Aftg Shitpost - Tumblr Posts

Ok but I just had the most chaotic thought...

So Aaron miraculously discovers he's half an inch taller than Andrew, and bOY DOES HE RUB IT IN!

"How's the weather down there?"

And Andrew is just silently infuriated. Like, that little BITCH—

The rest if the foxes think it's hilarious.

So one day Neil comes home, and Andrew's just in the livingroom doing squats angrily, and Neil loses it.

"What are you doing?"

"GETTING TALLER, FUCK OFF!"

Neil is like,, dying. "Y'know squats make you shorter, right?"

Andrew freezes. "That little bITCH—"

(Nicky told him squats would make him taller because he thinks it's hilarious.)

I’ve been cracking myself up by imagining someone in the actual mafia reading AFTG

but we can agree that it should ABSOLUTELY BE A MUSICAL

I think the real reason I don’t want an aftg tv show is because it would probably end up having the same energy as Riverdale

this is why i keep advocating for a musical

i love fantasizing about a tv adaptation of aftg, but in reality it would probably be a mess

i have no doubt it’d be as cringey as riverdale and as traumatic as 13 reasons why

plus how the FUCK would a network even find an actor talented AND short enough to play andrew/aaron??

so anyways animated aftg adaptation please 😌

My favourite fictional sport man 😤😤

Kevin and Neil texting:

Neil saw the "I can fix him trope" and said "I can fix his brother and their issues, his vague acquaintances, his college sports team and his extremely dependent best friend and have his enemies killed but I won't fix him cause he's perfect"

EXCUSE ME???? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME NOBODY’S TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT NICKY WANTED TO FUCK KEVIN??

God just imagine being Janie sitting in her hospital bed watching the news and finding out that her old assistant coach is now starting striker all of a sudden and is in fact not going back to the greatest Exy team in the country but chose to stay with your shitty team, your replacement is not at ALL who Wymack said he was but is in fact a runaway son of a fucking serial killer and legally belongs to the MAFIA, the best Exy player to exist in Evermore kills himself because the Foxes actually beat the Ravens, the psycho midget goalkeeper wasn’t actually a smiley crazy guy but a stone-cold fucker who could 100% murder you with a single glance, his twin brother murdered a man and it was front page of every newspaper for like a month in South Carolina, your coach is actually the dad of Kevin Day and that Kevin Day didn’t break his hand on a skiing trip.

You want to know what I just realized? How do Andrew’s arms not get all itchy and sweaty when tight armbands with knives underneath are literally on him 24 hours a day? Is it explained in the books?

Like I bet he’s always relieved taking them off and can finally run his arms under water and wash them with soap and shit. It’s probably his equivalent of taking off a tight bra after a long day or something, idk.

Also I haven’t read the books in a while so I’m so sorry if he wears them to hide his scars and I just forgot I just had a thought and wanted to share it. I like thinking about Andrew Minyard experiencing human inconveniences

The Foxes Playing Pass the Phone

(Andrew is sitting back and enjoying the show of finding out his teammates are fucking idiots again)

Kevin: I’m passing the phone to the person who used sarin wrap to dye their hair because we didn’t have tin foil

Renee: Ok, I can admit to my mistakes. And it was 3 am. I’m passing the phone to the person who studied law for a year only to find out that, no, you can’t actually sue someone who refused to give you lemonade at a lemonade stand.

Aaron: It was only two months and that kid was a fucking prick. I’m passing the phone to the person who thought that incest was an organ.

Neil: Yeah, ok, I was wrong. It’s a disease. I’m passing the phone to the person who thinks they can sing and that everyone wants to hear them belting the Star Spangled Banner at one in the morning.

Allison: You all just can’t handle my angelic vocal cords I see. I’m passing the phone to the person who flirted with a lifeguard and almost drowned because of it.

Nicky: He was hot okay?? I’m passing the phone to the person who asked why we can’t just print more money.

Matt: And I still didn’t get an answer, dickhead. I’m passing the phone to the person who thought they could be in Frozen on Ice and proceeded to twist their ankle the second they stepped onto the ice.

Dan: Listen, I needed a backup in case Exy didn’t work, alright. I’m passing the phone to the person who caffeine crashed the day we had a playoff match against the Trojans and nearly had to sit out

Kevin: It was one time and I bitched my way through it