Gay Los Angeles - Tumblr Posts
Wow. Chris never heard of Frank Sinatra before skimming across TIME Magazine’s 100 Skankiest People at the dentist’s office. Who knew there was a Kevin Spacey for the ladies? Well, Frank Sinatra was dead. Lol. Dead.
Oh. That could make for a good single. Chris could call the song ‘Not Kevin Spacey’ or maybe ‘Dead lol’. What about ‘No One Here Is Madonna (Still Mix)’ or ‘Point But Do & Do Not (The Sequel Mash-Up Part 4 & 9 But This Time 2 The Second Power Feat Annie Dope) Who wouldn’t buy that last track? Annie Dope didn’t even exist. Chris was THAT good at coining underground dance anthems.
Anyway, the track required itself to be something obviously super mainstream that lived underground adjacent but specifically not to the left. That area was already covered, remixed and put to bed by Ecnoyeb and her band The Living Mirror. Their album ‘Back At Me’ turned out to be about dirty penguins and therefore groundbreaking.
Chris was admittedly only vaguely familiar with the space. In reality, he and Brad existed in a gay bubble within a gay bubble with a foot in high fashion and a little known annex in Chelsea despite everything else being in LA. That was totally different. Still, it needed to be spelled out as most people were drunk or high when these things were referenced. The degree of difficulty in giving directions was exactly why their stomping grounds became so obscure.
BTW, it didn’t matter which foot was high just so long it was one. The person could also be high in totality as a foot would be included. Despite sounding exclusionary, the entire notion was actually cooperative as the last thing anyone needed was for some unassured queen to offend the neighbors in the bubble, bubblehood. Chris always liked to clarify these kinds of things to ensure the nuances of the underground culture didn’t get in the way of a good time.
Hmmmm. You know what? Chris would float this song idea past his friend Miss Kitten. It sounded like her.
Chris then caught himself changing in the dentist lobby as if he went to the gym. ‘Ugh.’ Automation really was overrated. It inherently left people out, and this time it was him.
Now putting his clothes back on, Chris would credit the save to the mindfulness of the receptionist lady. She had an eye for Chris and wore a finicky retro pin-up cone bra. She was hot in her own light and definitely not Madonna. Nobody there was.
You know, Portugal was lasting longer than most expected. Chris would talk to Brad that night about a possible annex, annex across the pond. It might be a good investment. It was not difficult to imagine Madonna’s kids were not dying to get out of that house and had $$. Oscar de PayRenta may just serve everyone.
That’s when the receptionist informed Chris his appt was for the next day. She tried to tell him earlier when he was talking to himself in his undies and didn’t get thru. The underwear VURRRY cute and nothing incriminating said, so Chris need not to insert any worry there. The two others in the waiting area were fine. She saw they were half intimidated by his body and half shocked so came out to tap Chris on the shoulder.
‘Well, hello.’
“It’s the plumber. He’s come to fix the sink. He’s a professional. Of course he has all the right tools in all the right places.” Why was all of this so difficult for Chris to grasp?
Brad then informed Chris the bill for the Electric Company came. They needed to add a tip because, if Chris remembered, “that guy wasn’t wearing a belt so there was no place to put the money.”
Chris’ memory kicked in. “Was that the guy who kept your $20 bill clenched between his butt cheeks for twenty minutes? THAT was impressive.”
Brad then informed Chris it was actually him that performed the money trick. It was when their neighbor Luke came over for late night hot dogs and a shake. It was his money but not a $20 nor even American money for that matter. It was a random Canadian $50 slipped in his g-string while stripping a few nights prior. Brad kept it for dance practice as he knew the little plastic windows helped keep the money in place when you begin to sweat. “It was a bit like training wheels for a bicycle.”
Brad then said he had not yet offered the Canadian $50 for dance practice as he knew Chris was working on yo-yo bits. He then once again expressed his concern for anything with a string for a go-go boy at a gay club that didn’t involve ‘G’ before coming full circle. “The electric guy was the one working everyone’s nipples, and that was either earlier that same day or the morning after.”
Chris thanked Brad for the explanation. Things understandably got blurry in the arena when gorgeous and 22. He, like Brad, was getting tired of being labeled shallow for both being attractive and for his attractiveness attracting more of it. Brad was not above the law nor made the claim. That whole concept never made sense anyway. There was no law of ‘repulsion’ or ‘handsomeness.’ “What was all that attraction hullabaloo?”
Brad agreed. “What would be shallow would be holding on to 22 instead of being it.” Like the beef hamburger, youth was in reality unsustainable. One could buy about ten years with the current line up of alternatives, but in the end, there is exactly that somewhere. “Even ‘forever’ ends. It does so with an ‘R’. None of it a secret either. Why did everyone think Brad and Chris were different people entirely in every blog post? Few can afford the surgery or that kind of lighting.”
Brad then paused before addressing Chris’ query as to the circus of books. “Marketing. You called it with ‘hullabaloo’ just now. When you get the masses in a flurry over something they already know, people seeking power will hire you.” Brad then mentioned in hindsight, Luke’s shake was pretty good. He wasn’t expecting that.
Chris nodded, smiled and then sighed suggesting they tip well. The gays still needed to look out for each other citing another brash of censorship to their blog by Tumblr that continued the spin in favor of bots instead of holding a conversation. He then asked Brad if his money trick really was that. Canadian money looked like Monopoly money. “Was it really real?”
Brad didn’t know suggesting maybe that’s what made it a ‘trick.’ What he did know was that clenching anything with your butt for that long and pulling off ‘sexy’ regardless of age or appearance, proved to be a real skill.
The plummer chimed in abruptly to agree. “Sexy butt clenching was as real as was living in L.A. It was a lot of work to make it there and more to freeze it all in place.” The plummer went on to explain the real skill there was to, “somehow grow old ‘naturally’ while exhausticated and shot up with plastic. To that end, plastic was very real. It’s always been real in real life anyway. You guys are natives to L.A. right?”
Brad and Chris nodded in affirmation.
The plumber then questioned if it was the plastic windows in Canadian money where the weird vibe from their Northern neighbors was coming from. “There was something fishy about a nation that didn’t just play on ice, but actually enjoyed it when it fell from the sky.”
All three let out a quiet shiver at the thought of an entire country filled with frozen fish. The plumber immediately apologized then removed his utility belt. It felt appropriate and it was. Naturally, the fish swam away.
Chris was really happy the bees were now getting vaccines. They weren’t doing too well for awhile.
About twenty min later, Chris would get a mini lecture from the shift manager about chatting with the customers as an erotic dancer at Faultline.
Brad and Chris were more than Pumped to do a pool scene for their pal Lisa in West Hollywood. They shot it for her little dog too.
They also needed to replace the framed photo of them in full coverage speedos on the side table in the living room. It was nearly summer in L.A.!
Brad was coy about his new gig as KTLA’s mid-day weatherman. True, it was somewhat edgy. He was the first new hire in decades without big boobs and a chihuahua but Brad drew the line at trailblazing. Los Angeles had seen this before. It just finally presented the weather.
The package deal Brad fronted arguably presented itself. It also got the badly needed UPS weather segment sponsorship as well as an in with the makers of Viagra and the Bowflex.
The producers at KTLA were most pumped up at the prospect of a POV cam for live weather reports from Coachella, Stage Coach and White Party. They did tho express concern for those Brad would be ‘interviewing’ given the inexplicable increase in risk for third arm induced black eye.
Brad was largely unfazed by all of it as he was already going to be at the festivals, and the new job simply meant he was getting paid as a host in addition to being a gogo dancer. He also had years of maneuvering experience under his belt which quelched much of the producers initial worry regarding the size of his whoo-ha.
That’s not to say the new gig didn’t throw Brad a few curve balls. For one, he was surprised to learn the local forecast got super gimmicky because there was essentially no weather to report in Southern California. He also had no idea ‘quelched’ and ‘whoo-ha’’ weren’t words.
What really threw Brad for a loop was the use of quotes with the word ‘interviewing’ by his new co-workers. The practice also confounded his boyfriend Chris. Interviewing was a real word!
@eagleLA
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