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Renfield

My dumb little gay brain has hyper fixated on this upcoming vampire film so I wanted to talk about it. Really long post under the cut, so read on at your own risk 👍👍👍

So Renfield is this movie about Dracula’s minion, Renfield, and I got really excited about it when I saw the trailer. I’ll probably still go see the movie, the aesthetic is cool and I like the colors, but based on that trailer, I had an understanding of the plot that did not pan out. Maybe I’m wrong and the advertisement was misleading, but as I’m aware of it, the plot goes like this:

Renfield is your average guy, save for one thing: he works for the narcissistic Lord of Evil, Dracula, who I think serves as a literal representation of his low self-esteem and self-worth. To help alleviate this problem, he goes to a toxic relationship counseling group, who see his panicked rambling about his boss’s powers as hyperbole. His job is to bring Dracula people to eat, and, in exchange, (by eating spiders??? I think???) he gains superhuman strength and agility. But Dracula treats him terribly, and he’s looking to get out of their bargain. He, at some point, saves a bunch of people, and teams up with a police officer lady to an unknown degree. I assume the movie will end with him defeating Dracula, symbolizing him overcoming his mental struggles and finding peace.

Now, I thought this movie was gay. Perhaps that’s my gaggles (gay goggles) talking, but given that he goes to relationship counseling, the bizarre intimacy shown in the promotional material, as well as my inkling that it would have its romantic/sexual undertones addressed narratively if either Dracula or Renfield was a woman, I think it’s justified. So my first thought was, “Cool! Gay vampire action movie with Nick Cage!” And then I thought, “Oh, not gay vampire action movie with Awkwafina.” And some of my initial enthusiasm dipped. But I figured, “I can’t’ve been the only one who caught on to these subtleties, right?” So, to the Internet I went.

Come to find out, almost everyone saw the very homoerotic subtext between the dominating evil fancy man and his submissive good-hearted henchperson. 

Of course, some certain corners of the Internet, such as Pinterest, Tumblr, and Ao3 are perhaps a bit hardwired to see two men in close proximity and diagnose them with gay, but I think that says more about how writers write these characters, and less about how the fans see them. Since straight relationships are largely unappealing (read: unhealthy and possessive) as portrayed in modern media, and a majority of characters with speaking lines and interactions are male, gay pairings are an essential part of the shipping conversation. The top ten pairings in Ao3 fanfiction are all between two guys, for Pete’s sake. 

So why aren’t canonical gay relationships more common? The obvious answer is, obviously, the aggressive heterosexuality of Hollywood, action movies in particular. Sometimes it seems like hetero romance is a quota to fill, as if while making these movies, they thought, “We have to make these to opposite-gendered characters kiss,” with very little reasoning or logic behind it. And even if a straight romance is given buildup and payoff, it seems that many writers are uninterested in actually writing about two people in love, beyond the falling in. (The Thor movies are actually a great example of this, as the relationship between Jane Foster and Thor in the first movie is a pretty well-written one. But then they’ve broken up in the second film, Jane isn’t in the third one, and then she dies.) Indiana Jones has three different love interests for three straight movies, Maverick gets back with Penny in Top Gun 2 for literally no good reason, and Endgame ends with Captain America having gone back and inadvertently removed Peggy’s agency to get his romantic ending. In my opinion, straight romances are largely superficial, not impacting plot or characters in meaningful enough ways to be included. 

And that’s, I think, at the heart of why I can’t stand romantic subplots in action movies. Their superficially and toxic insanity. I can count on two hands the amount of movies with enjoyable and well-progressed romantic subplots. (Howl’s Moving Castle, Shrek, and Tangled come to mind, though that might be my animation bias showing.) It feels tacked on. Cheap. Unimportant. It’s hard to get invested into when the characters are so… not interesting. And when it’s not boring me to tears, it’s making me question the sanity of whoever signed off on it.

For an excellent comparison, look at the 1999 and 2017 Mummy movies. In the ‘99 film, Rick and Evie’s romance couldn’t be removed without substantial changes to the narrative. They positively drive each other’s development. Rick by feeding into Evie’s more outgoing and adventurous tendencies, and Evie by driving Rick to be more open and compassionate. They’re totally focused on each other, and time is given to developing their relationship naturally. It also provides a good foil against the villain, Imhotep, who was destroyed not once, but twice by his obsession with Anck-su-Namun. 

But the 2017 version has one of the most heterosexual stories I’ve ever seen in an action film. The protagonist, Nick, has two love interests, the paranoid researcher Jennifer, and the mummy herself, Ahmanet. He’s linked to Ahmanet through some psychic BS, and she wants to marry him. But he also has a past with Jennifer, and ends up sacrificing himself for her. But instead of these relationships serving as juxtaposition, one driven by genuine caring passion, and the other driven by desire and selfishness, one just keeps getting in the way of the other. At the end, neither are developed or compelling. Too much time is spent with Nick bemoaning his ties to Ahmanet to grow into his relationship with Jennifer, and too much time is spent with Nick angsting out with Jennifer to elaborate on his relationship with Ahmanet. And they’re all such boring characters that you can’t even really bring yourself to care.

So, along comes Renfield. A film with the perfect opportunity to structure most, if not all, of its story around a romantic relationship, albeit a failing one. It felt (and still feels) incredibly What We Do In The Shadows, given the poppy neon lighting, dry-humored dialogue, timeless atmosphere, and campy characters. And, above everything else, a lot of very gay subtext. (Of course, What We Do In The Shadows is a lot more overt with the character’s obviously not-straight sexualities.) Because while the common Internet users seem to look at this movie and say, “they’re gay,” the more official, widespread Internet journalists and film critics seem to look at this movie and talk only about how cool it is that not-so-subtle meme king Nicolas Cage is playing a classy-classic tuxedo vampire. (And, don’t get me wrong, I love that too.) Is it the gaggles rearing their homo heads again? Is this just something we’ve read into too deeply?

I don’t think so. Any millennial/ gen-Z consumer of vampire media, excluding maybe the die-hard Edward versus Jacob Twilight fans, is familiar with the homoeroticism that comes with the genre. Carmilla, widely considered the very first vampire novel, is literally about a lesbian romance! The sexual tension between Jonathan Harker and the Count in the first few chapter of Dracula is wild. So much vampire media is queercoded, if not outright gay, so I think assuming a 2023 “modern monster tale” would address or lean into these expectations is reasonable.

(As a side note, whatever Renfield and Dracula’s relationship is, it’s a toxic one. If my assumption is correct and Dracula represents Renfield’s internalized insecurities, that’s a pretty bad basis for a romance. The promo material has made it very clear that Renfield is unhappy with how he is treated by his boss. His journey in the movie is about getting away from that.

Online fandom culture has an unfortunate habit of romanticizing (fetishizing) gay men in toxic relationships. Look no further than the enthusiastic Killing Stalking fan base, who think a psychopathic, unfeeling murderer and an emotionally unstable, abandonment-issue-riddled nervous wreck should be together romantically. Oh, and the murderer kept the nervous wreck locked in his house for months, physically, emotionally, and sexually abusing him, while feeding into his Stockholm-Syndrome mentality. Such a relationship is similar to Dracula and Renfield’s. A lot of this culture stems from teen girls, which I am, and I don’t want to feed into that.)

If Renfield is gay, it has an interesting opportunity to write an extremely interesting queer romance about a gay dude breaking away from his abusive old boss, and perhaps finding new love and comfort in his sexuality. I would suggest the police officer, but, on top of the fact that she would bring it back to the realm of heteronormativity, she’s unfunny and annoying. (Although, her name is Rebecca Quincy, and Quincy P. Morris is the name of the bisexual Texas cowboy himbo from the original Dracula novel.) Oh, well. She’ll probably be his love interest anyway.

It’s possible that I’m just wrong and Renfield will have all this “good queer writing” that I didn’t expect, and this whole essay will be null and void. (I seriously doubt it.) Honestly, though, I’m really just using Renfield as thinly- veiled window dressing for other romantic- adjacent topics that I’ve wanted to organize my thoughts on for a while. 

Thanks if you read all this way. Lemme know what your thoughts on stuff like this is.

No matter what people think of you, always keep singing your own song.

Shamelessly reposted from Twitter

Pov im insufferable

Read-a-thon Wednesday!!!

I think a lot of people do this, BUT IM GOING TO BE ONE OF THEM.

Every Wednesday or so, I’m going to read non-stop.

But I am sadly still in school so technically not non-stop. BUT YOU GET IT-

Basically, I’m going to choose out 3 books I haven’t read from my TBR, the book I’m currently reading, a random graphic novel, and a manga! I’ll attempt to read them all in one day.

If I decide I have more extra time, I’ll choose fourth book to read as well.

(Also, i have a stack of books i have bought in a tower. I pick out 3 random post notes. If you guys want, i can make videos about it)

Im a fast reader, so I can do this. Right? 😨 RIGHT????

So if you want, you can join me every read-a-thon Wednesday, and do it with me or come along for the ride. WHATEVER YOU WANT.

I just thought would be entertaining.

I also really wanted to post this on TikTok, but I don’t think people would like it as much 😨

THANKS FOR READING, I LOVE YOU

We need book rehab. But specifically for the ones who have read most of Colleen Hoovers books. We need to get better.

BOOK REVIEW

Oh lord where do I begin 😨

LOLITA.

DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED. AND SPOILERS AHEAD

This man ruined her life. And he continued to do so until the end of the book?

The only time he didn’t torture her is when she got “kidnapped“

Everyone (mostly everyone) was sexualizing this book. And I cannot understand how this can even be thought of as romantic.

He groomed her, and did horrible things to her that I do not want to mention.

HE RUINED HER MOM TOO?

In his POV, we all got the story of how she was the one who seduced him. But come on, if we got her POV, it would talk about how she obviously had no choice but to do the things he wanted her too.

I have so many problems with this book that I cannot put it into one part.

BUT FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYONE, THIS WILL BE ONE PART BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ME RAMBLE.

Anywhozel,

3/5 stars. I put three because I know there’s something in this book I don’t see.

And I like how it gives you a manual on what not to do when a strange man marries your mom.

my poor eyes.

READ-A-THON WEDNESDAYYYYYYYYYYY

I am well aware tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and im spending it reading. I am a hopeless romantic who loves toxic men, how do you think Valentine’s Day is going for me?

ANYWHOZEL.

If you’re wondering, what is read-a thon Wednesday.

PLEASE GO LOOKED AT MY PINNED POSTS THEN COME BACK.

Thank you and i love you.

MOVING ON.

TOMORROWS BOOKS ARE…..

The accident Magus Bride (3)

Sylvia Plath THE COLLECTED POEMS

Brutal Prince

And last but not least, Hockey girl loves drama boy.

I’ve been reading Sylvia Plath for a while now actually, I’ve just never gotten to it.

IF YOU READ MY READ-A-THON WEDNESDAY POST, you would know that i pick three books from my stacked tower of TBR, well, i only picked two this time because i am deeply tired.

im literally girlboss rotting.

Anyways.

I would love to make videos about this, but I don’t think anyone wants to hear or watch that 😨

SO ENJOY THIS AND HAPPY READ-A-THON WEDNESDAY. (YES I KNOW ITS NOT WEDNESDAY YET)

I LOVE YOU (say it back 👹)

READ-A-THON WEDNESDAY IS BACK. SHOULD I MAKE A TIKTOK ABOUT IT? PLS TELL ME. OKAY I LOVE YOU

(Look at pinned if you do not know what readathon Wednesday is.)

Yes, we all need people to see this post!!!

i’m going to say something that might make me seem ungrateful, but i think it’s true of many fic writers:

we want you to leave comments ON ao3.

we’re not angry or disappointed or anything like that when you leave qrts or lots of tags on our fic posts, not at all. we don’t NOT want you to message us to tell us how a fic touched you. but in addition to that, please consider just copying those words and posting them on ao3 as a comment.

why?

the reason is simple: leaving commentary in other places is ephemeral. story posts get pushed down. chats get pushed down in the list of chats, or worse, pushed up in lists of messages as the conversation continues. but comments on ao3 are easily accessible. and this is important because writers read and reread these comments regularly.

writing, especially writing longfics, is exhausting and drains your confidence over time. having a collection of people who enjoyed your past work at your fingertips is an excellent way to build yourself up when you’re feeling down. fic writers need this a lot.

i know over the past few years there’s this trend to be very descriptive with what is an “acceptable” comment. that’s all nonsense, as long as you’re not being an asshole, just say what’s on your heart.

but post it on ao3. please.

The Misfortunate Incident

Chapter Two

While walking to the kitchen in search of some food after her shower, Emilia heard the familiar tune coming from her phone which notified her that Jessi was calling. Scooping up her phone, she grimaced when thinking about what this conversation would involve. She’d updated Jessi through text about how her presentation had gone and knowing her like she does, Emilia knew she’d have to give her a play by play before she’d even think about letting her stew in her own humiliation.

“He—”

“EMILIA!! Please tell me you were joking!” Jessi cut off. Pushing aside pleasantries between these two was common when there were more important matters to discuss.

“Well, I mean it really does sound worse than—”

“YOU PUKED ON PROFESSOR BARKLEY” her best friend nearly screeched before breaking off into a fit of giggles that made Emilia feel both mortified and amused.

“Jess—"

“Bhahaha—I’m sorry it’s not funny but— “Jessi snorted before another fit of laughter overtook her and interrupted her attempt to comfort her friend.

            Pulling the phone away from her ear Emilia couldn’t help the slight smile that broke across her face, at the sound of her best friend’s uncontrollable laughter caused by her ridiculous misfortune. As she waited for her best friend to finally calm down and regain her barring’s, Emilia let out an amused sign before beginning to prepare her cup noodle dinner.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m telling you Em, it really isn’t that bad, everyone will forget about it by Tuesday, and it’ll be like it never happened. Besides, if you ask me that was probably the most iconic thing you could’ve done in that class. Everyone knows Barkley is the least interesting, longwinded professor in our university” Jessi snorted after the girls debriefed the events of Emilia’s disaster of a day.

“He looked at me like I’d just ran over his dog as I walked out of class, I probably traumatized the poor man—stop laughing it’s not funny I can hear you!” Emilia whined. She’d long since finished her dinner and settled onto her couch, the girls had switched to facetiming each other halfway through the call. This gave her the perfect view to all her friends gasps and giggles that occurs during the recounting of events that occur in her last lecture of the day.

“Are we going to watch this show or not jess, you’ve only been asking me to watch it for the last couple of weeks” Emilia snorted while searching up her friend’s latest obsession, a show called F4 Thailand, which Jessi hadn’t stopped nagging her to get into since it started airing. After talking they’d decided to watch it together on facetime since neither girl thought it was a good idea to go out considering the weather.

“Yes, gosh we got so sidetracked its literally already nearing 7pm”

“I know, somebody was having too much fun laughing at my pain, you’re. lucky I don’t have work tomorrow or we’d never get to watch—” Emilia’s spiel was cut off as a crack of thunder sounded through the room and echoed from the phone.

            Since they’d been on the phone the storm clouds had rolled in and darkened the once tranquil blue sky, turning it a dark grey almost black while the sun set to light up another part of the world till tomorrow. Her mother had messaged to inform her, shed be spending the night at the hospital to avoid going out in the rain, and asked her to make sure all the windows and front door were locked. She also reminded her daughter where the flashlights were kept in case of a power outage and not to stay up too late just because it was the weekend.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After settling in and pulling up the show on their respective tv’s, the girls hit play and began to indulge in their favorite past time just like the hopeless romantics they were. The girls loved to throw in their own commentary and overzealous reactions to the scenes playing out before them, which led for the apartments to be filled with laughter and yelling that looked a bit like this.

“Ooh he’s cute, is he the main lead”

“Why was that literally the most dramatic way to bump into someone I’ve ever seen” “Em I’ve honestly seen you do worse, leave that girl alone”

“No because literally all he needed to do was take a wet wipe and clean his shoe, its rhinestone” “I thought the exact same thing when I first saw that scene but like he’s also supposed to be a spoiled brat so”

“Wow she literally walked away from her when the ONLY reason she’s even getting bullied is because of her, I’m going to swing” “My thing is like okay yea I get not wanting to get bullied but like no one was even around, SHE COULD’VE ATLEAST SAID HI”

“Why is MJ kinda...” “Right, they need to give my man more appreciation”

“AHH NOT HIM BUYING THE BUS SHE TAKES” “IF HE WNTED TO HE WOULD”

“No wait—” A crack or thunder accompanied the tv and lights in the apartment shutting off and plunging the two girls into darkness with a screech.

“Ugh you have got to be kidding me right now” “No we were literally only on episode four you haven’t even got to see the best parts yet”

            Sighing while getting up from the couch, Emilia headed to the kitchen cabinet under the sink to retrieve the flashlight and shine some light in the otherwise pitch-black living room. Walking back into her living room she calls out to Jessi and lets her know they’ll have to continue tomorrow before they bid goodbye and hang up for the night.

            After double checking all the windows and front door locks, she was about to head into her room when she saw what she thought was a spark coming from the outlet that the tv was plugged into. Standing completely still it only took a minute before she once again saw the flick of sparks coming from the outlet, and decided it was better to unplug the set for the night than risk the possibility of a fire starting while she slept.

Crouching down she reached out for the plug, when -- CRASH -- the sound of a frame being knocked to the floor caused her to jump back onto her bottom while looking over to the source of the sound and seeing her cat Salem sitting on the counter while cleaning his paws.

“Do only exist to give me heart attacks” she chided while shaking her head and resting her hand on her chest to calm down. She’d always hated thunderstorms and now without the distraction of the tv and the only light filling the room being that of the flashlight coupled with the occasional flash of lighting, her fear was being to creep up on her.

Taking a second to collect her thoughts she refocused on her goal of unplugging the tv and heading to bed to sleep off the remanent of the day. Reaching forward she grasped the plug and pulled before she saw a bigger spark ignite and an intense buzz run up her arm through her body before everything went black.

Someone needs to write an imagine about a love triangle with Aphrodite’s daughter(demigod) who is in a love triangle with Hephaestus child and Clarisse La Rue(established relationship Myb?) and Mr. D is just there for the show.?

I love walking into a bookstore. It's like all my friends are sitting on shelves, waving their pages at me.

-Nightrose

Cultural Dark Academia

After my last post about the lack of representation in academia, I felt it neccessary to provide some examples of what I’m talking about. Obviously there are more countries in the world than I can list and provide books for, so for a quick list this is what I got. !! Keep researching !! If you have any more books by POC please reply them !! If a country isn’t listed, that doesn’t mean it’s not important, this is just what I could get together real quick. If I made any mistakes, please let me know, we’re all learning. We need to help each other end eurocentrism in academia, so value representation and educate yourselves 💓💓💓

Chinese:

The Art of War by Sun Tzu

The Dream of the Red Chamber

The Water Margin

Romance of the Three Kingdoms

The Journey to the West

The Scholars

The Peony Pavilion

Border Town by Congwen Shen

Half of Man is Woman by Zhang Xianliang

To Live by Yu Hua

Ten Years of Madness by agent Jicai

The Field of Life and Death & Tales of Hulan River by Xiao Hong

Japanese:

A Personal Matter by Kenzaburo Oë

Pakistani:

Moth Smoke by Mohsin Hamid

How to Get Filthy Rich in Rising Asia by Mohsin Hamid

Ghulam Bagh by Mirza Athar Baig

Masterpieces of Urdu Nazm by K. C. Kanda

Irani/Persian:

Rooftops of Tehran by Mahbod Seraji

Savushun by Simin Daneshvar

Anything by Rumi

The Book of Kings by Ferdowsi

The Rubiyat by Omar Khayyam

Shahnameh (translation by Dick Davis)

Afghan:

Earth and Ashes by Atiq Rahimi

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

Indian:

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy

Aithihyamala, Garland of Legends by Kottarathil Sankunni

The Gameworld Trilogy by Samir Basu

Filipino:

Twice Blessed by Ninotchka Rosca

The Last Time I Saw Mother by Arlene J. Chai

Brazilian:

Night at the Tavern by Álvares de Azevedo

The Seven by André Vianco

Don Casmurro by Machado de Assis

Portuguese:

The Lusiads by Camões

Columbian:

Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Delirio by Laura Restrepo

¡Que viva la música! by Andrés Caicedo

The Sound of Things Falling by Jim Gabriel Vásquez

Mexican:

Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolf Anaya

Adonis Garcia/El Vampiro de la Colonia Roma by Luis Zapata

El Complot Mongol by Rafael Bernal

Egyptian:

The Cairo Trilogy by Nahuib Mahfouz

The Book of the Dead

Nigerian:

Rosewater by Tade Thompson

Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

Malian:

The Epic of Sundiata

Senegalese:

Poetry of Senghor

Native American:

The Inconvenient Indian by Thomas King

Starlight by Richard Wagamese

Almanac of the Dead by L. Silko

Fools Crow by James Welch

Australian Aborigine:

Dark Emu by Bruce Pascoe

First Footprints by Scott Cane

My Place by Sally Morgan

American//Modern:

Real Life by Brandon Taylor

Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo

Internment by Samir’s Ahmed

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurtson

Rivers of London Series by Ben Aaronovitch

Unbreakable Bonds

Crow sat comfortably on the floor in the HELM, with Hawkmoon dismantled on his lap. He meticulously cleaned each piece, humming softly while he worked. His concentration was so intense that he wouldn’t hear anyone sneaking up on him.

Aria entered the room silently, her presence almost ethereal. Her tan complexion had a subtle glow, with light shifting under her skin, giving her an otherworldly appearance that hinted at her Awoken heritage. Her striking eyes, a mesmerizing mix of vivid turquoise and deep emerald green, scanned the room before resting on Crow.

She wore sleek, dark Warlock armor adorned with iridescent accents that complemented her glowing skin. The armor was lightweight and form-fitting, designed to enhance her agility and grace in combat. Her long, raven black hair, streaked with vibrant blue and violet, flowed in loose waves down her back. Her makeup was ethereal and beautiful, enhancing her mystical appearance.

Aria moved closer, her steps almost soundless on the floor. As she approached Crow, she took a moment to observe him, noting the careful attention he gave to Hawkmoon.

“Crow,” she called softly, her voice carrying a gentle tone.

When he heard his name, he snapped his head up, eyes widening momentarily. Recognition flickered in his expression as he saw Aria standing there, her otherworldly presence catching him off guard.

“Aria.” He said, surprise laced in his tone. He relaxed a fraction, his shoulders lowering. He placed Hawkmoon carefully on the floor next to him.

Aria took a step closer, her glowing eyes reflecting the dim light of the HELM. "I'm sorry if I startled you," she greeted, her voice calm and steady.

Crow shook his head, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He rested his forearms on his knees, his gaze locked on her. “You’re a stealthy one, you know that?” He replied, his tone lightly teasing. “And you didn’t startle me. I was just... focused.”

Aria allowed a small, amused smile to grace her lips. "I'll take that as a compliment," she said, her voice carrying a hint of warmth. "It's good to see you, Crow."

Crow chuckled softly, appreciating her subtle sense of humor. He gestured with his head towards a space on the floor next to him, silently inviting her to join him.

“Likewise, Aria. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” He said, his expression sincere.

Aria accepted the invitation, gracefully lowering herself to sit beside him. She looked at him with a gentle smile, her glowing eyes reflecting warmth. "It has," she agreed. "A lot has happened since then."

Crow nodded in agreement, his gaze shifting momentarily to Hawkmoon and then back to her. “Too much has happened.” He admitted, his voice tinged with a hint of weariness. He leaned back slightly, using his hands to support himself. “Things are... tumultuous, to say the least.”

Aria nodded, understanding the weight of his words. “They are,” she agreed softly. “But amidst the chaos, we find our strength. And sometimes, it’s the tumult that shapes us into who we’re meant to be.”

Crow let out a dry, humorless chuckle. "That's a nice way to look at it, I suppose. But sometimes I wonder..." His voice trailed off, and his gaze turned contemplative as if he were lost in a sea of thoughts. He paused for a moment before speaking again. "Sometimes I wonder if who I’m meant to be... is even someone worth being."

Aria's eyes softened with understanding and empathy. She moved closer, her presence radiating a quiet strength. She reached out and gently placed her hand on Crow's arm, a reassuring touch grounding him in the moment. "Crow," she said gently, "we all have doubts about our worth, especially when we're haunted by our past. But I see you for who you are now, and you are worth being. More than you know."

Crow’s eyes flicked down towards her hand on his arm, then back up to meet her gaze. A mix of emotions flickered across his face—uncertainty, doubt, and a hint of the lingering guilt he carried. But there was something else there too, something akin to vulnerability. He sighed, her words sinking in, and he spoke with a hint of resignation. "You give me too much credit, Aria. My past is not something easily forgiven."

Aria's grip on his arm tightened slightly, a gesture of reassurance and unwavering support. "Crow, forgiveness isn't about forgetting the past. It's about recognizing the changes you've made and the person you've become. You've shown time and again that you're more than your past mistakes."

Crow looked away for a moment, his expression conflicted. "It's hard to see that when all I remember is the harm I've caused."

Aria gently lifted his chin, guiding his gaze back to hers. "Then let me remind you. Every day, you choose to be better, to help others, to protect those who can't protect themselves. That is what defines you now, not the shadows of who you were."

Crow's eyes met hers, and at that moment, he felt a wave of conflicting emotions wash over him. On one hand, the sense of guilt and doubt still loomed heavily, and on the other, there was a small flicker of hope that her words had ignited. He searched her gaze, looking for any sign of dishonesty or pity, but he found none. All he saw was unwavering conviction and trust.

He exhaled, his breath shaky, and his shoulders sagged slightly. "How do you do that?" He said softly.

Aria's grip on his chin remained gentle, her thumb softly caressing his skin. "Do what?" she asked, her voice equally soft, her eyes never leaving his.

Crow swallowed, his gaze not wavering from hers. Her touch, though soft, seemed to ground him, anchoring him to the present moment. He continued quietly. "How do you see the best in me when I find it so hard? When all I see are my faults and mistakes, you still manage to find something worthy."

Aria's thumb continued its gentle caress on his chin, her eyes soft and filled with unwavering conviction. "Because, Crow, I've seen your actions. I've seen the choices you make every day to be better, and to help others. You aren't Uldren. You are Crow. And Crow is someone worth believing in."

Crow's eyes darkened slightly at the mention of 'Uldren', the guilt of his past transgressions surging forth. But he pushed the feeling down, focusing on her words, on the certainty in her gaze. He closed his eyes, letting her words sink in, allowing them to wash over him.

He took a deep breath before speaking again, his voice barely above a whisper. "And what if I lose myself... again? What then?"

Aria's hand moved from his chin to his cheek, her touch gentle and reassuring. Her other hand came up to cradle his face, softly caressing his skin. "You won't," she whispered, her voice filled with unwavering conviction. "And even if you start to, I'll be here to bring you back."

She leaned forward, bringing his head down until their foreheads rested against each other. The intimate gesture was grounding, a tangible connection that anchored him in the present moment.

"We're in this together, Crow," she continued softly, her breath mingling with his. "I won't let you lose yourself. And you won't have to face any of this alone."

Crow's eyes remained closed as he felt her breath against his face. The closeness of her, the feeling of her hands on his skin, the words she spoke, it felt... comforting, grounding. It was a stark contrast to the usual feelings of isolation he would often feel.

His body relaxed instinctively, tension easing from his shoulders, and he leaned into her touch, seeking her comfort. He let out a shaky exhale, his voice barely audible. "I don't deserve you."

Aria's touch grew even gentler, her thumbs brushing against his cheeks with soft, soothing strokes. "Crow," she whispered, her voice steady and filled with warmth, "you deserve kindness, compassion, and forgiveness just like anyone else. You deserve someone who sees the good in you, even when you can't."

She pressed her forehead more firmly against his, her eyes closing as she focused on the connection between them. "You deserve to be loved and to find peace. And I'm here to remind you of that, every day."

Crow let out a low, shaky breath as she spoke. Her words cut through the guilt and doubt that had settled around his heart like a dark veil. He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, his voice slightly hoarse as he spoke. He lifted his hands, gently resting them on hers, holding her hands against his face. He opened his eyes, meeting her gaze once more, his own eyes filled with vulnerability and gratitude.

He let out a shaky breath, his forehead still pressed against hers. "Why... why do you care so much?"

Aria's eyes softened, her breath mingling with his as she held his gaze. "Because I see the person you are, Crow. Not the shadows of your past, but the light of your present and the potential for your future. You've shown kindness, bravery, and a desire to be better. That's worth caring about."

She paused, her thumbs gently caressing his cheeks. "You forgave me for what I did, Crow. You knew I was the one who killed Uldren, and yet you never blamed me. You accepted me, flaws and all. How could I not care for someone like you?"

Crow's heart clenched tightly in his chest as she spoke, her words cutting through the layers of guilt and self-doubt he had been wrestling with. He wanted to believe her, wanted to accept her words as true, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't deserve such unwavering care and compassion.

He searched her eyes, looking for any hint of falsehood, any sign of dishonesty, and found none. All he saw was unwavering sincerity and a quiet determination to make him see his worth.

He closed his eyes again, his voice cracking with a hint of raw emotion. "I... I don—"

Aria gently placed a finger over his lips, silencing him with a soft, reassuring touch. "Shh, Crow," she whispered, her eyes filled with warmth and love. "You don't have to say anything. Just listen."

She moved her hand from his lips to cradle his face, her thumbs gently caressing his cheeks. "You forgave me for killing Uldren. You never held it against me, even when you had every right to. You saw the person I am, not just the actions I've taken. And that's why I care so much about you."

Crow's eyes opened, meeting hers with vulnerability and a glimmer of hope.

Aria continued, her voice steady and filled with emotion. "I see the good in you, Crow. I see the kindness, the bravery, and the strength you show every day. And more than that, I've come to care for you deeply. I love you, Crow. Not just as a friend, but as someone who believes in you, who sees your worth even when you can't."

Crow's breath hitched in his throat as Aria's words washed over him like a warm, soothing current. The mixture of emotions inside him swirled like a storm, a maelstrom of fear, guilt, and a growing hope that he might, just might, be worth her love.

He leaned into her touch, his eyes never leaving hers, his expression of fragility and burgeoning hope. He swallowed as he tried to find his voice, his voice soft and wavering with raw emotion. "You love me?"

Aria's eyes softened even more, her thumbs continuing their gentle caress on his cheeks. "Yes, Crow," she whispered, her voice filled with unwavering sincerity and tenderness. "I love you. Every part of you. I love you for your kindness, your bravery, and your strength. But most of all, I love you for who you are and how you see me."

Crow's breath hitched as he drank in her words, his heart hammering frantically in his chest. Her confession—so unexpected yet so beautiful—was like a soothing balm to wounds he had thought were untreatable.

He took a shaky breath, his voice barely above a whisper as he responded. "How? After everything I've done? How can you love..." He trailed off, swallowing hard, the words stuck in his throat.

Aria, sensing his turmoil, gently pushed him back so he was leaning against the wall. She climbed into his lap, her movements fluid and graceful, and positioned herself to face him. Holding his face close to hers, she framed his cheeks with her hands, her touch warm and reassuring.

"Because you are not Uldren," she whispered, her eyes locked onto his with unwavering conviction. "You are Crow. You are the person who has shown kindness, bravery, and the desire to be better every single day."

Crow's breath hitched as she settled onto his lap, her touch like a life raft in a storm-tossed sea. His hands came up involuntarily to rest on her hips, steadying her and holding onto her like a lifeline. Her proximity was intoxicating, his senses were overwhelmed by her proximity, her perfume, the way her eyes seemed to see right to his soul.

He swallowed heavily, still wrestling with feelings of unworthiness. When he spoke, his voice was a ragged whisper. "But my past... my mistakes..."

Aria leaned closer, her nose gently rubbing against his, her breath warm against his lips. "Those mistakes belong to Uldren, not you," she whispered, her voice filled with unwavering conviction. "You are Crow, and you are so much more than your past."

Crow's eyes filled with tears, the raw emotion of her words breaking through the walls he had built around his heart. He held onto her hips tighter, needing her closeness, her reassurance.

Aria continued to speak softly, her words like a soothing balm to his soul. "You have shown time and again that you are capable of great things, Crow. And I believe in you, more than you know."

She pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, her lips lingering for a moment, offering comfort and love. "You are not alone in this," she murmured against his skin. "I'm here with you, now and always."

Crow's breath hitched as her nose gently brushed against his, her breath warm on his lips, her words sending shivers down his spine. The raw emotion in her voice, the unwavering conviction in her words, it shattered the walls he had erected around his heart, leaving him both vulnerable and strangely exhilarated.

Tears welled in his eyes, his grip on her hips tightening, needing her closeness and reassurance more than he had ever needed anything.

He let her words wash over him like a soothing balm to his soul, the weight of his past and his guilt slowly ebbing away. "You... you—”

Aria looked him in the eyes, her gaze filled with affection and adoration. "I love you so much," she said softly, her voice carrying the weight of her feelings.

Crow's breath caught in his throat at her words, his heart skipping in his chest. He searched her eyes, looking for any trace of falsehood or manipulation, but all he found was unwavering affection and adoration.

Tears streamed from his eyes as he choked back a sob, his body trembling slightly under the weight of his emotions. "I love you too, Aria," he whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. "More than I ever thought possible."

Aria's eyes sparkled with emotion, her tears threatening to spill as she held his gaze. "We'll face everything together," she murmured, her voice a soothing promise. "No matter what comes our way."

Crow nodded, his tears streaming down his face, unbidden and unchecked. The weight of his past still hung heavily on his shoulders, but as he looked into her eyes, he felt a glimmer of hope—the possibility of a future free from guilt and shame.

He pulled her closer to him, his arms encircling her waist, his head resting against her chest. He felt her heart beat steadily against his ear, like a gentle, comforting rhythm. He breathed deeply, inhaling her scent, finding solace in her presence.

"Together," he whispered, his voice a hoarse whisper. "Always."

Aria held him close, her fingers gently running through his hair. She placed gentle kisses on the crown of his head, her touch tender and reassuring. "Always," she whispered back, her voice filled with love and conviction. "I'm here with you, Crow. You're not alone."

Crow's heart swelled with love and gratitude as he leaned into her touch, his eyes closed as he soaked in her gentle caresses. Her words were like a lifeline, a soft beacon of hope amid his turmoil. He felt her fingers running through his hair, the tenderness of her touch sending shivers down his spine.

He wrapped his arms tighter around her waist, pulling her closer, needing the security and comfort her presence provided. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, his voice muffled against her skin. "Thank you... for being here with me..."

Aria's heart ached with empathy and love as she held him close, her hands never ceasing their gentle movements. She felt his breath against her neck, his words filled with raw emotion. "Always, Crow," she whispered, her voice filled with unwavering commitment. "I'm here with you, now and always."

She pulled back slowly, just enough to look him in the eyes, their faces only inches apart. Her hands cradled his face tenderly, her thumbs brushing away the tears that had fallen. Her eyes, filled with affection and determination, locked onto his.

"Look at me," she said softly, her voice steady and reassuring. "You are not alone. You never have to face anything alone ever again."

Crow's breath hitched as she pulled away just enough to look him in the eyes, her hands gently cradling his face. The intensity of her gaze, and the unwavering determination in her words, were almost overwhelming. He could feel the love and affection pouring from her, and it stirred something deep within him, like a long-dormant flame finally reigniting.

He swallowed hard, his eyes locking onto hers. The tears continued to stream down his face, unbidden and unchecked, as he struggled to find his voice. "Never alone..."

Aria repeated his sentiment softly, her thumbs gently wiping away his tears. "Never alone," she echoed, her voice a soothing balm to his troubled soul. Her gaze shifted ever so slightly to his lips before returning to his eyes, filled with love and reassurance.

Crow's breath hitched again as he saw her gaze shift to his lips, and suddenly, he was acutely aware of the tiny distance separating them. His eyes flicked down to her lips and then back up to hers, a thousand unspoken words passing between them. He could feel her breath on his face, and the heat of her body pressed against his.

He swallowed hard, his voice a hoarse whisper. "Aria..."

Aria's heart pounded in her chest, her breath catching as she saw the longing in his eyes. She could feel the intensity of the moment, the weight of everything unspoken. "Crow," she whispered back, her voice filled with love and desire.

Without thinking, he leaned in ever so slightly, his lips hovering mere millimeters from hers, the magnetic pull between them irresistible. "I love you," he breathed, the words a reverent whisper.

Aria's breath hitched at the closeness, her eyes searching his with longing and love. "I love you, too," she whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. She closed the small gap between them, her lips meeting his in a kiss that was both tender and filled with an undeniable intensity.

Crow's mind went blank for a moment as their lips met in a soft, yet charged, kiss. The contact sent fireworks dancing across his skin, every nerve ending alive with electric excitement. He responded immediately, his hands pulling her closer, holding her against him as if his life depended on it.

He tangled his fingers through her hair, gripping it gently as he deepened the kiss, pouring every ounce of love and desire he felt into the moment.

Aria's response was just as fervent, her hands moving to his shoulders, holding him tightly, as if afraid to let go. The kiss spoke volumes, a silent exchange of emotions that words could never fully capture. It was a release of all the tension, the pain, and the longing they had both felt.

Crow broke the kiss for a moment, his lips moving down to her jaw, leaving a trail of burning heat along her skin. He peppered her neck with gentle kisses, his breath coming in ragged gasps as his body responded to her proximity, to her touch.

He whispered her name again and again, his voice thick with emotion, as if he couldn't get enough of saying it aloud. He nipped at her earlobe, his tongue tracing the curve of her neck, his fingers tracing patterns along her spine.

Aria's hands roamed over his shoulders, pulling him closer, her breath coming in short, shallow bursts. "Crow," she murmured, her voice filled with love and desire. "I love you so much."

Crow's heart swelled at her words, the raw emotion in her voice sending a jolt through his body. "I love you too," he whispered against her skin, his lips returning to hers in a hungry kiss.

He pulled her even closer, their bodies molded against one another, his hands wandering over her body, tracing every curve and contour as if he was trying to memorize her touch, her scent, her very essence. Aria responded in kind, her fingers threading through his hair, her nails gently grazing his scalp as she deepened the kiss. Her body pressed against his, her every movement a reflection of the passion and love she felt for him.

"You're everything to me, Crow," she whispered against his lips, her voice trembling with emotion.

Crow's breath hitched at her words, the raw honesty in her voice sending another jolt through his body. He pulled back slightly to look into her eyes, his gaze filled with love and something almost feral. He traced her bottom lip with his thumb, his voice a ragged whisper. "You're my world," he murmured, his heart thundering in his chest. "Everything I am, everything I have, it's yours. Always."

Aria's eyes shone with unshed tears, her own emotions threatening to overwhelm her. She held his gaze, her hand gently caressing his cheek. "And you are mine," she whispered back, her voice trembling with the weight of her feelings. "I love you, Crow. With everything I have."

Crow's heart swelled at her words, the intensity of his emotions almost too much to bear. He reached up to capture her hand, bringing her knuckles to his lips, and pressing gentle kisses to her skin. He breathed deeply, filling his lungs with her scent, wanting to commit every second of this moment to memory.

He pulled her even closer, his arms encircling her waist, holding her against him like a lifeline. "I'll never let you go," he whispered, the words a promise and a prayer all in one.

Aria's eyes filled with tears of happiness, her heart overflowing with love. She leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, her lips lingering there as she whispered, "And I'll never leave your side."

Crow closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of her lips on his forehead, the sensation sending a shiver down his spine. He held her tighter, pulling her closer as if trying to merge their bodies into one. His fingers traced soft patterns on her back, his touch gentle and soothing, as he murmured. "Promise me something."

Aria's breath hitched slightly, her heart pounding in her chest as she held him close. "Anything," she whispered, her voice soft and filled with love.

Crow pulled back just enough to look into her eyes, his gaze intense and filled with emotion. "Promise me you'll never doubt how much I love you," he said, his voice raw with sincerity. "No matter what happens, no matter what we face, always remember that you are my everything."

Aria's eyes glistened with unshed tears, her heart swelling with affection. She cupped his face in her hands, her thumbs gently brushing against his cheeks. "I promise," she whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. "I will never doubt your love. And I promise to always believe in us, in our love, no matter what challenges we face."

Crow's eyes softened, the relief and gratitude in them almost palpable. He nuzzled his face into her touch, his breath hitching at the feel of her fingertips against his skin. He wrapped his arms tighter around her, holding her close, like a lifeline in a turbulent sea. "And I promise you the same," he murmured, his voice a whisper in the quiet of the moment. "No matter what, I will always love you, always choose you, always fight for us. That's something I can promise without hesitation."

Aria's heart swelled with emotion, her eyes brimming with tears of happiness. She leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to his lips, her touch filled with love and reassurance. "Thank you, Crow," she whispered against his lips. "For being my strength, my light, my everything."

Crow's heart skipped a beat at her words, a lump forming in his throat. He returned her kiss, pouring every ounce of his love and devotion into it, wanting her to feel the depth of his emotions. He pulled back slightly, his forehead resting against hers, his voice a hoarse whisper. "You're my world, my anchor," he murmured. "You're the reason I keep going. You're what makes everything worth fighting for."

They held each other tightly, their foreheads resting together, their breaths mingling in the intimate space between them. The love they felt for each other was a powerful force, unbreakable and eternal. In that moment, they knew they could face anything together, their hearts and souls intertwined, bound by promises of unwavering love and support. As they sat there, wrapped in each other's arms, they found strength and solace in their connection, ready to face whatever challenges the future might bring, side by side.

-

Character.AI inspired me to write this story.

Bonds of Love

Headcanons for when Lycaon is in a relationship

Chivalrous and Gentle: Lycaon maintains a gentlemanly demeanor, always polite and considerate towards his partner. He opens doors, pulls out chairs, and carries heavy items, treating his partner with respect and care.

Lycaon smoothly opens the restaurant door with a practiced motion and turns to offer his hand to his partner, a gentle smile on his face. "After you, my dear. A gentleman always serves his beloved," he says warmly. His partner laughs softly, accepting his hand, and responds, "You're always so considerate." Lycaon, his visible eye filled with affection, replies, "It's my pleasure. You deserve nothing but the best," before leaning in to place a soft kiss on the back of their hand, his gaze full of warmth and devotion.

Protective Instincts: With his strong protective nature, Lycaon is always attentive to his partner's safety. He is vigilant and cautious, often positioning himself to shield his partner from potential harm.

As they walked through the crowded market, Lycaon subtly positioned himself between his partner and the bustling throng, his presence a silent shield. When they approached a particularly congested area, he placed a gentle hand on their lower back, guiding them safely through the crowd. Noticing his protective gesture, his partner glanced up with a soft smile. "You always know how to make me feel safe," they said. Lycaon smiled back, applying a reassuring pressure. "It's important to me that you're always protected," he replied warmly, nudging them toward a quieter corner while scanning the area to ensure their comfort and safety.

Romantic Gestures: Lycaon has a romantic side, often surprising his partner with flowers, handwritten notes, or thoughtful gifts. He enjoys planning special dates, such as stargazing nights or quiet dinners, to create memorable moments.

Lycaon approached his partner with a gentle smile, holding a bouquet of their favorite flowers behind his back. With a flourish, he revealed the vibrant blooms. "For you," he said tenderly, his gaze full of adoration. His partner's eyes widened in delight as they took the bouquet, the sweet scent filling their senses. "They're beautiful! What's the occasion?" they asked. Leaning in closer, Lycaon brushed his snout affectionately against their nose before nuzzling their cheek. "Just because I love you," he sweetly whispered. Seeing his partner blush, clearly touched by the heartfelt gesture, filled Lycaon with joy, his heart swelling at their happiness.

Intellectual Conversations: He values deep and meaningful conversations with his partner. Lycaon enjoys discussing literature, philosophy, and other intellectually stimulating topics. He listens intently and appreciates his partner's insights, often engaging in thoughtful debates and sharing his own perspectives.

The soft lighting illuminated the vibrant paintings around Lycaon and his partner as they strolled through the quiet halls of the art museum. Taking a moment to consider a particularly compelling piece, Lycaon leaned in slightly, his expression thoughtful. "The symbolism in this painting is fascinating," he said in a smooth, reflective voice. "The use of color and light by the artist to express emotion and depth is truly remarkable." His partner nodded, their eyes glowing with interest. "I love how the contrast between the shadows and light adds layers of meaning. It’s almost like the painting tells a story without words." Lycaon smiled warmly, holding their hand gently in his. "I appreciate how you see these details. Your observations always provide me with a new layer of understanding I hadn't considered before. It's one of my favorite things about our conversations."

Expressive Affection: Despite his reserved nature, Lycaon is affectionate in his own way. He often expresses his love through gentle touches, such as holding hands, resting his hand on his partner's back, or brushing a stray hair away from their face. His actions are subtle yet deeply meaningful, conveying his care and devotion.

It was a quiet evening as Lycaon sat beside his partner, the room filled with a peaceful silence. Reaching out, he gently took their hand in his, his touch warm and reassuring. A tender smile spread across his face as he leaned in closer to brush a stray hair away from their face. "You always manage to captivate me," he whispered in a soft, sincere tone. A smile spread across his partner's face as they felt the warmth of his touch and the sincerity of his words. "You make me feel so special," they replied, their voice filled with affection. Lycaon's gaze softened, reflecting the depth of his emotions. Leaning closer, he tilted his head slightly, pressing a gentle, lingering kiss to their lips. He kissed softly, yet passionately, expressing the depth of his love and devotion. As he pulled back, his thumb gently stroked their cheek. "You are special to me," he whispered, his voice barely above a whisper, carrying the weight of his heartfelt words.

Loyal and Committed: Lycaon is incredibly loyal, and once committed to a relationship, he is dedicated and steadfast. He values trust and honesty, making sure to communicate openly with his partner. His commitment is unwavering, and he is always there to support and stand by his partner, no matter the circumstances.

Sitting on the couch with his partner, Lycaon gently took their hands in his, his grip firm yet comforting. Taking a deep look into their eyes, he spoke steadily, with a sense of sincerity in his voice. "You know I'll always be here for you, right? No matter what," he said, a look of unwavering commitment on his face. Feeling the warmth and reassurance in his words, they smiled softly, the tension easing from their body. "I do, and it means the world to me," they replied, their voice touched with emotion. Lycaon's expression softened even more as he leaned in, lifting their hands to his lips as he kissed them tenderly and with affection. "Good," he murmured, his voice soft and intimate. "Because you mean the world to me."

Soft and Vulnerable Moments: Lycaon feels comfortable showing his softer side with his partner. He opens up about his fears, dreams, and insecurities, trusting his partner with his innermost thoughts.

As they lay together in the dim light of the bedroom, Lycaon stared at the ceiling, a shadow of worry crossing his features. He took a deep breath, gathering the courage to voice his thoughts. "Sometimes, I worry that I might not be enough for you," he confessed softly. "That I might fail you in some way." His partner gently took his hand, their fingers lacing together in a comforting grip. "You never have to worry about that," they assured him, their tone filled with warmth and sincerity. "You're more than enough for me, just as you are." A small, relieved smile formed on Lycaon's lips as he turned to face them, their words soothing his fears. "Thank you," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. His lips pressed tenderly against their foreheads as he found deep comfort and reassurance in their presence.

Playful Teasing: Lycaon enjoys a playful dynamic with his partner. While he is usually composed, he sometimes teases his partner in a lighthearted manner, enjoying the banter and the smiles it brings. His teasing is always gentle and affectionate, never crossing the line into hurtful territory.

As they worked side by side in the kitchen, preparing a meal, Lycaon noticed his partner struggling to open a jar of sauce. With a playful grin, he stepped closer, leaning over their shoulder. "Need a big, strong wolf to help with that?" he teased in a light and affectionate manner. They rolled their eyes with a mock sigh, handing him the jar. "Oh, please. Show me your amazing strength," they replied, playing along with the banter. Chuckling, Lycaon effortlessly twisted the lid off the jar and handed it back, his gaze twinkling with amusement. "There you go, just as requested," he said with a dramatic flourish. "Always happy to lend my mighty strength." His partner laughed, shaking their head. "You and your teasing," they said, nudging him playfully. "It's a good thing you're cute." Lycaon’s grin widened as he leaned in to kiss the tip of their nose. "And it's a good thing you love my teasing," he countered, his voice softening with fondness.

Supportive Partner: He is incredibly supportive of his partner's goals and aspirations. Lycaon is always there to offer encouragement, advice, and a listening ear. He celebrates their achievements with genuine pride and offers comfort and reassurance during challenging times.

As his partner walked into the room, Lycaon immediately rose to greet them, a proud smile on his face. "You did amazing," he said warmly, wrapping them in a gentle hug. "I knew you would impress everyone." Despite their exhaustion, they smiled with relief. "It was nerve-wracking, but I'm glad it's over." Guiding them to sit down, Lycaon held their hands and looked into their eyes, his expression sincere. "You were incredible. Your dedication and hard work truly shone through," he reassured, his voice filled with pride. Leaning in, he pressed a gentle kiss to their forehead. "Let's celebrate your success tonight. You deserve it."

Quiet Companionship: Lycaon appreciates quiet moments with his partner, where they can simply enjoy each other's presence without the need for words. Whether it's reading together, taking a leisurely walk, or sitting in comfortable silence, these moments are cherished as they reflect the deep connection and understanding between them.

Lycaon sat beside his partner on the couch, a book resting in his hands as the soft glow of the lamp cast a warm light over them. Occasionally, he glanced over at his partner, a soft smile playing on his lips as they were engrossed in their book. They shifted slightly, leaning into Lycaon's side, finding comfort in his presence. Without a word, they continued reading, savoring the quiet intimacy of the moment. As he breathed in deeply, Lycaon gently rested his head against theirs, feeling content in the shared quiet, enjoying the simple joy of being together without words.

Rituals and Traditions: Lycaon enjoys establishing rituals and traditions with his partner. Whether it's a weekly date night, a special way of celebrating anniversaries, or simple daily routines like morning coffee together, he finds comfort and joy in these shared experiences.

Every morning, Lycaon rises early to brew a pot of coffee, carefully preparing it just the way his partner likes it. He arranges two cups on the kitchen island, adding a small vase of fresh flowers to brighten the space. When his partner enters the kitchen, they're greeted by the comforting aroma of coffee. A smile spreads across their face as they approach the island. "Good morning," they say softly, taking a place next to Lycaon. Pouring the coffee into their cups, Lycaon hands one to his partner, his gaze warm with love. "Good morning," he replies. "Did you sleep well?" They share a quiet moment, savoring the start of the day together. Taking a sip, they nod, enjoying the rich flavor. "I did, thanks to you," they say, their voice filled with adoration. "These mornings are my favorite." Smiling, Lycaon sets his cup down and wraps an arm around his partner, pulling them closer. He leans in, placing a gentle kiss on their forehead. "Mine too," he murmurs.

Feral Protective Instincts: Though outwardly sophisticated and rational, Lycaon's innate feral character reveals itself when his partner is in danger. His usually composed demeanor gives way to a fierce protectiveness. He becomes intensely focused and assertive, ensuring that any threat is swiftly dealt with.

As Lycaon and his partner strolled through the bustling marketplace, enjoying the vibrant atmosphere, an aggressive individual suddenly approached them, visibly angry and raising their voice. Instantly, Lycaon's demeanor shifted, his usually calm expression turning dangerous as a low, warning growl rumbled from his throat. He stepped protectively in front of his partner, his posture aggressive. "Is there a problem here?" he growled, his voice deep and menacing, baring his sharp teeth in a silent snarl. The sudden display of his feral nature caused the aggressor to falter, clearly intimidated by the quiet but profound threat in Lycaon’s unwavering stance. "It would be best for you to move along now," he continued, his voice cold and commanding. Seeing Lycaon’s protective instincts in action, his partner felt both reassured and awed by his fierce loyalty. "It's alright," they whispered, gently placing a hand on his arm to calm him. As the aggressor backed away, clearly unnerved, Lycaon gradually relaxed. He turned to his partner, his expression softening significantly. Reaching out, he gently caressed their cheek, his touch tender and protective. "I won't let anyone harm you," he promised in a low, sincere voice.

A Thoughtful Heart

Headcanons for when Wise is in a relationship

Thoughtful Gestures: Wise is attentive to his partner's likes and dislikes. He often surprises them with small, thoughtful gifts or gestures, like bringing their favorite snacks or planning a special date around their interests.

Aware of his partner's love for classic films, Wise plans a special movie night in his bedroom, creating a cozy atmosphere with extra pillows, blankets, and their favorite snacks. When his partner enters the room, they’re pleasantly surprised by the thoughtful setup. "Wow, this is amazing! You remembered my favorite movies and snacks!" they exclaim, eyes lighting up with excitement. Smiling warmly, Wise hands them a bowl of popcorn. "Of course I did," he replies affectionately. "I wanted us to have a special night together." As they settle in beside him, Wise wraps an arm around them, and they lean their head on his shoulder with a grateful smile. "You're always so thoughtful," they say softly. Wise responds with a gentle kiss on their forehead, whispering, "I just want to make you happy."

Deep Conversations: Being a thoughtful and philosophical person, Wise loves engaging in deep, meaningful conversations with his partner. Whether discussing life, dreams, or their favorite books and movies, he enjoys connecting on an intellectual and emotional level.

Wise and his partner are sitting on his bed, discussing a thought-provoking documentary they recently watched. Thoughtfully rubbing his chin, Wise leans back against the headboard, his gaze focused and intense. "It's fascinating how different perspectives can reshape our understanding of history. It makes you think about the narratives we accept as truth, doesn't it?" he says.   His partner nods, their expression equally thoughtful. "Absolutely. It challenges what we consider to be the truth and makes us question our own beliefs and biases." Wise gently takes their hand, his eyes warm and sincere. "I love these moments with you," he says softly. "It feels like we're exploring the world together, discovering new ways of seeing things."

Protective Nature: Wise has a strong protective instinct. He's always looking out for his partner's well-being, whether it's making sure they're safe or supporting them during difficult times. He's not overbearing but offers a comforting presence.

The couple walk home along a dimly lit street after a late-night outing. Noticing his partner shivering slightly, Wise quietly slips off his jacket and drapes it over their shoulders, gently pulling them closer. "I can't have you catching a cold," he says softly, his voice filled with concern. His partner smiles appreciatively, snuggling into the warmth of his jacket. "Thank you for always looking out for me," they say, their eyes meeting his with warmth and affection. Wise's gaze softens as he leans down to press a gentle kiss to their forehead. "It's because I care about you," he promises, his voice a comforting murmur. "I'll always look out for you."

Acts of Service: Wise expresses his love through acts of service. He enjoys doing little things to make his partner's life easier, like cooking a meal, helping with errands, or just being there to listen after a long day.

The kitchen is filled with the comforting aroma of a homemade meal, and the table is carefully set. Wise finishes the final touches, smiling as his partner enters. "I made your favorite dish," he says warmly, "thought it might be a nice surprise after your long day." Moved, they wrap their arms around him, resting their head against his back. "You're amazing. Thank you," they murmur gratefully. Turning to face them, Wise gently cups their face, planting a soft kiss on their temple. "Anything for you," he whispers, leading them to the table with a smile. "Let's enjoy this together—I want to hear all about your day."

Gentle and Supportive: Wise is incredibly gentle and supportive, always ready to lend a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on. He's the type to offer words of encouragement and reassurance, making his partner feel cherished and valued.

After a tough day, Wise notices his partner sitting on the couch, visibly tired and down. He gently sits beside them, taking their hand and softly stroking the back of it with his thumb. "Hey," he begins soothingly, "I know today was hard. Do you want to talk about it?" Grateful for his presence, they admit, "It's just been a long day. Everything seemed to go wrong." Wise listens intently, wrapping an arm around their shoulders for support. "It's okay," he reassures them gently, pressing a tender kiss to their temple. "I'm here for you, no matter what."

Shared Interests: He loves sharing his interests with his partner, whether it's watching documentaries, reading books, or ideas. He also enjoys learning about their interests, making an effort to engage in activities they love.

On a cozy afternoon, Wise and his partner sat comfortably on his bed, watching a documentary on the TV, surrounded by open books and a laptop that reflected their shared interests. With bright eyes, Wise gestured toward the screen, saying, "This part is fascinating! It's incredible how they captured such detailed footage of the underwater ecosystem." His partner smiled and nodded, clearly enjoying the experience. Reaching for a marine life book, Wise added, "Maybe we can dive into these topics later, and I'd love to hear more about that art exhibit you mentioned." Grinning, his partner leaned closer. "I'd love that. Maybe we can try painting afterward?" Wise laughed softly, wrapping an arm around them and pulling them closer as he placed a gentle kiss on their forehead. "Absolutely. It's great exploring new things with you."

Affectionate: While he may start off reserved, Wise becomes more openly affectionate as the relationship deepens. He enjoys holding hands, hugging, and cuddling, finding comfort in physical closeness.

One evening, after a long day, Wise and his partner settled onto his bed, the weight of the day easing away in each other’s presence. Without a word, Wise gently pulled them closer, wrapping his arms around them in a warm embrace. They rested their head on his chest as he softly ran his fingers through their hair, a contented smile on his lips. "I’ve been looking forward to this all day," Wise whispered, his voice filled with quiet affection. His partner snuggled closer, holding him gently. "Me too," they murmured. Wise leaned down slightly, brushing his nose tenderly against theirs. "You’re my favorite part of the day," he admitted quietly, his words carrying the weight of his emotions.

Romantic Surprises: Wise likes planning romantic surprises, whether it's a spontaneous date night, a homemade dinner, or leaving sweet notes for his partner to find. He enjoys making his partner feel special and loved.

Throughout the day, Wise carefully planned a series of romantic surprises, leaving sweet notes for his partner to find. Each note expressed his love and appreciation, with messages like, “Just a quick reminder of how much you mean to me. Your smile lights up my day, and your laughter is the sweetest sound. Love, Wise.” When his partner found a note tucked inside their bag, they couldn’t help but smile. "You always know how to make me smile," they said warmly. Wise grinned, pleased by their reaction. "I love surprising you. It's my way of reminding you how much I care," he said, his voice filled with affection. His partner wrapped their arms around him, giving him a warm hug. "Thank you for always thinking of me," they murmured. As Wise gazed into their eyes, he held them close, their foreheads touching for a moment. He leaned in, and his lips met theirs, soft and tender at first, then deepening with warmth, savoring the closeness. When he finally pulled back, his eyes were soft and sincere. "I'll always find ways to show you how much you mean to me.”

Loyal and Committed: Wise is deeply loyal and committed. Once he's in a relationship, he is fully devoted to his partner, valuing trust and honesty above all. He's not afraid of commitment and looks forward to building a future together.

As they sat together, Wise and his partner began discussing future plans with a sense of excitement and anticipation. His partner hesitantly glanced down at their intertwined hands and asked, "Do you ever think about... us, in the future?" Wise met their gaze, his eyes steady and filled with love. Reaching up, he gently tucked a strand of hair behind their ear. "All the time," he replied, his voice soft yet firm. "I'm here for the long haul." His partner smiled, their eyes shining with emotion as they squeezed his hand gently. "I am too," they said, their voice filled with conviction and warmth. Wise leaned in, his hands moving to cradle their face tenderly. He paused for a moment, their breaths mingling, before pressing a tender kiss to their lips. Pulling back slightly, he murmured, "Then we're in this together," his words a vow as much as a promise.

Encourages Growth: Wise is deeply invested in his partner’s personal growth and well-being. He encourages them to pursue their passions, supports their goals, and provides constructive feedback when needed.

One evening, Wise and his partner were sitting together, discussing a dream project his partner had been hesitant to start. Sensing their uncertainty, Wise gently took their hand, his gaze warm and reassuring. "You know, I’ve seen how passionate you are about this. I think you should go for it," he said with quiet conviction. His partner looked at him, doubts still lingering. "But what if I fail?" they asked softly. Wise smiled, squeezing their hand. "Even if things don’t go exactly as planned, you’ll learn and grow from it. And I’ll be right here, supporting you every step of the way," he assured them. Feeling a surge of confidence, his partner nodded, a small smile tugging at their lips. "Thank you for always believing in me," they whispered. Leaning in, Wise pressed a gentle kiss to their forehead. "We’re in this together. Let’s make those dreams a reality," he murmured, lovingly encouraging them.

Playful Side: Despite his serious nature, Wise has a playful side that comes out more in a relationship. He enjoys teasing his partner lightly and sharing moments of laughter and joy.

During a cozy evening in the living room, Wise and his partner sat on the couch. While his partner was engrossed in a book, Wise glanced over with a mischievous glint in his eyes and gently nudged them with his elbow. "Hey, what’s so interesting in there that you're ignoring me?" he teased. His partner looked up with a smile, clearly amused. "Just a really good part. Why, are you feeling neglected?" Wise feigned a dramatic sigh, placing a hand over his heart. "Terribly so. I might just wither away from lack of attention." His partner laughed softly, setting the book aside and poking him lightly. "Alright, you have my attention now. What are you going to do with it?" Grinning, Wise swiftly scooped them up, pulling them into his lap. "I think I'll keep it right here," he said, planting a playful kiss on their nose, his eyes sparkling with affection.

Communication: Wise places a high value on communication. He's always willing to talk through any issues or misunderstandings, ensuring that both he and his partner are on the same page and feel understood.

Late at night, after a minor disagreement, Wise and his partner found themselves in the bedroom. Sensing the lingering tension, Wise sat on the edge of the bed, facing his partner with earnest concern. He gently took their hand, his voice calm but firm. "I never want us to go to bed upset. Let's talk about this and make sure we both feel understood." His partner sighed softly, their expression softening. "You're right," they agreed, sitting beside him. "I don't like going to bed with things unresolved either." With a small, encouraging smile, Wise squeezed their hand reassuringly, cupping their cheek gently with his other hand. "I care about how you feel and what you think," he said warmly. "Let's figure this out together." As the tension eased, his partner nodded, their voice filled with appreciation. "Thank you for always being willing to talk things through." Wise leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to their forehead, his thumb softly brushing their cheek. "It's important to me," he murmured. "I love you, and I want us to always be on the same page."

My Christmas Story

Hey Cortana,

It’s been a while. Writing has not exactly been my strongest trait and yes, I postpone any bulb that lights up in my head to write about something (a terrible habit) and after typing it out, it sounds shameful so I will strive to be better. So yes, oh la la, Christmas is a few days away I believe and the conventional harmattan hasn’t set in yet, but we will certainly chop the Bronya, Africa winter or not.

About a week ago, my quiet time was centered on Gabriel’s visit to Joseph and how prior to the visit, Joseph had made up his mind to divorce Mary quietly although the law insisted it should be done publicly which was accompanied with stoning. I have always questioned why Mary and Joseph were chosen, why them? Mary was said to be highly favoured when Gabriel visited. What do I have to do to be considered favoured and noticed by God? That must be a Wowza experience but daily in my walk with God, it is my request that as He sits on His throne above, may He consider me favoured. Yes, those are questions I asked and this is where it sunk in with regards to Joseph, “Because Joseph her husband was faithful to the law, and YET (that word won the day for me) did not want to expose her to public disgrace.” (Matthew 1:19)

Everyone needs a companion and a buddy. It is needed and although we have a friend in Jesus, people here on earth help direct our life path and life decisions. Your companion can make or unmake you. They help in your growth or fasten your death process and in our bid to find such a person is very difficult and confusing as we are fenced with individuals who are constantly in a haste to please the world, share in your happy moments and privately loathe your development in whatever path you have chosen to tread. With Joseph, what hit me was his sincere love, respect and, care for Mary. He was a friend. Just put yourself in Joseph’s shoes. The angel had not visited him then and your fiancé tells you a “bogus” story of how she is pregnant when you haven’t slept with her yet. His most valued jewel, the apple of his eyes. Ah, Mary, you are mean! And all I can think of is, not only do you lie to me, but you must think I am stupid as well. What makes this story beautiful for me is the fact that Joseph seemed to know his fiancé.  I am definite Joseph believed Mary. Trust was central in their relationship. He was “faithful to the law” yet he thought of Mary and how the public disgrace of being stoned to death was going to be for her. It was a tough decision for him to do the right thing, choosing between the law and his fiancé. When I was done reading the passage, I felt Joseph was wrong. He should have let Mary pay the price. It was the law after all.

We all need that one friend who is not in a rush to hang us to dry (Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way asking us to compromise on sin and not do the right thing. He was doing the right thing ultimately because he sought to divorce Mary just not with the public ridicule). May we find companions who will not want us to go through extreme pain than we already might be going through because of decisions we made or wrong choices. May we find partners who will carefully examine their options and do the right thing and minimally ease the pain and sentence. Mary was already going through a lot, I believe. Feeling down and ashamed and even confused about what was happening. God, Love, Respect, Trust and, Care are the most important traits I look for in a relationship (at least for me). A man who respects you is vital. He considers all his decisions towards you and how you might be affected. He doesn’t pursue without you in mind and vice versa.

I guess I know why Mary and Joseph were chosen then to bring forth our Saviour. It takes a wise woman to be able to sell that story to her fiancé and an equally wise enduring man to understand it. Jesus is the reason for the season. Let us ALWAYS remember the Christ in Christmas. Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace, goodwill toward men. Merry Christmas!

The Harmless Culprit

Today my desktop’s calendar changed, and it reads 1/1/2018. It’s already 2018 when it was just a week ago I had a Pentatonix Christmas.

I’ve been avoiding writing this piece for a while because it has been somewhere in my head/brain but scattered into snippets and trying to make sense out of it is somewhat tough, but it is about Mary, not Magdalene. Yes, Jesus’ mother and the story where Jesus changed water into wine. And it is mentioned it as Jesus first miracle in public, but my piece is about that awkward moment when Mary told Him, “They have no more wine” just like saying, “Yo, son work your magic. *winks* and Jesus replies “Woman, why do you involve me? My hour has not yet come. Mary could not, in this case, be moved, she went on to tell the servants, “Do whatever He tells you.” What made me smile was the fact that although Jesus mentioned His time had not yet come, He still went ahead to tell the servants to fill the water jars. His time had not yet come but Jesus still did it.

It is imperative we wait on the timing of God. He alone knows what is best for us and when we need it but hey, just as Mary, I am sure our heavenly Father looks down upon us and smiles when we still ask Him to do something. In fact, He says we should ask and it will be given to you. I do not think there is anything wrong with asking, besides He knows what to give and when. It is so reassuring to note that we can talk to God about anything and ask Him anything. Sometimes when I look back on my prayer requests made over time, I can't help but to thank God for those that weren’t answered because thinking about it now, I wonder what I was thinking asking for them in the first place. Today, I simply want to say, in 2018 let us talk to God even when we think it is not important and it’s a trivial request and God has bigger problems to deal with. Talk to Him in the bathroom, talk to Him in that Trotro ride, it should be silent, so you don’t disturb passengers, talk to him everywhere!  You matter, and it matters to Him.

Additionally, Jesus listened to His mother. All power belongs to Him, yet He still listened. May we never in our glorified moments, forget authority. Wherever we find ourselves, be it at workplaces, homes, schools, and in the communities, let us obey those in authority. The fact that you are paying the bills today, does not mean you should defy your parents, they raised you. The fact that you are earning more than your husband at a point in your life, does not mean you should disregard the head of the home, he is STILL the head. The fact that you got promoted over your Supervisor, does not mean you should spite them. Learn to listen to the voice of God in all you do and learn to trust the process. Obedience is the true sign of our love for God.

This year remember, Exodus 9:15, “Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession.” In our own ways, we are harmless culprits in our requests to God, but mind you, He does not mind at all. Afehyiapa! Happy New Year.

YALL EVER GET SO INTO A BOOK AND START FREAKING OUT WHEN THINGS GET SERIOUS??? BECAUSE IM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT MAN