the love stories that won over the years and stayed."
Get your copy through the following links:
Ukiyoto All Versions - https://www.ukiyoto.com/product-page/sweet-nothings
Amazon eBook - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09WH8PMWN
Amazon Paperback - https://www.amazon.com/dp/9354904491
When I opened up about
my depression, my ex boyfriend
told me to get an exorcism
Yeah, if I remember it now
I can only laugh
and at the same time,
feel aghast at the ignorance
not just of my ex boyfriend
but of everyone else
who could not stop
the stigma that if you're
depressed, it's probably
because
you don't pray enough
that's why your mind
is so messed up like
paint splatters
Here's the thing, I pray
more than I should
kneel, hands clasped
tightly together as though
my whole life depends on
how firm my fingers could hold
on to one another, lips trembling,
trying to mumble pleas of guidance
to the Almighty, over and over
until I am certain that I am heard
Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt
His divine providence, but just as my anxiety
makes me go back to make
sure I left the door locked, I pray
five times a day to be sure my cries
reach the heavens
I pray harder than anyone I've ever
come across because I don't
wanna lose any chance to be cured
But then the demons still loom
inside my head, they managed
to make it their kingdom
You know one time, I was talking
to a dear friend and he told me,
"it's all in the mind"
My whole being sighed as I tried
to break free from the clutches,
the hands pushing my head deep
into the water, it's all in the mind,
my emotions aren't real
and if I could just snap out of it
then everything would be smooth
sailing, I am just sad
but my mind tends to intensify
that sadness, I overthink every
single thing even the ones I can't
control, and most often than not,
the sinking feeling leads me
to the decision that I am worthless
Grab a razor, a pin, a pair of scissors
anything sharp enough to cut
through my flesh so I could
bleed the negativities out
It's all in the mind, I try to
incorporate it in my mantra
However, just like the prayers
I say five time a day,
it does not work its magic trick on me
They told me I am merely an attention seeker
I am young and always in need of validation
That I always magnify my emotions
to their extremities
So I pull the sleeve of my cardigan
to cover the razor cuts, put on
a smile, okay I look dreadfully fine
The teacher calls me out, "sweetie
isn't it a little hot to be wearing
a cardigan?"
I tell her I am feverish as I feel
sweat dripping at my back
She'll leave me alone
like all of those who are
scared to meet me in the eye
but ended up judging me
I hear too many whispers
behind me, I say I don't mind
but I do, who wouldn't?
I just wish I could run
somewhere or could
disappear before the
stories catch up with me
My mother said I should ignore
people's opinion
for they don't define me, I do
But mama, the words crawl
on my bedroom wall, their
venom stain the pictures hanging,
the curtain, the floor
The noise becomes louder
drowning my heatbeat,
I put a hand over my chest,
It's time to pray again
I pray, pray harder than I used to
Beseech the heavens
to calm the waves devouring me
I repeat the mantra, seventy-seven times
It's all in the mind but the agony
is the realest I've ever felt in this life
I pull my cardigan, I can't bear to see
the cuts this time
I've been addicted long enough
to the sticky blood gushing
It's useless, for the real wound
is invisible
It's invisible
yet mighty enough to shrink
me into an insignificant mess
They all advised me to open up
so I can breathe
But, when I opened up about
my depression, my ex boyfriend
told me to get an exorcism
I am glad I didn't
-when i wore a cardigan at the height of summer, katie
image: https://id.pinterest.com/pin/730849845781054640/
the past is an old apartment
i try to visit
everytime i feel the need
to be reminded
of the times
love and happiness
were my roommates
-katie, 31st of July 2021
if i pass away,
my pen will mourn me longer
than my friends will ever do in a lifetime
it will sit cold on my study table,
its own bereavement fester
with the lifeless body buried somewhere
reeking of lost poetry
an ocean of mystery that seems
unsolvable now that the lead vanished
like smoke
it will try to recollect the words
it used to scribble
and the emotions they carry
it will marvel at the depth of the scars
that resonate on the seemingly flawless pieces,
how many times in a day did i survive
the pangs before i decided the culmination
of a barren life
such a tragedy that it could only lie there
thinking of the past as its yearning
to be held burns with the candlestick
-mourn me longer,
katie, 16th of July 2021, 16:45
I was never a halcyon sea
but you calmed my waves
with songs
I've never heard before.
-katie,13:10
December 15, 2019
23:30
Hey, it's me. We talked before. Now I am back to tell you more stories like I promised. My clock reads 11:30. I'm in bed, drinking my third mug of coffee. I am reading your favorite novel. It's silly but I feel nostalgic as I read it. Every chapter reminds me of you, my darling Ana. Your rawness, your beautiful flaws are all engraved in the words stained in each and every page. But before I totally lose myself in it, I feel it appropriate to ask first, how are you doing tonight?
How are you doing there, in your time? Are you in bed reading too? Or are you in your desk writing the first line of your poem? It's something about him, isn't it? Oh don't worry, I know.
I know that you think about love more often than you should. And you stain your notes with things associated with it. I want to tell you it's okay. It's okay to savor the moment. It's okay to fall in love. I don't know what age you are now. Maybe 16? All sweet and innocent. You know I fell in love for the first time when I was 16. Got my heart badly broken six months after I turned 18. It was a lot to go through but I survived. After that I stopped writing for a while.
They say heartbreak makes a poet. Well it made me numb. I never loved again after I got my heart broken for the first time. I watched my shattered pieces,millions of screaming pieces bleeding on the floor. I spent years trying to mend me. But wholeness seemed evanescent. Lovers came and went, I taught myself to pretend. For years I rolled thousands of I love you's on my tongue while I felt so empty. So empty I wondered if anything could ever fill me up again. For something in me has died that day he ruined my faith in love and destiny.
But he's a lovely memory. I never regretted loving him. He taught me how to sway in gaiety and laugh with the daffodils. He has to leave all right, and life was never the same. I began drinking when I was 19. I theorized liquor could drown my feelings, wash them all away. Since then I couldn't stop drinking. I took shots after shots as the crowd applaused me until I pass out cold. I was young and broken and stupid. Above all, I was numb.
At 23, I became totally cynical. I took love for granted. Love took me for granted in return. I played fire like a fire dancer. I got burned but never minded the scars. I slept with lions but never feared death. Those moments, I was gladly signing my death sentence. At 25 I was totally addicted to loneliness. I began dining alone. I began doubting promises. I began driving people to the wall. I began breaking hearts.
Are you still there? I hope I am not scaring you with my stories. If I disturbed your poem writing, I'm deeply sorry. I just want to feed you tales. Tales you will search in your mind as precedents, before you make a decision sooner or later. Before you catch fire and burn. Before you catch cold and die. You know they always say, look before you leap. Well I say, listen to all these tales I keep. They waited years to be told.
I was 27 when I realized it's time. It's time to lower my guards down. It's time to trust love again. But that one person worthy of everything that I am never came until I was 28. And you know, when I caught a glimpse of him for the first time, I fell dazed. The familiarity was striking. The smile, the voice, the scent, oh it's him. He's the one I've been waiting. I looked at him and the world around me stopped. Everything else stopped. All of a sudden, it's just him and me. Even the cacophony fell silent to hear my heart drum erratically. It was surreal.
We've been going out for months now and it always feels like the first time. It's crazy but I am head over heels in love with him. And you know what's even crazier, I actually got drank one Saturday to tell him what I feel. Oh, don't laugh at me. It's a clumsy move I know. But I was too nervous like a teenager. Too nervous I can't even act cool when he's around.
Anyway, I hope you're happy my darling Ana. But if you're somewhere trapped between the devil and the deep blue sea, don't fret. Whatever it is that you're facing in your time, trust me there'll be better days. Tears are temporary. You will feel whole and loved again. If you're currently tearing yourself apart, don't revel too much in the pangs of brokenness. But if you have to, remember it isn't the end. Love will find you, slowly, eventually...
Sorry I took a little of your time to tell you things you will later discover. You can go back to your poem writing now. Write about him, your love at the moment. Pour all your emotions, ink your diary with words that describe him. You will read them one day as I do now. And you will smile. But I would like you to know, your masterpieces will come years later. When you're 29 and start to write passionately about the man I told you about tonight.
Wait for him. He will come.
All my love,
Your older self
Plot twist: I MARRIED HIM. 💗
-katie, 15:14
I did the dishes tonight while humming a Taylor Swift song. I know it's nothing huge and that some of you may be raising an eyebrow. 'She did the dishes tonight and she's writing about it. As if we care!'. Yes, that's the thing. I know you won't care. Not a bit. But I am writing about it in the same enthusiasm as you writing about your cat, that walk you took in the woods with the friend you secretly love, your dreams, your bucket list, the tasks that you need to accomplish, your pet peeves.
Eight months ago, I wouldn't have minded the mountain of plates and mugs piled in the sink. I would lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and be somber. I would imagine myself wandering in an unknown forest. And that's it. That's all I could do: Imagine. I would fall asleep and forget about the bath I was running at the tub. I would wake to a drenched bathroom floor, clean off the mess and lie awake until 5 am. An arduous battle would commence between me and my mind. I would lose as I always do. Then I would go back to bed.
At 9 am, I would be too lethargic to get up. My cellphone would ring and the name on the screen would make me smile. Him-the only string that ties me to sanity. We would talk for a while, about everything and nothing. He would tell me about how sound he has slept and I would lie. I would try to make my nightmares seem like beautiful dreams that stole away my sense of reality for a night. I would make a cup of coffee and forget about breakfast. The conversation would become romantic, the kind that I indulge myself into so I could believe life is still worth living. That the sweet nothings worth every pain.
I would sit in my living room, try to make out the shadows prancing like restless sojourners from another lifetime. They would remind me about how I don't fit in this era and I would fall deeper into melancholy. This time, the heaviness would force me to mount the stairs like a wounded animal. I would lock myself inside my room, turn the music really loud so I could drown my heart, my emptiness, my exhaustion. I would cry a little. The effort would drain me. So I would lie on the floor, scroll endlessly on my phone. I would try to deny that I am depressed. I would try to deny that I exist.
When the inspiration strikes, I would type a poem. Another poem for me, for him, for someone I do not know but is feeling the same pain. I would imagine him somewhere in the wilderness, gasping for air as he sinks in his own misery. The poem will grow longer than intended as words gush out in a long queue of ghosts demanding to be inked for posterity. I would not hold anything back. I would type until my fingers become as numb as my barely beating heart. I would kiss my fingers and beg for forgiveness. Then my eyes would wander off to the window, lose my concentration into the pouring rain, and I would cry again.
Eight months, I was hiding in the void. If I came out at all, it was for me to immerse myself in the crowd so I could remember how it feels to be alive. Eight months, I never bothered to clean the mess in my dreary apartment. The dusty furniture, the cobwebs, the half torn curtains became my only company and they watched me suffer series of breakdowns. The bathroom witnessed how I struggled against taking my own life. The cold dinner table heard issues I refused to discuss with anyone. The bedroom watched me intoxicate myself as sleep became evanescent. Alcohol became my confidant. It became my lithium. And the window pane? It knows all of my secret longings. It stood by me as I waited for someone, anyone to drop by and perhaps, stop me from cutting my wrist.
Eight months, I never thought of doing anything normal. Eight months, I forgot I was human. Eight months, the sink resembled my life—disorganized, filthy, hideous and despairingly lacked future. Eight months, I stretched myself too thin, I broke like a thread. Eight months, I was luring death to take me. Eight months, I never did the dishes.
And so tonight, I want to write about how I stood before the sink, slowly picked up the sponge as Cardigan filled the background. And I hummed and hummed until the dishes were clean. It may be nonsensical to you, but to me, it was huge. It was me crawling my way back to redemption. It was me relearning forgiveness. It was me giving life a second chance.
It was me embracing FREEDOM!
-katie,
12th of June 2021, 18:25
Image: https://pin.it/6bVgzsz
Legally yours. ❤️
You are the blessing I didn't ask for but were given;
You are the miracle I didn't pray for but happened.
You happened. And my love, I've become my best version. Thank you for calming my storm. Now everything in me is pacific. Thank you for taming my demons. Now they kneel and wear golden halos.
Since you happened, the lips that refused to pray started uttering praises to God who made this blissful encounter possible.
Because you happened, I lift my hands up above, call out in the voice of a Seraphim as I feel my wings growing...
Wings that were severed when I-
I renounced my faith in love.
You happened, so I regained everything I ever lost from fear and doubt and wrath.
You are the gift I didn't ask for but were bestowed;
You are the guardian I didn't pray for but were sent to bring me home...
You were sent TO BE my HOME.
-god sent, katie
7th of March 2020 @23:30
life f***d me so hard
now i am pregnant
at the mercy of fatigue
and morning sickness,
i dream of galaxies
far away,
of stars burning out,
of white holes emerging
entities from one dimension
to a newer, greener one
i conceived hope
from tears
my grey sky shed
here in my womb
a new possibility was implanted
i watch blood spots stain
the clean linen I wear,
remind myself of the gift
throbbing in my veins
life f****d me so hard
now i am finally pregnant
after years of being barren,
lurking in the dark woods,
marveling at the depth of
the wounds i try so hard
to conceal,
the wrist cuts gaping
like angry openings but never
allowed air to fill my lungs
i suffocate, shatter in the corner
grit my teeth, bite my lips
to keep me from screaming
silence is comforting they say
and i drank too much of it
isolated from the rest of the world,
i am a pariah
who crawl the earth,
taste the saltiness of my sweat,
swallow the dirt
i lure death to my private chamber
he evaded me
but from time to time he visits
the farthest
reaches of my memory
he is not mine to summon
i can only wish solace
from the swing of his sword
so life flirted with me
it was a magical moment
romance quickly blossomed from
my famished mouth,
a miracle mushrooming from
my aching breasts,
it urged me to believe love always wins
though i never had the chance
to taste victory no matter how fierce i called
its name from the void, love
is an illusion meant to
manipulate us in our most
vulnerable state
life used love to tame me
i was at its beck and call
i've lain on a bed of roses
for ten moons or so
woke at the light kisses of zephyr,
greeted by the warm strokes of the sun
i was happy until the waves grew
rough, devouring me
i fell unconscious from the blows
gained scars from the wars
i waged in my head
life f*****d me so hard
it was an excruciating night
i lost my pride
i lost my dignity
now i am pregnant
after enduring barrenness,
and frustration,
and pain
i am pregnant with faith
with hope,
with courage,
with new potentials
i harnessed from
the belligerent storms
the world sent
to prevent me from going home
-new beginning,
katie, 19:20
I don't own a gun
But you pointed
Your finger
Said I killed the man
Shot him in the chest
Without a hint of mercy
So I was cuffed
Dragged into a dungeon
Ordered to be silent
Until "they" arrive
As to who "they" are
I don't have a clue
Even now
That I'm looking at you
The darkness of your eyes
Reminds me of a black coffee
Simmering with mystery
Gaping out at me
I don't own a gun
But you insisted
I killed the man
Shot him in the head
Watched him bleed to death
Then you broke a smile
That reminds me
It's been a while
Since I saw happiness
Escaping from a cold heart
If it is genuine
I don't really mind
The truth that you can
Curve your lips
At someone else's misery
Makes the skin covering me
Quaver with a sense of foreboding
I don't own a gun
But still I killed the man
You said I fired
Six bullets
Ignored his pained screams
Filling the room
As his lungs bursted
From his throat
Approached him as he fell
And fired one more shot
But I don't own a gun
So how could I kill the man
As cold bloodedly as he had
Been murdered
You laughed at my face
Told me to stop lying
That I should tell the truth
Stop denying the allegations
Still I don't own a gun
So how could I fire his guts
How could I shoot his chest
His head until he expired
You stormed the room
Your voice sounded like a thunder
But I know better
And so I met your gaze
If this is my crime
You won't hear me deny
Over and over
Like rehearsing a lie
I don't own a gun
But I'm still seated at this court
The gavel made an eerie echo
As it was pounded against the table
Look, I don't own a gun
So why would I ask forgiveness
With no one testifying against me
The charges should be dropped
Listen I don't own a gun
And we're just wasting our time
But if I have to pay for this
I wish I hid the body
Well enough for it to rot
Six feet under ground
i (don't) own a gun,
katie
Image: https://images.app.goo.gl/YBEPxi7qzr89qTKb7
as long as we do not die,
darling there'll be words
to stain blank sheets of paper
piled on your empty desk waiting
to be reunited with your pen,
there'll be stories about the night
we sat at the porch reminiscing
how we used to be good friends,
ah, cool, old days, we could not stop
talking as though the world is going
to end the next morning, you told me
how much you wished to wrap
your arms around me that afternoon I
was feeling under the weather,
there'll be tales to be told,
songs to be hummed,
poems to be recited,
darling, there'll be ample of words
to be written, so i'll let you fall
deeper into silence and revel
in the pangs if it soothes you
as long as we do not die,
there'll be stars twinkling
above us as we lean
for that last kiss.
-katie,
18th April 2021, 15:36
You don't know
What it's like
To stare
At the walls
For hours
And hours
Figuring out
How the clock
Ticks so loud
Screaming
A hollow sound
Dead, hollow sound
Ringing all over
Your deafness
Making you shiver
Despite your numbness
You don't know
What it's like
To hold yourself
Together because
Breaking down
Is like a drug
Tempting,
A little consoling
But destructive
So you lie there
Trying hard not to feel
Shutting the faint sound
Of blood running
In your veins
Trying hard not
To go insane
You don't know
What it's like
So stop repeating
Words I've heard
Before
For a million times
"You're gonna be fine!"
Maybe I would be
But not today
Definitely not today
-katie, 20:15
Image: Pinterest
I grew up believing
unicorns exist.
Now that you're here,
arms wrapped tightly
around my waist
as I wake,
I learned to believe
forever exists too.
-love and unicorns,
katie, 01:23
I will never run
out of beautiful
things to say about you.
katie
Five more minutes,
I will watch the moon
for five more minutes
Pretend my pain
is washed away
by its gloomy light
reaching my teary eyes
I will watch it with ardor
as the ocean roars
drowning the sound
of my heart shattering
into million screaming pieces
that remind me of
the kisses I showered the wind,
thinking you're here
running your fingers
through my hair
Five more minutes
won't hurt me
so I will linger that long
Stare at the night sky
Count the stars
that twinkle and
lament those that
already consumed
themselves to dust
Savor the cool breeze
against my skin
Listen to the secrets
the ghosts whisper
in my ears: your name
bringing me back
all the memories
I refuse to bury
Five more minutes, my love
I will watch the moon
wishing you're somewhere
looking at it too
-katie, 23:53
You are neither a battle nor a war I have to win every passing day.
You are my refuge.
You are my home.
(you are everything that makes me want to survive)
............
Hindi ka isang laban na kailangan kong harapin at ipanalo sa bawat araw.
Ikaw ang kanlungan,
ang nag-iisang tahanan.
(ikaw ang bawat dahilan kung bakit nagsusumikap mabuhay)
-katie, 20:27