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fall thinspø board

PE today. Friend of mine noticed some cvts on my thigh (the uniform is a skort and white trainer socks) and was like

"how did you get those."

"..."

"goddamnit [name] why?"

Then another friend joined us where we were sitting, and friend 1 said something along the lines of

"You know I've never been one to think about s£lf-h@rm, but tell me why or how hurting yourself makes anything better?!"

And now i'm really considering sending her a text like

"If you thought my legs in PE today were bad? Be goddamn grateful that I didnt find a screwdriver."

Nights Without You

Lil trigger warning for:

mentioned suicide ideation

wincest

beta'd by me

Even when Dean was with Lisa, a woman he tried to tell himself was the love of his life, he always thought of his Sammy.

Nights where he'd drown in whisky thinking of his baby brother. His baby brother who's dead, his baby brother who's always been there for him, his baby brother who he vowed to protect. He's dead, and every time he'd remember, he'd feel a wave of grief crash over him as if it were the first night all over again.

He tried to tell himself there was no point in living in the past, tried to live in the present with his step son and "wife", but he'd always be thrown into the memories of his Sammy whenever he'd see something he knew he'd like.

He couldn't even look at the impala without nearly breaking down some nights. He knew, somewhere in that car, he'd carved his initials next alongside his brother's. He thought, during that year of Sam being gone, that that was the most he'd ever cried in his entire life.

Sure, there were times Sammy were gone, but now he's gone. Dead. He was sure he'd never see him again. He'd remember, and he'd drink himself half to death to forget.

On more than one occasion, Dean had contemplated killing himself. It wasn't a new thought, but the overwhelming urge to actually go threw with it, grab the gun from his bedside table and paint his brains on the wall behind him, was.

That entire year went by like molasses, and every month, every week, every day, he was surprised he made it through them alive. The day he'd seen his brother, he thought he was hallucinating him again.

He'd never felt relief as strong as he did that day, when he embraced his brother once he'd proved he wasn't a demon. To feel his skin, to smell his scent, to feel him. If Heaven were real, he was sure that was it.

TW EDDD

Stats for now:

SW: 59.9 kg

CW: 58.8 kg

GW1: 56 kg

GW2: 55 kg

GW3: 54/53 kg

hi everyone, i’m not really new here but most 18+ that i used to interact with are gone now.

i try to do it as healthy as possible mainly just so i can keep it as a lifestyle and won’t get fat again :) so i don’t restrict as heavily as most of us but i try my best.

definitely looking for a buddy to keep eachother motivated!